"Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? Were you writing a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy? In fifty years, will all this be declassified? And you'll confess why you did it And I'll say, 'Good riddance'. Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden. I would've died for your sins. Instead, I just died inside. And you deserve prison, but you won't get time. You'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars. You crashed my party and your rental car. You said normal girls were boring. But you were gone by the morning. You kicked out the stage lights. But you're still performing. And in plain sight you hid. But you are what you did. And I'll forget you, but I'll never forgive. The smallest man who ever lived."

Trigger Warning: Depictions of Rape.

Hey guys, so it's pretty clear to anyone who reads the trigger warning what's going to happen in this chapter. It's not something I'd typically write about or even come close to because of how truly sensitive and triggering a topic it really is. I don't always agree with depictions of rape in books unless it's important to the plot. In this case, it's something that's been planned since the very early stages of this book as it does serve a really crucial turning point. I'm very aware this topic is extremely triggering to a wide margin of people with how much of a prevailing issue it is at the moment. Rape culture is a serious issue in today's society. It's important to know that if you have experienced an incidence of rape that you are not alone and that there are always people you can talk to, including friends, family, helplines, or even me, I understand it's scary to talk to people you know, so seeking online advice from a stranger can sometimes be helpful. As a huge activist, it would bother me to write this chapter and not bring awareness to this serious pressing issue. Horrific incidents like those depicted in the following chapter happen every day. I am grateful to say I've never experienced rape, but it makes me disgusted to say I'm a part of a minority in that statement. The most recent statistic found that 67,928 rapes were reported between just April 2023 and March 2024. And that's reported, not even including those that weren't. It repulses me that people out there are vulgar enough to do such things to another human being. By writing this chapter, I wanted to create a character who navigates this to show any reader that they aren't alone if they have experienced something of the sort. But doing so, I needed to ensure I did so with as much discretion and compassion as possible. I didn't want to trivialise or romanticise the matter, I wanted to make sure it displayed clearly how iniquitous it is whilst also ensuring I did so with sensitivity. I recently took a school course on sexual abuse and the various impacts, which encouraged me to further my research to insure everything I wrote was accurate. This chapter has been written, rewritten, edited and proof checked at least a million times. I tried my very best to limit the actual occurrence of the assault, so the chapter may seem sparse. It's probably one of my most poorly written chapters structurally, but I wanted to focus more on the emotions rather than the actions. However as always, if you read something you don't think is particularly tasteful or something you think is untrue in any way, please do let me know so I can quickly rectify it. Before this chapter begins, I just want to clarify for those of you who chose not to read this one, there will be a summary in the comments of the final paragraph. But it's important to remember this book is 18+ and does contain some extremely triggering topics such as this one. Just to reiterate, to those of you who need to hear it, there is always support for you if you need it.

Spencer.

Following Ant Jenkins through the woods to his cabin was mistake number one. But not doing anything when he locked the doors was mistake number two. 

I got weird vibes the second I met his eyes long enough to see the evil lurking behind them. Not the usual weird vibes he gives me, stronger this time. Eyes that crave hurt. 

"Sit down." He orders, gesturing to the end of hid bed. I don't move. "Sit the fuck down!" Ant shouts, agitated by me as he grunts and paces.

I oblige, but not comfortably, just perching on the end of the bed impatiently as he paces.

"You know I was gonna yell at you.." He tells me. "You literally just did." I point out mockingly. "But I just couldn't find it in myself to raise my voice at you." He finishes calmly. "Ironic." I snort.

He kneels in front of me in a way that makes every hair on my body stand on end. His hand meets my bare knee. Goosebumps rippling from that one touch all over my body.

"Baby, I want you back." He whispers delicately. I tense up, swatting his hand away and recomposing myself. "I want my boyfriend." I retort uncomfortably.

"See? We both want the same thing, kid. I want to feel you the way I used to. You want the status I never gave you. But I promise we'll make it work this time. I'll tell the school board our situation and we'll make it work." He begs, placing both his hands on wither of my knees. Her strokes them calmly, but it doesn't relax me in any way. Quite the opposite.

