Zephaniah

The thirst was driving me crazy. I kept licking my lips, hoping to satisfy my body with something humid in some way, but of course, it wasn't enough. I needed water, and I craved for my water bottle that was deep down in my backpack, but I couldn't get it.

Eating and drinking in class was strictly forbidden, and I wouldn't dare to break the rule as I didn't feel like the consequences that'd come with.

I hadn't ever really minded that I had Epilepsy. Basically, I've had it as long as I can remember, as I had been diagnosed when I was only three years old. I couldn't know what it was like to live without it.

My seizures weren't completely 'unexpected' as they usually occurred when things got too much for me, a huge trigger to a seizure. Of course you wouldn't ever know before you got one, but this huge, pressing and tight headache would come up and Cooper would be restless.

I'd know, my parents would know because now that I was older, I was able to explain the feelings to them. I hadn't when I was younger, as I simply didn't understand where it was coming from.

It gave me the opportunity to almost do whatever I wanted to, as some people weren't allowed to do certain things because their seizures could put them to risk. The chance for seizures out of nowhere was minimal for me, which I was thankful for. It didn't control my life.

The building up stress, sleep deprivation and overwhelmed or overstimulated situations caused mine, because some people with autism were most likely to have something else such as epilepsy. It wasn't uncommon. In fact, autism and epilepsy had their 'connection'.

The only thing that I disliked, was that when the doctor had increased my anti-epileptics after the seizure on the introduction evening, I became extremely thirsty because of the pills.

My mouth would be so dry, my tongue constantly rolling over my lips to hopefully get the disturbing feeling away as I couldn't focus on anything else but that.

Dismissed from the lecture.

Sighing in relief once William spoke these words, I stood up and grabbed my backpack, swinging it over my shoulder and waiting for my peers to leave, so I could leave more peacefully, as they were always extremely loud, shoving each other to get out.

I didn't want to be touched, it upset me.

Walking down the rows of many red chairs, I got stopped by William when I was about to leave. "Zephaniah, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Okay?" I said unsure, giving him a skeptical look while I felt the nerves coming up already, my mouth becoming even dryer and my hands clammy.

"Sit down," he said, closing the door after the last peer left, smiling at me as I sat down on a chair near his desk. "Could you follow the lecture?"

"Uh- yeah," I stammered, not being able to hold eye contact.

"What was it about?" He wondered, making me swallow as honestly, I did not know. I couldn't focus at all.

I didn't know how long it had been, but the silence said more words than I probably would have. William understood, but he didn't judge. "What's up your mind, Zephaniah?"

I fiddled with my fingers, still longing for water. "Uhm, my anti-epileptics make me very thirsty and I- I'm not always able to listen because I get distracted easily and I cannot filter- filter out some noises." I spilled, someway, somehow, feeling like he'd understand.

"You can drink water, Zephaniah. That is absolutely no problem. The sign," he pointed at the door where a sign with rules was displayed, "is more for sweet drinks, you know what I mean? It's totally okay." He gave me a reassuring smile and I sighed, feeling stupid. "Can I, in any way, help with the other things? Do the slides help you?"

They go too fast, just like the way you talk.

"Haven helps me. Wednesdays in the- the library. Uhm, in ten minutes too." I said quietly, playing with my fingers.

"The coaching project," he beamed, nodding his head. "That is great. Your mum told me about it. I'm proud of you for doing that, Zephaniah. I know the first step could be difficult."

I hummed, really needing my water now. Licking my lips again, I felt him staring at me for a while. "You're a great student, Zephaniah. We're very happy with you. You can go see Haven now. I'm sure she cannot wait to start."

I gave him a small smile, not sure what to say because, how did I handle compliments? And no way Haven couldn't wait to start. What's the fun of helping me?

Leaving the lecture hall, I zipped my backpack open and reached for my water bottle, uncapping it and drinking until I was satisfied. The bottle became empty.

Wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my sweatshirt, my eyes roamed around for a while, falling onto a journey of photos of when the University just started, until a photo that was taken last year. A lot had changed, it became much bigger. I faintly remembered the man talking about it on the introduction evening, but due to my heavy head and upcoming seizure, I hadn't remembered a lot.

Except, those blue, greenish eyes I saw once I had opened my eyes after the exhausting convulsing.

Haven.

For some reasons, I felt an unfamiliar and weird feeling erupting in my stomach for a split second, making me frown. The library. I had to go now, she was waiting for me.

My heart beat louder, was I too late because of William? I gulped, and surely didn't hope so. I knew I had, perhaps, already made a strange first expression due to my seizure and deep thinking mind.

Not that my appearance mattered, to anyone.

Opening the heavy door from the library, it made a strange creaking sound that made me shiver and frown, observing the door. It hadn't made that sound yesterday, I'd surely remembered if it had.

Besides the fact that I got distracted by sounds and people during my walk through the library- it didn't take me long to find Haven. I gulped when I realised my complete study group was there, and for a moment I didn't know what to do.

It wasn't like I was afraid of them- as obviously I noticed them talking about me, but I disliked groups in general, always had. I just didn't know how to act when all the attention would be on me.

Standing still for a while, my eyes eventually landed on the floor and I was caught in one of the stare moments I'd have more than once a day. Sometimes I didn't even know myself what I was thinking of. My mind would always take me somewhere else, several topics crossing my mind before someone would shake me out of it.

