Zephaniah

Playing with the straps of my backpack, I nibbled on my bottom lip as I stared at my shoes, waiting for grandma to open the door. Dad had driven me, but left right after as he needed to run some errands.

Finally, the door opened and grandma appeared in the doorstep, a wide smile on her face. "Zeph! How are you doing, love? Come inside."

I gave her a smile and wiped my fringe from my eyes, stepping inside. "I'm good. How are you, nana?" I questioned, standing still near the doorstep as I didn't know where to go.

"I'm great, sweetheart. Sit down on the couch, yeah? Do you like some chocolate milk? I made cookies, also." She explained, making me frown as it was still early and I needed time to process what she was saying.

"Okay," I said quietly, having caught on the part where I had to sit down on the couch. Walking into the living room, I noticed granddad and my cousin Zarah, aunt Waliyha's child, on his lap.

"Morning, Zephaniah."

"Hello," I felt shy when he looked at me, and quickly sat down on the couch, tugging at my broken Vans. Well, fake Vans.

It wasn't like I didn't like him, or that I didn't feel safe around him. There was just something, this feeling, that made me feel shy and slightly insecure. He was very close with all of my cousins, yet I felt like there was something between us, a barrier, that stopped the process of growing close.

I had always looked up to him, but I couldn't figure out why it felt as if our relationship wasn't as strong as the relationships he had with my other cousins- family members even.

It had been the same with aunt Doniya. She always said hi and gave me a smile, yet I had never talked to her and hugged her like I would do with aunt Waliyha, aunt Safaa and grandma.

When grandma came back into the room, I unconsciously sighed in relief and relaxed more, watching her as she put a cup of chocolate milk in front of me, along with some cookies.

"Take off your jacket, Zeph. Aren't you warm?" She wondered, laying her hand on my forehead, underneath my fringe.

"Oh," I blushed, taking off my jacket right away. "A little,"

Grandma fondly smiled at me and sat down beside me on the couch, pecking my cheek. "Did you come here by bus?"

"No, baba brought me." I said quietly, taking a cookie off the plate once I glanced at grandma, her reassuring smile giving me consent to take one.

"Always pampered by your dad," Grandpa laughed, but I didn't understand what he meant with it, so I gave him a small, short, and unsure smile.

Grandma laughed, but rolled her eyes playfully. "Don't worry about it, Zeph. Enjoy that while it lasts, yeah?" She said. I still didn't quite understand what they were talking about, so I simply gave them another small smile.

After eating a cookie or two, I quietly drank my chocolate milk and shrugged on my jacket as grandma told me to do so.

Wiping my mouth with my sleeve, grandma grabbed my wrist and sighed a little, shaking her head. "Sometimes I cannot believe how much you look like your father. The outside, but also from the inside. Go clean your sleeve and wipe your mouth on these tissues, yeah?" Grandma chuckled as she handed me some handkerchiefs.

I simply blushed and cleaned the sleeve of my warm orange jacket, waving grandpa goodbye as he wished us a nice day and goodbye as well.

We would be going to the shops, buying mum and dad a present for their anniversary, and usually grandma took me to buy some clothes as well.

Mum loved to do so, but lately she hadn't been feeling well, so I went with nana.

We took the bus, we always did. It was one of the things that made this day even more fun, and special to me. It was something I only did with her, as I wasn't too fond of public transport. It was too busy, though, with my grandma, I felt calm and safe. Just like with my parents or Cooper.

I sat down beside grandma, resting my head on her shoulder as I glanced at the newspaper she was holding.

A lot of sounds were heard, from someone eating crisps out of a bag, to someone's earphones not being able to keep all the music in and to the loud chatting of some teenagers.

It made me look up at them and the crisp eating girl. How I wished I could filter out some of the unnecessary noises that my mind wasn't able to transport to the background noises of my mind.

I knew I struggled with that, and that alone made me feel upset, though, I tried to move my attention to my grandmother again, who was staring at me with another fond smile on her face.

"Ten minutes, Zeph. We'll be there," she reassured me, knowing how I struggled with things like these. She briefly stroked my cheek and true to her words- we were standing outside the bus ten minutes later.

"So, did you have a present in mind already?" Grandma asked me as we strolled down the street, over to the center of the city where shops were located.

I thought about her words for a while, then gulped, my heart beating a little faster. "Uhm, a tea- tea kettle."

Grandma frowned, glancing at me. "A tea kettle? But you've got the silver one already, yeah? We gave it to your dad when he moved in with you in your very first, own house."

I gulped again, knowing how this made everything worse. I broke grandma's present for dad. It was my fault, how could I ever tell? Dad must've been so disappointed, grandma is going to be so disappointed.

"Zeph," her calm voice spoke up, pulling my hands apart to stop me from fiddling with my fingers. "Is it broken?"

Nibbling on my bottom lip, I kept staring at my shoes, not being able to express my thoughts into words.

"It's okay, Zeph." She chuckled, trying to find my eyes. "It wasn't fitting in your dad's interior, anyway. He had always said he'd like a yellow or red one."

"But- but it was my fault," I spilled, trying to blink away the anxious tears that appeared in my eyes. "I exploded and threw it on t-the floor," I didn't know why I confessed, but then again, I couldn't lie, I was an honest guy. I didn't want to hurt people.

Grandma gave me a smile, something I didn't expect when it was silent for as long as it took me to look into her eyes. "Zeph, it's okay. You don't do it on purpose."

"But- but it makes me feel guilty and I- I shouldn't have-"

"It's on me, Zephaniah. I'd tell you if I thought differently about it, yeah? What else did you have in mind?" She pushed my thoughts the different direction, distracting me from my stressful and guilty ones and feelings.

