musical mood: cardigan- taylor swift

The moment Cass screamed, loud and full of terror, the compartment door swung open.

"Cassiopeia?" Cho Chang was standing there, brown eyes wide. They were rimmed with red, but she had genuine concern on her face. "Is everything okay?"

Cass whipped back to where Barty had been, where he had been sitting and breathing and alive, but he was gone, as though he had never been there in the first place. There was no sign he had been there, no crease in the velvet where he would've sat, no scent in the air. Had she imagined the entire thing? She must've, but it had seemed so real.

"Yes, sorry. I'm fine." She gave Cho a forced smile, standing up and packing her book in her bag. "Bad dream."

"Alright..." Cho eyed her up and down, before leaving the compartment, and Cass let out a breath she hadn't even realised she'd been holding. Fuck. Cho Chang had just talked to her. The Cho who Cedric had dumped. The Cho who's ex boyfriend Cass had got killed. Why did she seem like everything was okay, like she didn't hate Cass when she most certainly should?

She took a deep breath, shaking her head. If she thought about it much more, she'd cry, and that was the worst thing she could do. Crying solved nothing, she'd learned that the hard way.

When she exited the train, she easily spotted the Weasley's, and made her way towards them. Ron was saying a long goodbye to Potter and Granger, both of whom looked quite distressed. George was hugging Dahlia, and Fred was kissing Angelina, so Cass went up to Molly and Arthur, giving them a quick hello.

"Oh Cassie, it's so lovely to see you again!" Molly wrapped her in a tight hug. "When we heard what happened, oh Arthur and I were so horribly sad for you, but don't you worry. Everything is going to be okay, dear, do you hear me?"

Cass nodded, unsure of what to say. Why was Molly being so nice to her?

She grabbed her trunk, and then onto Arthur's hand as he apparated them all back to the Burrow. She hated the process of apparation, but she tried not to show it as she gave him a queasy smile when they landed in their living room.

"Fred, George, help Cassie bring her trunk to Ginny's room."

"Got it." Fred grabbed Cass's trunk, and without warning, apparated away.

She turned to George, wide eyed. "You can apparate now?"

"Yup. Learned how to this year in apparation classes."

"Nice." She shifted her weight from foot to foot, feeling awkward.

Nothing between her and George had been the same since he'd walked in on her and Henry. She hadn't had the opportunity to speak to Henry about what had happened either - which she should probably get around to doing. They'd both been so drunk, and she'd been craving a distraction, and it hadn't meant anything.

Fred came back a moment later without her trunk, and turned to Cass. "Oi, Cassie, we've been meaning to enlist your help again."

"Oh, you two leave her out of your stuff." Ginny rolled her eyes from where she sat on the couch, reading over a copy of the Daily Prophet and frowning at whatever the articles inside it contained. "Cass, you can tell them no."

"It's alright, Ginny. What do you guys need?"

"Well, you remember that bet we made with Ludo Bagman, right?"

"The one I specifically told you not to make, yes, I remember."

"Well, he still hasn't paid us back. So we're coming up with revenge tactics."

Ginny's eyebrows perked up at this, and she eyed Cass up and down, but said nothing.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Brew a potion to charm his hair off." Fred answered simply.

"Brilliant. I can do that."

Cass got to work immediately. There weren't many recipes she could find for hair removal potions, only hair growth, so she had to improvise. Luckily, she had all the ingredients she needed, between the Weasley's garden and her typical supply that she lugged around in her trunk, just in case.

Brewing potions was another thing that got her mind off of everything that had happened. Off of Cedric and her father and her brother. It was nice to have a break from all those emotions, threatening to capsize her.

It was late in the evening, while the Weasley's ate dinner and Cass remained in her and Ginny's shared room, working on her potion, when there was a gentle tap at the door.

"Come in." She called.

The door swung open, and in walked George. He shut the door behind him, and sat down next to her, crossing his legs and eyeing her cauldron. "How's the potion going?"

"Brilliant. It was really simple. I just need to add a few more things and it should be done. Then it needs to sit for a few days, with intermittent stirring."

