musical mood: so cold - ben cocks

Cass had one thing on her mind when her dormmates went to class the next day: how to get that book back from Umbridge. There were so many questions she had about her newfound knowledge on her Bond with Barty, and no one to answer them. Henry would only know so much, and she doubted Barty would tell her anything, and even if he would, she had no idea how to work the Bond, how to get him to appear to her. He only came when he wanted to, it seemed, not when she needed him.

Needed Barty. That was an odd thing to imagine, but it was unfortunately true. She needed answers, and he was the only way to get them, outside of finding that book. If she got caught, though, she'd be expelled. Not that she cared much about that at this point either, she could just track down the twins and help them at their joke shop until she was old and capable enough to open her own apothecary, like Flitwick had suggested. Maybe she could still intern for Mr. Mulpepper, even if she was expelled.

When it came to the twins, when it came to George, she was still furious. She understood, now, why they didn't take her with, but not telling her...it burned. She was, for the most part, ignoring George's attempts to reach out to her, allowing the shared journal to buzz and buzz, without responding. Several times now, her dormmates inquired on the noise, but she blew it off.

Maybe it was for the best, that George was gone. He didn't have to put up with her crazy, not while he was separated from her. Not that they had broken up...well, she assumed they were still in a relationship, but one could never know. For all she knew, he'd left her and hadn't told her because he was fed up with her what appeared to be lunacy. With him gone, she could focus on what was most important, breaking the Bond between her and Barty, separating them and allowing them mortality. Allowing Barty mortality, the ability to die. And when he was granted that, she'd kill him herself.

She needed to talk to Barty. Now. He might lie to her, sure, but it was certainly worth the risk, to get some sort of knowledge on what was happening between them, without stealing the Blood Magic book and risking expulsion. But how was she to get his attention?

Cass pursed her lips together as an idea struck her, and without any warning, she pressed her wrist up to her mouth, and bit down. Hard.

The metallic taste of blood filled her senses instantly, as she broke through her skin and into her veins, but even as she winced from the pain that shot up her good arm, she didn't stop. She was like a vampire, biting down harder and harder with every second, until-

"What the fuck?"

Barty had come. Just as she had predicted.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

She removed her wrist from her mouth, wiping the blood away from her lips with the sleeve of her opposite hand. As she eyed her brother up and down, she noticed he was bleeding from the same spot, which he clutched with his hand, blood seeping through his fingers.

"I wanted to talk to you." She answered simply.

"So you bit yourself? Do you realize how fucking painful that was?"

"Of course I did. I experienced it too."

"You're bloody mad."

"Says you." She stood up from her bed, walking over to him, her eyes meeting his. He'd gained some weight, he no longer appeared emaciated, with full cheeks and a clean shaven chin, unlike the stubble he had worn when Cass had seen him earlier in the year. He was now the healthy looking Crouch sibling, compared to Cass's too-thin frame and bags under her eyes that never seemed to disappear.

"What did you want, then? You interrupted a book I was reading."

"I didn't know you could read." She spat, the lowest insult her Ravenclaw mind could think of.

"How do you think I spent my years of imprisonment under our father, sister? I got 12 OWLs when I went to this blasted school, I wasn't in Ravenclaw for nothing."

"Someone's defensive."

"Someone is avoiding the question. Why did you summon me?"

"I want to know how the Bond works."

Barty let out a laugh, and she cringed at the sound. "It works with magic, sister. Are you that dense?"

"Yes, but how? How did you make it in the first place?"

He shook his head, the ghost of a laugh still etched on his face. "Trust me, Cassiopeia, you don't want to know."

"I do." She took another step towards him, only inches separating their faces. He was taller than her, but not by much, shorter than George, at least. The height difference didn't intimidate her, though, not as it might have in the past. He didn't intimidate her in general, now that she'd both grown used to him and now knew he couldn't hurt her. Not without hurting himself.

"I know what you're trying to do, sister, and it won't work."

"Yeah? And what is that?"