"I don't want you back." I tell him firmly. "That's okay. We've not been together in a while. You probably just forgot.. the way it feels when I touch you." He whispers the last part seductively, spreading his hand deeper up my legs and tickling my thighs.

I squirm at his touch, attempting to kick him away before realizing he has my legs trapped with one of his. His hands drifting up closer and closer.

"Touch me once and you'll have a court case worth millions of dollars in your hands." I hiss, thoroughly warning him. 

"Can I tell you a story, baby." He hums. I don't move an inch, but he takes it as an invitation to continue the story, halting his hand at my mid thigh.

"When I was a kid, my Mom took me to a museum." He tells me with a smile. "There were all these gorgeous paintings and artefacts. There were some you could touch and hold, but they were just so boring to me. I wanted something I wasn't allowed. I wanted to touch the only painting in the museum that had a big red sign next to it that said 'do not touch'. I just had to touch it. So I did. It was way cooler than all the other paintings. You wanna know what happened?" He stares directly into my eyes, a contact that I instantly break.

My lips stay glued shut. "Ask me what happened, kid." He urges. "What happened." I deadpan, gritting my teeth.

"Nobody knew. Nobody ever found out. Because the painting never told anyone. Just how you won't." His gentle smile fades to a much more sinister scowl.

The hand on my thigh finally forces its way between my legs. With all the strength in my body I shove him hard, making him stumble back to the floor.

I jump to my feet and race for the door, fumbling with the lock to set myself free.

Just as I get it loose, a hand grips my hair, wrapping through it and yanking me flush against his chest. He re-locks the door and tosses me onto the bed.

"Take your dress off." Ant orders.

"No!" I yell, perching up on my elbows and attempting to get to my feet. He grabs a hold of my ankles tight. "Stop wriggling so fucking much!" He yells back. I wriggle more.

Ant rolls me onto my back, unzipping my dress quicker than I can prevent. He discards it to the ground and attempts to rip my underwear off now.

"Stop!" I scream, pulling the edge of the bed so I escape his legs and slide half off the bed. 

The terror aching through my veins is too strong to make me think logically. Not that that would be any help right now anyway. Instead, my thoughts are blurred and frantic. 

Run. But he's blocking the door. Scream. Nobody's around to hear. Kill him. With what? Anything. There's nothing. Do everything you can to avoid him. 

Giving me no time to act on my thoughts, he lunges for me, tackling me to the ground. With a leg on either side of me, he takes my hands and pins them against the floor with one of his.

Jolting beneath him I attempt to break free but he's too heavy.

My hearts racing. He unclips my bra. I feel like I'm going to throw up. He touches my body. The tears are coating my cheeks in a mere second. He throws me atop the bed and gets on top of me.

He tears my underwear trying to get them off. "Please, Mr Jenkins." I bawl, attempting to remind him he's no more than a teacher to me now.

He presses his lips on mine, doing the worst thing he possibly could and tainting my lips with his foul taste.

My chest is heaving up and down rapidly as I hyperventilate.

He takes his own clothes off, keeping me pinned. 

Jesus. Stop. Make him stop.

I scream for help, knowing it's useless but reaching an intense state of desperation. 

With all my strength that I still have access to, I squirm, wriggle and jolt to break free.

It doesn't matter what I do. He's a grown man, and more so a gym coach. He's too strong. 

Humiliation is numbing my whole body, along with the sheer force of his penis bulging into my thigh.

He does it. He does the one thing I've somehow been praying he won't do, but knowing he will. He objectifies me in every way possible, passionate anger playing out over my helpless body.

"Tell me.. you love me.." He grunts out.

"I'd rather die!" I scream out, wailing so loud my voice shreds and can barely produce sound any longer.

He covers my mouth to muffle the sounds I can produce. He silences me and renders me helpless. 

Everything hurts. Everything.

His fingers digging deep into my skin. His thrusts aggressive and vicious. 

The dizzying swell of my mind picks up and causes a moment of silence in my mind. A moment where everything seems to go quiet and leave me stranded alone with no sound but my pounding heart.

