Xavier only left her alone when he was called away for a meeting about the upcoming ball. Unfortunately, that meant that Alice hadn't had too much time to read the journal, but she'd had enough to skim the important parts.

Cloak around her shoulders to conceal the book, now she made her way out to the gardens. The air was a little chilly, the last bits of summer finally giving way to a crisp mountain fall. Soon, the leaves would start to change, painting the woods with beautiful reds and oranges all across the Appalachians.

Alice aimed to see those leaves from Howard's Knob, tucked safe and warm in her own bed, the Shadow Court far behind her.

Florian was already waiting by the large oak tree that had become their meeting spot. Alice tucked herself in between the roots on the far side of the trunk, concealed from the view of anyone who might be watching from the palace windows, and pulled out the book.

"What did you find?" Florian asked excitedly.

"A few things. Seems like he kept the book to help him remember stuff, which..." she paused, tilting her head.

"What?" He sat down on the grass beside her, just close enough to make her think that he was really there in corporeal form.

It was nice. If she didn't think about it too hard, it felt a bit more like a picnic than a serious meeting.

"I don't know. It feels weird. I still don't get why he has so much trouble remembering," Alice said with a sigh. "Even Hart doesn't have that much trouble, and he's way older than Xavier."

"How... how old is he?" Florian asked, eyebrows raised.

"Uh... old," Alice said vaguely. "Thousands. Double digit thousands."

"Shit," Florian said, blinking.

She couldn't help but giggle. That might have been the first time she'd ever heard him curse, and the sheer surprise on his face was a rare look. It melted into a smile when he heard her laughing, though, and he laughed along with her.

Soon they were both smiling, the grim atmosphere lifting from their shoulders like removing a heavy cloak. That small moment of light was enough to give her the courage to face the next few days, to breathe easy for an hour or two, to keep going and keep planning for the future.

"Alright, alright," Florian sighed, still laughing. "Tell me what you found. I know you're limited on time."

Slowly, Alice went through the details of Xavier's history based on what she'd read.

Xavier started his journey as a human. By the time he'd written the journal, he wasn't sure where in the world he'd been born, but he knew that, at one time, he was a human man. His family passed away in a plague that ravaged his home when he was still very young, and watching their slow deaths led to a lifelong obsession with never experiencing the same thing himself. Ever.

At first, he'd simply searched for means to keep himself healthy, to keep himself young. Then, eventually, he stumbled upon magic— real magic, true magic, Other magic.

Alice wasn't sure how one found Other magic before the Appearances. She'd have to ask Granny, as her bloodline stretched farther back than Alice's did. Xavier had clearly found it, though, and he seemed to have learned about it through a woman named Falina.

She was his mentor, and eventually his lover. Alice was unable to tell from the tone if his relationship with her was really love, though. There was sex involved, of course, but that wasn't love. It reeked of a mutual obsession, of wanting someone to be with you when the rest of the world fell away, of wanting someone else willing to do absolutely anything to get there.

"... That's about it," Alice finished, absently riffling the pages of the little book as she spoke.

That was the point where she'd stopped reading. There was more information, but she hadn't finished yet in the limited time she'd had without Xavier in the room.

Florian didn't exactly seem reassured by the extra information, though.

"I still think you should leave," Florian said, shaking his head. "You should get out of here. You still have a chance to live a better life than this."

"But I... I want a better life with you." Alice's voice cracked slightly as she spoke.

The look on his face nearly broke her heart. She thought that it might be easier if she could hug him, but that wasn't possible, either. Xavier's magic appeared to be stronger now than it was a few weeks ago, when Florian had control over his own body for short spurts.

"You don't need to do anything to endanger yourself," he murmured. Florian reached out momentarily, like he planned to touch her, but then remembered that his spirit body would only slide through her solid form. "I may not have had control of my body the entire time, but I've seen you from this form. I know who you are. You deserve more than this."

"And I'm gonna get it. Not without you, though," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Florian stared at her for a long moment. He didn't speak, just analyzed her face, checking over her posture, looking for any weaknesses. Alice knew he wouldn't find any. She'd already made her decision.

Even if whatever was between them never went anywhere at all, she wouldn't leave Florian behind. She'd never forgive herself if she ran without trying.

"You're really sure." It wasn't a question. It didn't need to be.

"I am." Alice nodded once.

Sighing, Florian ran his hand through his long braids. For a moment, he reminded Alice of Ellie, who also played with her hair when she was thinking or upset. The thought occurred to her that she wanted to learn all of his other ticks and quirks, but she couldn't bring herself to voice it.