"I'm not playing this game with you. You want to figure out how to break our Bond, and then you plan to kill me. Even if I knew how to break a Bond as close as ours, I wouldn't be stupid enough to tell you."

"You don't know?"

He shook his head, and something told her he was speaking the truth.

"Fine. I'll figure it out on my own."

"No you won't."

"Yeah? There are plenty of ways I could. I'll steal the book back, scan the stupid thing page by page until I find a way. If there's nothing, I'll track down Mopsus himself, beg the author of that stupid bloody book to help me. I don't need you."

Barty scoffed. "The book is at the Ministry, sister. You honestly think Umbridge would risk keeping it at a school where someone could steal it? Good luck sneaking into that hell of a place and getting it. You won't get expelled - you'll be thrown in Azkaban. Just because dementors don't affect you doesn't mean you won't suffer from being imprisoned."

"Fine. Then I'll find Mopsus."

"Honestly, Cassiopeia, you're so stupid. How are you even a Crouch?"

"What are you on about?"

"You won't be able to track down a soul who knows how to break a Bond. Mopsus is dead."

Cass paused for a moment, her heart sinking to the floor at the horrible news. Mopsus was dead. Her only hope in escaping an eternity of misery.

"Why would you do this to me, Barty?" Her voice was barely above a whisper as she spoke, and she was suddenly at risk of crying. She quickly blinked back the tears that threatened to spill. She would not cry, she refused to cry in front of her brother. "You've made my life a living hell by Binding yourself to me. Why couldn't you have picked someone else?"

"It was nothing personal." He shrugged, and Cass could tell he wasn't lying. "I never had anything against you, when you were born. It was just to keep father from hurting me too much. Sure, he'd use magic on me occasionally, but he couldn't so much as hit me without hurting his precious daughter. Had I Bound myself to anyone else, he likely wouldn't have cared enough to not hurt me."

"And father...he did hurt you? While you were being held in the attic?" She couldn't imagine her father hurting anyone, let alone his own son, but she also hadn't been able to imagine he would've hid a fugitive in their house until she discovered that she had. As much as she didn't trust Barty, she knew he had no reason to lie, not about this, anyways.

"I think I've made that very clear. When I'd disobey him, I was punished. Those were the rules, even if Winky tried to stop him."

"Is that why you killed him?"

"It was one reason among many. He stood in the way of my goals. The Dark Lord's goals. He had to be disposed of."

"Is there anyone else you need to...dispose of?" Cass said the last two words with hesitancy, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

"Maybe your Weasley twin, if he starts to get in the way, more than he already has." He said it so casually, the words didn't even register her for a moment, but when they did, Cass just about passed out. "Henry Nott, too, he's certainly pushing it, after telling you what he did."

"You wouldn't." Not George. Please. Not George. Anyone but George.

"I think you know I would. I'd hurt anyone who stood in the way of what I want."

"And what is it you want, Barty?"

"That, my dear sister, is a discussion for another day." He winked at her, and her breath caught in her throat. When she finally opened her mouth to speak, Barty was gone, leaving her alone, and perhaps more miserable than she'd ever been in her life.

*

I need to talk to you. Meet me at the Shrieking Shack.

When? What time? George wrote back almost instantly, his messy handwriting forming in the journal.

Tonight. Midnight. I'll sneak out and meet you there.

Alright. See you soon. Love you, Cassie. He drew a little heart at the end of his sentence, and Cass's stomach churned at the image. She couldn't chicken out from what she was about to do, not this time. But Merlin, it hurt. So much.

Before, she'd simply assumed Barty was a danger to George, but this time, he'd spelled it out for her clearly. George was in danger, if he crossed her brother. While chances were, the two would hopefully never cross paths, there was no way in hell Cass was going to risk it. She'd never allow George to get hurt, she refused to make the same mistakes that had got Cedric killed not even a year ago.