"Thanks." He gave her a grin that she didn't mirror.

When neither of them said anything, George cleared his throat. "Fred thinks I ought to apologise to you."

"He does?"

"Yeah, and I think I do too. I shouldn't have gone off on you about Henry. You're not a slag, and you can snog whoever you want to snog. It's none of my business. I'm really sorry."

She pursed her lips together, her voice only just above a whisper as she spoke. "I only snogged him because I wanted to feel something else. Something that wasn't misery."

"I figured. I don't think that snogging is a good coping mechanism, though."

"It's the only one I have."

"You could try talking about it."

"I'm not going to talk about it."

"Cassie."

"What?"

He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "Look at me."

She glanced upwards, meeting his kind brown eyes. They bore into hers, and he looked at her like she was a riddle he'd just solved after years of trying.

"It isn't your fault."

"I-"

"It isn't your fault."

"But-"

"It isn't your fault."

A silence fell between the two, that she eventually broke. "Don't lie." Her voice was small, like a child's, and she was afraid she might cry. She blinked back the tears before they could spill.

"It isn't your fault. I won't pretend I know the entire story. I won't pretend I know what you're feeling. But I know he would've hurt you, if you didn't do what he said. it isn't your fault."

"I knew he was dead for a month. I knew he killed my father, and I still didn't do anything. Maybe if I had, Cedric would still be here."

"There was nothing you could've done."

"I tried to poison him. Barty. It didn't work. It just made him mad, and he...he sent me my father's finger." Cass played with her father's ring as she spoke, spinning the silver around her pointer finger with her thumb. "He sent me his finger in the mail, on my bloody birthday."

"Was that why you were crying in the bathroom?"

She nodded.

"I'm sorry you went through that alone."

"I didn't. You were there. You saved me, more than you know." He had no idea that him just being there, him simply entering the restroom when he had, had saved her life. She'd never tell him, of course, but she'd be eternally grateful.

He gave her a small smile, and this time she returned it.

"Are we friends again?" He asked her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She was only just able to stop herself from bursting into tears.

"Of course we are, George. Of course we are."

"Brilliant." He stood up, clapping his hands on his knees. "I'm going to go finish dinner, want me to bring you anything?"

"I'm alright, thanks."

"If you're sure..." He winked at her just as he shut the door behind him, leaving Cass alone once again.

Or so she thought.

"He hates you, you do know that, right?"

She jumped, managing to suppress a scream as she made eye contact with Barty. He looked the same as he did that day in the woods, when he'd likely nearly killed her.

"How are you here? You're dead - you got your soul sucked out."

He shrugged, like he didn't quite know the answer himself. "Your precious Weasley is lying to you, to spare your feelings. He hates you, everyone does. Everyone blames you for Cedric's death, even if they're too nice to say it to your face. Listen to their conversations, like I have. Listen and suffer."

When Cass blinked, he was gone

*

It was breakfast the next day when Moody came for her. He flew through the fireplace just as Cass was about to take a bite of bacon, while she listened to Ron ramble on about Granger. His crush on her was blatantly obvious.

She jumped in alarm, and so did the rest of the Weasley's, until they realised who had shown up.

"Alastor!" Arthur stood up to greet him with the shake of a hand. "Glad to see you're doing better."

"Hello Professor." Ron said through a mouthful of food.

"I'm not your Professor, Weasley, I was locked in a trunk for nine months." His mad eye swivelled to meet Cass's gaze as he said this. She looked down at her plate and placed her bacon back down, suddenly no longer hungry. "Arthur, Molly, you ought to know, the Order of the Phoenix is up and running again. Sirius is being housed at Grimmauld Place, and we ask that all that wish to rejoin the Order are also housed there, for protection. Except, of course, some select few."

"Snape, I presume." Arthur pressed his lips together.

"Dumbledore trusts him." Was all Moody had to say in response, though he seemed wary himself.

"What's the Order?" George asked, his eyebrows perked up with interest.

Molly waved a dismissive hand at him, her attention fully on Moody. "So it's true, then? He's back?"

"Who's back?" It was Ginny's turn to speak now, her face muddled with confusion.

