No quote. 

And huge-ass chapter. Double, almost triple in word length. 

Because...

Why the hell not?

Just make sure to read it twice. 
And by twice, I mean, 

Make sure to read between the lines.

Suga

Coincidentally, V had come back home, half an hour later. 

Okay, not coincidentally. 

It may have to do with me telling JB to send him back—without revealing to V that I know.

Now the fucker was blissfully whistling over the coffee pot, still wearing the same weird-ass clothes with yesterday, pretending the same act —that he was serving some hipster-girl who met at a club last night, blowjobs for breakfast—like it's still the medieval era and I was going to cross him in a burning fire for the whole village to watch if he said out loud that he's gay. Or bi. Whatever the fuck he is. I don't like labels. Just say it, dude, you like dick with your eggs. Who cares. 

What I didn't like was that he was trying to drown his sorrow —that the dick he wants was currently 100% straight and 100% virgin— with my best friend. 

Not that JB would catch feelings. I think the only person ever JB caught feelings for was our fourth-grade teacher, but unfortunately, Mrs. Park crushed his little dreams since she was happily married and also, thirty years older than him. Since then, he's been fucking everything that moves like he is going for a Guinness record. Pretty sure if there is one for fucking JB has won it already. Especially for gangbangs. Pun unintended.

"So, where's Rain?" V blows over his "Kneel to my Oyabun, but before that, Kneel to my beauty bitches" mug that he filled with scorching hot coffee to the brim.

Oh, how ironic is when things turn upside down.

Your little Oyabun did all the kneeling, yesterday pal.

"In her room." Probably trying to invent a time machine and get herself back to before pledging her life to me. Because I bet she is regretting that decision.

Or getting stupid-ass tattoos on herself or writing weird emo lyrics all over the walls. Someone call the police, the clan rebel is about to commit a crime, like eating non-organic avocado toast. 

V clears his throat. "So, you haven't checked on her? To see, let's say if she has eaten, if she is well..." He smirks, sipping the coffee like it's gossip tea.

Of course, I had checked on her. But not in a way that would reveal I cared. It's called: the camera in my old room is still functioning. 

"Like I said, how the mighty have fallen," V grinned over his mug after I didn't answer for a while,  sipping coffee, pretending to not give a flying fuck about anything in the world other than pissing me off. 

Why is this such a trend lately?

Oh, yes. The reason: Jungkook is currently —again— "babysitting" Snowflake. 

And V thinks that Jungkook is losing one of the three following things: His weekly salary to Snowflake on poker, his mind since she won't talk a word, or his virginity. Who knows?

I close my eyes, probing my legs on the kitchen table, tilting my head back, and prolonging an inhale of my cigarette.

God, I am smoking inside.

And no one is batting a fucking lash.

"Did you know," I open my eyes, lazily staring at the ceiling," that Jungkook has a collection of Rei's underwear?"

"Yes." He takes a sip, lifting a shoulder. I still don't get his whole I-don't care act. "So what? Jungkook kinda tells me everything." Unfortunately, he looks like he wants to add.

"But do you tell him everything?" I muse. "Like, with who you spend last night till this morning, let's say?"

His face fells, switching to a dark, serious, threatening one. He tilts his head on the side, narrowing his eyes. "How the fuck do you know?" His voice is sure but restrained.

I can't contain a dark chuckle. "Just have in mind, I always find out everything," I smirk over my cigarette.

"Bullshit," he bites over a whisper, swallowing, gracefully looking around to see if we are still alone. We are. I was the last to wake up, and he came back earlier than anyone else. Everyone is doing their thing, running errands, training, or in the case of Rei, trying to find a way to built a balcony and paint the walls of her new room black without asking for supplies.

"It might have to do with the fact that your late night-booty call happens to be my best friend." I casually exhale a drag, and V chokes and spills the sip he just took of his coffee all over the table.
Over his white shirt.
Over his muffin.
But thankfully not over my orange juice.

Was I happy that V was having enemies-with-benefits fun with my best friend? Nope.
Did I care, though? Nope.

I guess he doesn't feel that comfortable around me after calling him out, hiding I'm his Oyabun, and sending his forbidden love to babysit the blonde Rei version, as RM calls her.

I don't think Rei and Snowflake have any similarities whatsoever, but I get how the rest find their mannerism and appearance kind of similar since they are used to Korean girls. For them, they are different and bold and intimidating compared to the pure and innocent act that's the current trend here.