"Zephaniah," I heard a soft, soothing voice, and when I looked up- Haven was looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite read. It was as if concern was laced on her features, but because I couldn't understand why she'd be concerned- I didn't know what she meant with it.

"Are you okay?" She questioned, trying to search for my eyes but I couldn't make eye contact, even if I wanted to sometimes.

I nodded, briefly glancing at her and noticing the tiny freckle, or birthmark, I didn't know because it was so little, on her right cheek. Her cheeks were rosy, her lips had a light gloss glazed over them.

Swallowing, I realised I was suddenly very aware of the girl standing in front of me. It made my cheeks color as well, even if I didn't want to.

"Uhm I- we can-" I stammered out, gulping and briefly glancing at our study group that were looking at us. "Start." I whispered, my eyes finally finding hers.

"Sure!" She said happily, pointing at a table we usually didn't sit at. "We can sit over there? Your cousin kinda took our place." Haven smiled, her light eyes twinkling.

"Okay," I said quietly while I fiddled with the hem of my shirt. Truth was, I didn't want to sit somewhere else. I liked sitting at the same tables, I didn't exactly know why, but everything would feel different if I didn't sit on my usual spot.

Haven took the lead and within a few seconds, we were seated at the, different, table and I took out my notebook, feeling a little bit ill at ease. Here comes Zephaniah again with his 'I did not hear anything this lecture, because the noises and things happening around me were much more interesting'.

"How old is your dog?" Haven suddenly asked, surprising me.

"Eleven," I answered, smiling by myself as I thought about Cooper, who'd be resting at home at the moment.

"Wow, so you've had him since you were seven?" She wondered, her blue eyes seeming genuinely curious.

"Uhm," I thought about the time where Cooper came into my life. I must've been seven, but didn't officially get to call him my dog until I turned eight, when mum and dad got into a relationship. "Eight,"

"So you got him when he was one year old?" Haven played with her pen, slowly moving it around her fingers. I watched intensely, already happy she didn't click it. The sound would drive me insane.

I frowned a little and shook my head, "Few months, perhaps,"

Haven stared at me for a while, and I chewed on my bottom lip as I wasn't sure what she meant. "You're not eighteen?"

"I'm nineteen," I answered quietly, suddenly understanding why she was confused. Eighteen minus eleven was seven, after all. That was it, wasn't it? "I- I did first grade two times," I spilled, feeling extremely stupid after that, because people had always said things about it.

But, Haven simply smiled, nodding her head. "I see, makes sense."

She had, somehow, made me feel at ease, made me feel comfortable in some ways that I started to talk more, and more. I knew I was very quiet and reserved at first, but once I'd get to know someone, I knew who to trust and who not. Haven was one of them, who I could trust. I could just feel it, though, other things still held me back from just telling her anything that was on my mind.

I looked up when the door creaked open again, a smile curling upon my lips once I saw who entered. "Mum," I whispered, watching her as she walked over to the desk, getting to work right away.

She glanced in my direction and smiled warmly at me, leaving her work and walking towards us. "Hello, Haven, hi, Zephaniah." She smiled, turning her attention to me after Haven greeted her back. "Zeph, dad has a meeting with grandpa David tonight, so it's just us for dinner. You like pizza, yeah?"

I looked up at her, processing her words for a while before they finally dawned to me. Dad wouldn't be there for dinner. "Uhm, yeah." I smiled, "uhm, but, he will walk- walk Cooper still? I mean tonight,"

"Yeah, Zeph. He will. He'd be home around nine or ten, he said. He walks Cooper at eleven, yeah?" She assured me, making me feel more relieved.

"Okay," I sighed softly, glancing at Haven, who was already looking at me with a soft smile on her face.

"Alright," mum smiled and placed a quick kiss to my cheek, pointing at her desk. "I've got some work to do, and I believe you two too. Good luck, guys." She gave us one last smile before returning to her work.

"She seems so young," Haven smiled, I gulped. I knew mum was young, her age was probably unrealistic to many people, but the situation was just different.

I didn't like talking about it, because she was my mum. She had always been my mum and therefore I didn't feel like explaining the situation, because people would look differently at it, and I didn't want that.

So I simply and shortly hummed in response, and opened my notebook, wanting to start but I wouldn't say so.

"Don't you want to know things about other people too, sometimes?" Haven asked out of nowhere, looking at me with her, always, soft expression. "You don't really ask questions,"

"I- I don't know what.." I trailed off, staring at my hands.

"Hey, it's not a bad thing. I quite like it about you." Haven raked her fingers through her brown, wavy hair, "but I promise you, there comes a time where you'll feel even more at ease, with me, or with someone else. I'd help you, if you don't mind!"

I'd like that. I thought.

~~~

Sighs, don't really know what to think of this chapter.

What did you think of Zeph's thirst because of his anti- epileptics?

William's words?

Haven??

Info; autism and epilepsy
It is estimated that as many as 1/3 of individuals with autism spectrum disorder also have epilepsy. Epilepsy is a brain disorder marked by recurring seizures, or convulsions.

Experts propose that some of the brain abnormalities that are associated with autism may contribute to seizures. These abnormalities can cause changes in brain activity by disrupting neurons in the brain. Neurons are cells that process and transmit information and send signals to the rest of the body. So overloads or disturbances in the activity of these neurons can result in imbalances that cause seizures.