"Potter has no reason to lie."

"We'll join." Arthur swiftly said, before turning back to the breakfast table. "Kids, pack your bags. We're moving, for a little while."

"What?" Ron spit out his food, earning disgusted looks from everyone around him. "Why?"

"We'll explain later. Now hurry."

Cass stood up from the table, along with everyone else, and began to make her way towards the upstairs. She didn't have much to pack, most of her belongings were at the old Crouch manor, so it shouldn't take her too long.

What would become of her old house? Was it hers now, or did it belong to the state now? Would the state try to sell it? She nearly laughed at the thought, Stromness had about the worst real estate market one could imagine. No one wanted to live in an obscure island town that hated everyone that didn't adhere to their strict, ridiculous social roles.

"Arthur, are you sure this is a good idea? I mean, we have so many children now, it isn't like it was before." Molly was whispering to her husband.

"We have to do the right thing, Molls. Besides, I reckon the kids have dealt with worse already."

"Crouch." Moody called her name, and she froze in her tracks, just as she was about to climb up the stairs. George gazed back at her for a moment, giving her a look she couldn't decipher, before racing up the staircase after his siblings.

"Yes?"

"It's nice to finally meet you." The words seemed odd in his gruff voice and strange appearance, but she could tell they were genuine. What the hell? Why wasn't he trying to kill her?

"Likewise."

"You're probably wondering why I elected to be your guardian."

"I am, actually." She looked down at her feet, shifting her weight back and forth.

"Back in the first wizarding war, I'd got my leg cut off by a bastard called Lestrange."

"Bellatrix?" Cass frowned.

"No, her husband. Can't remember his first name."

"Right..."

"I was weak, for a while. I couldn't apparate, I couldn't do much magic. I couldn't go to work. Then, Death Eaters set my house on fire."

"Oh my God."

"Luckily, my neighbour came in and saved me, got me out of the fire, risking her own life in the process. Diana Bruce. If it weren't for your mother, I would be dead. I figured I owed it to her."

"You...knew my mother?"

Moody nodded. "Wonderful woman. Smart, and brave as they come. Shame what happened to her. Even now, I can't blame her for what she did. A mother and a child's bond is something impossible to break."

*

They moved to Grimmauld Place an hour later, where Arthur and Molly explained the entire thing, starting off with the fact that Sirius Black was apparently an innocent man, and had been framed by the very much alive Peter Pettigrew, who had been Scabbers the rat the entire time, whatever that meant. Sirius Black was surprisingly friendly, greeting Cass with a warm hello, next to their ex professor, Remus Lupin, who was also a part of the Order. The Order, turns out, was an anti You-Know-Who organisation, founded by Dumbledore in the first wizarding war. Now that Potter was claiming he was back again, they needed to restart the said organisation, recruit more people and whatnot.

Cass found she didn't mind living there at all. The people were, overall, very friendly towards her, which was shocking to say the least. The home was massive, with rooms available for everyone, and there was even a library that Cass found herself spending most of her time inside. Grimmauld Place was located in Islington, a part of London that Cass had never been to. It was beyond glamorous, and reminded her of when she, the Patil twins and Lavender visited Westminster back in their second year.

Moody was...well, moody, but surprisingly, didn't try to kill her. In fact, he seemed quite fond of her, which she didn't like one bit. She wanted him to yell, to curse, to hit her and tell her it was all her fault. The people around her were doing the opposite. Why wouldn't they blame her? Why were they being so kind? It made no sense. Why couldn't they hate her like she hated herself?

*

Cass,

I hope you're having a grand summer. Padma and I went to India to visit our grandparents, and we had lots of fun. You wouldn't believe how many different flowers there are. I know you'd love it here. I hope you're well.

Much love,

-Parvati

Hey Cass, Naia here! I miss you loads. Just wanted to check up on you, see how you're doing. Did you hear that the Patil's went to India? So jealous! We went to America to see my cousins again, but it's not as nice here. Sigh. Hope your summer is going great!

-Naia

Hello Cass,

I think you'd be excited to know that daddy and I found a new species of gnome with blue freckles instead of red. How has your summer been? Love you lots.

