Dear Diary, 

I just found out I'm a witch! A witch! I can do magic! That's so cool, isn't it? A really old lady came home today and explained everything to Mum and Dad. 

I'm going to a magic school called Hogwarts! Term starts in two weeks. I'm so excited! I'll write later.

Love,
Mariana.

Dear Diary,

Today I'm going to Hogwarts! I'm so nervous, but also excited. I hope I make many new friends.

 I'm on the train right now, next to this girl named Ginny. She's got red hair, and six brothers. I wish I had brothers... She's telling me all about this famous wizard called Harry Potter and how he stayed at her house over the summer. Everyone already knows her because of her older brothers, and she's got so many friends, because they all want to hear her stories about Harry Potter. 

I wish I was her. Now she's writing in her diary. I'm going to read a book. Later.

Love, Mariana.

Dear Diary,

It's me again! I got sorted into Gryffindor, which is the best house, according to what Ginny says. She said she wants me next to her, because I was her only friend sorted into Gryffindor. The other girls on the train went to the other houses. She wants to be my friend! My bed is next to hers. 

There were three other girls besides me and Ginny sorted into Gryffindor. Two of them are twins, and they refuse to interact with anyone else. The other one is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Her name is Ophelia Malfoy. She has very shiny blonde hair and piercing grey eyes, almost blue. She's crying. She looks sad. I wish I could comfort her, but I can't, because Ginny won't be my friend if I did.

Ginny says her family is all bad. They're Malfoys, the richest in the country. Her older brother, Draco is in Slytherin. He insulted Harry Potter and Ginny's brother, and made Ginny almost cry. He also called me a mudblood, whatever that means. Ginny said it was very rude. She also said Ophelia was supposed to be in Slytherin, but she was sorted into Gryffindor. I think Ophelia is different than her brother. I wish I could be her friend. She's so perfect.

Love,
Mariana.

Dear Diary,

Mudblood means dirty blood. Draco called me that again. He also called Ophelia a blood-traitor. She looks very sad. She caught me staring at her. I couldn't smile at her because Ginny said not to. I want to fit in at this school. In my old school all the kids used to make fun of me. Ophelia rolled her eyes at me. Ginny said something mean to her. She called me a mudblood. 

Love, Mariana.

Dear Diary,

Sorry for not writing in ages. Hogwarts is tiring. Ginny almost died and it was all Ophelia's dad's fault. He also got rid of Dumbledore and Hagrid for a while. Ophelia and Draco were all blamed for it. I feel bad for them. We're going home today. Exams were cancelled. Yay! I'll write at home. Sorry this is rushed. I'm getting late.

Love,
Mariana.

Dear Diary,

Today is the beginning of second year. Sirius Black, a dangerous wizard escaped Azkaban. He was on the muggle news. Ginny went to Egypt over the summer. Her family won a prize. She got tanned and everyone says she looks good. She's talking about Egypt, and everyone's listening. I wish I was as popular and as pretty as her.

Ophelia is sitting in a compartment alone. I saw her on my way. She's reading Antony and Cleopatra. She looks lonely. She needs a friend.

Love, Mariana.

Dear Diary,

Sirius Black is Ophelia's uncle!!! She has a very strange family. Ginny says they are all supporters of You-Know-Who, Dumbledore's enemy. You Know Who tried to kill Harry Potter when he was just a baby. The wizard world is crazy complicated. I miss Mum and Dad.

Love,
Mariana.

Dear Diary,

Sorry for not writing for months again. Ginny invited me to see the Quidditch World Cup with her family. Hermione Granger was there too. She's nice. I like her. I saw Ophelia and her family. They are sitting with the Minister of Magic. Lucius Malfoy looks scary. Ophelia is sitting next to her father. She looks happier than I have ever seen her in my life. She looks even more beautiful when she's smiling. Victor Krum gave her his autographed firebolt!! 

I think Ophelia likes Quidditch. She looks older than last year. 

There was attack in the forest today. Ginny's dad said it was Lucius Malfoy and his death eater friends. Hermione said death eaters all support You Know Who. We saw You Know Who's mark in the sky. I'm scared.

We go back to Hogwarts soon.

Love,
Mariana.

Dear Diary,

Again, I apologize for the late entry. This year there is a tournament. Harry Potter was somehow chosen to participate. He's only 14. Ginny is telling me to pray nothing happens to him. He already fought a dragon. 

