(TW- suggested miscarriage)

Maya

Wanda, Pietro, and Vision left in the early hours of Monday morning.

The kids were still asleep in their beds, their heartbeats steady and quiet. I had to resist the urge to go up and check. Wanda finds it cute how protective I am over them.

Who would've thought? Avenger, Agent, former Bio-Terrorist, and now a big sister to four chaotic yet lovable siblings. Like sure is strange, sometimes you get apples instead of oranges and you just have to roll with it.

The four of us sat in the kitchen, drinking coffee. It was nice to be with some adults for a while.

They left some presents for Christmas. Peitro's idea actually. He had sped into town and picked out a few things.

Wanda was the last to get in the car. She wrapped her arms around me and I hugged her back.

It was nice. I didn't realise just how much I missed my friends until now. The loneliness in my chest was like a wound that was slowly closing.

"Where are you heading after this?" I ask. "Back to New York?"

"No, actually." She glances behind her. Vision is in the driver's seat, adjusting his mirrors. "New Jersey."

They rented out an old red Honda with colourful bumper stickers. Pietro looked like he wanted to jump out and escape into the forest.

I raise an eyebrow. "Want to explain?"

She laughs. "Vision bought a plot of land. The town is called Westview and it's one of the most peaceful places I've ever been. We're thinking of settling there. Pietro wants to stay close to us."

I smile. I might not have been able to find happiness but at least she could. Thank the gods for small miracles.

"I guess you'll be getting that slice of domestic bliss you've always wanted."

"I hope it'll last this time."

I squeeze her arm. "It will."

She smiles a genuine smile that makes her glow. "By the way, I left a few things in your room."

"Wanda, I don't need any gifts."

"Oh, don't worry. It's just a few things you left at the Tower. I thought you might find them useful." She smiled. "It's strange not having you there. It feels like we're all moving on one by one."

I didn't like the thought of my second family falling apart. It was just another bitter reminder that not everything is meant to last. I just hope that one day when I look back on this chapter of my life, I'll remember the good things instead of the bad.

"I'm planning to come back."

She looks at the cabin with its faded roof and old wood facade. "It's beautiful here." She touches the handles on the porch, dusting off the snow that was collected last night. "All our adventures but all people like us want is a slice of the good life. A place that is entirely home, somewhere to put down our roots. What else could be better than being together with the people you love."

I stuff my hands in my pocket. "You sound philosophical."

Wanda pats my shoulder. "You'll understand one day."

"Oh, joy."

—

Safia

Safia watches the red Honda drive away into the morning fog.

Maya stands in front of the house, looking forlorn. Her dark hair and bright red jacket make her stand out like a cardinal bird.

She never really thought about how Maya felt. It never occurred to her that she was equally lonely—stuck in one place while others moved forward.

Yesterday fucking sucked.

She knew she was going to get her ass handed to her but she didn't expect Maya to be so gentle while teaching her. Safia didn't want to be treated with kid gloves. Fragile was the least likely thing to describe her.

It's been three months since she's come here. She never had high expectations, it was easier to be disappointed than to expect anything at all from anyone. Life in the streets had taught her that bitter lesson.

No matter how much Safia wanted to deny it, she knew deep down that she and Maya were similar. Carlos happily pointed out when he wanted to annoy her.

Maya was kind but she was tough. She had to fight and plead and beg through life. She had seen the small, shiny scars on her hands.

Safia never once considered herself to be kind. Or compassion or caring or...well, nice.

Her mother used to call her selfish when the men she dated left her. It was always after she had gone through a bottle or two. As if it was her fault that her mother drove away anyone who tried to care for her.

Safia is stubborn. It's the one trait she has that saved her.

Maya is a better fighter than her. She has absolute control over herself.

Safia wished she could be like her. Even in the smallest of capacities.

She stepped away from the window and laid back into her bed. The winter was getting colder.

Maya cares for her but is that what she needs? Wouldn't it be easier if she just left—hopped on a train in the next town over and left?

It's a tempting idea.

Safia knows she needs to get stronger.

The longer she stays here, the more attached she'll become.

—

Maya

I can hear the rain as it pelts against the window. The humidity of the day gave way to a heavy downpour which makes the spring chill cold as winter.

Lips brush over my bare shoulder, coaxing me out of my sleep.

"All this time apart and you prefer to sleep, Darling?"

A lazy smile curls onto my face. My arm is wrapped around a sturdy torso, my fingers dipping into the crevices of muscle and bone that I could map with my eyes closed.

"Well, if you hadn't kept me up so much last night...."

Loki's laugh makes his chest rumble. It's such a lovely sound. "You weren't complaining. You were quite compliant if I remember."

