"So don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine"

Spencer.

I watch as Noah helps his Grandma inside her home. I find it adorable that he calls her Grammy, I can tell he's such a Grammy's boy. So's Maja if I'm honest, only she expresses her love differently. Whilst Noah is very obvious about it, Maja carries a silent love for everyone.

After being verbally abused and slut shamed by his family I realize why he never brought me home before now. It was because he knew his family wouldn't like me. He didn't want to embarrass me or bring shame to his family. 

If I'm honest, I understand. It sometimes feels like my own family feels the same way. Like I'm an embarrassment. I get that though, I mean truly I understand. I've always been an outsider to that house. The only girl grandchild. The only one who didn't play along to the old mans games. The only one who had a punk faze — perhaps the most embarrassing thing. The only sex addict — as kindly named by the internet. The only person sexualised by every aspect of the media. The only one with paparazzi snapping photos up her skirt at her 16th birthday party.

I just wish I had been different tonight, I wish I hadn't shouted at his Aunt telling her she was sluttier than me for sliding out 4 babies. I wish I hadn't blatantly disrespected their religion — thanks for keeping that one quiet Noah. I wish I hadn't worn a short dress. But most of all, I wish they didn't find out who my parents were. Which reminds me, how the fuck do they know my Father and I don't? Seems a little unfair when 50% of my DNA is his??

"What's on your mind?" Noah questions, his hand reaching out to my thigh. His sister is far from listening, smiling down at her phone as she scrolls mindlessly through tiktoks. 

"I'm sorry for messing things up with your family." I bite my cheek. "You're sorry?" He laughs gently.

"I slut shamed your Aunt!" I emphasis with a mortified grimace. "Right after she did to you. They completely ganged up on you and you still won the fight. You're a professional." He squeezes my thigh with a gentle laugh.

"I don't want to be a professional arguer.. I'm not violent.." I say desperately.

"I didn't say you were. You're just good at defending yourself." He clarifies unfazed, his eyes on the road.

"Is that why you didn't?" I let the words slip out my mouth before I can stop myself. "Spence.." Noah trails off. His hand snaps back to the wheel and he tenses up.

"Sorry." I apologise. There's a long silence.

"I'm sorry they called you those things." He speaks up over the quiet muffled talking on the radio.

"It's fine." I shrug off. "It's not." His voice is louder. "I'm fine." I correct. The things they said aren't okay, but I am. 

"I'll see you at school on Monday." I tell him as he drives past the gates of Hawthorne House. 

"Yeah.. just call if you need anything." He says with a sort of uneasy look on his face.

"Text me before you go to sleep?" I ask hopefully. "Will do." He nods in agreement. I didn't get a text that night for the record. 

I gave him a slightly awkward kiss and lead Maja up the endless stairs in the direction of my room.

On the way past the upstairs theatre, Jameson passes us. His eyes scan Maja up and down. "Unexpected guest." He comments bluntly.

"Unexpected pj's." She smirks in response. Jameson doesn't falter, not feeling evenly remotely embarrassed about his dinosaur pj's at the ripe age of 18.

"Really? I think this is very in character." I mock. "I'm honestly not surprised." She agrees, smirking mockingly.

"Come on." I nod my head down the corridor in the direction of my room. Maja gives him a nod in farewell and follows me.

"Have a good night then?" Jameson calls after us. "Grand." I snarl sarcastically.

In my room Maja and I are quiet. I let her change in my room whilst I shower, telling her to make herself at home.  

I turn the shower on to block out the muffled cries as I rip the tight duct tape off, taking all my hair with it.

The red duct tape marks printed on my thighs is removed after some gentle massaging under scolding hot water.

I wrap a towel around my body after washing off.

I tie my wet hair back and step out, allowing Maja to head in to the bathroom. I hear the water running again and change into some loose pj's. 

I finally flop into bed, scrolling through the comments of my recent instagram post of me in my dress before leaving tonight. I was advised to post some photos by my PR manager, she's always eager to have me posting daily to stay 'relevant'. But as I've complained several times, all my brothers are still 'relevant' and they barely even post. 