This is it. This is what death feels like. However deep down I know this isn't the sweet paralysis of death yet. But it feels worse. It feels like the death of a part of me. The death of my joy. The death of my humour. The death of my confidence. But my body will live on, leaving behind a part of my mind.

The sudden wave of realization hits me like a ton of bricks. He raped me. He's raping me. That's what this is. I told him no and he did it anyway. This is what they talk about in school, warning pupils to be careful. Maybe the teachers should get that same talk.

I wonder what happens next. I focus my thoughts on the future to isolate my mind and escape the present. Will he go to prison? Will he keep teaching? Will people believe me? Will I have to go to court? 

What will my brothers say? Fuck. I'll have to tell them. I'll have to stand in front of my brothers and tell them I let a man rape me. But I didn't let him. 

What will Noah say? Will he be mad at me? Will he understand I didn't want this? Will he ever look at me again?

The thoughts of the future become too grim right now, so instead I cast my mind back to the past. Focusing on every good memory I have and praying they won't be tainted by this moment.

I feel his skin pry slowly from mine, leaving me a crumpled up mess on his bed. I'm broken. He ruined me. But I won't sit around and let it happen again.

"You wanna shower off with me kid? You did good." Ant growls out with a smirk. A sickening dirty smirk. How can he grin at me. Does he know what he did? Does he understand I didn't want him to do that?

I scramble to throw my torn underwear on, barely doing the job. I leave my bra, deciding it's way too close to him to risk walking over for it. I slip on my dress in an instant, cowering to the door.

"I hate you." I sob, my body trembling with the fear raking through my entire body as he zips his pants up.

"You love me." Ant spits. I shake my head and place a hand over my mouth, trying to focus on breathing.

"I hate you!" I insist, now screaming as tears fly everywhere. I scrape together every last atom of dignity in me and unlock the door.

"You'll come back. When you realize nobody is willing to put up with you." He yells firmly. 

My hand can barely push down the door handle at first, but the second I manage, I bolt.

I run through the eerily silent woods, nothing can be scarier than his cabin. It must've been an hour, because everyone's in their cabins, given that curfew was 9pm.

I can't breathe. The air in my lungs is too little. I'm going to die here. Hopefully. The word crosses my mind and I immediately scold myself for letting that thought intrude, that is until I get to thinking about it and wonder if i'd actually be better off.

I finally make it to my cabin and shove the door open, finding everyone sitting in their beds on their phones or reading.

All heads turn to see why I slammed the door open but they realize something is wrong.

Avery is the first to stand, the others still sceptical.

"Spence, why are you crying?" She asks sympathetically. I turn around now, locking our room immediately and pacing towards my bed.

My breathing is so unsteady, being drowned by the sheer horror in the tears I'm still choking out. I physically can't muster a response.

"Spencer, you're scaring us. What's wrong." Avery says a little firmer.

"Where were you?" Amelia Evans folds the corner of her book and stands up.

"Mr- fuck!" I break myself off with a pained squeal, clutching my heart as it seizes up and tightens in my chest.

I'm unsure if this is some kind of heart attack, or a normal symptom of assault. This has never happened before, soI don't know.

"Mr Jenkins?" Maja now gets to her feet with fury. She's the only one who knows.

"What did he say?" Avery asks, not realizing quite like Maja immediately did.

"Not- what... he said.." I gasp in all the air in the room between words. "What.. he- he did." My voice is hoarse and barely there from crying and screaming for him to stop.

"Oh my god." Maja says with a dizzying look.

"What? What'd he do?" Kassidy Robertson now stands, her interest being peaked.

"Spencer's been hooking up with him." Maja informs everyone for me, realizing the great effort and pain that talking costs me.

The reactions around the room are just as I expected. Shocked and disgusted, but mostly worried.

"You need help. I'm calling Jamie." Maja says with insistence. 

I immediately shake my head, hands reaching out to stop her. My whole arm physically vibrates violently, everyone looks at it with serious concern. "Please." I beg. 

Flashes of the last hour flood back to me every time I blink.

"Spence.. what did he do?" Avery whispers with the most concerned tone i've ever heard.

