musical mood: sober - hyoyeon

The potion was easy enough to make. It took quite a bit of time, but Cass had found a recipe that sped the process up from the usual month a love potion would take to brew, shortening it to just two weeks. Of course, she had to keep it in the kitchens, and take consistent breaks, considering the side effects that inhaling the fumes resulted in.

It was late November by the time she finished her part of the prank, injecting the completed love potion into a box of chocolate candies she'd picked up at her last Hogsmeade visit.

"If you two play any tricks on me, I'll be furious, remember?" She said as she handed the box to the twins. "Malfoy was one thing, but having Filch chasing after me..."

George smirked. "Don't worry Cassie, I'd never subject you to such a thing. Besides, you're my girlfriend now, I'd like to see any other guy try to get his hands on you."

She leaned up and planted a kiss on his lips, ignoring the gagging sounds Fred made as she did. "Bloody hell, get a room you two."

"Oi, you're ten times worse with Angelina." George snapped, though his tone was thick with amusement.

After they finished, George, per usual, insisted on walking Cass back to her common rooms. Though recently, he's been entering with her instead of simply dropping her off, deeming watching her as she studied on the blue couches a fun activity. Not that she minded, of course, but sometimes, it was hard to get much studying done with him there. It was nearing curfew, the sun had already set outside, and she worried about George getting caught if he were to run late. Before, detentions were just cleaning trophies and scrubbing floors, but now, he might get his hand mutilated.

This time, when she answered the riddle that opened the passage into the common rooms, she found it packed with people. Mostly Ravenclaws, but a few from other houses as well. Music blared from an unknown source, and Henry stood in the middle of the room, handing out bottles of firewhisky left and right.

"What's happening?" Cass asked the first person she saw as she stepped inside, George shortly behind her.

"A party." The boy looked at her like she was dumb.

"What for?"

"The Quidditch match." There was a silent duh in his tone. "We just beat Hufflepuff."

Cass sighed, turning to George, who was looking around the common room with an expression of admiration. "Want to go to the library?"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"To study?" She rolled her eyes. "I have my OWLs and you have your NEWTs, we need to study!"

"But there's a party. We can study tomorrow. Twice as much, I promise. No snogging breaks either." He looked so intrigued by his surroundings, excited by the party happening around him, Cass found it difficult to say no.

"Fine." She breathed. "But no snogging breaks tomorrow."

"Cross my heart." He winked at her, before pushing his way through the crowd and up to Henry. "Two firewhiskeys, please."

Henry handed him two bottles, for whatever reason avoiding meeting Cass's eye, and walking away right after.

"Well, that was odd." George said as he gave Cass her bottle. She popped the cap off, taking a sip.

"He's been acting funny all year. So has Theodore."

"To be fair, when have those brothers not been weird?"

She laughed, taking another sip from her drink, allowing the liquid to burn her throat. The sensation felt nice, relaxing, and she already felt her head buzzing. Firewhiskey was known for kicking in fast, she knew that, but maybe she was a bit of a lightweight as well.

"What are you doing here?" A pinched voice slurred, and Cass didn't have to look up to see who it was that had spoken. "Since when do you like to party?"

"I should be asking you the same, Dahlia. You're a Slytherin, what business do you have in our common room?"

"I'm here with my boyfriend." She pointed at a boy across the room - Cass recognized him from the Quidditch team, but she didn't know his name. He was currently standing on the table, chugging an entire bottle of firewhiskey in one go.

George scrunched his nose. "You're dating Grant Page? Isn't he kind of...you know..."

"What?" Dahlia raised a challenging eyebrow.

"You know...crazy." He pressed his lips together, like he regretted starting this conversation. "I mean, he tried to set fire to the Greenhouse last year. And he kidnapped Hannah Abbott's owl, and held it hostage in his dorm for a week."

"Yeah, well, look who's talking."

His brow furrowed together. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're dating someone just as psycho."

Cass shifted, straightening her posture. George blinked, clearly quite confused.

Dahlia leaned in, a smirk on her lips. Cass could smell the alcohol in her breath - it was clear she was wasted. "I mean, she's quite literally psychotic."

"I'm not psychotic." Cass hissed between clenched teeth.

