Maya

It's warm. Like the cosy type of warmth you feel when you fall asleep in front of the fireplace with your favourite blanket wrapped around you.

I never wanted to wake up.

I could stay here for eternity, safe and warm, away from the world and all my worries.

Someone was running their fingers through my hair, humming a foreign tune. The more I tried to focus on it, the more it slipped through my grasp. I'm certain I've heard this before but I just can't remember when.

Strange.

When was the last time I felt so weightless and comfortable? Definitely not in the past three years.

I remember...someone used to run their fingers through my hair. His voice was baritone, soft like a winter breeze but his hands were like ice. I used to curl up in his lap as he read from the many books in my library. His voice alone could lull me to sleep especially on days when my brain refused to cooperate with me.

Loki?

That's right...it was Loki.

I miss him. I miss Loki.

I hate that I miss him.

I made him leave but his absence is like a wound that never stopped bleeding. My heart has always been a wounded and blackened thing that continued to beat despite my protests.

But even now...I wish I was in his arms.

"Shh. Sleep now, my child." Someone says, their voice slithering into my brain. I don't want to resist it even though I should. "All will be revealed in due time. Rest for now."

I listen to the voice obediently and drift off again.

—

I wake up in an unfamiliar place.

You'd be surprised by how used to that I am.

I don't open my eyes or move. I focus on my breathing as I listen. It's so silent here except for the wind howling against the house.

My head hurts, a lovely gift from Nat. When I find her I'm going to kick her ass and then hunt Bucky down. I would have to go through Sam and Steve but I didn't mind, I needed to break a few heads anyway.

I don't sense anyone in the room.

I get up, feeling my muscles stretch uncomfortably. The room is small. The walls are covered in old wallpaper that belonged in the 70's and the wooden floor is cold as I swing my feet over the bed. I'm still dressed in the same clothes and I need a shower.

Someone left out some clothes that hang over a chair.

I take a quick shower, making sure to scrub the grease out of my scalp. I don't come out until the water starts running cold and my skin starts to turn pink. Nothing relaxes my muscles like a long, hot, steamy shower.

My hair is dripping as I walk out into the hallway. I follow the sound of voice until I brush past a door that opens towards the living room.

Clint kneels in front of the fireplace, stoking the fire. He mutters to himself as he adds another login.

"Clint?" I call out, hating how small I sound. 

He sighs and puts down the stoker. Clint turns around to regard me with weary eyes but there's a hit of a smile on his lips. "Do you know any other archer with—"

I rush over and wrap my arms around his shoulder in a hug. He lets out an 'oomph' but places his good arm around me. He smells like smoke and melted snow.

Clint 'retired' two years ago, deciding he had enough of being an Avenger. Of course, ideal farm life could only keep him occupied for so long. Sometimes he would pick an odd job here and there before slipping away for months at a time. I used to attend Christmas at his house when Loki followed Thor back to Asgard. I didn't want to be in Stark Tower after that, it just didn't feel right.

"I'm glad someone missed me."

"Of course, I missed you," I sniffled. "Who else is going to watch 80's horror movies with me? Tony definitely can't."

"Is that all I'm good for?" He asks, pulling away.

"Of course not." I glance down at his hand. His fingers are wrapped in bandages. "Still keeping up your aim?"

He holds up his hand. "Uh, does the sun rise in the east and set in the west?" 

"At least your impeccable wit is still intact."

He grins. "My kids got it from somewhere."

"Oh, your poor wife."

Clint shrugs. He picks up a cup of hot chocolate and passes it to me. "I put in something a little extra. I thought you might need it."

I take a sip of hot chocolate, warmth instantly settles into my chest. "Listen, don't take this the wrong way—"

"I'll try my best."

I narrow my eyes. "—but why are you here? And why did Nat stick a couple of needles into my neck? And where are the kids."

Clint places a hand on my shoulder. He uses his other hand to count with his fingers. "Well, for one, you can say thank you because I'm a wonderful human being who likes helping my friends. Two, Nat was following Fury's orders. This whole setup is his idea. And three...well, they're outside playing in the snow under supervision."

I glanced around the room. "Fury arranged this. But why?"

He took a sip from his mug. "Nat told me the details. You...for the meanwhile need to lay low for a bit until Fury takes care of the situation at S.H.I.E.L.D. This is one of my safe houses, it's completely off the radar. Nobody will bother you here."

"I don't understand. Why do we have to go into hiding?"

"Maya, the kids aren't exactly normal. They're like you."

I feel something ugly rise inside of me. Dark and dangerous, almost all-consuming.  "Who?"

He looks down at the fire, watching the flames turn the log into ash. "We're not really sure. One of the teams was ambushed by AIM, and Nat's team ran into a few...mutants." Clint lowered his voice. "S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't like to get involved in their affairs but well, this whole incident has the security council on edge."

"Well," I scoff, take another gulp of my modified hot chocolate. I'm going to need more of whatever Clint put in here. "Ain't that just a fucking peach."

"That's one way to put it."

I glance out the window. I see the snow blanketing everything for miles. The sky is a beautiful blue without a single cloud in sight and the mountains rise in the distance. We're probably the only living beings for miles.

Wonderful. I'm in hiding in a place where it snows. I hate snow.

(You know what? Fuck snow.

And fuck this too!)

"I don't know how to raise kids, Clint."

He chuckled, patting me on the back. "Nobody said you had to raise them. You just got to make sure they stay alive."

"That is the shittiest way to describe parenthood. How is that any different from raising kids?!"

"Hey, on the bright side, you're not their parent. As of now, you're just their legal guardian."

"Even worse. I couldn't even keep a pet rock alive."

"Stubby forgives you for chucking him out the window. In your defence, you were aiming for Tony's head." He takes the mug out of my hands and sets it on the coffee table. "Look, I know this is going to be hard. When Laura had our first kid, I was terrified. I was ready to quit S.H.I.E.L.D. and run off to somewhere far away. I lived my whole life unloved and unwanted, I didn't want my own kids to feel that way. That's why I made a deal with Fury. It's not going to be easy, it's going to suck."

"Gee. Thanks."

"You're welcome. Anyway, the whole point is that these kids depend on you. We wouldn't have made this whole crazy plan unless we knew you could handle it."

"I don't want to fail them."

"You won't."

I roll my eyes. "How do you know that?"

"Maya, I know you. Sure, you might be a little fucked in the head but your heart is in the right place."

"Is this supposed to be a pep talk? Because I don't feel very motivated right now."

Clint pats my shoulder. "Listen here, my blood-wielding friend. This situation is temporary. Once we clear the situation with S.H.I.E.L.D. We'll find these kids a home. All you have to do is keep them safe until then. Can you do that?"

Good question.

I don't have the answer.

I can hear them playing outside. They must like the snow. It must be their first time seeing it. I remember all my memories of snow, everyone single one was negative. Except for one.

The scent of winter, the cold feeling of lips against mine, and the light from my mother's Christmas lights shining on us.

That was a lifetime ago.

"Alright," I say. I didn't really get a choice but it's for my satisfaction that I can take up to momentous task. "I'll do this."

Gods, help me!