Hah.

Yeah, like that could be so easily done. So regaining her confidence, she stands from her bed they were sitting, lighting a cigarette, as she replies with a nasty smirk.

"Not yet."

His smile left to be replaced with an unamused stare. 

Oh, no. A wild sub-plan had just erupted in her devious mind. She pulls out her phone from her pocket to look at the time. In Stockholm, it would almost be sunrise. 

"I have to do something." She announces as she walks towards the bathroom.

"Now?" He looks at her with confusion, assuming she is just finding a way to avoid confrontation.

"Yes, now." She replies with an enigmatic smile.

 "You probably know that I'm still in my creative functioning hours." She says as enters the bathroom, leaving him troubled, as a brainstorm of what she meant with that last sentence hits him. 

He sighed, giving in to his curiosity as he followed her, to figure out her intentions. 

She pulled out a red lipstick from her makeup bag and took the cap off. 

He didn't speak when she approached the mirror. Just leaned towards the door frame, from where he could watch her, frozen with wide eyes, as she raised her hand and drew a horizontal red line on the mirror. 

He thought that maybe it was time to leave now, as a Deja Vu-like feeling was making his heart accelerate.

"I don't mind if you stay." She spoke focused on the line.

 "But maybe you won't enjoy it as much as I will." She smirked at him through the mirror, as he looked back at her expressionless but overwhelmingly terrified as he started understanding what she was doing. 

She put a small vertical line at the right end of the parallel line, then continued with a few more at the length of it, making it look like a ruler but with uneven spaces. Then added some unexplained small letters and numbers above the vertical lines, probably to indicate dates and locations.

 But he knew them without understanding the notes. 

It was a fucking timeline. Of all the times he was in Stockholm. All the times she had probably figured out until now at least. 

The last little red line on the right was a month ago. The night she was kidnapped. 

The previous was three months ago. She had somehow figured out he was there, even though he never mentioned it and he was absolutely sure she never saw him. 

There were other lines as well like that, that she couldn't have known. It was impossible.

She stared at the timeline narrowing her eyes over a certain line. 

Six months ago. 

Suga remembered what happened then, and closed his eyes painfully, praying she will not ask questions. 

The night she tried to kill herself.

"I assume you were there." She smirked ironically, then continued mapping out, until she reached four years ago. She continued staring at it with her fist in front of her mouth, trying to focus on all the unexplainable uneven distances. She looked troubled like something wasn't working out. She elongated the line to the left a little bit, making another starting point. 

"I suppose that wasn't the first time you were there..." She mumbled without disengaging from the timeline, but she was still troubled. 

Something was still missing. She turned and looked at him, who was looking at the floor unamused, pushing his cheek with his tongue, until he felt her stare and raised his eyes to meet with hers. She was looking at him enigmatically, like waiting for a response.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" He rolled his eyes and sighed loudly as he gave into her torture and with fast movements went where she was standing and took the lipstick from her hand to elongate the line to the left until there was no mirror left.

"Here." He said aggressively as the edge of the lipstick sunk from the hard surface of the glass. "I hope this is worth it." He spoke ironically. 

"Not four, not five, seven. Seven years ago, ok?" He continued writing above the timeline, the phrase, he found on the mirror that night.

"I'll be at undervärlden club"

She looked at the sentence with enwidened eyes for a few seconds.

"You were the neighbor stalker?" She raised her eyebrows amused, but not surprised, making him think that she knew all along, but made him admit it anyway. 

Purely for sadistic satisfaction.

"You knew?" He narrowed his eyes.

"I knew that someone was watching me, but never saw him. I thought I was just being paranoid!" She replied laughing. 

Finally, after all this time, she got him to admit it. 

"Wait, you actually went there?" She looked at him with wide eyes and covered her fully open mouth with her hands. 

"You were the creep in the alley? Oh, this is gold." She grinned like it was the revelation of the century.

"See, that's why I don't tell you anything." He widened his eyes unamused, keeping his aggressive stance, but truly felt embarrassed. "I didn't want to be there. I hated doing it."

"Oh, come on. My life must have been exciting to watch." She grinned harder as he continued looking at her unamused.

"Ok. Done. I'm done." 

He said as he left the bathroom, then the room, closing the door behind him.