I bite down on my lip to stop the cry that is about to come out my mouth. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to forget it all but I can't. I still ache everywhere.

I hug myself, assuring myself that he's not the one touching me anymore.

I shake my head profusely, dismissing everyone and digging through my drawer for pj's.

Despite my attempts, they continue to all crowd my bed with worry.

The second I tear my dress over my head I hear everyone cry out, gasp and whimper.

I turn around in only my now ripped underwear and the cotton dress I'm covering myself with. The mirror on the door reveals the bruises in the shape of fingerprints all over me, most predominantly on my thighs and breasts. But also all over my ribs and hips from where he held me down. All growing darker on my neck too from the pressure.

"What the fuck." Kassidy gapes, a concern for me she's never worn before.

"I'm calling Jameson." Maja insists, looking like she's on the verge of throwing up.

"Please.. I can't- I don't- want- to tell him." I say between deep painful hiccups, covering myself with fresh underwear, struggling to even get them on with the tremble in my hands.

"He'll know what to do." Avery assures me. "Please!" I plead one last time, that sob i've been concealing for so long finally leaping out my mouth and echoing the room.

She nods in agreement, stepping towards me and slowly placing a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. Her attempt goes unappreciated when I flinch away from her.

"We need to do something. We need to tell someone." Maja insists, shaking in fear.

"No." I shake my head. "We have to. He can't get away with this." Amelia insists.

"You keep- saying we.. we were not- raped! I was!" I sob violently, crashing down to my knees and completely breaking down in pain.

Avery kneels beside me, not touching me this time but instead just being there. In my own time I crash my balled up body into hers and allow her to comfort me as I bawl. Her hand running up and down my back.

"It hurts." I cry. This makes Avery squeeze me tighter, her tears dripping onto my bare and bruised shoulder.

"I know." Her voice trembles. "I'm so sorry." She whispers.

"It's gonna be okay." She coos as I scream out in pain.

When all my tears are soaked into her pajama shirt I lay there for many more moments, just shaking.

"I want to go home... I need to go home... Now." My voice comes out growly and quiet.

"Yeah.. Yeah we can do that." Avery nods.

"Can we?" Amelia speaks up. "Shit! The tournaments." I remember.

"Never mind the tournaments. We're leaving." Avery decides.

"I didn't mean the tournament. I meant buses don't start until 9am tomorrow. Taxi's aren't allowed in these grounds. None of us can legally drive." Amelia reminds us.

"We'll figure it out. You three stay and explain in the morning why we left.. just say we got sick." Avery nurtures, helping me put my pajama's on like i'm a doll or a child.

"I'm coming." Maja insists. Avery makes eye contact with me and when my eyes tell her yes she nods.

The three of us walk through the woods, my whole body still shivering with horror. The flashlights on both their phones aren't nearly enough.

"I have my provisional. So I sorta know the basics. I'm not legally allowed to drive with more than one minor. And i'm not allowed to drive after midnight. But this is an emergency." Maja informs us.

I nod, shivering. "Noah has keys to the schools mini bus because he's like head nerd or some shit, the one most of the teachers drove in. I'll need to sneak in and not raise suspicion." She tells us, slipping away and entering the boys cabin, lights are on and we can hear their muffled voices through the walls.

I creep closer to hear what they're saying.

"Why? You're not even allowed to or capable of driving. I'm not letting you crash the schools bus, when they put trust in me." Noah fires back to whatever Maja said.

I technically cheated on him. Oh god, i'm an awful person.

His voice is so comforting right now.

"I just need to get something out the dashboard." She persists.

"You're naive if you think i'm letting you take it for a joy ride at 1am." Noah jabs.

"I swear i'm not. I just need something from it." Maja persists.

"What do they have in there that you can't get on your own?" He asks. "Girl stuff." Maja shrugs nonchalantly.

"No! You always do that. You always make me uncomfortable and get what you want. And you already tried that excuse a week ago, so unless you have a two week period you're not getting my keys." Noah decides.

"It's not for me. It's for Spencer." She lies.

"Spencer isn't on her period." Noah fires, having known that I was irregular when I didn't eat.