V keeps staring at me, wide-eyed. Blinks once. "What the hell else are you hiding from us?" He murmurs. "Your father was the Saiko komon of the Ryuzaki clan. Sakai was your half-brother. You were our Oyabun all along. And JB is your best friend since you were kids, isn't he? What fucking else are you hiding from us?"

Oh, remember Nanami? She is alive and well, I entertain the thought with a mysterious grin.

Nah, just kidding. I can't say that, as tempting as it might be. Jimin knowing is trouble enough. But him, I can contain. Everyone else knowing is something that will quickly get out of proportion.

I ignore his dig, changing the subject because—oh, yes—I just remembered I don't have to answer anyone's fucking questions.

"Where are you going to collect from tonight?"

Shaking his head, he cleans the coffee mess with a damp cloth from the sink.

"Gentleman's club." He murmurs.

That's a fancy title for a place where rich dicks meet and gamble their trust funds, their new sailboats, or illegal tiger pets through poker. Not concerning since half of them are polo and loafer-wearing dudes that haven't worked one day in their lives, and the other half is men my father's age that are too bored with everything—especially their wives that had built a shrine to their plastic surgeon— and go there as a getaway to smoke their ridiculously expensive Cubans and parade their new sugar babies that all gather in a terrace couch, drinking cocktails and giggling about their new hard-earned Gucci bags and arrange hook-ups on tinder to get an actual satisfying fuck from a dude that doesn't need four Viagras to perform.

I could see the question in V's eyes. Will you send me alone to collect?

No, no. The real question was: Will Junkgook come with me, or is he staying to babysit Snowflake and gather enough jerk-off material for the rest of his existence?

I couldn't help myself but smugly grinning, parallelizing the situation with old times, when I would stand still as a statue in front of Nanami, holding my breath, waiting to see if she will hand me a plane ticket like a twisted Santa or order me to go with Jin to kill a rando that had wronged her.

"You can handle it by yourself," I muse, scrolling through text messages on my phone.

His back was turned as he wordlessly damped the cloth in the sink, rinsing his hands. Then he took off his white shirt, getting the coffee stains under the running water, rubbing the fabric with enough force to create holes, flexing his back muscles.

He most definitely wanted to punch me.

I don't know why I found that so amusing.

I wanted to punch Nanami every time the bitch smirked and casually announced to me last minute that something came up, and she changed my flight, which I was secretly expecting for two weeks. I didn't take a genius to guess my disappointment since the second she dropped the news, my face was the one of a puppy that was promised a long, happy walk and then, instead, was sent to the vet for euthanasia.

Nanami had found my weakness. And took advantage of it full on.

It was twisted.

On the one hand, I hated going. I hated intruding on Rei's privacy. I hated following her. I hated being a shadow in her life. Even I found it immoral.

On the other fucking hand... Oh, the guilt.

I wanted, craved, so bad to see her.

Twisted is not enough to define it.

It exceeded a need.

It developed into an obsession.

It got nurtured by a promise.

And then, Nanami announced her plans, telling me that I will bring Rei here and then...

Fuck. It all went to hell.

The elevator's ping brought me out of my trance.

Jungkook casually walked out, one hand in the pocket of his distressed black jeans, the other running through his blond hair, his eyes never lifting from the floor as he took careful steps to find us in the kitchen.

V looked over his shoulder to see who it is, then spun his head to me, freezing into position, then casually pretending to keep washing his shirt in the sink like it's the assigned place to wash his shirts, and it's not weird at all.

And that's the puppy that got the promised walk look.

Did I look that obvious when I got the plane tickets?

Nah.

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen," I murmur over a smirk, only for him to hear, exhaling.

"Thank you," he bit out, and meaning it, even though he made it sound more like fuck you.

Jungkook's checks had a blush because I now knew what his mug said, and he didn't know if he should say anything about it to defend himself or not.

I hope little blond fucker hasn't sold Rei's underwear on e-bay, or I swear I'm going to sell the same way his balls. And his dick.

Sorry V. I hope if things ever work out with the two of you, you get to top.

...I wonder who tops with JB—NOPE, don't go there.

V cleared his throat and darted to his room without a word, feigning to not care for once more. It would have worked if I wasn't the one that had invented this act.

I wasn't Nanami; I won't mingle in their business as long as they don't mingle into mine.

In the end, things with Rei and me might have turned impossible after Nanami's scheming, but at least these two have a chance.