She sat on the counter next to the bathroom sink, still grinning. 

Why? 

Because her plan wasn't over. Only a few minutes passed until the door opened again, and a confused Suga trying to hide a smirk under his unemotional face appeared.

"What is this?" 

He asked standing directly in front of her, with a big piece of paper that had a drawing of a window on it, and a shadow could be seen behind the blinds. None of the facial features of the form was distinguishable. The building was the one opposite her apartment. 

The window was the one he used to look at her from.

"I don't know. Where did you find that?" She replied with a huge smirk, resting her hands behind her head.

He continued looking at her, still trying to hide the way he felt about it, bitting his inner cheek to force his face to comply.

"On my bed." He decided to play along and raised his eyebrows.

"Someone must have left it for you then." She leaned back and rested her head on the mirror looking him under her lashes, with narrow eyes. 

She clearly was lying and he knew it. 

Why is this stupid game so fun? 

"From the architecture, I can tell that the building is in northern Europe." She continued as he let the suppressed till now smile out, showing his teeth, looking at the floor, like he couldn't believe the drawing was real.

 "Let me see it." She raised her hand awaiting from the paper, as he approached and gave it to her with a raised eyebrow. "The paper is a little old and worn out, and the corners are starting to yellow... I would say it's... about seven years old." She continued looking up and nodding with certainty.

 "But how it got here is the question..." He narrowed his eyes and smirked.

"Maybe the person that left it for you sent someone to find it and bring it."

"Why would they do that?"

"To prove a point?"

"And what would that be?"

"Maybe you should figure that out by yourself."

"I have." He said approaching her, to rest his palms next to her on each side, trapping her between them.  

"Now tell me. I want your point of view."

She looked at him, unable to hide the satisfaction of her working plan. Then licked her lips and leaned closer to him, their noses almost touching, before she whispered with a narrow sadistic glance,

"Too bad. I will never tell you." 

She mouthed every word clearly to spite him more, then jumped from the sink, and went straight to her bed, on which she left her body weight to crush on, before closing her eyes instantly.

"Seriously?" Suga looked at her with anger and frustration, but did not wait for a response, instead, he walked towards the door and opened it to exit the room annoyed.

"I thought you were not going to sleep in your room anyway." Rains low but cut-throat voice made him linger in the door for a moment. She looked so peaceful lying on her bed, with closed eyes.

 He knew why she was doing this.

First of all to give him a taste of his own medicine, to take revenge for all the times he taunted her. 

And secondly, she wanted to know everything. 

It was an unspoken agreement that seemed to apply between them. Tell her what happened, and maybe she will tell you something you want to know too. A sweet emotional blackmail. And she was prepared to make all ends meet in order to obtain what she wanted. 

Yes, she had indeed glued most of the pieces together about the controversial past of hers that envolved Suga without her knowing. Sakai's revelation brought it to her attention, but the way Suga acted all along, fitted the story perfectly, like a puzzle piece. Like he knows her for years. 

And without his knowing, he was confirming everything.

He said that he was done watching and not being a part of her life. But what he didn't expect, is that she knew a lot more than she let him think. 

Just to try his limits and test out how much he is willing to reveal. 

"Who said I'm going to sleep?" He smirked and closed the door behind him apathetically.

Weird.

The thing Rain was feeling was weird indeed. 

Curiosity maybe? No, it's different. Something else. 

Loneliness perhaps. No, that's too general. Lonely for a specific person? Closer.

It was enough to frustrate her again like other times before and make her turn around several times. But now she couldn't afford to feel weak. She hadn't slept for three days. But he didn't know that.

"Sleep deprivation always leads to stupid decisions." She murmurs as she stands and opens the window to go outside, to the balcony once more. Maybe she would feel better sleeping under the stars.

Weirdly, considering how late it was, her spot was taken by Jimin.

"Can't sleep either?" He said as he took a drag from his cigarette, narrowing his eyes to prevent the smoke from going in them from the breeze. He was sitting on the couch, texting someone, then scooched a little bit to make room for her, and left his phone on the glass coffee table.

She didn't respond verbally, just nodded before sitting next to him and taking one cigarette of his packet.

"I don't think that anyone else is sleeping either..." He spoke softly with serious eyes wandering outside of the balcony, to the city lights.