Oh, Cedric. She didn't think about him often, because of how much it hurt, but when she did, she nearly doubled over in physical pain every time. He'd meant so much to her, even in the end, when he'd done what he did to her, she'd still cared so much for him. If he had survived, she doubted she would've accepted his offer, the offer he'd made the day he died when he'd confessed his feelings for her. But that didn't mean they wouldn't have remained friends, good friends, even.

She'd gotten him killed because of her negligence, and she refused to allow the same to happen to the boy she loved.

At half eleven, all of her dormmates were asleep, when she slipped out of her bed, padding across the room and slowly opening the door, softly shutting it behind her and praying she hadn't woken anyone up.

If she had, no one came after her, as she exited the Ravenclaw common room, which was mostly empty, save for a few students who had fallen asleep at the desks they sat on, faces planted in their textbooks. Not an uncommon sight by any means for their common room.

Wand in hand, she cast dissemdium on the statue of the One-Eyed Witch, sneaking through the passageway and into the cellar of Honeydukes. She had been rather paranoid that she'd somehow get caught, but by some miracle, no one was on patrol nearby. It was like the universe was telling her what she was about to do was the right thing.

It was relatively warm out for a Scottish night, but she shivered nonetheless at the gust of wind that sent her hair flying out of its ponytail. Cass imagined she looked odd, walking into what was supposedly a haunted house, in a pair of pyjama shorts and an oversized t-shirt, with her hair messy and blown around from the wind, but she didn't have it in her to care about her appearance. Maybe it was best that she look ugly while she did this.

The door to the shack opened with a loud creek, though it was overpowered by George's voice, as he shot up from the couch he was seated on. "Cassie! You came!"

"Did you think I wouldn't?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Well, you've sort of been ignoring me. I've tried writing to you in that notebook just about every day, and you've hardly responded."

"I'm sorry." She gave him a sad smile. "I've just been busy with OWLs."

"Right." He said, mirroring her smile, though it didn't seem like he believed her. She understood why, as she wasn't telling the full truth either. Sure, she was busy with OWLs, but she'd also been avoiding him, for more than one reason. "Fred and I paid the down payment on the building for our shop, in Diagon Alley. We're going to call it Weasley's Wizard Wheezes."

"That's a perfect name."

"You could work there, once you graduate. Only when you graduate, actually. I'm not letting you drop out of school, you're too smart for that."

She smiled at his compliment, before realizing she probably shouldn't, and quickly willed her expression to remain cold.

George evidentially could sense something was wrong, as he spoke, teetering his weight from foot to foot. "Cassie, is everything okay?"

She shook her head, but before she could say anything George took a step towards her, grabbing her good hand in his, and turning her wrist towards him, his brow furrowed together. "What happened to your wrist?"

"Nothing." She swiftly pulled herself out of his grip, hoping her expression didn't give anything away.

"It looks like a bite mark."

"Padma's cat bit me."

Padma didn't have a cat, but George didn't need to know that. He didn't need to know that she'd resorted to biting herself so Barty would appear to her. That would just lead into a conversation about how she was mad, and she didn't think she could handle more gaslighting, however unintentional on his part.

His jaw shifted, as he took a deep breath, his expression melting into a mixture of concern and possible anger. Who he could possibly be angry with, she had no idea. "Cassie...you're not hurting yourself, are you?"

"What? No, of course not. I'm better now, you know that."

"Do I? You nearly killed yourself only a few months ago, when it seemed like you were better. I haven't been here to keep an eye on you, for all I know, you've gotten worse." He shook his head, red hair flying around aimlessly. "Fuck, Cassie, I never should've left you. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine." She interjected quickly. "I'm not mad at you about it. Not anymore. And I don't need a babysitter." The last bit was spat out with a bite, and George flinched. It was like a knife to the heart, seeing him hurt by something she said, but she knew she had to.

"That's not how I meant it and you know that."

"Do I?" She mimicked his own response, and he flinched once again, taking a step back.

He took a deep breath, clearly trying to collect himself before he spoke once again, though his voice was shaky when he did. "Cassie, what's going on? Why did you want to meet?"