If they ever grow a brain cell and talk it through.

As I said, it doesn't take a genius to know. The tension between V and Jungkook in a room is like watching a college locker-room porn where the one dude is straight but saw the other one showering and got an accidental hard-on, and then the other seduced him to the dark side.

Okay, reality check: things I should be working on instead of procrastinating with the non-existent love life of my clan members:

Doing damage control with JB and my father for those clan leaders that want to get up my nose.

The ones that thought that they could snatch Rei and rule beside her when she was Oyabun.

The ones that thought that they could marry her and take the Ryuzaki empire.

The ones they thought could have the pie and eat it by becoming Kings.

That was what Sakai had tried—might as well send me a postcard from hell, big bro.

It turned out I actually had one fuck to give.

It was finding out who those fuckers were that wanted to mess with what's mine.

Then eliminating them.

In the early evening, I had texted Rei to meet me again in my office.

I made a mental note to keep her away from my shoes this time.

I had also removed all the pens from my desk. 

Normal people when fidgeting: Using antistress balls, doodling crap on paper, chewing their nails, etc.

Rei when fidgeting: Playing with her switchblade, playing with a lighter, cracking her knuckles, chainsmoking, playing tic-tac-toe on her freaking thighs. 

There is a special scale for her, where craziness accelerates equally with hotness, and the girl makes the Joker look sane.

So imagine how hot she is.

She barged into my office without knocking, and I retract my last statement.

She's not insane and hot. 

She's insanely hot.

And is also probably going to chase zombies after, because today she decided to dress like doubling for Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil.

I think my dick twitched in recognition, begging me to let it run to her and sign it like an autograph. 

Great. Now I got a hard-on, and I have to meet with my clan—and father—after. 

"What's up?" She crashed on the chair on the other side, bringing her legs up and crossing them on my desk.

My dick, the devil on my shoulder, whispers.

You see, if she uncrosses her legs, you can tell if she's wearing—SHUT UP.

I think I should start meditation. 

I got up, striding for the floor-to-ceiling window, hands in pockets. Maybe looking outside will calm me down. "As we discussed yesterday, there are certain conditions you will need to meet upon staying in the clan."

"Gee, I forgot to bring my resume. You see, I've actually worked as an Oyabun for a clan for two months, and I kinda know the requirements of being in a clan." She mocks, then pops the bubble of her gum. 

I decide not to give a shit about her tantrum since I have a serious purpose for asking her here. 

"I will meet your term. Snowflake can stay." I lift my stare from the buildings and turn to meet hers. 

Please, no happy puppy look. 

Her eyebrows furrow like she doesn't buy shit. 

Bringing her legs down from the desk, she narrows her eyes on me. "What's the catch?"

Smart girl.

"You will need to train. For real." I announce, waiting to see her response. She kept calm. But looked like calculating. 

"To be disciplined." I kept going. A small smirk crept up Rei's lips.

"I will train you." I leaned on the wall crossing my arms. Rei didn't contain her smirk.

"When I say come, you come."

Rei's smirk widened.

"It's going to be long. It's going to be hard."

Rei's grin turned so devilish, I swear she looked like she had fangs.

"It's gonna be very difficult if every time I talk, you keep thinking about my dick." I rolled my eyes and exhaled.

"Sorry," She definitely wasn't. "Couldn't help but make the connection. Besides, you're the one who started talking about disciplining me."

I gritted my teeth, bit the inside of my cheek, suppressing all ten different answers I had ready, all of them being in a dark BDSM role play realm, somewhere in an alternative universe.
Because in this one, I had to stick to being the poster guy of the perfect oyabun. And the perfect oyabun obviously can resist bantering with his clan members. And I had to show Rei that her antics were pointless. That I had figured out her little scheme of pushing my buttons intentionally so I would react. 

That she took joy by defying me.

"I was just trying to save you from the embarrassment." I got back on my seat and started scrolling through emails to keep myself busy. "Do yourself a favor and try to act more like a responsible clan member and less like a thirsty teen that just experienced her first orgasm."

"Keep talking like that, and I'll experience my second-thousand-one-hundred-fifty-third."

Break me. She was bound to break me.

She wouldn't stop until I yielded and fucked her all the ways she wanted and then more. And the catch was that afterward, she would walk away once more and pretend it never happened.

Until the next time that she would want to play.

Rei didn't do feelings.

So why the hell was she trying to prove that she would with her stupid Shi no Gambo loyalty pledge—yes, I had figured out this was her way of trying to show actual human emotions—was beyond me.