"Why the fuck do you know if our sister's on her period or not?" Xander grimaces. "Just cause.. she used that excuse last week as well." He improvises.

"Is Spence out there?" Noah's attention changes.

"No." Maja lies a little too quickly.

"Yeah she is. I'll give her the keys. She's a better driver than you. If you're going on a joy ride she can drive." He agrees.

"Thanks. I'll hand them to her." Maja smiles, trying to take the keys.

"I'll just go out there. I want to see her anyway." Noah shrugs off.

"She doesn't want to see you." Maja yells.

"I'm her boyfriend." He frowns sadly.

"Exactly. She's your girlfriend not your puppy, you don't need to see her every minute of the day." Maja hisses.

"What's wrong." I hear Jameson's voice now, raising from his bed and coming closer to the door, clearly able to tell something is off.

"She's just a little upset right now. She specifically said if any of you try to go outside to her I have cordial permission to kick you in the dick." Maja makes up.

"What's wrong with her?" Noah pipes up immediately with worry.

"Nunya." Maja taunts. "Shut up Maja. Is she okay?" Noah growls.

Avery sighs and steps up the staircase, leaving me out here on my own.

"Heiress?" Jameson practically pounces on her. I watch through the small crack in the door as he places a hand on her shoulder inspecting thoroughly. I see Maja tense up from beside him.

"You've been crying. You both have." He determines. "I'm fine." They both dismiss in sync.

"Maj, if something's even remotely wrong with you or my sister you heed to tell me right now." Jameson grills his girlfriend, planting one hand on her cheek and the other on the small of her back, towering over her significantly shorter frame.

I stand here in the cold breeze, dimly lit by the occasional cabin still lit up. But otherwise pitch black.

I look around all the cabins, feeling paranoid. That's when I see him.

Ant Jenkins. Knocking on cabin doors to inform people it's lights out time.

I contemplate for a moment. I could run back to my own cabin and not have to face the 4 boys in this cabin, but risk Jenkins seeing. Or I can slip inside this cabin as quickly as possible and deal with the consequences.

I bolt up the few stairs and slide inside the door. I gently shut it but do so as quickly as I can.

My chest rises and falls with anxiety, slamming my back against the door, I lock it and squeeze my eyes shut.

"Shit, I left you out there." Avery realizes with guilt.

I hush her and all the guys with concerned looks. I shake my head, silently begging them to shut up for just a minute.

That's when we hear the footsteps climbing the stairs. With each step I tremble more.

"Alright, guys. Lights out." Ant yells inside, clearly not spotting me.

His voice makes me freeze up and allows tears to slide out my eyes. I have to slap a hand over my mouth to muffle the sobs I am about to let out.

"Yeah." Jameson jumps in and replies so it doesn't seem suspicious.

Noah reaches out and switches the light off so Ant goes away.

The second he's down the stairs I make everyone freeze on the spot for about three minutes until i'm certain he's made his way around every cabin and is out of sight.

Noah lunges to turn the lights back on.

I look around at the 6 faces staring my way.

"Spence are you okay?" Noah steps forward, placing a hand on my shoulder. A hand of which I immediately slap away and cower from.

Avery scurries to my side and wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to her body and holding me yet again as I cry.

"What the fuck is going on." Jameson raises his voice with the anger of not knowing whats happening.

I slide down the door alongside Avery, she does so too and holds me tight.

When I hit the floor I'm a little more composed, Avery's hand stroking my bicep gently.

"You're both crying. You're having a full on meltdown. Jenkins knocking on the door made you shit yourself. You want to borrow the keys to the mini bus. What the fuck have you done?" Jameson raises his voice, assuming i'm scared of getting caught.

"Jamie!" Maja scolds firmly.

Jameson falters at her anger and looks up to the others to see if they know what's happening.

Tristan joins the others, eventually standing in the centre of the room watching me.

"I cheated on you." I finally confess to Noah.

His face completely falls and he looks at me like a sad puppy.

"You what?" His voice cracks.

"Spencer." Maja warns.

"She didn't." Avery clarifies.

"I did." I cry out.

