Opening presents in front of people was always a little awkward. For someone who didn’t enjoy having all eyes on me, it could be intimidating. Add that to the pressure of having the reaction that the gift giver intended you to have and you have yourself a nightmare. Through the whole activity, my cheeks remained tinted red and an uncomfortable smile latched onto my face until it hurt. 

Everyone was gathered in the living room to watch me open my gifts. They sat on the couch and the surrounding seats while I sat opposite them on a chair dragged from the dinner table. It made me feel as though I was on a stage. 

“Open ours first!” Julio exclaimed, pointing to a gift wrapped box. Written on the wrapping paper was his name along with his parents. He watched with anticipation as I grabbed a hold of it, a proud smile already on his face. It made me think that he had more to do with the selection of my present than he had in previous years. 

I peeled back the green wrapping paper to find a cardboard box. I unfolded the flaps to find a dark red sweatshirt and a matching pair of socks. I was grateful but didn't think much of it until I saw the words written across the sweatshirt’s front and the symbol on the socks. 

Centerview University with a crescent moon symbol. 

I sucked in a breath. My online university was not like a traditional college in many ways. Aside from the obvious differences, it didn’t sell merchandise. 

“We know you felt kind of left out because you never went away for college and didn’t get to have certain experiences,” Tìo explained. “We hoped this would make it a little better.” 

It did. I did often wonder what it would have been like to complete my degree in a dorm surrounded by my roommates instead of in my bedroom on a random Wednesday night. 

This merchandise was like having a piece of that missed experience back. Years from now I could casually throw on my hoodie from college like everyone else did. 

Whatever resentment I had brewing in me because of the secrets my family was keeping simmered down. The gift had demonstrated there was a glimmer of understanding somewhere in them. To some capacity, they knew that I often felt caged or like I was missing out. Maybe a part of them felt bad for the part they had to play in that. Perhaps they were trying to make up for it. 

Julio was practically bouncing in his seat. It was the most excited I’d seen him since before the wedding.

“I had to go on a site and design them both myself,” he said.  

“It’s awesome. Thank you,” I said, not having to exaggerate a reaction for his happiness. He really had blown me away with the gift. 

My sister gave me a gift card to my favorite restaurant and Kimberly gave me a cute set of earrings saying she had grown tired of my simple gold hoops. 

In the box Vincent brought me was a wireless mouse. He explained that he saw me struggling with the mousepad on my laptop while I work. It made me laugh because I had been struggling with my mousepad but it had only been one time when we sat at the cafe together with our laptops out. I supposed it was in his nature and part of his job, to notice the little things. It equated to him being a good gift giver. The gift was also practical, just like him. 

Darren gave me a weighted blanket. He explained his process in deciding what to get me in great detail, enrapturing the room in his tale. Enrapturing all except for Vincent and Kimberly. Kimberly was biting her nails. She never bit her nails unless she was so deep in thought she didn't realize what she was doing. She hated how bitten nails looked and often got hers done. Right then, she was biting on her acrylics. Vincent, who was also seated to the side of everyone, had his gaze searching the house, scanning every decoration like it was important. 

Soon, I found myself tuning out Darren’s story too. It was just a weighted blanket. It didn’t warrant an epic story but it was just like him to take every opportunity to be the center of attention.

The gift giving was over so I stood to clean up the wrapping paper at my feet. Nancy put out a hand to stop me. She leaned back in her seat on the arm rest of the couch and reached behind her. 

“There’s one more.” She pulled out one of those boxes that you only got from the jeweler when you made an expensive purchase. It was black and soft, wide like a watch case. 

“You got me something else?” I asked, confused as she had already gotten me the gift card. She shook her head, her soft pink lips pale as she pressed them tightly together. Something in her expression made me nauseous. 

With the box, she pulled out an envelope. I crossed the room to receive it as everyone watched me in suspense. My aunt and uncle leaned in curiosity, letting me know this was something they weren’t in on.  

There was writing on the back of the envelope. 

From: Adonis 

To: Mickey 

My throat went dry. No, it was closing. It was closing and I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to ask a question but couldn't find the words. I simply stood there, my fingers tingling and heart hammering. It felt like I was going to die. I wanted nothing more but to be left alone for a few minutes. 

 Julio leaned over my shoulder. His face was wonder-stricken. Since I wasn't saying anything, he announced that it was from Adonis. 

I took a few steadying breaths. 