"Oh really? Because Adelaide told me that the nurses at the loony bin said you have psychosis, or something like that. Makes sense, for someone who tried to off themselves. Next time, do a better job, yeah?"

"Would you say that to your sister?" She raised her eyebrows, and Dahlia's expression contorted into one of rage. "Wasn't she there for trying to jump off the Astronomy tower? If I'm psychotic, what's that? Either she's suicidal or nuts - maybe she was trying to fly. Delusion seems to run in you Burke's veins, after all. Maybe you should focus on your crazy sister, instead of me, make sure she doesn't wind up six feet under."

Truthfully, Cass had nothing against Adelaide, except for the fact that she'd apparently been gossiping about her time at St. Mungo's to anyone who would listen. But she had a point to make, and her little sister's suicide attempt was clearly a touchy subject for Dahlia.

"Don't fucking talk about my sister like that, you delusional half blood bitch." Her nostrils flared, and she was clenching and unclenching her fists, like she was debating whether or not to punch Cass.

"Dahlia, you're drunk." George turned to his ex girlfriend, his voice soft but firm at the same time. "You ought to back off."

"You ought to get a better girlfriend. Someone without a few screws loose - someone who doesn't make a habit of jumping in front of muggle cars."

Instead of responding to her, George simply wrapped an arm around Cass, tugging her away from Dahlia. The eldest Burke sister continued to hurl insults at them as they walked away, but eventually gave up as they exited the common room, shutting the door behind them.

Cass took a deep breath, pressing her drink to her mouth and finishing off the bottle. A calm feeling rushed through her, and her nerves began to relax, as if being cleansed from what had just happened. Not that she was too upset over it, it was just Dahlia, after all, but it certainly hadn't been a pleasant experience.

George, in the other hand, had an unreadable expression, with too many emotions in his face to properly make out. "What was she talking about, Cassie? What were you talking about?"

"What do you mean?"

"Psychosis? Trying to off yourself? Did that happen? Or was she just saying stuff for the hell of it?" It was obvious that he didn't believe the second option, but was simply giving her the opportunity to tell the truth. As much as she wanted to lie, to keep him in the dark about the severity of what had happened during her time away from Hogwarts, she knew to do so was unfair.

Eventually, she spoke. "I told you before, I wasn't in a good place."

"There's a difference between not being in a good place and trying to kill yourself."

"I don't see why it matters. I'm better now." She forced a small smile, unsure if her words were true. Sure, she was significantly happier than she had previously been, and she hadn't seen Barty at all. But she knew if she did see him, or if one little thing happened, she'd go crashing right back down to where she had been before.

He didn't look like he believed her either. "I...I just don't understand. Why would you do that?"

"I didn't want to live. I was seeing things. I was scared."

"Seeing things?"

"Forget it." She shook her head. "You don't need to concern yourself with these things, George. I'm fine now. Really."

"I don't believe you." He said simply, and she stared at him, eyes growing wide. It was like her heart had shattered into a million tiny pieces at his words. He didn't believe her - no one did.

"...Why not?"

"Because, I reckon those things don't just go away."

"You think I'm lying, then."

"I didn't say that."

Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was just her breaking point, but it was like something inside of her had snapped. Any logic she had possessed about her visions of Barty likely being very vivid hallucinations had vanished, replaced with the primal fear she had lived in before her stay at St. Mungo's.

"Everyone thinks I'm a liar, or that I'm mad. But I'm not, I haven't gone mad. I did see Barty. He did save me. And I am better now. If I wasn't better, I would've killed myself already, don't you get it? I don't want to die anymore."

George blinked rapidly. "I'm sorry, back up, what about Barty?"

"He's alive! My brother is alive - he was the one to push me out of the road when I jumped in front of the cars. I shoved him before, earlier that day, and I touched him, like, my hands met his body! I can't be imagining it. George, he's alive, I don't know how, but he is. I haven't seen him since, but that doesn't mean he isn't there."

He stared at her for a few moments, clearly trying to absorb everything she was saying. "Cass, Dahlia said you have psychosis, right?"

"No. It's psychotic depression. There's a difference." Her nose twitched. She could sense where this was going.

