The most dangerous poison is the sweetest.

Rain

"What the fuck was that?!" 

It was only a few seconds after JB had left, when steadying myself by pressing my palms on Suga's knees, I got up and yelled in his face. Heaved. It wasn't from fury anymore. It was a new, unexplainable form of mixed emotions. It squeezed through my chest. It burned through my eyes.

Suga was smirking, wearing his skin with arrogance, like a crown. "Your first lesson: Don't trust anyone."

"I reeeally want to stab you right now."

Suga's grin only spread, "As much as I would love to see you try, you can't. Consider this as an adjusting period I wholeheartedly gave to you, and I'm just going to ignore that you just stated you want to harm your Oyabun."

Not only harm but whatever. 

"Fine!" I bit out, proceeding to rush out from the space between him and his desk I was standing, rounding it and crashing on the chair that JB previously occupied. 

"Did you trust JB?" Suga grinned with enough amount of arrogance to have its own zip code. 

"No," I bit out, annoyed. Of course, I did. 

"You did," His grin spread as his eyes narrowed with recognition.  Then, fixing his arms on the back of his head, he stretched on his seat, smugness, and power pouring out in waves.

I had a nice, iron paperweight on my former desk, shaped like a medieval ball with spikes. I eyed it for a second as murderous scenarios played in my head. 

Suga caught my glimpse and slowly pulled it away, putting it in a drawer before returning to his chill position. 

"Did JB know? About you?"

Suga smiled with triumph and slowly shook his head no. 

"Isn't that even better? He blew off his loyalty to his supposed Oyabun —you—for the loyalty he has to his friendship with me. That's why I am friends with him in the first place. JB found out at the same time as everyone else because he was there. He gave me shit about hiding it from him, but turns out he can't do much but zipping it and obeying me."

Suga might hate being Oyabun, but now he was going to squeeze the life out of the opportunity enough to make lemonade.

"JB might look like a cultivated asshole with more money than Switzerland, which came from Seouls aristocracy, and he might be all that," Suga opened the last drawer, pulling out a contract that looked like consisting of a hundred pages, give or take.  

Sidenote: After two months doing the Oyabun run, there was a thing I wanted to say. 
If I knew there was sooo much paperwork involved in running a criminal empire, I might not have jumped right into taking the job that gleefully. And don't get me started on the employee problems. You'd think grown men wouldn't need so much supervision. You'd think wrong. Sometimes it felt like I was running a daycare center.

"...But he also is my best friend. No one knows. No one had ever found out. Well... almost no one." Suga continued, smiling with annoyance at the last part. "Nanami knew. She knew we grew up together since she kinda ruled our families. She didn't want me to have any ties with the Ryuzaki clan after I left, though. Too messy. She was concerned that I would slip up and reveal info about you. Info the clan could use to gain the upper hand on her like JB's father had tried doing. So every time she caught me meeting up with JB, I passed a third-degree cross-examination after. She couldn't exactly get rid of me, though. I was her whole plan, after all."

So Suga indeed grew up with JB, and they kept hanging out after Nanami started the Bloody Waves. 

Weirdly, and probably because I know Chin-Hae, I can't imagine Suga as a boy. He seems like he arrived on this planet as a fully formed responsible adult, kicking ass and incinerating panties. 

"So Nanami's plan for you was to take her place after she faked her death," I elaborated, mostly to focus. "And to fulfill her promise to give the clan back." 

Suga, undeterred, took tobacco out of his pocket on the mission to roll a cigarette. 

"Did she faked her death just for her promise? Did she do it to break your Shi no Gambo? Or is it more behind this?"

He looked down at his hands, holding the paper and rolling it. Opened his mouth once and closed it, deciding against speaking. 

He was battling internally. Not his secret to share. 

"So there's ...more?" I pointed out, astonished, and then laughed.

There was always going to be more, I realized. 

Nanami's reasons, Chin Hae's plots, Suga's retaliation, all and more were intertwined like a spider web and never-ending.

I saw a pen on the desk. Grabbed it and started playing tic-tac-toe on my fishnets. Multitasking made me focus. 

"I will tell you as much as I can. I promise you that. But it's going to be at my pace. My way. You will drop it, and you will give me time, and eventually, I will tell you. In exchange, you sign the NDA, and you will do as I say."

I couldn't contain my full-blown, sarcastic laugh this time as I crossed out three Os.

"So that's what you want from me? Obedience? Put me in a fucking cage?" 