"Alice..." he said slowly. "I know I couldn't tell you about my bargain, but I can tell you about yours. If you want."

Alice blinked.

"What do you mean?" she asked slowly.

"I was there when Xavier made the bargain with your mother. I was watching, though he wasn't aware of my presence." He sighed, shuffling his weight a little. "And... I think that if you want to know, you deserve to know?"

"Why now?"

"If something goes wrong, I don't want to have any secrets from you," he whispered. "If it all goes right, then I really don't want to have any secrets from you."

She was almost afraid to ask what he meant by that. If things went right, they'd be out of here and... Well... maybe... together? That would be nice.

It would be nice not to have any secrets if that were the case, too.

"Tell me," she said softly, ignoring the rising heat in her cheeks.

"I saw him meet your mother by a creek in the woods. I couldn't hear everything they said, but I did hear part of it," he said carefully. "He bargained to take away her pain in exchange for her daughter, once the child came of age."

Unfortunately, she knew that much already.

"Anything else?" Alice asked, biting her lip.

"I remember... I remember she stood up, and she looked around," Florian said, eyes fixed on some invisible point in the middle distance. "I remember that she asked if he took anything else."

Anything else? What else could he have taken that the bargain would have allowed?

"He didn't respond," Florian continued. "But he did hold you for a minute, and then he pricked your finger. And he pricked his finger—"

Fuck.

"Did he make me drink a drop of his blood?" Alice asked quickly, leaning forward.

Florian nodded.

That was the answer she'd been looking for, one of the missing pieces to the puzzle of Xavier's mirror lie. Now she knew exactly where the mark on her arm had come from. It was a bargain mark— one she'd been coerced into as an unknowing baby, before she even understood what was happening around her.

"I was right, then," Alice said softly. "He started the blood vows when I was just a baby."

"How does that work?" Florian asked, shaking his head. "I thought you needed consent for those."

"I don't know what he whispered, but it was enough to get through a loophole," she muttered. Xavier liked those stupid loopholes, and he liked pure lies, too.

Lies like telling her she was his mirror, that they were soul mates, that they had a profound connection that went beyond space and time, that they were meant to be together...

She wished more than anything that those words came from Florian's mouth instead. She did feel the draw to him, just like Xavier said she should with a mirror. But she had felt that same draw when Xavier said he wanted her before, and that hadn't worked out at all.

Perhaps what she thought was a profound, universal connection was just attraction. And, while that was embarrassing and said quite a bit about her romantic experiences, that wasn't necessarily the worst thing to ever happen. At least she figured it out before it was too late.

But... There was still a small possibility. At this point, though, she wasn't sure if she even wanted a mirror or not. She wasn't sure she cared any more. She did want to know, though. Some part of her wanted that closure.

"Hey... Do you... think we're really mirrors?" Alice asked hesitantly. "Not Xavier, but... you. Normal you."

"I... truly can't say. I wouldn't know how to begin confirming something like that, either," he admitted, sighing. "Why do you ask?"

"Thought it would be ironic," she sighed. "Honestly, it doesn't really matter."

"It... doesn't?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I think I'm done with fate an' destiny. We're goin' our own way," she sighed.

"I like that idea." Florian smiled, and it was enough to make her heart pound.

Destiny, as far as Alice was concerned, was a highly overrated concept. Too many people had too many hands in her future, and she was sick of it. None of them had to live her life, so none of them should ever get the chance to control it. She didn't care about fate or the universe.

She cared about Florian, though. She was starting to learn to really care about herself, too. Alice was important simply because she was Alice. It had taken too much for her to develop a sense of her own self-worth. This was no time to give up early.

"So... what if it does all go right?" she asked tentatively. "What happens to us?"

Florian shot her a lopsided smile, but it only lasted a moment before he became serious again. "Tell me the plan first."

Okay. She could do that.

"Everybody's comin' to the full moon ball. I think I can probably use that as a chance to get rid of the memory magic and swing the whole thing our way," she said proudly.

"How do you plan to do that?"

Alice opened her mouth... and almost immediately closed it again. That was where the plan admittedly fell short. She did have another trick up her sleeve, but she wasn't sure it would work without taking away the memory magic.

The working theory they'd come up with at Howard's Knob was that Xaiver wouldn't have put so much effort into placing and maintaining the memory magic if it wasn't important to the bargain to do so. It wasn't quite clear how, but the Shadow Court's faith in him had to do something with maintaining control over Florian's body. Thus, Xavier needed as little persuasive power on his side as possible when they made their move.