Three photos total, I don't like any of them particularly, but I suppose thats a good thing. The photos I like of me are hidden safely in my camera roll for my own eyes. The photos that make me feel pretty and confident aren't seen by the eyes of the public, because I know I'd be judged and ridiculed into thinking I looked bad. Which is why I'm fine taking cute photos of myself and never showing anyone.

The comments are pretty varied, ranging from the casual 'have my babies' from a 60 year old man to 'fat and ugly bitch' from pretty much anyone who isn't a predator. At least I've got the grandpa's of the world with their beer bellies and dad bods to hype me up, telling me my tits are lovely followed by at least 3 heart eye emojis. I don't know if I should feel disgusted or honoured. 

I put my phone down, choosing not to let the comments win tonight and instead start braiding my hair. I haven't had my hair in dutch braids in years, but I forgot how cute they were.

Looking in the mirror I feel a boost of confidence, contemplating a little longer before just going for it. Sending selfies to your boyfriend is normal, but I never do it because I never feel confident enough to.

I stretch my phone up above my body and snap a photo. I send it to Noah. The notification I get back is that his phone is on sleep mode and when he wakes up the text will notify him. I'm glad I don't have to worry about him ignoring me keeping me up all night. But I do feel a little disappointed he didn't text me before going to bed like he said he would.

Right before I can lay down again Maja's phone starts buzzing from her  backpack. I ignore it the first 3 times, but when it starts ringing for the fourth time in a row I decide I'll just pick up and let them know she can't answer.

It's an unsaved number. I hit accept and bring the phone up to my ear.

"About time. I need a gram. Meet me in the usual alleyway." A rough voice grumbles.

I blink in shock. "Gram of what?" I ask, praying it's not what I think.

"You got new shit in? I thought it was still that same bag of coke. What you got?" He asks nonchalantly.

"This isn't Maja." I tell him with no other emotion other than shock.

"Who the fuck is Maja.. Listen Ice I don't have time for your games. Get it to me by midnight or you're fucking done." He spits furiously, hanging up.

That's when I see it. Buried beneath some clothes, is a bag I recognise immediately. It's the coke I took to camp and subsequently lost. Holy shit, my boyfriend's sister is using drugs I bought to make money under the name of 'Ice' like a fucking disney channel character.

"What are you doing?" Maja yells from behind me.

"I dunno, Ice. What do you think I'm doing in your backpack? Maybe I'm looking at the bag of cocaine you stole from me?" I demand. 

"Fuck. Don't you dare tell Noah." She shouts with anger.

"Sure, let me just not tell my boyfriend his twin sister is a literal crackhead, funded by me." I emphasis sarcastically.

"I'm not a crackhead, I just deal it." She shrugs casually. "That makes me feel a lot better." I say sarcastically.

"Why would you even do this? Your family is like 5th richest in Texas. You're set for life." I argue. At least she wasn't disinherited after being the richest family in all of Texas. Maybe I should be dealing drugs.. 

"I can't tell you why. Noah knows." She tries. "Yeah right. Noah would never let his sister deal drugs." I scoff.

"I mean he knows I'm making the money and what it's for.. he just doesn't know how I'm making it." She says guiltily. 

"Well you've had an order placed, from a very angry sounding individual. A gram of coke to the usual alleyway by midnight. Guess you'll have to cancel." I frown sympathetically.

"You literally cannot stop me from going. And you just told me every detail I need." She blinks like i'm an idiot.

20 minutes later when she's trying to leave, the paparazzi I anonymously called on her are swarming her and preventing her from leaving like she was so sure she could.

She scowls at me as she calls the guy and explains she can't leave. He's surprisingly understanding for a crackhead. 

"I'm gonna kill you." She hisses, slipping into my sheets unhappily. "Not before your brother can kill you." I smile smugly.

"Fuck you." She groans, rolling over to face away from me.

The following day I drive her home and refuse to let her out of my sight. "Don't come in." She suggests gently, getting out of my car. 

"I sort of have to. I need to talk to Noah." I tell her. "Just tell him tomorrow. It won't be good if you tell him here." She practically begs, sounding genuinely desperate.

I nod slowly. "Give me the bag." I order. "What? No!" Maja yelps.

"Give." I insist. "It's mine." She replies. "I bought it bitch. Give me the bag." I order firmly.