Suga stilled, catching me captive in his glare. "It's exactly because I didn't want that for you that I did everything I did!"

Shaking his head with disappointment, he placed the unlit cigarette in the ashtray, then interlocked his palms before him.

"Here's the deal: You live by the Jingi. You train. You will follow my orders without threatening to stab me as a reflex or start a third world war. You will be respectful. You will eat every day. You will start again taking your medication..."

"Woah, Woah, hold the fucking press!" I laughed again, slamming the pen back on the desk, but this time it was deranged and mixed with anger. "No meds." I crossed my arms. "I don't like feeling sedated—"

"And if you feel like, let's say, fucking things up a little just to cause waves," he went on like I was air and never interrupted him, "remember: Your life is not yours to take. It belongs to me. And ends when and if I say so."

I ground my jaw since I was running out of glares. 

So tadaa, that was Suga's grand plan:

Training me and feeding me, and keeping me happy, alive, and healthy. 

But hiding it behind orders, so he won't let his ego fall. 

Some dark, nameless emotion expanded inside my chest, crushing my lungs and flattening my heart until it was barely able to beat.

Did I say that I hate him?

I drowned it and reminded myself to drown after.

"You won't create waves." He repeated with intent. 

Have I accidentally signed up for membership in some twisted roleplay version of being a DD/LG sub and don't remember it?

I mean, I am about to sign a contract and agree that I will eat healthy meals and train and take my meds that I need but hate while wearing a shirt that says Oyadaddy—okay, the last one is my fault.

The fuck?

Health? my mind laughs. Who is this bitch? I don't know her. 

I eyed the contract with the side of my eye. 

Is there a sex agreement in that?

Cause that might help the scale pro signing.

Okay, okay. 

I wanted to take the deal. What did that say for me?

That you are weak and immoral. Also, insane.

"Will you watch me when I shower too?" I cocked an eyebrow.

"If I want to," he replied, like saying he couldn't care less, but he will be closely observing my moves in case I go suicidal-Rain.

Pressing my lips together, I took a sharp inhale through my nose.

"No."

"No?" He cocked his head to the side like he didn't hear me right, and damn, he looked good even doing that.

"Is this word new to you?" I shrugged to piss him off. 

I wanted to drive him crazy, because he was driving me insane. I wanted to fight him, to hurt him for what he was doing to me. Bite him. Taste him. Feel him.

His eyes were so dark brown, almost black. "You still think this is a negotiation. You are wrong."

"Do you want it in another language?" I batted my lashes innocently.

"You don't get it," He exhaled, looking up. 

"Oh, I get it perfectly. I think that you're delighted to watch me squirm. Therefore, to have that opportunity, you will accept a few terms of my own." 

Terrible negotiator, my ass, JB. You should have listened to this.

"Like what?" He poked his cheek with his tongue.

"You will let Violet stay," I stated.

"Are you fucking me?" He laughed.

"Not yet," I smirked.

Then his jaw hardened, and he turned once more solemn. His mouth twisted to something resembling a smirk but didn't last.

"I didn't think that I had to say it, but it turns out that for a genius, you catch up kinda slow." He mocked. "There's never going to be anything of sexual nature between us from now on. Cling to the memory of dry-fucking me yesterday, Rei. Cling to the lies I tasted from your lips. Because that was the last time."

He stared at me—serene, sincere, and utterly blase.

Huh. I would be lying if I said I wasn't mildly disappointed—more like crushed like a bug on a windshield. 

Wanna bet? I wanted to argue, feeling my cheeks heating. From fury, no doubt.

But then remembered this came from the guy who once upon a time stated he would never kiss me to torture me. While I might not remember it at the time but we had already done way more than kissing.

I had plenty of room for negotiations for my benefit—and to eventually change his no-sex bullshit.

"I'm throwing in employment, accommodation, and full protection for Violet." I took the pen back, going for the next round of thigh tic-tac-toe. "And I get running water. That's my final offer."

He chuckled like I said the funniest joke on the planet. I kinda could imagine him once being a carefree kid when he laughed.

"Please, enlighten me on why the fuck would I ever agree to that." He didn't stop laughing.

"Violet stays as a clan member, and in exchange, I'll tell you all I know about the trafficking ring." I bit out, annoyed, crossing out a row of Xs, leaving the pen back on the desk.

"You will tell me anyway." He stated like I was too stupid to understand.