I was fine. I was okay. 

I was not going to have a meltdown in front of everyone on my birthday. 

“I found it when I was going through his stuff. It seems he had gotten you a really early birthday present,” Nancy said, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Darren cleared his throat. “Don’t leave us in anticipation. Open it.” 

Inside the box was a necklace. It was silver with a pendant that made me freeze. It was a ladybug. A ladybug charm the size of a quarter was attached to the chain. When I touched the wings, they came apart to reveal a picture underneath. It was a picture of my mother. 

She had her hair short like she had the last time I had seen her. Her smile was bright and so natural it had to have been candid. 

It was one thing to know my love of ladybugs, that much I made quite obvious, but to attach it to my mother? I must have told him about my fourth birthday party and he remembered it. He remembered something so insignificant yet so significant about me. I had probably told him about it the day of Nancy’s graduation party while we ate pizza bagels on the roof. Even after years passed by and even after he started dating my sister, he was still my friend. He was my friend before he was my brother-in-law. 

The tear streaming down my cheek startled me. I wiped it away, hoping no one spotted it. 

“Why a ladybug?” my aunt asked, putting on her reading glasses to inspect the necklace further. 

“I told him about how I liked ladybugs because they reminded me of mom. Remember my fourth birthday party?” 

She sighed. “That is so thoughtful of him! I think he stole the show tonight.” 

“Venditto.” My uncle placed his fingers over his mouth, leaning his elbow on his knee. I could see from my spot standing over him that he was holding in tears. “God rest his soul.” 

Again, the resentment that had been building up inside me was fading away. They were grieving Adonis because the necklace reminded them of his character. He was sweet. He would never do what he was accused of. 

I pulled my sister into a tight side hug. “Thank you for giving this to me.” 

Her voice was strained when she replied. “Of course.” 

The envelope that came with the gift was tucked carefully in my pocket. In the shock of there being a gift from Adonis, no one remembered the card or asked me to read it aloud. I knew Vincent noticed because when I released Nancy, he was staring at my pocket. He'd want to see it. 

As the night winded down, I ended up in the kitchen with Kimberly. I was proved that I was wrong about no one except Vincent noticing I didn't read the note because it was the first thing Kimberly asked about when it was certain we were alone. 

"Read it," she said, tugging on my pocket. "Then we'll know if it was meant for your birthday or something else. Oh my goodness, do you think Nancy has read it? She probably read it." 

I checked the envelope. It wasn't sealed shut. It never was. Meaning, Nancy very well could have read it and there was no way for me to know. I wouldn't blame her. Her husband was dead. I was holding a piece of him she may have wanted for herself. 

Inside the envelope wasn't a card but a folded piece of paper. Curiously, I opened it up and let Kimberly read it with me over my shoulder. 

Dear Mickey, 

For the record, I would like to state that I have not forgotten about the night we met. I know we pretend it never happened but maybe we are wrong too. We hit it off right off the bat and I think it’s kind of funny we talked trash about your sister together, only for me to end up engaged to her. 

That is just one of the things that constantly hangs in the air between us. Something else that I have always wanted to say to you is to stop listening to what people say you can’t do. I know some of them mean well but somewhere in the mush of loving words is a bunch of shackles chaining you to them. Go off to get your master’s degree at a REAL college. Go take a solo vacation. Go write and publish your own book. You’re an adult now, Mickey. You’re not a scared little kid anymore. 

You can be brave. 

Signed, your number one fan. 

The last sentence rings in my mind.

 You can be brave. 

It hit like a double edged sword. It stung like salt in the eyes but at the same time was as sweet as honey. Those words could have been the keys to my jail cell if I let them. 

It had only confirmed what I suspected to be true all along. Adonis knew me better than anyone ever had. He saw me for who I was and still cared for me. 

Raw grief claws up my throat but I swallow it back down. Not now. 

“That is not what I was expecting considering the context of the gift,” I said as Kimberly removed her chin from my shoulder and stepped back. She nodded and her curled hair bounced with the motion. 

“The gift was all about giving you a way to honor your mother but this . . .” She scrunched her mouth to the corner of her face. “This is more of a pep talk. Combine the two and your ragingly jealous sister would lose her head. There’s no way she read this and kept calm.”  

I glanced back at the letter and then at Kimberly. “What do you mean?” 

She leaned in and we both huddled together in front of the kitchen counter. “Nancy has given me a hard time for simply being friends with you - like I’m trying to steal you and make you my sister.” 