Tomorrow is the Yule Ball. I wish I was going, but third years aren't allowed, unless they have a date. Ginny is going with Neville. I wish I had a date too. 

Ophelia has a date too. She's going with a boy from Durmstrang. He's sixteen. 

I'll write tomorrow.

Love,
Mariana.

Dear Diary,

Everyone is talking about the ball last night. Apparently, Ophelia insulted Ginny horribly, and poured the punch over Draco's friend. 

She's crazy, is what they say. I agree. 

She called me a mudblood again. 

Ginny said I need to be strong and fight back. So today I insulted her. I called her an Ice Princess, and a spoiled girl. She looked a bit hurt. But Ginny said she deserved it for being horrible to me. She keeps calling me mudblood, but she's friends with Colin Creevey, who's also a mudblood. it doesn't make sense. There's more to her than what meets the eye. One day I'll find out. Anyway, I'm getting late for transfiguration. Bye.

Love, Mariana.

Dear Diary,

I think there's something wrong with me. Today a boy asked me out to Hogsmeade. I said no. Ginny said I should have gone with him, but I didn't want to.

I wanted a girl to go with me. I didn't tell Ginny this though.

She would think I'm strange.

I need help.
Love, Mariana.

Dear Diary,

There is something wrong with me. A Hufflepuff girl smiled at me and I BLUSHED!! I BLUSHED!!! I'm faulty.

Love,
Mariana.

Dear Diary,

I think I like girls. Not boys.

I'm weird.

Bye.

Dear Diary,

Ginny knows. She knows I like girls.
She promised not to tell anyone.

Love, Mariana.

Dear Diary,

Today is the last day of third year. I'm going home. Finally.

Love, Mariana.

Dear Diary,

Today is the first day of fourth year. We have a new professor. She loves pink. Like Ophelia. But Ophelia wears it better. 

Harry Potter said You Know Who is back. There is a war coming up. I believe him. He also said Lucius Malfoy is a Death Eater.

Colin and Ophelia are now best friends. She always smiles around him. She looks so pretty when she smiles. I wish I could join them and be their friend. 

I told Ginny I wanted to talk to Ophelia. She said if I did, she would tell everyone my secret. Ginny is even more controlling now. Anything I do, she threatens to tell.

I hate her. 

Love, Mariana.

Dear Diary,

I'm getting too old for this. But I need to vent. I'm in fifth year now. I also think I'm in love with Ophelia Malfoy. 

I wasn't sure about this, but now I am. I've always found her so pretty, and perfect in every way. And the way she dresses is fabulous. 

You might ask me how I came to realize this.

Ophelia's always fascinated me. I've made excuses for her in my head, always thinking she was not as mean as everyone made her out to be, and I was right! She's just normal. Like everyone else.

 I've been forced to hate her because of Ginny, but over time, I've seen her true colors. She just sits quietly in the library. Alone. She defended a few Gryffindor first years from being bullied, and she reads books in her free time... She's very harmless actually, and I've seen her and Luna in the library together. She's very sweet.

So I started hanging out at the library a few months ago, just to watch her, and I realized I'm in love with her.

But that's not the worst part.

Ginny found out. I don't know how she found out, but she did. She said I'm obsessed with Ophelia, and she said if I don't do something about it, she would find out.

That would be embarrassing. I don't want anyone to find out.

Ever.

Bye,
Mariana.

Hi.

Ginny said I need to make Ophelia think I hate her, otherwise she would find out. I don't want to hurt her, but I have to.

Ginny HATES Ophelia. Being her friend over the past few years has made me realize that she'd do anything to hurt her. ANYTHING!

She told Colin to kiss me. For two reasons. One, to make Ophelia jealous. (Ophelia likes Colin.) Two, to convince everyone I'm straight. (I'm not.)

But there is a third reason. Ginny just wanted to see Ophelia hurt. 

I didn't want to kiss Colin. At all. But Ginny threatened to tell everyone my secret if I didn't go along with my plot.

I'm so tired of her. Colin didn't want to kiss me either. I could see it on his face. But I think Ginny whispered something in his ear to make him do it.

She's a horrible person.

Colin kissed me. It was terrible. Ophelia was heartbroken. I have never seen her so sad.

It's all my fault.

Bye.
Mariana.

Hi. 

Went to Hogsmeade today. Creevey went with me because we were both dateless. He said he never wanted to hurt Ophelia. He told me Ginny threatened to tell everyone he was in love with Ophelia if he did not kiss me.