"No. She stays, and I tell you. I know you want the info. You know I have all of it. I know you need it for your fucked-up scenario you're writing for your father being behind it. And it turns out, I'm the only one that has the tea." I looked at my nails with satisfaction.

He narrowed his eyes with a smirk.

"If you had found anything slightly incriminating about my father, you would have handled him yourself." He looked almost proud. "So stop trying to sell damaged goods to me. Your info isn't worth shit and definitely isn't worth Snowflake's position in the clan."

Dammit, he's smart.

Don't you like that about him? I'm confused.

I felt the blood rushing between my ears. Would it be too much if I punched him? What kind of trouble would I get into for that, I wonder.

We were two gangsters that had drawn their guns, about to shoot. Only our guns were our words and the bullets, our demands. It was a matter of time for one to fall.

Which left me with nothing to negotiate for Violet's protection.

"Look, Rei." He tilted back in his chair, the smirk returning on full force.
Oh no. What the hell is he up to now?

"I'll give you a second option. We call it plan B."

I knew instantly, as he announced it, I was going to hate plan B. I knew it because of the smirk. I knew it because life would be a slow, painful torture if every time he smirked like that, I wanted to sit on his face.

"You said you hate me, but I tasted your lips, and they tasted like the sweetest lie."

I tried to swallow. 

I failed. 

It was like I could feel his palm on my neck once again.

"You like me. It's not that difficult to admit. We've been through this." His arrogant smirk spread, and the pen I was holding fell from my hand. Thank fuck the floor was carpeted, and he didn't notice.

"So here's the one and only offer I'm ever going to put on the table." He went on, fully knowing I was pretending to be calm. 

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

"You will tell me three things."

His voice was a dark, irresistible command.

"One. Say it. Admit that you can't stop thinking about me. Out loud."

He mouthed the words loud and clear. 

Fuck.

It was true, but I would never, ever, not in a billion years, admit it.

"Two. Tell me the real reason you sworn your life to me."

Fuck.

Something in the middle of my chest felt like cracking wide open.

"And three, tell me why you left after you had promised to stay.

You tell me those three things, and I tell you  e v e r y t h i n g."

Fuuuck.

My heart was going to jump out of my chest.

How could he see me so clearly?

How does he always know what I'm feeling without me speaking a word?

He was danger, willing to trade a thousand unspoken secrets swimming in the darkness behind his eyes.

I couldn't.

I couldn't say words that I haven't spoken since...ever.

Never.

He was asking for the very specific three things I would never do.

"And don't think for a second of lying or denying your way out of it. The negotiation is truth for truth."

He added sternly as if he was entirely reasonable. And also throwing in my face that he didn't eat for a second the lame reason I gave him—finding out Nanami's plots— for swearing the Shi no Gambo.

"So, what's it gonna be?" He lit his cigarette, smoke crawling up his biteable lips, as he held my stare prisoner.

I drowned in the silence—like there was no air in the room. 

The pressure was unbearable.

The option of lying again, not only futile but forbidden.

"That's what I thought," his small, disappointed-but-not-surprised smile was sad after I didn't say anything. "So I guess we stick to plan A." 

Swallowing —yes, I managed— I eyed the contract again. Not that I could do much about it, I had already sworn a life-oath, but I thought that maybe I could at least negotiate a few things. 

"Who knew there was so much paperwork for gang business." I exhaled, mostly trying to change the subject. 

"Sweetheart," the way he said it, all filled with condescending swagger, reminded me of JB. He used it in the exact same manner. And now, I knew who JB caught the expression from. Fuck, I was so blind. "I've worked with Nanami for seven years. The shit I've seen and the things I've done are what nightmares are made of. The paperwork is no child's play. Contracts are the only thing that scares people in our world. Even more than guns. There is nothing that can't be done."

"Like faking a death?"

"Like faking anything. Money laundering, forging, transferring, even identity impersonating, to name a few." He took another drag. 

Terrific.

I picked the pen up from the floor discreetly. He most certainly saw me. 

"It doesn't matter if I sign..." I murmured. "There's only one thing I'm asking for. Violet stays."

"No." He rubbed his face in boredom.

"Violet stay—"

"Do you think you can shi no Gambo your way into everything?" He cut me short with a glare. "And what the fuck are you exactly pledging? Your loyalty? I have gotten that..." He looked up for a second, counting, "thrice, by now."

"She stays..." This time my words were a plead above a whisper. My eyes narrowed in sadness.