She groans furiously, whipping out the bag of cocaine and subtly slipping it to me.

"Have a wonderful Sunday you responsible Christian girl." I smile as I drive away.

If I get pulled over I'm fucking done for. I make sure to go at the speed limit, and drive safer than I ever have before.

When I arrive home I let out a sigh of relief. But my efforts aren't over yet. Waiting at the dining table is Jameson, Nash, Avery, Libby, Xander and Grayson. Wonderful, the whole fucking family and a literal brick of cocaine in my shirt.

"Spence!" Jameson calls me in. Fuck you.

I smile falsely and enter, everyone eating breakfast. 

"How did your dinner go last night?" He asks conversationally. 

"Oh you know, the usual. They hated me on arrival, Noah introduced me as a friend until his Dad corrected him, his cousins didn't believe I would actually date him. His Grandma also told me his parents and aunts and uncles all went to school with Skye and 'my Father' then didn't tell me who the fuck my Father is. The I basically got called a predator by his Aunt and Uncle for dating someone 11 months younger. They thought I was talentless and had me play piano to prove I wasn't a lying piece of shit. Oh yeah and then his Mother found out I was a Hawthorne and flipped out, calling me a slut and telling me to leave her son alone. Got kicked out of dinner after one course.. I think I pretty much won at the whole 'first introductions' thing." I smile sarcastically.

"Noah let you meet his family?" Xander looks at me with rage. 

"Well he didn't exactly know I was coming, and by the way he looked really fucking unhappy to see me. Just wonderful really." I grin.

"Just don't be too mad at him. He's got a lot going on." Xander says with sympathy.

"Yeah, I've noticed. And I've also noticed you know pretty much everything going on in his life yet you fail to tell me." I say angrily.

"It's not mine to tell." He says plainly. "Well it's not like he's telling me." I growl. "If it means that much to you, just ask him. He might not want to tell you but at least you'll hear it from him." Xander suggests.

"What's down your shirt?" Nash speaks up.

"What?" I reply calmly. "There's a bump in your shirt." He clarifies.

"I am.. with child." I improvise sarcastically.

I can see on his face his entire heart stop for a solid 10 seconds before he realizes I'm messing with him. 

"Hilarious as always, now what are you hiding?" Nash insists.  "It is.. a box." I try, questioning in my voice. "Box of what?" Grayson challenges.

"A box.. of.. homework." I lie. 

"This is painful." Xander grimaces at my lying skills.

"How are we related?" Jameson scoffs, sipping orange juice and shaking his head with disgrace.

"Just show us." Nash sighs, already preparing himself for what I have under my shirt.

"I can't do that." I shake my head with sympathy. "Why?" Grayson says sceptically.

"It may be slightly illegal.. And just downright immoral.." I cringe.

"You better be pulling my leg." Nash points at me. "It's for good reasons." I justify.

"Show us." He orders firmly.

I sigh as I remove the brick worth of cocaine from my shirt.

"Please tell me this is a joke." Nash pleads, his hand on his head.

"It's not mine!" I'm quick to clarify. "A friend of mine.. is dealing. I took this off her to stop her from selling any more." I explain.

"What friend? How'd they even get that much?" Nash demands.

"That's not important.. And it may have came from me?.." I trail off.

"You have a lot of explaining to do." He points at me sternly. "I technically didn't buy it. I was having a party a couple years back, Mom got me it. I obviously didn't use it but then I took it to that camp we went to.. And I still didn't use it but that friend stole it and started selling it." I explain quickly.

Nash runs his hands through his hair. 

"I'll deal with this." Jameson sighs, getting to his feet, leaving the others and his breakfast.

He's already out the door before anyone can stop. So I chase after him, my heels clicking rapidly across the floor as I jog to catch up.

"It's Maja?" He clarifies. Who knows how he knew, or if he just guessed lucky.

"Yeah." I admit. 

"Does she need money?" Jameson asks firmly, looking straight ahead as we march up the staircase.

"I don't know. Her and Noah are being vague about everything." I explain in desperation.

"You got her number?" He asks me. "No." I reply. "It's fine. I have it, I just need to find my phone, call it for me?" He tells me. 

I try to ignore the fact he has her number. Even I don't and I'm her supposed 'friend' now. I can't name a time I'd seen them talking until last night. 

