WHEN ONE'S MIND STATE IS temporarily disabled due to sheer panic and disruption of thoughts, they automatically try and escape it, finding a safe place to calm down. 

Ophelia did not have a safe place.

Since she was young, it had always been Lucius. At Hogwarts, it was Draco.

Both were unavailable at the moment.

One was in the prison of the physical realm, the other was running circles in the prison of his mind.

She couldn't stop crying at the vision of Theo's eyes, which were full of sadness, but had been masked by a smile.

She couldn't stop running.

Running away from her boyfriend. The man she had left behind because she was too cowardly to talk about her feelings.

Because she was consumed by the guilt that bordered towards becoming self destructive, teetering on the edge of the control she had on her mind.

Filch was already following the trail of droplets from her soaking wet hair, all over his freshly mopped corridor floors, and Ophelia could hear him shouting at her to get back, but she kept on running. 

She could feel all the tiny dust particles cling to her bare feet as she ran, but she didn't stop until she reached the library, ignoring Madam Pince's constant shrieks of disdain at the ruination of the peace at the holy sanctuary of the library when she left a stream of water accompanied with loud footsteps with every step forward she took.

Her breathing was abrupt, her lungs taking in brisk segments of air every time she opened her air pathways.

Her mind was dysfunctional, immersed in the extensive thoughts about Theo, whilst her feet transported her wherever they saw fit.

It had been a mere few seconds that Ophelia realized she did have a safe space at Hogwarts.

She was standing inside it at the very moment.

The secret nook in the library, behind the restricted section.

It took another few seconds to notice she wasn't alone.

Due to the mental turmoil that circulated her thoughts, Ophelia found herself unable to move, her feet firmly rooted in the spot.

Because her feet had not only taken her to her physical safe space, but her mental safe space too.

With a stare that could rival that of a statue, Ophelia's heartbeat began to quicken, and she could hear every single beat as the blood rushed through every vein, every artery, every single capillary, awake. 

Her blood was alive, and it was tingling like never before, sending tiny electrical impulses to shoot all over her limbs and fill her body with existence, with purpose.

He seemed to notice her presence.

His tranquil, naturistically hazel brown eyes met her tempestuous, stormy gray eyes, like a tumultuous torrent of chaos, soothed by the wilderness of the overgrown forest that were his eyes.

The burden of consolation that rested peacefully on her shoulders was unfathomable. His eyes were magnets, extracting every bit of the daunting metal that distorted her tortured soul and stealing it for himself.

He could always calm her down. 

His mere presence was serenity.

And Ophelia, who had not spoken to him for what felt like days and days of endless downpour took several brisk steps towards him and allowed herself to collapse onto him.

Relief.

Pure, uncontaminated relief.

Shoulders slumping, limbs lightening, Ophelia neglected the worries of her mind and took in his scent, of pinewood and citrus, of fresh laundry and camera film.

Somewhere, somehow, Ophelia's lost soul had found its peace by declaring that she was in love with Colin Creevey.

She had always been in love with him.

"Ophelia?" Colin's soft voice uttered her name, and the blonde pulled away from the embrace of his shoulder and looked into his eyes once more.

His hazel brown discs spoke volumes about what he felt, about the unspoken words that resided between their two intertwined souls.

Mutually moving closer to each other, they both knew what they wanted.

Their lips met, and Ophelia's mind and heart both shut off, submitting to the boy whose arms were wrapped around her delicately. 

This felt right. It felt emotional, like her soul was finally exposed to the sunlight after months and months of darkness.

But she couldn't help comparing it to Theo's kisses, which were wild, and uncontrolled, filled with passion and physical desire.

This kiss felt like breathing, it felt like Ophelia was finally alive, like her soul was not a lonely ghost wandering aimlessly anymore.

His hands held her so delicately, they fit so snugly around her waist, holding her like she was the only thing that mattered.

"I love you," she whispered, the words uttered without a second thought.

"I love you," Colin whispered back, and the wings in Ophelia's heart that had been tied broke free of their confines and soared, igniting her soul with flight.

This felt right.

Her spirit felt whole, and wild, and free.

Somewhere, at the back of her mind, Ophelia felt the guilt of cheating on her boyfriend. But she ignored it.

Because this boy right here was the one that mattered.

"How come you're wet?" Colin murmured, stroking her shoulder softly. "Are you cold?"

She shook her head, because his kiss had warmed her, lighting the fire in her heart. 

The physical cold didn't matter any more.

He still gave her his robe anyway, and when Ophelia lay her head down on his shoulder, realization struck her.

She had always been in love with Colin.

Somewhere, somehow, she had used Theo as a distraction, a mere means to an end. She had been merely messing around with Theo, trying to forget all about Colin.

But it had become a real thing.

He had fallen for her.

That was never meant to happen.

And she didn't feel the same, because from the beginning, she knew that her heart would never be his.

And Theo had given her everything.

Only for her to cheat on him.

She needed to end it, she needed to break up with Theo.

But at the thought of losing him filled her with dread, her heart shriveling up at eliciting tears to spill down her eyes when she even began to think about not having him in her life.

The pain that she would feel would be unfathomable.

And to Ophelia, she was unable to understand why she would feel a sense of strong loss if she lost Theo when she never loved him in the first place.

Because I need him.

She needed Theo.

And Colin?

Well, she needed Colin too.

Theo had known her all his life, he understood her in a way no one else ever would. But Colin had opened up her mind, he had given Ophelia's life purpose in the darkest of times.

No, Ophelia was well and truly fucked. Utterly fucked.

Because she couldn't live without Theo.

But she couldn't live without Colin either.

Even though she had done something so completely wrong, it felt right, in a sense that she couldn't explain.

Ophelia couldn't live without Theo or Colin.

Theo fulfilled her physically and cognitively, and Colin fulfilled her emotionally.

Theo was her first childhood friend, but Colin was her first friend at Hogwarts.

She loved Colin, but she needed Theo.

Because Colin had indeed taught her how to survive, but it was Theo that taught her how to live.

{ hey guys !! i finally updated. so sorry for the late update, but i was struggling to write this chapter because there were so many emotions that needed to be understood. so i know it's short, but i think it's enough for today, i don't want to traumatize you guys any longer.
so you guys must hate lia so much for doing this to theo. but she's taken on pansy's approach to life... (live without regrets) and she's also selfish, to look after her own needs and heart more than anyone else's..
ALSO TTPD IS SO SO GOOD, WHAT'S YOUR FAVE SONG? mine is loml, so long london, ilipw, the alchemy, guilty as sin? and fortnight
anyway, i haven't been feeling very motivated to write lately, i have no idea why. i feel like people have gotten bored of this book...is it too slow?? is it too long ??
 i mean, i can't stand those fics where the characters get together and live happily ever after. they need trials and tests.. also, this book is about mental health and making choices, even though they sometimes have the wrong outcomes. that's why i have put every little thought it adding little details... it's a book about character development. lia isn't perfect, and that's what i love so, so much about her. everyone makes mistakes.
anyway, sorry for ranting, i love you all so so much. please spam with comments, vote, and follow. i also created a discord server link for this book, such as discussions, and ideas, and such. i shall put the link here in the comments... 
love, jasmine.
xoxo }

{ discord link: }

{ MAY 01. 2024 }