What is the truth, but a lie agreed upon?

–Friedrich Nietzsche–

Suga

(Surprise motherfuckers. Bet you did not expect that.)

S: I fucking warned you.

Woah, Woah, re-fucking-wind.

Why do I end up looking like I'm the villain every time?

It was a whole series of fuckenings and unfortunate events that led to that.

Rewind.

Yesterday

The third day of our cold-war bullshit—but who is counting?—shit hit the fan.

Not a busy schedule, not her little plans, not our elementary-school war, not finding out her mother is alive, not a fucking panic attack didn't stop Rei from arranging to hand the clan's NDA to the lawyer.

And if that happened, in the span of two hours at best, she would be getting a call back from him, saying "No can do. Position already filled."

Of course, he wouldn't tell her by who, because that's exactly what the purpose of a Non-Disclosure-Agreement is, but I doubt it would take her more than five minutes to figure it out. The girl could have found Osama bin Landen if someone gave her two gallons of coffee and a good internet connection.

Which resulted in two things. 1. I had to find a way to stall it. 2. Accept that after I stall it, something even fucking worse will come up, cause as always Nanami liked to remind me, trouble never comes alone.

That said, in my defense, the lawyer had a painless death.

He left cheerfully, oblivious, asleep, and drunk, which let's admit, there's no better way to wish to anyone.

And to replace him, RM would need days, if not weeks.

If you think I'm not filled with enough guilt, all I can say is I've hit the guilt-pit's bottom long ago. The fact that I found videos and chats of girls that definitely weren't of age of consent in his laptop, made it not only easier, but also doubtful of why didn't I make the fucker suffer more.

But to blame it in reason, would be plain bullshit.

I acted drastically and fast, without thinking much of it.

Why?

Time.

I needed to buy time.

Because I was given 48 hours to fix everything.

Or simply lose Rei.

So here's how everything went down the drain.

RM had sent me with Jimin, to find some old guy that kept owing us money from some shit deal no-one in this earth remembers, cause it was made B.N.D

Before Nanami's Death.

The fucker was refusing to pay with the excuse that he owed money to Nanami, not us, and needed a good wake-up call. Aka a cheerful visit that included duct tape, guns, and creative threats.

So, I was driving us to some sketchy neighborhood, Jimin was sexting with a random girl on the passenger's seat, and I was thinking random facts like how cute Rei's ass is.

Answer: On a scale from one to ten, is somewhere in the high thirties. Belongs to the Louvre, next to Mona Lisa.

The car's stereo was playing "R U Mine?" by Arctic Monkeys and I was thinking that my life certainly is a fucking twisted joke.

Jimin murmured something like stopping to get cigarettes, and I was like, sure, why the hell not, I can get some too.

It wasn't like Nanami ever gave me the two-hour lecture about it—while she was smoking—like she did to the others. She knew it, might have rolled an eye about it, then turned it blind and warned me to never get caught by the others or my balls will end up as shark food. Her exact words.

I parked outside a convenience store, casually strolling inside, waited at the register to pay for Jimin's and mine cigarettes, casually eyeing some neon green condoms, when out of the fucking blue I got a call from a private number.

The feeling that something was about to go super-extra-crispy-fucked up?

It came immediately, spreading like a chill to my spine. I think my spine actually has a Nanami-detector or something. 

I still wonder, how different would things be now if I hadn't answered.

But of course, I did. Call it habit.

And habits die hard.

Nanami on the other hand never does.

I walked out and answered, keeping away from the car.

Her voice came like a hurricane from hell. Literally the speak of the Devil.

"You know Suga, I thought you were a lot smarter than this. Granted, not a fucking genius, but clever enough to know you shouldn't fuck with my plans. You're lucky you're in the middle of the street."

I looked around me, trying to spot her. Where could she be? Cars were flashing by from each side of the street, people passing, filling the pavement.

I stayed calm, reminding myself she would never risk exposing herself. Bluffing.

I saw Jimin in the car, fixing his hair in the mirror. He saw me from the mirror and turned. Obviously, my attempt to look calm was failing, as his eyes widened in shock. He realized who I'm talking to. 

Well, I hadn't talked yet, but that's about to change. I turned and walked casually away, purposely looking like I couldn't give two shits, as I spotted a street camera, the one she was probably watching me from. I smile and lift a middle finger at it.

"Can't you just stay dead? Hell is too boring for you? No VPN to watch human executions on the dark web?"

"Now, Suga, you know that I'm a saint, so I'm gonna let this slide. Just this time. Go back. Tell everyone. Fix what you have done, and I'll spare your life."

"Now, Nams. You know I'm not a saint, so respectfully, fuck you. This is the part where I'm wondering why the fuck would I do you any favors. You dug your own grave. Literally. You won't touch me, and you sure as death won't kill me. Go play catch with Cerberus and leave us in fucking peace."