My head rests on his shoulder, my hand resting over his heart.

I can feel his heart beat for me and nothing comes close to that feeling. He smells like ash and musk. It's the most content I have ever felt.

Lovemaking after a long absence felt sweeter. Even now...after all these months apart, I crave him more.

I open my eyes to meet his. His fingers trace the bruises on my neck, eyes darkening.

The thought of him leaving for Asgard sends a shiver of cold through me.

Odin has fallen into his 'Odin Sleep.' Nobody knows the reason why—it came suddenly and quickly. Frigga has done her best to hold the throne but without Odin, the realms are slowly going to shit.

Thor is on Asgard, sitting on the throne. Loki is his most faithful advisor, overseeing the things that Thor cannot. Frigga safeguards her husband and ensures her sons keep the peace between the Nine Realms.

It breaks my heart each time he leaves Earth. It hurts worse because I was the one to insist that he help Thor.

(I know. I'm an idiot.)

It was only supposed to be for a few months till Thor stabilized his rule. Now's it been a whole year.

"Silvertongue," I tease gently, tracing the line of his jaw.

He snorts. "Such a crude name."

"I'm not going to flatter your ego."

"Why do you always sleep like this?" Loki takes my hand that rests over his heart and kisses my fingertips, one by one. "I swear, you get so clingy."

Loki is as handsome as the day he left. His hair is longer, cropped just above the nape of his neck. A few stray hands fall onto his forehead. His dark green eyes dance with mirth and adoration. His thin lips are stained red with my lipstick as he smirks at me.

Immortal vs Mortal. I feel the weight of it now.

I fear I may be a momentary footnote in his life. He will live far longer than I will. Would he remember me when I am long gone?

I hold his cheek, my thumb brushing over his lower lip.

How many times have dreamed of kissing these very same lips when he was away? I've lost count.

My mother said that being in love is to be a fool. I'm the biggest fool of all.

"Because I can feel your heart beating," I say, kissing his shoulder. "It's strange not feeling you near me. Every time I search for your heartbeat, I hear nothing. It lets me know that you're alive."

I choke on the last word.

"Maya," he says softly.

I shake my head. "Look at me. Sentimental."

"What is it, Darling?" He asks me.

"It's nothing," I say but my face betrays me before I can hide my emotions. He notices my distress.

"Maya?"

Great. I'm crying now. Gods, I hate crying. How embarrassing.

I turned my face away as the first tears fell from my eyes. "Loki, please. It's nothing at all, I'm just being stupidly emotional—"

"You cannot tell me that it is nothing when you're crying like this." He gently holds my chin and turns my face towards him. "Now, talk to me."

"It's so stupid," I mumble, scrubbing the tears away with the back of my hand.

"Maya," he warns.

"Fine. I just...well...I've missed you." I feel my face warm up. "A lot actually. I told you, it's stupid."

"Darling, no." He smiled and kissed my forehead. "That's all?"

"Don't laugh."

"I'm not." He says, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer to his chest. I can feel his shoulders shake.

"You're laughing." I accuse but there's no real bite to it.

"It's just so strange, that's all."

I squeezed my eyes shut. "What is?"

"Nobody has ever missed me." He runs his hand through my hair, twisting the ends around his long fingers. "I've become accustomed to my loneliness. I thought I would embrace it and make my peace with it. Until you, that is. Strange isn't it? To have someone be the centre of your focus. Every day I have spent apart from you has been nothing short of torture."

I turn my face towards his neck, my lips pressed against his pulse. It dances in rhythm with my heart.

Loki trails his fingers down my spine, tracing the outlines of my scars. His hands are as cold as ice but his actions are as warm as summer rain.

"I don't know what I can say to compare to that."

"There's nothing else you have to say." Loki tilts my chin up.

"I missed you," I said, feeling something tight in my chest uncoil. Warmth flooded my face as he kissed my forehead. "So much."

I mean to say something entirely but Loki already understands.

He cradles my face in his hands, his thumb brushing over my brushed lips. I tilt my face up and kiss him, pulling him back into my orbit.

His lips would perfectly against mine. I make a needy sound in the back of his throat as he slips his tongue past my lips.

Loki's hand slides down to my neck, holding me possessively as he lowers me down into the bed.

"Let me take the lead, Darling." he pleads with me, his voice rough with need. "I'll be so good for you. Only you."

I nod my head and pull him down for another mind-blowing kiss.

I didn't know you could love someone like this—so passionately and all-consuming. Loki has always been a generous lover, he wrings pleasure out of me—every drop of it until I'm spent.

We trade bruises in the shape of our mouths. His scent is all over me, filling my senses and making me needy for him.