Fourteen days, three hours, and twenty-six minutes. The devil on my shoulder whispers.

That's how long it has been since the last time we fucked. 

But who is counting, right?

I'll tell you who. 

Me. I'm the one that's counting. I'm the one that was counting all along.

Which limited my reactions into two options, or, as I liked to call it, Rei's two Achilles heels.

Number one: Completely ignoring her. Not falling for her stunts. Treating her like her digs don't land.

Number two: Slap feelings in her face which will freeze her brain into an overload and system error, incapacitating her.

"If I keep this going," I said, leaning on my elbows, closing the distance, with the desk being the only barrier between us, "you'll get all feisty again. You get a brain freeze every time I force you to face your feelings, and your only response is fight or flight, so I'd advise against provoking me to get a rouse. Don't tempt me. Unless you're ready to give me the three truths I asked for yesterday."

I couldn't help myself but enjoy the satisfaction of watching her throwing me murderous glares to mask the fact she was utterly incapable of responding in any form. Huh. So, after all, Rei can be speechless.

So what's it going to be this time? Fight or flight?

I watched as her features switched to stone, yet her eyes blazed fire like a demon.

Fight.

"Sure." The lilt in her voice confirmed it. "Here's a truth for ya. I once snorted so much cocaine that I had to keep fucking with a guy for five hours to make my heartbeat drop."

So much for warning her to don't tempt me.

She wanted me to kill her.
Because I can't think of any other possible explanation of why she would try to make me jealous. And the worst part? It was true.

Don't flinch, don't flip, don't blow up the earth.

"Your turn." She smiled sadistically. "A truth for a truth, you said."

Because she always had to turn everything into a fucking game.

Her favorite one?

Ripping my fucking heart out.

Can please a sane person explain to me why I was always and still to day, trying to protect her and make her life easier like it's my existence's purpose?

Theoretically, because it is. The angel on my shoulder reminds me.

"My left knee always hurts a little when it rains. I once slipped on the ice of your window's apartment and fell and dislocated it." I grinned. How's that for irrelevant truths that we can infuriate each other with?

She narrows her eyes with fury. She thinks I can't tell, but I know she's fidgeting with the hem of her dress. 

"You think you're so awesome," she smirks with cold entertainment. Yes, I am, I want to add. "You think your fucking rules don't apply to you? You demand from me ... words? I thought that actions are what matters." 

Dragging the hem of her dress up to her thigh, she pulls out a switchblade from a thigh holster and starts fidgeting with it. Have purses wronged her somehow? Who carries their stuff strapped on themselves?

And retracting my previous hard-on statement, this dress won't be the death of zombies. 

It's going to be the death of me. 

I feel the second-hand embarrassment for the poor bastard that has to write my obituary. Died from hornyness.
The cause: a red-dress-wearing, coal-haired storm nymph of death.

"It's your turn now. I did my move, Suga." She goes on, flipping her switchblade.

Oh, yeah, I forgot she was saying something. 

Not just something, she is basically saying that the Shi no Gambo was the action that proves she's interested in me. That she means it. That she's not going anywhere. That she's determined.

Sorry, but I want to hear you say it. I'm not going to risk everything again, including my heart, for a hypothesis. 

"Tell me one truth first." I insist.

"One time, I woke up in a bar across the country. I don't even remember getting there. Must have been the combination of cocaine with absinthe—"

"Rei!"

"Tell me a real secret! One of yours, like, I don't know, why the fuck you are all hot and cold? Why you reject me and push me away?" She looked like she was about to stab me, yet she was the one that was getting hurt.

"Why did you run away, Rei? Why you left when you promised you would stay? That you would listen to what I have to say?

She stilled, like an invisible force slapped her.

"Is that how it's gonna be? Forcing answers out of me?" Her tone had lowered now.

"I'm not forcing you to do anything. You're here because you chose to. You pledged your life. But if you want to stay, you have to follow my orders."

A deja-vu-like feeling crept up to my spine like chills.

My eyebrows furrowed at that moment, and my eyes went wide as I realized what I just said to her.

As I realized, those were the exact words Nanami had said to me.

I had become like her.

And Rei became like me.

Shit.

Trapped. The thing I tried to avoid at all costs eventually happened.

"Do I need to ask for permission to go to the bathroom?" She hissed, looking at me with a sour expression.

I lost my calm.