She laughs. Ever heard a demon singing? That's the sound.

"You haven't told her yet, have you?"

"And guess what? I'm never fucking planning to! If you think you can still do whatever the fuck you want, you're wrong. Every day that passes, Rei is getting hurt. And you know well how I react when something of mine is being damaged."

The urge to punch my face filled me, the moment the words left me. I've meant every word but I just gave her more ammo. And if you think that Nanami is beneath using her own daughter to get what she wants, well, you don't know Nanami.

Silence fills the line. I know she is smiling, sickly enjoying this as the wheels in her head are turning. Like a twist of fate, Nanami might want to cut me into small pieces and feed me to her hellhounds, however, never in her life before has been so cornered with incapability to do anything. Alas, she wants to stab me in all ways possible, and she wants to also bow to me, for the way I turned this. Her hands are tied, but she is too narcissistic to accept it.

"You took a deep dive Suga. Very heroic of you. But you forgot to take a long breath before jumping in."

"Can't you just take your last one? Like you were supposed to? Just accept it and move on already!"

"Oh, the waters never stay still, you know that. You think that now you're special. That the rules don't apply to you. Obviously, you're mistaken."

Is it me or the last part was a quote from Matrix?

Trying to decode what the fuck she means, it was my turn to stay silent. Nanami loved to show off her superior intelligence. Everyone was intellectually inferior for her. Elaborate puzzles and weird sayings were her trademark. The word was her game, always rigged in her favor. But this time, I wouldn't let her pull my strings.

"What are you going to do when the truth surfaces, Suga? How long are you going to keep secrets? Bodies keep piling up after your mistakes."

"I don't care."

"Well, you should." Her voice now was grave. "Timing is everything."

It was, and I knew it. Timing brought Rei's fate and mine together when we shouldn't be. Timing tore us apart when we should be.

I was going to defy timing. For her.

"Tell her."

"Not happening."

"Suga, I will fucking ruin you and everything you ever loved in the worst way possible, if you don't fix this immediately. She will find out at some point anyway. You have two days."

No answer.

"Suga."

Nothing.

"Suga!"

Nope.

Hey, I can actually hang up in her fucking face now. I guess being Oyabun has its perks.

And I was about to do that, when her deadly whisper filled once more the silence.

"Stupid, arrogant boy, loves to play with fire. No one is irreplaceable."

She hang up.

I repeat.

Bitch.

Hang.

Up.

Truth?

I was dryfucked with a 20-inch dildo. I'm just faking my calmness. And this was her second warning.

Usually warnings come three times. Nanami the third time strikes.

I'm not afraid she will kill me. She literally can't.

Her problem is that because of what I did, she broke her oath. Her pledge. Her promise.

But because she can't kill me, doesn't mean that she won't fuck up everything else until she gets what she wants.

And unfortunately, that left me no choice but to push things in another direction. I had to stall this as much as I could.

I got back in the car and Jimin was white like he just saw a ghost. Well, I just had a phone call with one, so I guess I win.

"What did she say? Is she coming back?" He practically squealed from terror, taking a cigarette out of the packet I threw at his lap, with what looked like shaking hands.

I turned the ignition on, and fuck, I wanted to kill everyone and everything. Just to have some peace and quiet for once.

"Suga! What did she..."

"I have something to do. Get out."

"Are you fucking crazy?" If the situation wasn't the real definition of a fuckening, I would have laughed with his face that was a mixture of panic, surprise, despair, and curiosity at the same time. And with a touch of what-the-fuckety-fuck. "We're like half-hour away! You can't just kick me out like a bad one-night stand in the middle of fucking..."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I wasn't. "Do you want me to make you pancakes and give you pocket-money for an Uber?" I turned and glared at him, squeezing the life out of the wheel.

"Fine, asshole." He got out slamming the door on my face. He walked two steps and lit his cigarette. Then turned. "Just so you know..." He was yelling through the open window until he met my cold stare. I just hoped he understood.

I just nodded.

And fucking hoped he understood.

"Find J-hope. Ask him what I told him two days ago. Tell it to everyone. So they will know, that if anyone dares to try shit they are dead. And not a word about what you just saw." He was still looking at me, his cigarette hanging on his lips as I hit the gas.

I saw the question hanging. He suspected. He didn't know yet. But Jimin always expected it to be me. I couldn't tell him anything, not at least before... Before what asshat? Tell Rei? Let Nanami win? Then I did it all for nothing. Shit.

No one is irreplaceable.

Nanami thought she could replace me. That was her threat. She can't kill me, but she will replace me.

She won't take away what she gave and I didn't want—the Oyabun position.

But she will replace me with someone else for Rei. And the only thing worse than Rei being forcefully stuck with me, is Rei being forcefully stuck with somebody else.

Bitch needs to learn that people are not puppets.