-Luna Lovegood

Cass, I heard you haven't responded to Naia, Luna or Parvati's letters. Just want to see if everything is okay. Write to me when you can.

-Lavender

Cass?

*

Dan's Convenience was a tiny shop about two kilometres away from Grim Old Place, as she liked to call it, sandwiched between a fast food restaurant and a Korean boutique, that sold every essential needed for muggle life for dirt cheap. It wasn't a very clean place, it almost always smelled of marijuana, and Cass once saw a mouse in the restroom. But, they were the one store in Islington that sold alcohol and didn't ever I'D their customers. Shady business, maybe, but Cass wasn't about to pass up on cheap drinks over it.

It was late on a Saturday evening, the sun just beginning to set over the busy city, as Cass browsed through the store. She hated just buying the beer - she felt as though the cashier was judging her when she did, so she always made a point to pick up other items.

This time, Cass walked down the candy aisle, before settling on some peanut butter and chocolate bar that she was sure George would like. He had been so kind to her lately, he deserved more than a 70 cent slab of future diabetes, but she knew he'd like it nonetheless.

She approached the counter, where two people were working - an older woman at the register, and a blonde boy with his back turned, doing some organising of the back shelves.

"A pack of camels as well, please." Cass motioned towards the cigarettes on the wall. Smoking was likely going to kill her, but she remembered how it felt when she did it with Parvati, and wanted to try it again. The woman gave her a disapproving look, but handed her the white box without question.

"That'll be seventeen fifty." The woman said, and Cass dug in her pocket for her cash, pulling out a 20. Queen Elizabeth's face stared at her from the bill.

As she reached out and set the change on the counter, she met the hazel eyes of the boy working there, who had turned around to face her with an expression of shock. A boy she thought she'd never see again.

Connor Moore.

Panic set in instantly; she absolutely could not handle this. No, not today. Not ever, but certainly not today.

But Connor said nothing, simply stared at her with wide eyes. Maybe he didn't recognise her. Cass hardly recognised herself nowadays.

"Keep the change." She sputtered out to the woman as she handed Cass the bag of items, before swiftly turning around and practically running out of the store.

She didn't get far, though.

"Cass!" Connor's unmistakable voice called out behind her, and she could hear his footsteps in the distance, growing closer and closer. She wasn't fast, she couldn't outrun him, and that would be a stupid thing to do anyways. "Cass, please, wait up!"

By the time she decided to stop, she was completely out of breath, sweat pouring down her face. She was out of shape, that was for sure.

Cass turned around to face him, trembling as she did. His hazel eyes met her brown, and she let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding. Connor, the boy she'd loved more than anyone, was back, right there in front of her, and she wanted nothing to do with him. He'd left her, he'd left her and she hated him for it. She'd sacrificed her father and Cedric's lives for his safety, because she loved him, and he never loved her.

"What do you want?"

"I...what are you doing here?"

"I live here. Just down the block." She gulped. "What are you doing here?"

"I moved in with Mauve and Saoirse. She lives in Islington, remember?"

"Why would I remember that?" She asked him, crossing her arms over her chest. Internally, she was yelling at herself for forgetting such an important detail. How had she not remembered that Mauve lived in Islington?

He shrugged, looking down at the pavement. He'd cut his hair since she'd last seen him, and he looked more happy, more youthful. If Cass wasn't so angry, she'd be happy for him. Happy that he was happy. "Do you want to like, get a coffee or something?"

"No."

"Cass, come on. I...I've been trying to reach you all year. But I didn't know how, and when I went to your house, your father didn't answer...I didn't know you two had moved."

"We didn't."

"But you just said-"

"I moved." She cut him off, rolling her eyes. "He died."

"Oh, Cass, I'm so sorry." He took a step forward, as if he were about to hug her.

She put a hand on his chest, pushing him away. "Don't. I don't want your pity. I don't need it."

"Cass, can we please talk about this?"

"What's there to talk about? You abandoned me. I needed you, and you left me. Did I not mean anything to you?"

