Why? Why do I feel like this?—The question rang in his head and rocked him like a bird in a hurricane. He pulled his legs up from the lake, and let it rest atop the bed. Then he looked to Len. Asleep. Peaceful. His eyes were calm and closed, and a stream of drool made its way down his cheek. His breaths made him rise and fall, somehow in rhythm with the trickling of water outside.

For the past two weeks they've been training under Moke. And while Len has improved more than any human ever could, Oliver's pace was stagnant—as boring as the surface of the lake under his feet.

He wanted to improve, he wanted to show Len that he could, and maybe, maybe, maybe he wanted to feel again that fluttery sensation when he beats Len in the competition.

Thinking like that, Oliver shook his head, then he bumped it onto his arms. Why is he feeling like this? Shouldn't he be happy that Len is breezing through their training? Shouldn't he be proud of the love of his life?

Love.

Does he even love Len anymore?

"Aaaah," Oliver groaned, banging his forehead on his arms.

What a stupid question! he told himself, Of course I love Len. Of course I love him. I want to see him happy.

Then why do I feel like this?

＊＊＊

Oliver stayed up from when he awoke in the middle of the night. He couldn't sleep when his thoughts were goading him, especially not next to Len—who seemed to trigger them most.

The morning came softly this time. From a faint glow, it grew to a warm stream of gold. But by the time the sun was up, all he wanted to do was lay down and rest. His head still ached and his body still felt like a bunch of sticks from yesterday's water-walking training. ...and sitting up all night really didn't help either.

From behind Len yawned, and as Oliver turned to look at him, he stretched his arm; his watery eyes fluttered and stared into Oliver.

"Okay?"

Oliver wasn't sure if he should tell Len. He could be hurting his feelings—but then again keeping it all from him might come to bite him later.

"Yeah—" Oliver hesitated, "I'm—fine."

Arms wrapped around Oliver, and before he knew it he was in Len's gentle embrace. From his left ear, Len's breathing, and his right arm tingled as Len caressed him.

Oliver hummed a whine.

"Something bothering you?"

Oliver looked down. Afraid to admit, he joined his thumbs to twiddle. "I'm just—"

Len leaned forward, and looked at his dropping eyes. Oliver wanted to face away. But it was too late.

"How long were you awake for?"

Oliver just stayed still. He didn't feel like answering him, but Len's concerned gaze compelled him to, and he wasn't about to turn down his boyfriend. Even if he felt like shit. "I don't know," Oliver said. "A long time... I guess."

"Ollie..." he said, squeezing Oliver's arm. "If something's bothering you, you can tell me. We'll face it together."

Oliver nodded, but his lips didn't budge. Answering felt like work and he just wanted to sleep.

Then a hand brushed Oliver's side hair away, and a soft kiss landed on his cheek. "Ollie. I love you."

I love you too Len.

＊＊＊

Since Len's improved so much, and Oliver was never too shabby himself, Moke decided that they should go on to the next level of training. Just about time, Oliver thought, as since their first day they had been grinding more or less the same routines again and again every single day.

Though it did make Oliver wonder, if he could even pass the next level. Failing would be so embarrassing, and falling behind Len—Oliver's had years more experience—and Vampires are supposed to be better at magic than humans—he'd feel like a total failure.

They reached the spot. Deep in the mountain woods. Water crashed from the waterfall, precipitating a cloud of mist that rumbled like a thundercloud. And the source: up, up, the water stretched infinitely far.

A sudden darkness clouded over them, a large stone, and when Oliver looked to Moke he flung it to the waterfall, piecing through the cloud and landing under the barrage.

Oliver flinched when it crashed, and he looked to Len, and then back to Moke.

"What—" Len said, "What are we doing?"

"You'll be sitting on that rock—"

"What?" Oliver interjected, "No way."

"I'm not finished," Moke said, "You're also going to move these rocks," he pointed to a pile of head-size stones, "through these metal hoops. ...with your eyes closed."

"...and what if—we fail?" Oliver was almost too scared to ask.

"You hope that the waterfall doesn't turn you into juice," he said, "but I think you two should be able to—err—not die."

Very reassuring.

Oliver glanced at Len, who was still just smiling. Doesn't he care about his life? No—no—that can't be it—but then—why doesn't he seem at all scared?

Oliver looked at Len again, and now he walked to the waterfall. Oliver gulped. And when Len reached the submerged boulder, he let his hands close to the gushing water.

Please be safe.

Len turned around, and took a step back. The water slowed around him—softly pouring, and Len shivered but with a deep breath he shut his eyes and sat down.

Moke lifted his hand, and the hoops flew into the mist. Oliver tried to sense them, to practice, but all he got was a bunch of fuzz. But he could tell that some of them were moving.

Then a stone started to float, but the water around Len destabilised. As he moved the rock the ripping current came closer, closing in on him like a curtain, and when it touched him Len jumped and dove into the water.

Oliver tried to leap forward but Moke held him back. And when Len floated back up on his feet, Oliver let out a relieved sigh.

But his arm—the part where the waterfall grazed him—a slit of red, pouring out blood. Len's blood. Then with his hand, as he touched the wound, the bleeding stopped, and he washed the rest with the water from the lake.

Len walked back to land, and as he took his first step on Oliver leapt and hugged him.

"Oli-"

But Oliver didn't say anything. He held Len tight, and let a hand travel to Len's wound. While there wasn't any more blood, his skin was still cut.

"Oli," he said, "I'm okay."

But you're not. You're in pain, Oliver wanted to reply, but he stayed silent and pulled out of the hug, looking down, and nodding. He wasn't sure why he was so protective of Len. He knew Len was okay. He knew it, right? He knew Len could deal with a bit of pain.

Moke said, "Oliver."

And Oliver nodded. He took his coat off, stepped forward, and began walking to the waterfall. With every step the water rippled underneath, and the fishes frenzied away, and as the crash of the waterfall deafened his ears he found himself face to face with the insurmountable.

Oliver took a deep breath but the falling water vacuumed the air away and made it heavy. He gasped, then exhaled. He needed to do this. Len's had a try, and now it's his turn. He couldn't back away now. He had to face it.

Oliver let his hand forward, and feel the rush of the icy water. He closed his eyes, and in a whim of faith, he let his hand in. The water around him slowed, as if time had twisted around it, and surprisingly, maintaining it wasn't as hard as Oliver had imagined. As long as he focused, he shouldn't have any trouble. As long as he focused.

He steadied his breath, and controlled his beating heart. One. Two. Three. Quiet, quiet down. And he turned and took a step back. The water washed around him, like a fountain shower, and as the cold creeped in his fought it, stoking his internal flame, breathing, breathing, and then keeping the heat from going out of his body. Just like the boiling pot.

And then he sat down.

Just like with Len, the hoops flew into the cloud, rocking up and down. And as Oliver searched for the rocks, he found one on a pile, vibrating, resonating to his call. He directed the energy through it and the rock floated, moving towards the hoop—but then rushing water neared and he lost focus—a turbulence nudged the rock down and in the shock of disappointment the water hammered down. It crushed his head. Down. Compressing his spine. Smashing onto the rock. And when it stopped the world slung around and he dropped into the water.

__________________________

※ I just realised how much Oli gets hurt in my fics—

Sorry Ollie >.<