She might be the one that made me what I am, but I'm the Oyabun now.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After that, next stop was sketchy lawyer.

I never went back to the loft that night.

The only thing that I wanted –to take a scalding hot shower in peace until I'm burned from regrets— was inaccessible. Forbidden by my Oyabun. Oh, the irony.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After our encounter in her bathroom, Rei steered clear of me, not even sparing a glance as she discreetly glided to the garage like a fire-breathing demon, darkness gleaming from her brown eyes, dressed in a crop top and a skirt that the only place it should be allowed is a gynecologist, a stripper's pole, or my bed.

I was so fucking tired with Rei's cold and hot behavior and really pissed with her for not letting me in. For not telling me anything, for shutting a door to my fucking feelings. The girl I loved, kept making me edgy and suspicious of her.

The girl I love. Great. I guess I did grow a vagina after all.

I sat alone for dinner, sucking Ramen microwave noodles, and found myself wondering whether my stunt in the bathroom had made an impact, or if she just thought I was talking about our lame fake-war. I mean, it was the best version of "saying it without actually saying it." I didn't even know what I was doing at that point.

Okay, I knew that she wanted me to be the grown-up and call the truce. Wave the white flag. She wanted me to make the first move.

And oh, god. What a lie it would be to say I didn't want to.

It would be the greatest lie, to say that when she pulled that flimsy curtain and walked out with that fiery gaze, wet and freshly shaved, I wasn't holding my self from slamming her on the sink and eating her until she praised every God in every religion like a newly converted worshipper.

Or to say I didn't want to make her moan, and when she did, tell her, That's how you sound like. Not that pathetic fake, you just pretended. Or the other, equally fake moan you produce every time you drink the first sip of coffee.

But the biggest lie would be, if I didn't say that I practically ran to my room after and rubbed one out—fine two.

Okay, shut up, three. Sue me.

And she even robbed me of the cold shower option.

I checked it out, trying to figure out how the hell she did it. As far as I knew, it wasn't even possible to cut the water flow only in one room. I even checked the valves. There were no individual shut-offs.

I didn't ask any of the others to help me, because I knew they simply wouldn't. And I respected them for that. I wouldn't want them to disobey me if it was my order.

I was about to stroll to the elevator with a shampoo in hand and a towel on my shoulder—cause, hello little genius, there are rooms with bathrooms on the third floor too, ya know—when I came face to face with V. He gave me a once over and started laughing. I'm so glad everyone finds Rei's antics funny—NOT.

And despite what I lead others to think, I am more than just an arrogant bastard. I do care about other things than myself. I do have feelings. And I might have let those bastards influence my decisions here and there.

A good example?

Nudging Rei to pick RM for Saiko-komon.

It definitely wasn't the smartest thing. I knew he still had feelings for her. I knew that it would lead to problems with the clan. I knew he wasn't the right fit for her. But most importantly?

I knew he wasn't the one she was going to pick. Hands down and without the slightest doubt, she was going to pick V.

And no, it wasn't the fact that instead of working they would probably end up watching Kill Bill for the millionth time and inhaling enough substances to make Lil Wayne seem like a boy scout that irked me.

When V worked, his mind was set to it. 

The problem was that if that happened, the clan would undergo huge hierarchal changes.

V's position would be empty. Junkgook would need someone else to go with him to collect.

The only person fitting for that would be Jimin. Because let's be real, the others were way into the thug life to change habits now and the collector's position was the most low-key.

Don't get me wrong, I trust Jimin.

But if we put him and Jungkook together, they would have ended up creating chaos and exploding the universe somehow. Jimin would have ended up flirting and fucking every girl he came across in every bar and karaoke they were sent to collect.

Jungkook would have ended up becoming the same fuckboy with Jimin after a while—a day tops.

I would have ended up taking Jimin's place with J-hope. RM would have been transferred with Jin.

The thing is, when you work too long in the shadows, you start to notice things others don't.

I sacrificed my sanity, putting Rei with RM, so V would stay with Jungkook.

Because you don't choose who your heart wants.

Because Jungkook is for V what Rei is for me.

Inevitable.

"Man, you're so fucking out of your league. How wrong is it that I'm getting a semi by proxy just from watching you two fight?" V chuckled, oblivious to my thoughts.

Very wrong.

"Oh, that's the reason you're a walking-talking hard-on lately? Cause I would swear you almost share Rei's blond kink."

I didn't say that out loud. Shit, I did. Shit. Fuck. Fuckening.

I just caused a mini-fuckening.

Question: What asshole outs and shames a member of his clan that also is the best friend of the girl he likes —fine, loves, shut up— out of the fucking blue as a burn reflex?

Answer: Wear an I'm-with-idiot t-shirt and come stand next to me. Cause it's me. I'm the asshole that just did that.

And to think that I'm the one here that always lectures others to act with respect and caution.

