Zephaniah

By the time we reached grandma's house, I was feeling exhausted. Too much information and impressions of the day had gotten into my mind, tiring me out. I really wanted to sleep in my bed, but I knew I had to wait a few more hours before I could.

This was part of the tradition, though. Dad would take mum out for dinner on their anniversary and I'd have dinner at grandma's. I, sadly, wasn't feeling like it today, but I wouldn't ever tell them.

"Hi, Zephaniah. Come inside, love. Dinner is already cooked. Grandpa, aunt Waliyha and Zarah are home too. And Cooper," Grandma gave me a kiss on my forehead as I quietly entered her house, glancing at mum and dad.

I hadn't said much after they had given me the ultrasound, other than that I said I was happy, but I knew it hadn't sounded too convincing, as I simply hadn't figured out my thoughts and feelings yet.

I just needed more time, sometimes. They knew, everybody did.

"Have fun," I said quietly, giving my parents a tiny smile and wave.

"Thank you, you too, Zephaniah. We'll pick you up around eleven thirty, probably, okay?" Dad informed me. I nodded, slowly walking over to the living room, where Cooper greeted me with licks immediately. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face for a while, wanting to disappear in his carefree life.

Aunt Waliyha stood up and kissed my cheek when I walked over to her, their way of greeting me. "If that isn't my sweet nephew. How are you, Zeph?"

"Good," I answered, smiling shyly at Zarah, my four years old cousin, who wanted to play peek- a- boo, but I felt too awkward for that as grandpa was staring at me.

"Aren't you greeting me anymore?" Grandpa Yaser chuckled, tugging at my hair.

My cheeks flushed red and I glanced at him, not understanding if it was a joke or a sarcastic comment. "Hi, granddad."

"Just teasing, Zeph. How was today? How'd they like your present?" He questioned, making me blink a little faster as when I became tired- I couldn't process things at my own tempo, which was already slower than usual people's thinking.

"Uhm, good." I fiddled with my fingers, glancing up when Grandma re-entered the room and sat down across me.

She could tell I was tired, so she left me be. "Let's pray for our meal," once we had prayed, she stuffed my plate full, knowing my appetite was usually big.

I stared at the meat, potatoes out of the oven and cauliflower. Somehow, my fork stayed untouched, my appetite not coming up. Mum was pregnant. They were getting their baby.

"Aren't you hungry, Zephaniah?" Grandma whispered, granddad and aunt Waliyha engrossed in their own conversation.

Suddenly, silent tears leaked from my eyes and I rested my left cheek in my hand, staring at the floor as I felt ashamed for my behaviour. My head was turned away from my other family members, though, only grandma could see.

"Is it all too much? Do you want to eat somewhere else with me?" Grandma asked, but I shook my head, knowing my behaviour was probably uncalled for.

Quickly drying my eyes, I managed to swallow down some of the cauliflower and potatoes, but just half of my meat. Dessert was served soon, but I felt nauseous.

"Where'd you guys eat, Zephaniah? You're usually the one who empties the pan with the remaining food." Granddad wondered, his voice soft.

I quickly glanced at him, not wanting him to see my, probably, red and puffy eyes. "Uhm, cake. At the outside gard- garden store."

"Later than usual? You were always the hungriest teenager I'd ever met," he teased, actually making my lips curl up slightly.

"Not exactly," I said quietly, not being able to lie about it, but not wanting him to question me even further either.

"He's a bit tired, yeah?" Grandma said. I gave her a thankful smile, nodding my head. "You don't have to eat your dessert, Zeph." She reassured me. She knew I thought it was rude to decline the offer, so I hadn't mentioned anything about the fact that she shoved a bowl of ice cream towards me.

Once dinner was finally over, aunt Waliyha and Zarah went back home, as her husband was done with work as well. I kissed her cheek, ruffled Zarah's hair and waved them goodbye, the quietness engulfing me.

For a moment I didn't know what to do, until Grandma suggested for me to take a shower already. I never did it in the mornings, so my grandma knew I'd wanted to shower here, in the evening. It had always been like that, and I was happy I didn't have to elaborate it to her anymore.

They knew me, they had always known me.

Silently walking behind her up the stairs, I followed her into the bathroom with my backpack, that contained my own shower stuff.

"You know how to mix the water to the right temperature, yeah?" Grandma asked, dragging me out of my thoughts.

I nodded slowly, although I wasn't quite sure if I remembered, but, I'd figure it out. Opening my backpack, I took out my apple shampoo, soap, underwear, decent pajamas and my own towel, made out of different fabric as I couldn't handle the usual ones.

"What's up your mind, Zephaniah?" She asked out of nowhere, making me heart beat a little faster.

Staring at my Nike shorts, I played with the strings that were attached to them, not really knowing what to say. I nibbled on my bottom lip, shrugging while trying to keep my emotions in.

Her arms were suddenly wrapped around me and I rested my head on her chest, needing the comfort. "I'm tired, is all," I managed to bring out.

"So much information today, huh? Big news as well. Everything will be alright, sweetheart. You just need to get used to it. Dad had been nervous, but, they're very happy, Zephaniah." She told me, though, it didn't calm me at all.

I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't be.