"Did anyone ever ask for your fucking permission to go to the bathroom?" My voice got higher. It was a stupid question, and she succeeded in the purpose of it.

To make me feel like shit. That's Rei for you.

Making people feel less than shit since 1993.

Could be written on her tombstone. And if I were still in the playful state I used to be, I would make her a fucking mug as she did for us. But even I am not that heartless.

Instead, like the idiot I am, I fixed hers.

Mug, not heart.

There's still a long way for the second. And also the notion that I don't want to fix her heart. I like it the way it is.

Perfectly imperfect.

What I want is to make her see the beauty of it someday. Long-term goals, fucker, no shit.

Inhale. Exhale. You're not Nanami. You don't plot people's lives.

"It's not exactly a big jump, considering I have to ask permission to get a shower!" She bit the words, leaning on the other side of the desk. The chances of it staying intact as the only barrier between us until this meeting is over are 0.001%.

"Oh, but it was perfectly fine when you demanded it from me," I grinned, getting back at her for that. Not exactly the true reason I don't want her in a bathtub alone, but whatever.

She choked on her fury. "I hate you."

"The feeling is mutual, sweetheart."

"I  think  about  you."

The blood in my veins froze, felt like it stopped moving, and my breath caught in my chest as I realized what she just said.

Her four rough words filled the air between us, settling to the floor. My blood cooled as heavy silence followed, touching me with cold fingers.

Did she actually ...said it? Or I hallucinated it?

Breathless, I stared at her with wide eyes.

"There. I said it. Here's your fucking truth." She looked away then. 

I was dying. 

Did it even count? When she spat it out like that, with cold contempt and hate, like it was something that made her weak?

She reluctantly eyed me with the corner of her eyes, crossing her arms like a spoiled brat, waiting for my answer. 

Like I had any. 

I was just waiting for my heartbeat to calm. And restraining myself from jumping over the desk and kissing her. 

Yeap, bastard V was right. The mighty had fallen. 

But that small truth wasn't going to cut it. 

"I happen to find that I think about you slightly differs from the truth." I contemplated, tapping my laced fingers on my lips.

Small tantrum on my side, if you think she just basically robbed me from hearing I can't stop thinking about you out loud. Which is the real fact.

I decided that depending on her following answers, I would judge if it counts as a truth.

"Why didn't you come back that night? What did you run away from?" I demanded again. 

She turned her head away again.

Not even looking me in the eye anymore.

Flight.

And then the flight response had hit Rei. 

The air in here was contaminated with too many feelings, probably.

I could tell she was ready to jump off her chair, run out and drive off to the fucking sunset fast enough to be charged with a speeding ticket or be cast for the Fast and Furious franchise.

But apart from that I didn't want her gone, I was reminded I haven't even yet got to the actual reason I brought her here. 

"Do you know how to use an Ipad?" I asked slowly, changing the subject and putting my calm-and-collected face on.

Of course, she knew. She sketched tattoos for clients on her Ipad daily for years. But if I had to show her why she was wrong, I needed to slap a mirror to her face, treat her the way she treated me, and repeatedly prescribe her doses of her own medicine.

"Do you know how to talk to people without inspiring their gag reflex?" She responded, mimicking my tone and cocking her head.

I pressed my lips, swallowing a laugh.

"I know I can inspire yours without any talking inquired." 

A small smile was starting to form on her lips, but she willed it away. Her turn to feign indifference, I guess.

I slipped the Ipad on the desk toward her. She took it without looking at me.

"Make a detailed schedule for me which includes meetings with both clan members in good time management, separate dinners with both Saiko-kommons to discuss clan matters, and arrange with JB to send me daily reports of the clan funds and accounts. Also, tell him I want analytics of the clan's payroll—not shitty cooked numbers, I want the real deal— and of all the profitable business deals that occurred for the last two months. Also, calculate free time for lunch and dinner in my schedule between those meetings, and make sure I get eight uninterrupted hours of sleep."

"How the fuck that's my responsibility?" She quirked an eyebrow, looking at me incredulously, while still typing my requests on the Ipad without looking at it.

"My preferred hours of sleeping are from 6 am to 2 pm. Arrange my day to start from 3 pm and after."

She didn't lift her head from the Ipad this time.

I knew she was calculating the time difference in her head. She didn't make a snarky "Still jet-lagged?" remark. Just stayed silent.