The storm outside passes when we're done.

We make our lazily, taking our time with each other, settling in the afterglow of what can only be described as mind-blowing sex.

"I brought you something." He says against my lips.

I wrapped my arms around him tighter, our chests pressed together. "You didn't have to you know." I kiss his cheek and then the corner of his lips. "This is enough."

"I know, however far apart we may be, I adore you, darling." He says, his eyes alight. "I'm vain and materialistic and selfish. Let me spoil you."

He lays his head down on my lap, staring up at me. I run my fingers through his hair.

"You never let me spoil you."

"That's because I want to be the one to take care of you. I know how strong you are and I don't like seeing you struggle. Besides, you spoil me in other ways." He grabs my hands and kisses my palm, looking at me through his lashes. "You give me your attention, your love, and most importantly—your time."

I smile. "I'd give you my whole life if I could."

His eyes widen a fraction of a bit. "Careful. Maya. That almost sounds like a proposal."

I lean forward, my lashes fluttering against his cheek as I place my lips against his.

"Promises, promises," I mutter.

—

I wake up later than usual. The sun is gone, replaced by a bright full moon. Moonlight spills through the blinds and over my sheets, illuminating me in an eerie bluish glow.

My face is wet and my throat feels tight. For someone who hates crying, I do it an awful lot.

There's no point trying to sleep. I wipe my tears.

I hop out of bed and make my way to the kitchen. The lights are all off and I feel the chill sink into my thin robe.

I pour myself a cup of tea, black with no sugar. Then I go back to my room, a book tucked under my arm. It's a long shot but I'm hoping that I might be able to fall asleep while reading. I open the door, wincing as it creaks open.

My thoughts of enjoying a book are out the door as soon as I see the bright red box on my dresser.

Wanda did say she left me something. I just didn't expect it to be this.

I toss my book onto the bed and gently place the tea cup down on my nightstand. I'm eager to get this over with.

Inside it are the usual things. A few books, some jewellery that I was gifted, my favourite Kashmir sweater, and a wooden box.

Oh, shit. I had forgotten I even had that.

I pick the box up, running my fingers over the grooved surface. The silver runes etched onto its surface are faded but I can still make it out.

ᛗᛁ ᛞᚨᚱᛚᛁᛜ

This weighs more than my soul.

I open it.

Inside, nestled against the dark velvet, is the dagger that Loki had made for me. He gave it to me as a present months before we had broken up. (Frigga joked that he might as well have proposed to me. Gods, forbid.)

The blade is at least the length of my forearm, small and thin but sharp. Easy to slide between the ribs and into the heart. The handle and hilt are decorated with gold and silver, an emerald is embedded in the pommel.

His name is etched on the steel. ᛚᛟᚴᛁ. He has—had—a dagger with my name on it.

I don't know if he kept it after we ended our relationship. A small, vindictive part of me hopes he did. Does he ever look at it? Or did he hide it away like I did? 

Love is like a dagger. Loki once told me that.

I didn't understand what it meant then. I think I do now.

I groan, mentally hitting myself for going down this road. It's a wound that refuses to heal no matter how much I try to stem the bleeding.

I couldn't blame him if he hated me for what I did. I probably deserved it.

Many factors lead to our separation. Distance, time, mortality but the greatest one of all was the thing that I lost.

It was my fault.

Nat had consoled me when it happened but no matter what, all I could do was blame myself. One moment I was fine and the next it was all over.

The hole in my chest became a gaping wound when I lost our child.

I never told him this. There was always a fear that he would resent me. Maybe I should've and things would be different.

Now I'll never know.

There's nothing left but the consequences of our actions.

A soft thump snaps me out of my thoughts.

It came from above me. From Safia's room.

The kids are sleeping. All except one. Safia is awake and she's trying to be as quiet as possible. I hold my breath as I listen to her creep down the stairs and out the back door.

Fuck!

She's heading into the woods.

Double freaking fuck!

I wait five more seconds and then shrug off my robe. I shove on my boots harshly, stumbling for my winter jacket and gun as I make my way out the door.

The winter hits my face harder than a bullet. My breath comes out in puffs as I follow her footsteps, my feet sinking into the snow.

The moon rises in the distance.

And the wolves start to howl!

—

A/N: Oh, look at that—angst. Writing Loki and Maya apart was difficult but it made sense narratively. I put up a trigger warning even though its a spoiler. Tell me what your thoughts are about this chapter. I'm curious to know.

Also, thank you inkandartistry on Tumblr for the wonderful piece of artwork. It looks stunning.

Translation:
ᛗᛁ ᛞᚨᚱᛚᛁᛜ - My Darling.