"Go take your shower, Zephaniah. They'll clear your thoughts. Ittarah is coming over soon. She's bringing her friend. Do you mind? I can cancel it if you want," she rambled, closing the window as it would be rather cold once you came out of the shower.

"It's fine," I answered, knowing I wasn't going to pay attention to them, anyway. I was tired and wanted to sleep on the couch.

Grandma cupped my cheek for a brief moment. "She just wanted to chat. We haven't seen each other in a while. Her mum is coming too. I'm saving your ice cream for later, okay?"

"Okay," I answered after a minute or so, processing her words taking away my energy even more.

She gave me one last smile before closing the door. Locking it, I took off my trousers and underwear first, then my hoodie. Throwing it onto a pile on the floor, I stepped into the bathtub, which was combined with a shower, just like home.

Turning on the faucet, I glanced at the window, wondering why she had such a big window in the bathroom. We only had a small one at home, somewhere high in the right corner, for light and fresh air.

The neighbors could probably see me if they went into their backyards. I tried to close the shutters, but they somehow wouldn't fully close.

I couldn't help but huff in frustration, already wanting to tear the whole thing down. Instead, I stood at the right side of the tub, where they couldn't see me, and turned the spray towards me.

Which was ice cold. I shrieked, played with the temperature but I didn't understand how to mix it, at all. Why couldn't she have the same, simple faucet handle that could turn? Down was cold, hot was up.

I kept mixing and struggling, until I gave up and stood underneath the ice cold spray. My chest was moving up and down rapidly, almost gasping for air as I couldn't get used to the feeling at all.

The cold drops fell onto my body as if it were stones, as if it was hail. The water hurt me so much, that I couldn't help but tear up, wanting to scream. Though, I knew it was my mind, knew it was my autism that experienced it way worse than it would've actually been like.

Quickly washing my hair and body, I rinsed off and jumped out, pressing myself into the corner of the bathroom as I was afraid of the open window.

The cold water and the window had prevented me from overthinking and forgetting the time, which was probably a good thing, but it had made me feel quite upset.

Snatching my towel from the closed toilet lid, I dried my hair and body after that, slipping on my black Nike shorts and my oversized, green, sleep, sweatshirt. I figured walking around in just my underwear wasn't really appropriate here.

I left the bathroom as soon as I was dressed, not wanting to be reminded by the small incident. Suddenly, the stairs that led to the attic caught my eye, and I was distracted, walking up there instead of downstairs.

I let my hand touch the wall as I walked up, letting it freely slide all over it and when I was all the way up, I smiled when I saw dad's room.

Opening the door, I looked around. It still looked the same as years ago, when I still slept over. The last time I had, was when I was fourteen. I don't remember why I hadn't done it after that. I figured it had to do with too much nerves for my new school.

I lied down on dad's bed and stared through the small window, that was placed into a dormer. The sky was blue, a few clouds traveling to places I wouldn't know.

Doves were heard, and I couldn't help but smile, the nostalgic sound making me almost melancholic. It was the first thing I'd hear when I woke up in this bed. The cooing of the doves, trying to wake up the world before the rooster could.

The sun would shine onto my face, and we'd have breakfast in our pajamas. Well, except for me. I didn't like changing my morning routine. It'd make me upset. Still would, honestly.

I sighed. Things weren't always easy, and I knew my struggles, even if people thought I didn't. I knew it all too well. Mild autism.

But it didn't define me. It never had, like epilepsy hadn't either.

"Here you are," grandma's soft voice dragged me back to reality. I sat up instantly. "You can sleep if you want, Zephaniah. I was just wondering where you were. You had been upstairs for over an hour."

"Oh," I blushed, wiggling my bare toes. "I don't want to sleep,"

"You don't have to. Let's go downstairs. Do you want your ice cream now?" She questioned as we walked down the stairs, twice, to reach the living room.

"Okay," I agreed, quietly following her into the kitchen. Once I had gotten back my bowl of ice cream, I thanked her and sat down on the couch, humming when the sweet taste of it came into my mouth.

Cooper dribbled over to me and curiously swept his tail against the couch. "Is cold, Coop." I chuckled, patting him with my free hand.

Grandma smiled softly and sniffed my hair, "You had a good shower, sweetheart? Was the temperature right?"

I gulped and glanced at her, "Uhm, little bit cold, but- but it was my own fault!" I said quickly, not wanting her to feel bad or anything.

"You forgot how it worked," Grandma smiled slightly, "You could've asked, Zeph. It's not a bad thing. You don't have to freeze to death!" She briefly stroked my cheek. "The heater is on."

"Yeah," I said sheepishly, warm blushes appearing on my cold skin.

The bell rang not much later and I felt slightly disappointed as I had liked the calmness. It clearly made me feel better.

That, until I saw Haven.

~~~
Zephy's thoughts.. what do you think? Do you understand his thoughts about the baby?

The cold water hurting him? (Explanation below)

Opinions in general? I hope you don't start to lose interest ):

Info;

Many people on the autism spectrum have difficulty processing everyday sensory information. Any of the senses may be over- or under-sensitive, or both, at different times.

Zephaniah, in this case, is oversensitive to some sort of touch. The cold water feels as if its hail falling onto his bare body, which makes him experience it as painful.

He reacts more extreme to it than we would- he experiences and processes things differently.