Suga inhaled and exhaled. Shook his head with disappointment. "Can't you just trust that I will do what I think is for the best? Do you think this low of me?"

It wasn't that. I couldn't exactly admit that I had promised Violet I'll keep her safe. He would go on a killing spree if he found out that I have broken a simple promise to him, but raising hell to keep a promise I made to her.

"Sign the papers, Rei." He pushed the NDA in my direction.

I took it with reluctance. I started reading it.

Suga rolled his eyes. "It could say that you agree to hand me your firstborn so I can sell it to the black market. It doesn't fucking matter. You have pledged your fucking life. Willingly."

Hardening my jaw, I flipped to the last page. The tip of my pen had just touched the paper.

"Wait." Suga grinned. Opening a drawer, he pulled out a neon green sharpie. He pulled the cap off with his teeth and left the marker on the NDA. "If my memory serves me well —which it always does— RM has informed me that you had said to him that you would sign the fuck out of your NDA with a fat neon-green sharpie." His grin was lethal as a loaded gun. "Sign."

"I'll kill you!" I hissed. Half-heartedly, but still.

Suga faked a yawn. "Sign."

"I'll strangle you!"

"Sign."

Surprise overwhelmed me, and my eyes narrowed as I realized. "You don't believe I can take you down." 

Suga popped an eyebrow. "Does it even matter? You can't fight me. Jingi rules —which you have to obey and live by, like a nun the bible— strictly forbid fighting."

I wanted to stab him seven ways to forever.

But instead, I kept my word.

I stabbed the sharpie on the paper, signing all over the motherfucker.

I stared at my glowing signature.

Huh.

RR

Which reminds me of...

"Who chose the name of the club?" My eyebrows furrowed. 

Suga narrowed his eyes with pleasure. "Who knows? Maybe there's a story behind it. Maybe it's in those truths you get for exchange of the truths I asked."

Fucker.

He chose it.

Not Nanami as I have thought.

I fell back on my chair after pushing the signed NDA in his direction. 

"Truce?" he asked with a heavy amount of doubt.

"Truce," I answered, offering a small smile to show that I meant it. Temporarily at least.

He took a sharp inhale, holding my stare. "The stir-fry noodles and the barbeque chicken are for you." 

Yeah, he wasn't joking about the me-eating thing.

"I suppose it would be a pity to throw them away..." I murmured, grabbing the bag with the two take-out boxes.
And planning where I'm stopping to eat them in the car, cause I can't wait until I get back. They smelled fucking delicious, and I was drooling.

"You can go," he looked outside, then took a drag of his cigarette. 

But he caught my grin with the corner of his eye.

It was the guilty grin of the brat that had just broken an expensive crystal vase and was hiding the evidence of her mischief under the carpet.
The I-know-I-will-get-caught-but-I-still-don't-regret-it grin.

"What are you smiling about?" He didn't like my grin.

It turned even more sinister. "If I were you, I would worry more about myself and not others. Do you know what happens to those who are too self-assured? They trip over their own feet."

And like that, still smiling, I got up, turning to leave while whistling the Kill Bill theme song. 

Suga contemplated for a few seconds my words. 

I pressed my ear on the door after closing it behind me because —hello, I'm me.

Suga got up from his chair, and midstep, he fell right on his face.

I had tied his shoelaces together when I was under his desk.

The Jingi said I couldn't get in a physical fight with him, aka, touch him. 

Too bad I'm way smarter than that. 

And it can't count as disrespect since I was literally on my fucking knees.

I bet he can't even remember the last time someone outsmarted him. 

Especially a girl.

Score one for womankind.

The drive back was quiet, one of the very few times I haven't put any music.

My thoughts, though, were louder than an annual thirteen-stage European electronic music festival.

The whole time after Suga had left my new room, I had kept wondering. 

What was it that time that made me gone so crazy for him, unlike other times?

It was the pressure.

It was his hand on my neck.

It was that I liked it, and he had never done it before. 

I was big on breath play and did it to him all the time.

But he never did it to me.

I had asked. I had insinuated it by putting his hand on my throat. He always said no. He always retracted it. He was afraid. God, he even got afraid one time I had choked with my coffee. It reminded him of me drowning, no doubt.

And now he wasn't scared anymore.

If anything, the last days had taught me was that Suga is entirely unpredictable.

Now, he literally had my life in his hands.

I could only hope he took good care of it, so it wouldn't end up in smithereens like my heart.

After all, as he said, he can fix the broken.