"I assume you can arrange my lunch and dinner breaks according to that." I continued, not looking at her either. "Make sure to read and memorize everything in this file" I tossed a folder her way, which she caught midair, still typing on her Ipad, still not lifting her head, still feigning not to give a flying fuck.

Her indifference to my power disarmed me.

Instead of putting her in my shoes to show her why I had chosen a different life for her, I had managed to put myself in her position. To feel how she felt when I disobeyed her.

And didn't like it one bit.

"Tonight, you will go with Jin," I finally announced the real reason I had called for the meeting.

I felt a flinch in the air from her surprise, even though she didn't physically show it. "He will tell you what to do," I added.

I scrolled through e-mails on my PC, clicking my mouse aimlessly, knowing she was watching my moves. "Now get your ass out of my office. I have work to do."

"Of course, your cuntness," she mocked in a whispery tone, adjusted purposely so I would hear it.

For the sake of going through this day without killing her and not giving her the satisfaction of reacting, I pretended not to hear it, even though I wanted to rip her head off.

Okay, not her head, her stupid clothes perhaps. That look indecently good on her.

Also, who wears a red dress —that I'm pretty sure it's actual lingerie— with shit-kicking boots to a meeting with her Oyabun in a supposed law/investment company?

I'll tell you who. Only Rei.

"Oh, and Rei." She stopped on her track, her hand on the cold doorknob, yet didn't turn. 

Even though I was facing her back —God, I want to know what kind of kinky inspo you had the day you made her ass— I could tell she was rolling her eyes enough to see her brain.

"You need a Jingi rule." I casually dropped like a bomb.

She turned this time.

"You don't have one." She retorted, crossing her arms, lifting a defying eyebrow, measuring all the ways not being Oyabun anymore sucks.

"I do, actually. Jingi rules are more than the clan's code of honor. There are also mantras to live by." Mindlessly, I lit a cigarette.
"Mine was don't play with matches, you will get burned. Secret rule. Only for me to follow."

Yes, Nanami obviously had some weird Pulp Fiction fixation. And definitely could double for one of Tarantino's crazy characters.

Rei's surprise at the revelation of my little secret was genuine.

She tried —and failed— to hide her inhale was shaky.

A small smile followed, yet she stood there looking back at me.

I knew that look.

"Who cares when you're burned anyway, right?" She tried coming off confident, yet her words were so low, almost as if she was afraid to say them out loud.

In a fair world, she would be giving me a secret back as well.

But this is not a fair world.

This is a bloody world.

And everything you get must be won, fought over with teeth and nails.

So mark my word.

I will fight to death till the day comes for Ray to admit the three truths I asked for.

"So, what's my rule gonna be?" She bit the inside of her cheek, looking outside of the window. Waiting.

For my words, to crush her under their officiality.

For the bloody wave to drown her.

"I just have the perfect one for you. One of my personal favorites. You know Nanami loves sayings, right? Well, weirdly, she never used this one."

I didn't know if I was playing Oyabun, Nanami, or God anymore.

All I know was that I was done joking. I was totally serious.

Oh, how perfect is when everything falls into place.

How sick is that I was getting satisfaction by the way things had turned out—the way Nanami wanted things to be. Something that I fought not to end up this way.

And how fitting Rei's rule was going to be.

"What goes around comes around."

I tried to convince myself that the reason behind the Jingi rule I came up with for her was how she acted toward me when she was Oyabun. 

Messing with the others.

Throwing orders at my face.

Getting dicked then kicking me out.

Excluding me from her life.

Starting a war.

Cutting the water from my shower. 

Breaking my heart.

The real reason was that I saw behind her crap and gave her another chance to rectify herself. 

And the heaviest reason?

I hope that one day when she will find everything out, she will see, recognize all the self-sacrifices I've done for her. 

Maybe she will understand why I hid the truth from her until she gave me hers.

Maybe she will forgive me.

And maybe I will get back what I gave. 

What goes around, comes around was going to be her lifelong rule.

Her binding mantra.

Her heavy chain.

And my retribution.

Never-ending, like my stupid desire.

Life-long, like the bond that life forced upon us.

Till death.

Binding, like a Shi no Gambo.

A death wish.

I got a death wish by pledging my life to Nanami.

And it ironically resulted in falling for a girl that has Death Wish written under her ass.

Timing is everything, 

Nanami used to say.

But in the end, this bloody world is like a karmic sixty-nine.

So I have a belief of my own.

What you give is what you get.

Eventually.

https://youtu.be/jSbVMJMwXpE