 "It was an... intense day..." He continued then took another drag. He looked tired as well, dark bags were formed under his big eyes, and his face looked thinner like his cheeks were pulled inside. 

He pressed the finished cigarette into the ashtray, then took Rain's left hand and unwrapped the bandage from it. 

He sighed as he stood and left to go inside, then came back two minutes later with a familiar white and red metallic box, that he placed on the crystal coffee table. He cleaned the wound and examined it, noticing it wasn't as bad as he thought. Just a piece of skin between the thumb and index finger was scrapped out. 

"You will have to wait a long time before you tattoo something on this." He smiled sarcastically without looking at her. 

He was a little bit surprised though, with the fact that she didn't resist on him checking the wound or change the bandage as she would normally do. Like she did last time when he offered to cut her stitches.

He took a long sigh, conflicting internally if he should reveal his thoughts.

"I'm glad you ended back here. Even though it was... quite eventful." He smiled sweetly at her.

She smiled back at his statement, then when he finished wrapping the new bandage, she laid with her head on the arm of the couch and rested her legs comfortably on his lap. She was too tired to think of anything, but her mind wouldn't let her rest.

 Then she realized what Suga meant earlier.

 She was done. 

Even though she loved the plotting and scheming, she was also tired and done. She just wanted to put an end to all this. 

But before that, just hearing the whole truth from him. That's all she needed, to put the game at rest. And after that, she could reveal all her plans.

She had to trust him. And even worse, she had to depend on him.

"What he did?" Jimin smiled at her, making her take her wandering eyes from the sparkling dots of the black sky, then narrow them on him confused.

 "Suga." He said and raised his eyebrows, expecting a response from her, but she continued looking at him with a narrow wandering stare.

About three and a half years ago.

Everything is meaningless.
Existential crisis.
No parents.
At least not alive or caring.
Or not accepting of a certain lifestyle.
But who cares?
It's really hard when you don't care about anything. Everything feels the same. Every day feels exactly the same. 

Even though she tried to push every day to its limits. It's like you are living in the present and the future at the same time. No good or bad feelings. 

Just no feelings. 

Maybe fast life suits her better. Maybe someday she will find something to care for. That's how she lived. Depending on a maybe. 

Maybe not sleeping for a week it's a good idea. Maybe not eating as well. Maybe mixing drugs with alcohol will make this evening less boring. Maybe an adrenaline rush caused by bad and dangerous choices will awake her inner consciousness and spark some feelings. Maybe just stop the habit of staring to nowhere wondering what would be different if she didn't exist. If she just suddenly stopped existing. 

Who would care, if she didn't even care for herself?

This was one of the staring-into-nothingness moments of wonder, even though she was with friends. Even though she was out. Even though she was dead ass stoned and drunk, sleep-deprived, and hadn't eaten for god knows how many days, even though she just fucked a random guy in the bathroom, even though loud music was making the metallic stool of the rooftop balcony to tremble according to the base. Well, only the last one was keeping her sane somehow. 

Sometimes the beat spoke to her soul. 

Some other times she couldn't hear a thing.

She leaned against the banister and looked down, calculating the distance from there, to the bottom. 

Is it far enough to kill her? If she wouldn't die it would be too unfortunate. She had to be sure to do it. 

Anyway, it was just a thought. She wouldn't do that, at least not in front of all these people. It didn't look high enough anyway, she thought, as she felt a hand pulling her back to the crowd, as an invitation to dance.

And she went. Like everything was fine. 

Everyone else was thinking that everything is fine, so it is, right? Why not? What was missing? She had everything. Friends, job, home.

So she continued like everything was fine. 

For almost three more years.

A.N. (Yes, in the middle of the chapter XD)

I just found this video and thought it depicts those three years of denial perfectly.

No, the girl doesn't look like Rain at all, her lifestyle though does. So I believe you might like it :)

End of A.N. in the middle of the fucking chapter.

https://youtu.be/SYM-RJwSGQ8

She took her stare from the starlit sky, while a mixture of irony, contempt, and sorrow was settling on her beautiful yet tired face.

She took the longest sigh her lungs could bear, before saying the words she refused to admit the whole time, as Jimin was looking at her without a breath, knowing from her look that she was about to confess something.

"That idiot saved my life"