Kimberly stated this matter of factly, glossing over it as if I should have already known. Did I know? My family had always been protective over me but I never blamed it on jealousy. I blamed it on them trying to protect me, especially because of everything I had already been through. 

“If she gets jealous of me, imagine how she would react if she read something like this. She would be jealous that you and Adonis had a special friendship,” Kimberly continued. “You have to make sure she never sees this.” 

A loud burst of laughter erupted from the living room. I recognized the loudest laugh as Darren’s. Craning my neck, I could see him clap Vincent on the back roughly. Vincent tensed under his touch. 

“You know, Darren seemed a bit upset too. I don’t think he liked his gift being upstaged,” I said, recalling how he desperately tried to turn my attention back to the weighted blanket after the talk of Adonis died down. He took it out of the box to try and get me to try it.

Kimberly snorted. “Every other gift you were given upstaged that one.” 

I shot her a look but couldn’t keep a straight face for more than a second. “It is kind of a goofy present. I barely even use a blanket when I sleep. I get too warm.” 

She laughed alongside me. “And what? He’s only been dating you for two years now?” 

“On a more serious note,” I placed the letter back into the envelope and handed it to Kimberly, “Can you get rid of this for me? Maybe throw it out at your house so no one will find it?” 

It hurt to get rid of something that had been so heartfelt. However, Kimberly was exactly right. If Nancy or Darren ever saw the note, they would stop just short of losing their minds. Besides, Vincent didn’t need to see it either considering it hadn’t contained anything relevant to the case. I would simply have to try and commit the sentiment of the letter to my memory. 

She took hold of the envelope but didn't pull it from me. Looking down at it, she said, “It’s sad that you have to do this. Doesn’t it seem wrong that you have to hide things from the people that love you in fear of their reaction? And those things Adonis wrote . . . I try not to push you but he has a point.” 

A defensive relex awakened in me and I answered before I could decide if it really reflected what I believed. “They’re family. Family is complicated.” 

Kimberly met my gaze and stared at me for a long moment. Then she bowed her head and took the envelope from me. “Okay.” 

I thought it was finally time to shake the heaviness off our shoulders when I saw Kimberly’s expression sour further. She ran a finger through her mascara filled lashes, to get a clump out. 

“There’s something I have to tell you.” She gestured to her outfit that was much simpler than what she had on at the beginning of the night: a pair of jeans and a frilly top. “When I was changing in your bathroom earlier, my stupid, big hips bumped the lid of the toliet and it broke.”  

“It’s fine.” Relief coursed through me as this wasn’t as bad news as I expected. Compared to everything going on, this seemed like nothing. “My uncle secretly loves repairing things around the house. It makes him feel like a man or something.”

She played with her fingers. “Here’s the thing, it didn’t exactly break as much as it did come off. I went to put it back on and it’s back on now like nothing happened, it's just . . .” 

“It’s just?” 

I saw real fear flash in her eyes as she scanned the living room for a sign anyone might be heading in our direction. When she deemed the coast clear, she finished, “There were a few pill bottles hidden inside and a plastic bag filled with money.”

I blinked at her. I ran through what she said a million times in my head, trying to make sense of it. 

“It might be nothing but I just thought I would tell you since what happened with Adonis.” 

“How could it not be anything? That’s super suspicious.” 

And there was a detective in our house. 

I glanced back in the living room. Vincent caught my eye. I turned away quickly. 

“Thanks for telling me. I’ll have to figure out whose it is.” 

Julio was the first person who came to mind but I had no idea how he could get his hands on prescribed medications or why he would consider doing something like that. Weed was one thing but this sounded like a whole other extreme. 

“I’m sorry that wasn’t really birthday dinner type news,” she said with a grimace. “I’m here for you if you need anything.” 

“Thanks.” 

I wasn’t as disappointed as Kimberly feared I was. I knew very well this wasn’t going to be a very enjoyable birthday. It’s just, the ongoing investigation was bad enough. I didn’t need it all to be worsened by Julio digging the hole of addiction deeper for himself. 

Julio shouted to us from the living room and I nearly jumped high enough to hit the ceiling. 

He seemed completely unbothered as he spoke. There was nothing in his posture or expression that hinted that his recreational habits had escalated into something dire. He seemed normal. 

“Can you get out of the kitchen so we can discreetly get the cake and sing you happy birthday?”