The ball was clearly the best opportunity to make that happen in one fell swoop, but unfortunately, there wasn't a clear way to help everyone remember all at once without immediately being shut down by Xaiver.

"Uh... does 'make a scene' count as a plan?" Alice asked, wincing.

Florian groaned and leaned back against the wide oak tree, momentarily covering his face with his hands.

"I'll take that as a no," Alice grumbled.

"The worst part is that I can't say I have any better options to suggest," he admitted. "I'm worried, though."

"About what?"

"Do we have any idea why he's calling this ball? He's kept the Shadow Fae as far away from here as possible except for your wedding night—"

"Don't remind me," she muttered, grimacing.

"— and they needed to see you there. A wedding is an official, formal Court event. Even if he'd planned to kill you, marrying you in secret wouldn't go over well."

"So you're sayin' that this is probably official Shadow Court business, too?"

"No," Florian said, brow furrowing. "It's not. That's what's so odd about it."

"Full moons aren't, like... a thing you celebrate?"

"Not normally, no. Not in a formal manner, and not with a large gathering like this," he explained, starting to fidget a little. "If it's not formal Court business, then I'm afraid of what he might be planning. Did he say anything about it in the journal?"

Alice glanced down.

"I haven't gotten too far into it yet."

"What?!" Florian's eyes went wide, shoulders hiking up as he openly stared at her.

"I just got the translation yesterday!" she protested. "What you know is as far as I got. I can't read at the speed'a light, ya know. Plus, he's watchin' me like a hawk. I gotta make sure I'm really alone when I'm reading."

"Then go read," Florian said pointedly. "I'll see what information I can sniff out about the ball."

"Missy's on that, too," Alice said, though Missy was sniffing out information more in a literal than a figurative sense.

"Good. That's even more reason for you to go back and keep reading. I'll talk to you again before the ball." He made a shooing motion with both his hands that irritated Alice beyond belief, but she couldn't blame him. It was out of concern for her safety, at the root of it all, and that was kind.

"Fine," she said, sighing, though she managed not to roll her eyes. It was a grave situation, but she couldn't deny that it still felt a little like homework.

Sneaky homework.

Sneaky homework with very limited time before it was due.

"Alice," Florian said seriously. "This could be life or death. We need that information."

"I know," she sighed, shoulders slumping. "I'm just... tryin' not to think so hard about it that I get scared. I never make good choices when I'm scared."

Xavier paced around the palace courtyard, trying his best to be patient. He'd seen Alice go out to the gardens, and he assumed she was speaking to Florian. That was the only explanation that made any sense. It accounted for both her frequent absences and where she'd found shelter on the rare nights she left their room.

There was a fire in his chest that he wasn't quite familiar with. It wasn't the same as anger. Instead, it was the awful, nauseating feeling of jealousy rooted deep into his bones.

Having a corporeal form was incredibly, horribly inconvenient. He hated the building emotions that came with the slow integration of his spirit self into his new body, and those emotions were only growing stronger the closer they came to the full moon.

If Alice wouldn't obey, then he'd simply have to make her obey. She would be his obedient little wife, and perhaps he wouldn't have to kill her. It wasn't about affection any longer— this was a battle of wills. As long as she submitted, he would show her all the care, all the affection, all the love that she wanted.

Now he understood this strange rising possessiveness. It wasn't just about studying Alice. It wasn't about learning what made her tick for the sake of knowing someone.

It was about conquering Alice.

Now, if only he could get his journal back... but, based on what he'd seen tucked under the mattress while Alice slept, that might be a more attainable goal than he feared.

There was... someone in the back of his mind. It wasn't just Alice. There was someone else, someone latched onto his very soul, impressed upon his heart like a brand. He couldn't remember the name, but he could remember the feeling of her. He could remember the suggestion of her skin, remember the timbre of her voice.

He could remember that he was supposed to bring her back... but without more information, he felt torn.

Alice was here. She was now. She was...

She wasn't going to love him, was she?

She wouldn't submit to him. She wouldn't do as she was told. She was too stubborn and stupid to be a good queen to him if he let her live. It didn't matter how strangely endearing he found her in some ways. They were incompatible, and this body had betrayed him with the odd attraction towards her.

Perhaps it was coming from Florian, he thought. That would be incredibly ironic. There was no way the Shadow Prince felt anything for that ridiculous woman, though, and it likely wouldn't bleed back into this body if he did.

... Probably. This was uncharted magical territory.

Well, then. Back to square one.