"Have you ever stopped to think, maybe this is a symptom? Maybe you need to seek more help, maybe see Madam Pomfrey, try some medications? I'm sure they have something that can help you - Charlie dealt with some pretty severe depression back when he was in school, they put him on potions that really helped."

"I don't need potions! I'm not mad!"

"I didn't say you were!" George placed his hands on her shoulders to keep her from going anywhere. He looked desperate, just as desperate as she felt. "Cassie, I love you. But what you're thinking isn't real, we all know Barty is dead. You're hallucinating him."

"He pushed me out of the road, George! I saw his face! I felt him!"

"Why would he do that?"

It was the same question Moody had asked her, and just like then, she didn't have an answer. "I don't know. I don't know why he wouldn't just let me die. But it was him, I swear, it was him."

George shook his head, clearly unsure of what to say, though his eyes shone with pity. She hated it, she hated it so much, she wanted to run away from that look.

"Why don't you believe me?" She hadn't realised she was close to crying until her voice broke.

"I...I didn't say I don't believe you. I believe you're seeing him...listen, Cassie, you're drunk. Let's have this conversation tomorrow, yeah? Come back to the Gryffindor common room with me, we can hang out in there, relax, help you sober up."

"You think I'm mad, don't you?"

"No. I think you need help."

She shook her head, a mixture between a laugh and a sob escaping her lips. She tried to speak, tried to say something, tried to insist that she was perfectly fine and didn't need help, nothing came out. George pulled her into him, and she collapsed into his chest, inhaling his scent. It was grounding, and while she certainly wasn't calm, it helped rationalize what was growing to be another episode of pure hysteria.

"I'm so confused, George. I don't know what's real anymore. Maybe I am mad."

"You're not mad." He rested his chin on her head, before pulling away to look at her. "I'm taking you to my common room, alright? I don't think a party is a great idea anymore. We probably should've just studied."

She nodded in agreement, and they began to walk down the halls and to the Gryffindor common room. Cass had never been inside it before.

"I'm sorry." She muttered, only just loud enough for him to hear. "I reckon this isn't what you signed up for when you kissed me."

George stopped in his tracks, turning to look at her. "Cassie, I knew what I was getting into."

She blinked, and he elaborated. "I mean, I didn't know the specifics, of course, but I wasn't stupid. I knew you'd have some form of trauma from what happened last year."

She bit down on her tongue, unsure of what to say. But she didn't have to say anything, as she glanced over his shoulder, and was met with Barty's sinister expression. She didn't scream, not this time, she didn't do anything except stare back at him.

It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.

"What is it?" George frowned, seeing her expression contort into one of fear. He followed her gaze, turning around, looking straight through Barty. He couldn't see him, just how Umbridge hadn't been able to on the day she was expelled. It was a face she'd prayed she'd never see again, prayed that it had been just a fluke, a simple error in her brain chemistry, that she was better now. But she wasn't, and she didn't think she'd ever be.

"What is it?" George repeated.

"What is it?" Barty mocked.

"You don't...never mind." Cass shook her head, trying to calm herself down, though her breathing had become quick and shallow, like it always did when she was afraid.

She closed her eyes, as George once again asked her what was going on.

He's not real. He's not real. He's dead. Barty is dead. When you open your eyes, he will be gone.

Cass's eyes shot open, and to her surprise, he was gone. She let out a sigh of relief, shocked at her own ability. She'd done it! She'd made him go away! "Nothing. I'm fine."

"You sure?"

She nodded, a genuine answer.

He wrapped his hand in hers, giving her a smile that somehow managed to comfort her even more than her ability to send Barty out of her mind had been. George had somehow been the only person to be able to talk her down from what had clearly been the beginning of an episode, the beginning of the whirlwind of emotions that had once nearly left her dead.

"Right, let's go then."

*

Cass hadn't meant to make out with George, really. She'd intended on getting some reading done while she was with him in the Gryffindor common rooms, which were much cosier than the Ravenclaws. Reading always helped ground her, and while George had stopped her from having a full on episode, she still could feel herself on edge, teetering, just inches from falling over.

But, the common rooms had been too noisy to get any studying done. So, George let her go up to their dorms, which were void of its other inhabitants. Of course, she wasn't going to study on the floor, so she wound up in his bed, borrowing his potions textbook to go over.