I get my cellphone out and call his number so we can chase after the ringing sound. "Where were you last?" I try. "Library with Heiress." He informs me, so we head there.

"What's happening with you two anyway?" I pry. "Ave and I?" He furrows his brows. He starts sprawling out books and searching underneath them and under tables.

"Who the hell else?" I growl. "Nothing. We kissed once. I don't get the impression she likes me all that much." He grits his teeth.

"What makes you think that?" I continue.

"Have you seen the way she looks at him." Jameson pauses his frantic searching, turning around to face me with a rather hurt look on his face. 

"Him? Grayson?" I clarify with guilt for even bringing this up.

"Who the hell else?" He scoffs, repeating my last response with a rather sour tone. After his past with Emily, it's understandable for him to resent Grayson. But as both of their siblings, I can see both sides of everything that went down.

"Look.. I know what happened with Emily-"

He interrupts me, "Don't." His voice breaks. 

"Jamie.. It wasn't your fault how things happened. And it wasn't his either." I comfort him. "Then whose was it?" My brother challenges.

"Do I really need to answer that? She played you both. And even from 6 feet under she's still the one thing between the two of you." I remind him.

"This is different. This is.. Avery. I like her. And not the way I liked Emily.. It's different." He looks to me with desperate eyes.

"Tell that to her. She's nothing like Emily. She'd never hurt you on purpose.. But Jamie.. she might not choose you. And that's okay. Because free will exists and it's not her fault, or Grayson's or yours. If it's meant to be.. it'll be." I try.

"God why is my little sister giving me advise?" He scoffs. "First of all.. drop the 'little' because I'm only 9 months younger thanks to our slut of a Mother. And second, don't sound so surprised." I smile gently.

"And third, your phones right there." I add, pointing behind him to one of the book shelves where his phone is wedged between books.

He smiles with amusement and gets his phone. He steps to the opposite side of the large room and makes a call.

I finally check my own phone this morning, seeing a couple texts from Noah.

Noah: Looking beautiful as always.

Noah: Thanks for letting Maja spend the night, hope you guys had a good night.

I start typing a response then settle for just FaceTiming him. The phone ringing for a little before he picks up. 

The phone is facing the ceiling but I can see his shadow standing beside the phone.

"Hey?" I try. "Hi." He replies. 

"How are your bruises doing?" I ask. "Same as before." He sighs. I hear a small groan from him off camera.

"You okay?" I ask with worry. "Fine." He mutters, a hiss coming out his mouth.

"Noah what's happening?" I sit up straight, starting to actually become concerned.

"It's nothing.. I'm just cleaning up some cuts." He explains.

"What cuts? The one on your face from your fight 13 days ago that still aren't gone." I challenge, the worry still bubbling in my chest.

"Yeah. They'll go down soon, bruises just never go away on me." He laughs, sounding almost nervous.

"Noah bruises are normally gone completely after 2 weeks. They've not even faded.. It's like they're spreading." I say gently. "If there's something else you can tell me.. If someones giving you a hard time at school I can help.. Just tell me." I sigh sadly.

"I swear, Spence.. I'm fine." He assures me. 

"Let me see you." I beg. "I can't. I'm naked." He says quickly. I can tell he's lying by how defensive he sounds. I don't know why he'd lie to me though.

"Okay.." I say softly.

"I think Jamie's calling your sister right now." I change the topic with a small laugh.

"Jameson and Maja? Why? I've never seen them talk before?" Noah chuckles. "Yeah me neither. Pretty weird." I smirk.

"Hey No.. I have something I need to tell you. But it's a long story and I need to say it to your face." I tell him.

"Okay.. Everything alright?" He asks with alarm. "Not really. But nothing to worry about." I assure. "As long as you're fine. You want a ride tomorrow?" He offers.

"Yeah. 8?" I question. "See you then." He responds.

We hang up and I focus my attention back to Jamie, who is still pacing and talking furiously to his phone.

When he eventually finishes up he takes the block of coke from me. "I'm sorting this out. Don't tell anyone." He tells me firmly. 

"Except Noah?" I raise a brow expectantly. "Noah, yeah. Nobody else." He points at me before walking out, leaving me with more questions than answers.