Connor looked as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Did you not mean anything to me? Cass, you were my everything! Not a day goes by where I don't think of you, where I don't pray for you to come back to me, and God answered me because you're finally here. Can we please, please just talk this out?"

"I have nothing to say."

"Then let me do the talking. I have everything to say."

Connor looked so desperate, with his blonde hair hanging messily in front of his eyes, he looked just like the child Cass had loved so dearly, despite having grown up already. He was practically on his knees, begging, pleading, and as badly as Cass wanted to say no, to tell him to fuck off, the child in her couldn't.

"Fine."

"Thank you. Come on, I'll show you the best cafe in town."

By the time they had walked into a busy cafe and ordered their drinks, Cass was already regretting her decision. She was feeling, feeling too much, just as she had begun to gravitate towards numbness. She didn't want to feel a thing, but being around Connor was all emotions. He had been her everything, after all, her best friend, her worst fear, the only thing that made her happy before she went to Hogwarts. It was impossible to not feel around him.

"Saoirse doesn't like to talk about Hogwarts. I asked about you, a couple times actually, but she just shrugged and blew me off."

"I don't think she likes me very much."

"To be fair, she doesn't really like anyone."

Cass stifled a laugh.

Connor bit down on his lip, as if contemplating whether or not he should speak. "Cass...this might sound a bit silly but, are you...are you doing alright? You seem...different."

"I'm brilliant."

"You shouldn't lie to me."

She took a deep breath. "Connor, my father is dead. How am I supposed to be alright?"

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

"Not your fault." She repeated, sounding like a broken record.

"It is, though. Had I just heard you out...fuck, Cass, I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry I lied to you."

"You had to. I understand now." He gave her a kooky grin, looking around to make sure no one was listening, before he spoke with his voice lowered. "You know, magic seems kind of cool. You should show me some tricks sometime."

"Can't. I'm not allowed to do magic outside of school until I'm seventeen. Besides, I hate magic."

"You hate magic?" Connor blinked, and Cass nodded.

"It ruined my life. Life was easier when I was just a typical schoolgirl, when I was friends with you, when all I had to worry about was my father not showing up for me. I hate magic more than anything in this world."

"Cass, you really don't seem well..."

"I'm fine, Connor."

He pursed his lips together, eyeing her up and down with evident concern. "If you're sure...just please know that I'm here for you."

Liar.

"Right." She nodded, before standing up, grabbing her bag full of the items she'd got at the convenience store as she did. "Well, this was lovely, but I best be off."

"Wait, why?"

"I have other commitments."

"Like what?"

Like sitting in a dark room, pretending I don't exist.

"Like stuff. It doesn't matter. It's none of your business."

Connor stood up as well, reaching over and grabbing her bad wrist. She flinched, inhaling sharply and pulling away as a burning pain seared up her arm, all the way from her fingers to her shoulder.

"Shit, did you hurt yourself?"

"I'm fine."

"Cass, please. Just talk to me. I know what it's like to lose a father, maybe I can help." He was pleading again, his hazel eyes wide, like a child might beg for candy to his mother.

"You couldn't possibly understand what I'm going through."

"Then let me try to."

"Connor," She took a deep breath, meeting his fierce gaze. "You have a good life. Don't let me ruin it."

"How would you ruin it?"

"I ruin everything I touch."

"That isn't true, come on. Please, just sit back down, tell me what happened."

"I did tell you what happened. My father died."

"Oh come on, I'm not stupid. That clearly isn't everything. You never even liked Bartemius!"

"I never wanted him dead!" Her voice raised, earning several confused glances from those around them.

"That's not what I meant."

"How did you mean it, then?"

"I...I don't know. I'm sorry."

"This was a bad idea. I'm sorry for wasting your time." She turned and began to walk towards the door.

"Cass, please..." He chased after her as she opened the door and exited into the bright summer sun. "Don't go. Please, I love you. Please just hear me out."

"I remember saying those exact words to you. I remember pleading with you to hear me out, I remember insisting I loved you. And you still left. Now it's my turn. Goodbye, Connor."

When she walked away, this time, he didn't try to stop her.