And I just found out that V can almost flawlessly mimic Rei's you're-dead-and-you-don't-know-it-yet stare.

I think the two of them are spending too much time together.

He even has the small curves at the corner of his lips. He takes a long inhale, still smiling. His control is out of the charts, and his I-dare-you-to-fuck-with-me mask is on.

Which reminds me exactly why he does what he does. He doesn't take shit from anyone. V is the only one from this clan that had legit done time in prison—not counting the other two idiots that were in facilities for underaged criminals. And V might look like he is borderline cross-dressing at times, but the fucker simply Won't.Take.Shit.

Especially the kind of shit that insults the guy who has literally taken a bullet for him.

"Next time she ends up shit-faced and naked in my bed, I won't be nice and just put her to sleep and walk away. Just remember that."

Fucking OUCH.

Damn, they do spend too much time together. He has even learned her emotional-blackmail tactics.

And who knew that there would come a day that I would be thankful that V is gay. Reality check: I lost my shit completely when I thought for a hot second that they fucked that time I saw her coming out of his room, wrapped in his fucking Gucci sheets. I was this close, telling her everything that day. Then I got so pissed off I didn't want to fucking see her. Then she had ordered ME to "tell her". And she calls me arrogant.

However, the calm, almost bored face I have doesn't falter. I smirk cause I expected that he would use that one day. Who is good at chess now?

"Don't tell her I implied or mentioned that, by the way." He clears his throat, and I want to facepalm, cause in reality Rei wouldn't even gently poke V with a chopstick, much less kill him with a katana in his sleep.

"Four." My comeback is barely above a whisper and doesn't need volume to make a strong impact.

"It doesn't fucking count and you know it." He smirks back. "Lame ass excuses for something that happened before the dinosaur era." He grins.

What the fuck has she told him?

You know what? I know what the fuck she hasn't told him.

"She made a promise."

His grin falters and crashes to the fucking floor.

The silence in the loft is fucking suffocating and we are just standing there and staring at each other like two idiots.

"Liar." His eyebrows furrow.

My smirk remains intact. He knows I'm not lying.

I narrow my eyes and start, "You break a promise..."

"...You lose a finger." He finishes and swallows.

He might dare to fuck with the Jingi.

But no one dares to fuck with yubikiri.

Unblinking and grave, he nods in understanding.

I'm just trying to ignore that we are having a very serious conversation in front of the fucking elevator while a have a towel on my shoulder and a shampoo bottle in hand.

"But she is the Oyabun." Not really.

"And why should I then lose a finger if she breaks her promise?" I tilt my head, raising an eyebrow.

I would also cross my arms but I'm trying to hide that my shampoo is orange-scented, and I'm already getting a lot of crap about the juice alone.

Yes, I like oranges. Piss off.

"Doesn't that technically mean that by now we should have enough fingers cut to make a fucking necklace? I mean, only Jimin and I haven't messed around with her."

Can you dislocate your jaw if you grind it too hard?

"No, because at first she didn't know, and because later she didn't remember. Now she knows and remembers. End of fucking story." Or, simply that's all I can say. Unless I can change the Yubikiri to, "break a promise, lose a dick." Can I do that? I'm starting to think that being Oyabun might really have excessive perks. I'm definitely not tempted to announce it in the fucking news if I can do that.

I can imagine the headline. Breaking news: Seoul's most notorious yakuza clan is left 80% dickless after the secret Oyabun raged on his members. For messing around with his not-girlfriend.

Then again, I always was the bastard who did stupid shit, especially for the usual poisonous girl.

Just see under: dead lawyer, fake oyabun, lying to everyone, pretending I didn't know her, breaking my oaths to my fake-dead previous oyabun, having a fucking sun tattooed on my heart hoping she would get the meaning, and those were only the tip of the monstrous iceberg.

Nanami's 48-hour warning was quickly evaporating and I was eating noodles, jailbreaking to take a shower, and trying to scare everyone away with stupid rules.

And I didn't know yet if my plan was going to work.

No one is irreplaceable.

I wasn't like Rei, planning a fuckton steps ahead with enough strategy and sadism to make Stalin jealous—totally Nanami genes, by the way. I always was just jump off the cliff and fucking wing it.

I always found a way. I guess it's part of my charm.

But now, everything was fading into mist. The past was catching up and my lies had become truths.

I needed an ally. I needed someone to help me. I needed to grow a pair and tell Rei what I've done.

But I didn't even know where to start.

Any more bad ideas, assface?

Nanami was right. 

Playing with fire made me feel alive. 

Making mistakes. 

Taking what I want and calling it mine. 

Even if it isn't. 

Even if I knew it never could be.

https://youtu.be/Rc_8tbGhXUc

A/N: obviously next chapter is the continuation of what happened. 

Coming tomorrow hopefully.