"Spencer it's not your fault." Avery whispers, caressing my forehead and wiping the hair stuck to my head with sweat off my face.

"Someone start talking." Jameson growls.

"I.. Mr Jenkins and I.." I feel my lip quiver as I talk, "We've been getting together. Since about the time Avery got here. Almost every day at school, he always called me to his office so we could get together."

Shock and worry floods the room, more so than the last time I confessed to the girls.

"Oh my god." Jameson sighs, running a nauseous hand through his hair.

"And by getting together.. you mean-" Noah shakes his head with disbelief.

"Sex. A lot of the time he had me blow him. It started out as just a sexy forbidden romance. But then it became controlling.. and possessive and like a chore that was expected of me." I admit.

Never having vocalised these thoughts until now.

"Shit." Tristan whispers, hand on his jaw with shock.

"When I realized I liked Noah.. at the last camp.. I told him I didn't want to hookup with him anymore.. he pinned me against the wall and kissed me.. I- I slapped him and got him away. And he left me alone.. for a while- at least." I can feel myself starting to violently sob in memory.

"Then- then today.. He brought me into his cabin- I swear I thought he would just yell.. but he.." I break off, collapsing closer to Avery and bawling.

"And then- I cheated- on you- Noah." I cry, hiccuping in air.

"Spencer." Avery repeats, reminding me not to leave out the most important part.

"He pinned me- on his bed... and he- he-" I physically can't continue anymore, choking on my own oxygen.

"He touched me, then- and then he- he raped me." I have to whisper in order to say the words.

Avery, Maja, Noah and Xander are all crying now too. Jameson looks like he's about to pass out. Tristan is just completely out of it.

"I'm sorry." I look up to Noah.

He kneels in front of me, shaking his head, more tears escaping his eyes.

"Spencer.. it's not your fault." He says firmly.

All I can do is sit up a little away from Avery's hold and cautiously wriggle closer to him.

He doesn't make any moves to hug me until the second I close the space between us, falling into his chest.

His arms snap around me in a protecting hug, holding me like if he lets go I'll shatter, which I may just do.

"I can't breathe." I whisper in his ears, hyperventilating and thinking I might die.

"You're having a panic attack." He explains, instantly recognizing the symptoms he experiences frequently. "You.. feel this- every- time?" I ask between gasps of air.

He nods a little, but doesn't even give me a moment to sympathize with him. He instantly jumps into action.

"I know it's hard, but just try to breathe with me." He instructs.

I only not truly appreciate how big an ask it is when I tell him to 'just breathe' mid panic attack. 

He manages to make the panic attack subside, but my sobbing is still continuous. 

"I'm driving us back." Jameson declares, nodding to Xander and I. "Matter of fact, I don't feel too comfortable with any of you staying here any longer. I'm driving everyone back." He says authoritatively, refusing to look at me.

"I'll stay the night and make sure the girls are all good. There won't be space for all of us." Tristan declares firmly.

"Who's staying?" Jameson asks, counting heads like some kind of Dad on a road trip, but slightly more serious.

"Amelia, Tristan, Kassidy and Thea." Maja clarifies.

"No. I don't feel good about leaving Thea." Jameson states firmly. "Tristan, if you're staying, sleep in there with the Amelia and Kassidy." 

"Everyone pack your bags. And stay quiet. Tell Thea to do the same." Jameson finalises, sounding way too calm.

I make a move to stand and leave for my cabin. "Not you. I'm not letting you out of my sight again." Jameson grits out remorsefully.

Maja and him share a whisper together, before she runs along with the others.

Noah pushes off the ground beside me, collecting his stuff in his bag just as my brothers do.

Cradling my knees against my chest like a baby in the corner I contemplate everything. What would have happened if I hadn't told him to look at me that very first day back in his office when I was changing. Was it all my fault?

"Don't." Noah speaks up. I hum in question, meeting his eyes as he shoves some shorts into his bag. "Don't ask yourself if it's your fault. It's not." He confirms, somehow reading my mind.

I wonder for a moment how he knew what I was thinking, noting down the sympathetic glances from my brothers. That's something I'll ask about when I'm not in the conditions I'm in now.