He'd distracted her pretty early on, pressing frequent kisses to her cheek, causing her to laugh. "George, I'm trying to study."

"Boring. Take a break, you've been going at it for hours."

She stared at him incredulously. She hadn't drank that much, and had mostly sobered up, though she was still a bit tipsy. "It's been like...twenty minutes."

"Same thing."

"You're ridiculous." She sighed, setting the book down on her lap so she could lean in and kiss him on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you." He responded, melting into her touch.

"I'm sorry again."

He ran a hand through her hair. "It's okay. I do think you need help, but we can talk about that later."

"You help me. You're all I need." She insisted, kissing him again before he could say anything else. Deep down, she knew it was unfair to put George under the pressure of being the only person that seemed to have a clue how to help her, and she ought to seek out proper, real help like he'd suggested, but she didn't want to think about that now. She just wanted George.

George smiled against her touch. "I love you, Cassie Crouch. I'll love you forever. I promise."

The book fell off her lap and onto the floor, but she paid no mind to it, her attention entirely on the boy she loved. Their heads were pressed against each other, her brown eyes boring into his. She didn't want to look away, she never wanted to look away from him. If she could spend an eternity staring into his deep brown eyes, she would.

He leaned in and kissed her again, this time more passionate, rougher and more intimate. His hand travelled up to her chest, and she pressed into his grip, her heart pounding more than it had when she'd seen Barty.

Was this going where she thought it was?

She glanced down at the area right below his belt, before mentally determining that it was. He was certainly in the mood, at least, that was very clear.

Just as she had moved herself on top of him, straddling him with her thighs, George pulled away. "Cassie," his breath was heavy, like he had just run a marathon, and his expression shone with a mixture of lust and regret. Two emotions Cass never imagined she'd see at the same time. "I...I don't think we should do this."

She blinked, a flush of embarrassment creeping onto her face. "Why not? Did I...did I do something?"

"Did you do something?" He stared at her, shaking his head as if the idea were ridiculous. "No, of course not. Trust me, I want to. You can probably tell." He looked down at his pants, and she laughed. "I really, really want to. But...not while you might still be upset, or vulnerable, or still have any firewhisky affecting your choices. I don't want to accidentally take advantage of you."

Cass took a deep breath, rolling off of him and smiling to herself. "You're too chivalrous for your own good."

"Chivalrous, that's a new one." He said as he stood up.

"Where are you going?"

"Cold shower." He winked, and she felt her face go red.

"Right, you...you go do that."

He exited his dorm and into the adjacent bathroom, the sound of falling water from the shower emitting from behind the closed door.

"Well, wasn't that steamy?"

Cass whipped around, heart rate picking up. Barty was standing near the window, eyeing her up and down with a look of disgust. "First that muggle, now the blood traitor? Merlin, I didn't know you were such a slag."

"You're not real."

"Am I not?" He raised his eyebrows, looking down at himself. "I feel pretty real."

She closed her eyes, just as she had done in the hallway.

He's not real. When I open my eyes, he will be gone.

This time, unlike in the hallway, when she opened her eyes again, Barty was still there, though he had moved closer, sitting down on the bed next to her feet. She quickly tucked her knees up to her chest, holding her legs with her arms.

"How are you here?"

He didn't answer her, instead placing a hand on the top of her knee.

She shuddered at the contact, pulling away from his coarse touch as goosebumps covered her body. He laughed, but didn't try to touch her again. Had that been real? Had she really felt his skin on hers?

"I'm mad, aren't I? I've gone mad. You're not real. You're dead."

He once again laughed, a cruel sound. "I told you, Cassiopeia, I'm very much real, and very much alive. Maybe not in the way you think, but I am. I'm right here. You'll learn how, soon enough."

"Was it you then, that night in the street?"

Barty nodded, and she felt her stomach sink to the floor. "You're lucky I was there. You would've got hurt otherwise."

She pondered this for a moment. He cared if she got hurt? Why? Since when had he been concerned about the wellbeing of anyone other than himself? Surely, surely there was an ulterior motive behind it. "Why did you do it? Why didn't you just let the semi hit me? Don't you want me dead?"

"Quite the opposite, actually."