Cass paused, a rock forming in her throat. She hadn't thought this through, hadn't thought about how she was going to break up with him, what excuse she would make. She certainly couldn't tell him the truth.

Or maybe she could. Maybe she could, and he'd assume she was mad. Maybe it was best, he assume she was unstable, rather than her break his heart even more by being okay, and simply no longer wanting him.

Maybe he would believe her, and understand the danger.

At the end of the day, that was all she wanted. To be believed.

"Barty is alive."

George's face fell. "Shit, not this again."

"What, is it a bother to you? I'm sorry my maniac brother is such an inconvenience to you."

"It isn't a bother, shit, Cassie, it's just...I really hoped you were better."

"There's nothing to be better from, George. He's alive."

"No, he isn't." He took a step towards her, reaching over and placing his hands on her shoulders. She savoured the feeling, the feeling of his fingers on her, knowing she would likely never experience it again. Not while Barty was alive, which could very well be an eternity. "Cassie, please, trust me. Listen to me. You're safe. Your brother is dead."

"Why don't you believe me?" Her voice cracked, and this time, she wasn't sure she could prevent herself from crying. Fuck, she was pathetic.

"Because you're mad!" He cried, before his brown eyes grew wide in realisation of what he had just said. Cass stumbled backwards, just as shocked at his pure audacity. Mad. She'd spent so long convincing herself she was mad, only to find out she hadn't been, and here he was, the only person in this world she fully trusted, calling her mad. Insane. Delusional.

It was for the best, that he think that. But it still hurt to hear it said out loud.

"Cassie, I didn't mean that. I just-"

"Don't." She held out a hand, stopping him from both speaking and from taking a step towards her. An apology was written all over his face, one she so desperately wanted to accept, but she knew she had to keep herself together. Had to end it. At least she had a way out. "I came here to break up with you, George."

"Why?" His voice was hardly above a whisper.

"I have things to work out. Things that are pretty evident. Like my apparent madness."

"Cassie, I don't think you're mad. I just think you need help."

"I don't want you to worry about me anymore. You've graduated. You can move on now. Find someone else, okay? Someone who doesn't have all the issues that I do. You deserve better."

"That's not true. I deserve you, I want you!"

"It doesn't matter what you want. Barty will hurt you."

"Back to fucking Barty again! Are you going to let your life be dictated by what your dead brother says?"

"HE ISN'T FUCKING DEAD!"

Neither of them said anything for a long moment, simply stared at each other, both red in the face and close to tears.

Eventually, Cass reached up, wiping her eyes. "Goodbye, George."

"Wait, Cassie-"

She turned around and began walking out of the Shrieking Shack, a place she imagined once she exited, she'd never return to again. Just as her back was to George did tears begin to run down her freckled face, her throat clogging up almost instantly. It was hard to breathe, hard to walk, but he couldn't see that, she refused to allow him to see how much this was destroying her.

Most importantly, she refused to turn around, lest she see his face and change her mind, fuck the consequences. She knew if she saw George, if she saw the boy she loved, she would crack, and she refused to crack. She refused put him in danger.

"Cassie, please, wait. Cassie!"

More steps towards the door. Just as her fingers brushed against the handle, did he say the thing that was not just a knife to the heart, but one that was twisted after being stabbed, so horrible she thought she might collapse to the floor on the spot.

"Cassiopeia!"

She shut the door behind her, not looking back as she stalked down the road that led back to Hogsmeade. George didn't follow her.

It was a small mercy.

*

Connor,

I forgive you. I'm sorry it took me a while to respond to you. I've been busy with school and whatnot. Remember what we talked about, on our night together? About the places we'd go?

I'd like to do that.

I fear my letters are being monitored, which is why I cannot say more on the subject, but please know that my decision is permanent, and if you chose to attend me, yours must be as well.

I end school on June 26th. I'll meet you at the diner where the fight took place, at midnight. Come prepared. Do not write back to me, in case these are being watched. If you do not wish to come, simply don't show up.

-Cass