He said if anyone else found out about him and Ophelia, she would be in danger since the Dark Lord would somehow find out.

I feel bad. Ginny's ruining everyone's life. Mine, Colin's and Ophelia's.

I hate her.

Bye.

Hi,

It's been almost three weeks since I hurt Ophelia. Since Colin kissed me. Since Ophelia has hated me.

I can't stand her being hurt.

I told her. She didn't do anything.

I don't want to hang around with Ginny anymore. Lately she's been making googly eyes with Potter. She gets her perfect ending. And me?

I'm just her friend.

I can't live like this. Ginny makes me hate myself. And she makes me ashamed of who I'm meant to be. I'm sure there are other lesbians here. 

Wish me luck.

Bye.

Hi again,

I fought with Ginny today. In the Great Hall. I actually told Ginny I didn't want to be her friend outside, but her, being the dramatic piece of shit she is, brought the argument into the great hall so she could get attention.

People gathered around, as usual.

And she was the victim, as usual.

Ophelia noticed us fighting, I could see her staring my way. Then, Ginny threatened to announce my secret to everyone. But when I looked at Ophelia, I suddenly felt brave, for the first time in my life, and announced it.

"I'm lesbian!" I shouted. "Big deal."

Ginny than threatened to tell everyone who I was in love with.

"Mariana is in love with—"

That was the scary part. But before Ginny could finish her sentence, Pansy Parkinson shouted "Me." And she kissed me.

Pansy. Parkinson. Was. Kissing. Me.

She also told everyone we had been secretly dating for months. It wasn't true. Ginny looked livid. 

She also knew it wasn't true.

But Pansy grabbed my arm and pulled me to an empty broom.

She said she kissed me because she knew what it was like to be outed in public, with everyone staring and whispering. She knew what it was like to be different. She apologized for kissing me.

I thanked her, but she only kissed me again.

This time, I kissed her back.

Then I realized, not all Slytherins were bad. Harry, Ginny and the rest were just so prejudiced against them that they were seen as outcasts.

As of today, I am a changed person.

And I have a girlfriend. Her name is Pansy. She's perfect.

I'll write back again, some other time.

Love,

Mariana.

Dear Diary,

This is my last entry.

I don't need this diary any more. It supported me when I needed it most for most of my life, but now it's time to grow up.

I'm a changed person. I'm going to be who I'm meant to be. Pansy says live with no regrets. 

That's what I'm going to do.

And right now, I think Ophelia needs to know everything. She needs to know I'm so fucking sorry for everything.

Signing off for the last time.

Lots of love,
Mariana Cooper.

Dear Ophelia,

By now you must have finished reading my diary. I hope it tells you everything I've been keeping for years.

I'm so, so fucking sorry for everything I put you through during the past few years, and I hope you can forgive me.

There is nothing more I can say that my diary does not explain.

Do whatever you want with it. I don't want it any more.

Live without regrets.

Yours,
Mariana.

Ophelia slammed the book shut, breathing heavily. 

Of course. Of course.

Everything seemed so much more clearer now, and she felt a slight sense of guilt wash over her for assuming the worst of Mariana. 

Ginny. Oh how many more lives would you ruin? 

The blonde sighed and lay back into the pillows of her bed, closing her eyes slightly.

She'd had a long day, and when she'd come to her dormitory, she saw the diary on her bed with a note said said her name and nothing else.

Curiosity and nothing else had driven her to read it.

And once she started, she could not stop until she was done.

Along with the guilt, she felt relief swimming in her chest. At finally being bestowed with the truth. Best of all, she was no longer driven to hate Colin. He was trying to protect her, and nothing else.

At the same time, her hatred toward Ginny grew.

One day she would make that stupid Weaselette pay.

But for now, she'd talk to Mariana.

After that, maybe she'd go and read Astoria's book with Cleo in her lap, and lavender tea in her hand.

{ surprise, surprise. another surprise update. full of drama.
i don't know, but i feel like the song heather by conan gray sort of describes mariana. i actually loved writing this chapter, it was fun to write.
this will be the last update for a week, maybe more.
i'm going to qatar tomorrow, and imma be busy...
spam me with comments please, vote and don't forget to follow if you love me. if you love me even more, then follow me on all my socials in my bio.
pm me if you've got tiktok edits/fanart.
anyway, love you guys all so much.
lots of love,
jasmine. }

{ APR 09. 2024 }