It was a tactic both my parents and family used on me, as my concentration wasn't always its best. I didn't always mind, it was probably better for me as I could get stuck into unnecessary thoughts and feelings.

"Well, it's a special one. It's their ten years anniversary this year!" Grandma exclaimed. I simply smiled. "What's their favourite food?" She wondered as we walked past a shop that sold a lot of kitchen material, along with foods from all over the world. It was some sort of Asian supermarket, where Baba went to so now and then.

I hummed as I thought, standing still as my eye caught something that was displayed at the window. "Pizza," I whispered. Frowning, I stared at the object in front of me. It looked like a mini brick oven, with tiny pans and spatula's. "Oh, nana, this- this is fun."

"What is it?" She questioned me. I kept staring at the mini pizzarette, imagining how you could make your own mini pizza's. How fun would that be? I'd probably add tomato sauce, that for sure, maybe some meat, but what kind of? I wouldn't want to add pineapple, but maybe mozzarella and-

"Zephaniah," Grandma tapped my cheek, dragging me out of my thoughts. "I asked what it was?"

I blushed and glanced at the window again. "A Pizzarette. You can m-make mini pizza's yourself."

"Well, if that isn't fun. Should we take a look inside?" She suggested, making me nod.

Once we were inside, we stood in front of the Pizzarette in no time, my lips parting when I saw the price. Grabbing my wallet, I opened it and stared at the coins and banknotes, sighing when I realised I'd never be able to pay for it.

I didn't even have a job, so how could I save for it? I usually did chores at home such as cleaning and washing the car and dad would give me money for it, because I wasn't really able to get a job that fit me. Especially not in this already stressful time. I wouldn't be able to handle it, no matter how upset it made me. I wanted to be normal. Just, Zephaniah.

Of course I had tried before, but it had made me overstimulated, giving me several severe seizures as well.

"Uhm," I said, stuffing my wallet away. "Think we can buy some-something else." I said quietly, standing close to my grandma as other customers came to look at it too, being too close in my personal space for my liking.

"Half- half. You and me." My grandma said firmly. I sighed a little, she figured me out way too fast. She knew I had trouble accepting offers like these because it made me feel a little helpless, though, I decided to just insist as I knew once something was in my grandmother's head- you couldn't get it out.

Soon later, we walked outside the shop with the pizzarette, and after going in and out a few clothing shops, grandma suggested to eat lunch in a small cafe not far from here. I, obviously, agreed as my stomach started rumbling.

I ordered a spicy chicken sandwich with coke, grandma had ordered a shrimp sandwich with Iced Tea. Ten minutes later, when our food and drinks had arrived, I started eating the sandwich, humming as I enjoyed it and watched some people come in and out.

The corner seats were always the best. No one behind you, and you had a perfect overview. Just a small thing I could have control of.

"Oh, Zeph." Grandma suddenly said, making me look at her as I was caught into my stare moment. I gave her a questionable look, to which she smiled. "I just enjoy this day a lot. It makes me miss those weeks where you would sleep over. Do you remember that?"

I nodded, smiling back. "Of course. Loved that too,"

"In my bed, because the room you slept in didn't smell like your dad anymore," She smiled fondly at me. I blushed. "You were such a cuddly kid. Only with specific persons, though. I miss your cuddles."

Chuckling, I stuffed a piece of chicken, that had fallen off my sandwich, in my mouth. "Sorry,"

"None of that. You're nineteen. It's understandable." She laughed softly, taking a sip of her Iced Tea. "Your dad told me you signed yourself up for this coaching, tutoring project?"

Finishing my sandwich quicker than I liked, I took a sip of my coke and shrugged, not really liking the subject. "Had to," I almost whispered, feeling ashamed.

"It's a good thing, Zephaniah. I'm very proud of you for doing so. I know you don't always like it," She said, her voice soothing.

Simply staring at my glass of coke, I watched how the fuzzy drink caused tiny drops to jump up, the bubbles popping. Putting my hand above it, I felt how it made my skin humid, almost ticklish.

"I'm serious, Zeph."

"I- I know, but.." I hesitated.

"But what, love?" She questioned, making me sigh sadly, not really knowing how to explain her how I felt about all of it. When mum had explained me the situation I was upset, but I knew she only wanted to help me. It was for the best, but I just wished I didn't need it.

The glass beneath me hand began to slip as I pressed on it a little too hard. I caught it on time and blushed deeper, wiping my hand on my jeans, not feeling like eye contact. "Just," I shrugged. "I always need it. I just want.. just want to do it myself."

"You always need what?" She said softly, making me feel a little relaxer.

"Help,"

Grandma put her hand over mine, brushing my skin with her soft fingers. "Nothing bad with that, Zeph. Do you remember how big the step was to transfer to the regular Primary School after two years of the Special School? I was so proud of you. You've only went to regular schools and now an University. A little help is nothing bad. Things can go too fast. It's something to be grateful about."

But I was grateful. Why couldn't they understand?

How could I express what I was feeling?

"Did you meet the girl already?" She asked, taking a sip of her drink.

I nodded, "Heaven.. uhm, Haven?" Thinking about her, I couldn't help but feel nervous. She had been the only peer that had been nice to me so far, as the others either didn't pay attention, or gave me looks. She seemed to be respecting, and that made me feel calmer.

I just didn't know what to think of it. I had agreed, but only because I knew I wasn't going to make this year all by myself.

After the small chat we had had, we decided to leave, after a small break at the restroom. Once I had done my business, I left the small room and walked over to the sink where I washed my hands and stared into the mirror, noticing the fringe that almost covered my green eyes.

Just, Zephaniah.

~~~

Zeph spending time with Trisha.. what'd you think of it?

His thoughts?

Just him in general?

If something wasn't clear, tell me so I can explain!! A question for you: how old are you and where are you from? Just curious!