"Then why have you been tormenting me? You did this, you drove me to do suicide. If you want me alive, you'd leave me alone. You'd stop making me think I've gone mad."

He rolled his eyes. "You're so bloody dramatic. I've just been messing with you, I had no idea you'd take it so bloody seriously. You can't die, not under my watch. It's the opposite, actually, I need you alive."

"Why? I don't understand!"

Barty opened his mouth to respond, but before he could say anything, the door to the bathroom swung open. George walked out, a towel around his waist and his hair and body drenched in cold water. He looked around, frowning, as Cass gulped, reminding herself not to stare at his bare chest.

"Were you talking to someone? I heard voices."

She glanced over to where Barty had been. Of course, he was gone, leaving only a burning memory behind. "No. Just...talking to myself."

"You're ridiculous." He smirked at her, and she sent him a glare, hoping she didn't appear as shaken up as she felt.

"Oi, that's my line!"

He laughed, stepping back into the bathroom and returning moments later with the towel discarded, instead wearing boxers in the Gryffindor colours.

Cass averted her eyes.

"Wow, for someone who nearly just had sex with me, you're certainly awkward about seeing my skin." He laughed again, and she felt her face burn up. "I didn't think you were such a prude, Cassie."

Barty's voice rang in her head, calling her a slag, and she couldn't help but grin ever so slightly at the irony. Which was it, was she a slag or a prude?

George approached her, sitting down on the end of the bed, right where Barty had been. "Are you okay? You look a bit...pale."

"I'm brilliant." She forced a grin, though her mind was swimming with thoughts, too many to be coherent, too many to focus on just one. "Just tired."

"You want to sleep with me?"

She nearly choked on her tongue. "I thought you said-"

"Not like that." He cut her off, laughing to himself. "I mean, sleep. Here. It's past curfew, if you're caught out in the halls, you'll face the wrath of Umbridge again."

She glanced down at her scabbed hand, remembering the pain from the detention. Hers had likely been worse than anyone else had, given the nerve damage she had, and she wasn't sure she'd be able to withstand it again.

"Your dormmates won't mind?"

George rolled his eyes. "Please, Fred has Angelina in here every other day. And Lee and Kenneth also sleep together, if you know what I mean."

She pressed her lips together. Maybe if she stayed with George, Barty would keep out of her head. Not that trying to submerge Barty was the only reason she'd want to...

"I don't see why not. There's no classes tomorrow, anyways."

"Brilliant." He stood up, rummaging through his wardrobe before throwing an oversized Quidditch jersey at her face.

She lifted it up with a frown. "What's this for?"

"To wear. Unless you want to sleep in that." George motioned towards her school uniform - the white button up and grey pleated skirt that she knew would be just about impossible to get any rest in.

Her breath caught in her throat, caught completely off guard. It wasn't like the act of wearing his clothes itself was explicit, but it felt so, felt very intimate. Perhaps more so than sleeping in the same bed as him. "Er...alright. Turn around, then."

"Whatever you say, Cassie." He turned his back to her, lips curled up in a playful smirk.

She turned away as well, and swiftly undressed out of all of her clothes except her underwear, tossing what she had been wearing to the ground and pulling the Quidditch jersey over her. It was baggy, going nearly to her knees, but she still felt rather exposed in it. Had George ever seen her in such few clothes? No, she didn't think he had.

The thought made heat rise up in her face. She'd nearly had sex with him, yet she still found herself flustered at such simple things. Fuck, she was really in over her head.

When she turned around, she saw George had turned back around, and was shamelessly staring at her.

She grabbed her sock off of the floor and threw it at his face. "Pervert!"

"What can I say? You're irresistible." He moved around the bed and kissed her. "You look great in my clothes. You should just stick to wearing those. Gives me a much better look at your legs."

"My legs?" She raised her eyebrows.

"Yes, they're very sexy." As if to confirm what he said, he pressed his left hand to the bare skin of her leg, just where the hem of his shirt fell. A tingling sensation filled her, and she kissed him again, smirking against his lips. He kissed her back for a moment, his motions full of passion, before pulling away. "Cassie, we shouldn't get carried away."

"Oi, you're the one who touched my leg."

"Did I?" He batted his eyes, feigning innocence.

"You're ridiculous."