"How old were you?" you whisper in shock.

It's the only thing you can think to ask, your mind still reeling haphazardly from the events that Jungkook's just described to you.

You turn your face up to look at him, where he lays beside you. Throughout the story, his face has gone pale, with eyes that pool like splats of placid ink.

"I don't know. Ten or eleven, I think." Jungkook tilts his head back, and the shadows in the room coalesce to slither down his cheek. They intertwine with the cross tattooed on the crest of his face, so it looks real, and it's falling down the sloped line of him. "It's hard to remember. I've kind of...I dunno. Blocked it out, I guess."

Ten years old.

Thinking back to logic, it lines up perfectly.

That would make Taehyung and Jimin only twelve.

That's far older than you had originally expected. When Jimin told you all that Taehyung had been kidnapped as a child, you thought maybe as a five or six year old.

Twelve years old seems so much older, so much harsher - more time for Taehyung to love his parents before he lost them.

Old enough that Jungkook can't say in particular that he wasn't aware of what he was doing.

He was just young enough to be influenced, but just old enough to no longer be a child.

You're horrified.

"The little boy was Taehyung, then," you mumble. "And the couple were his parents. And the old man..."

"Your grandfather," Jungkook whispers back.

"But you didn't know who any of them were, since they were hooded." You furrow your brows, watching his face. "How did you figure it out? In the van, when we were going to rescue Taehyung, I remember seeing you realize. You went all pale and still, after Jimin told us how Taehyung was kidnapped.  How did you connect all the dots?"

You can still see his eyes in the dark of that van, shining widely as they looked at you, and as he uttered your name with a horror you can only now understand. 

"I didn't realized that it was Taehyung and his family," he says quietly. "In the van, it just sort of hit me all of the sudden - it was your grandfather that I shot that night. He was the old man."

The blunt words have an impact on you that you weren't expecting.

You cuddle closer to Jungkook so the shaking in you quells.

"The timing seemed to all match up," he says. "It was a coming-of-age-type thing  for me, and why would my father be satisfied with pulling random people off the streets? Instead, he took his rival's father-in-law: your grandfather. The head family of a small-time gang: Taehyung and his parents. People who were non-essential and easy to grab, but still meant something to someone important. Still got a message across."

You lay for a moment in silence, mulling over the information.

Finally , you say, "Your dad made a mistake, then, Jungkook. My father didn't care at all when we lost my grandfather. It was like a meaningless blip in the system."

It only hurt you and Jisoo. When your grandfather died, it took approximately three seconds for every other person you knew to mourn and forget him. He was an old man, a useless existence in a family hungry for power and prestige.

But for you and your cousin, your grandfather was a shining solace in a dismally lonely life.

"For Taehyung," Jungkook continues, "-it never even occurred to me that he could've been the same boy from then. I couldn't muster up the guts to kill him, but I didn't think my father would have let him live after that night.  That's why I couldn't believe what Boss Song was saying. Why did my father let Taehyung go? His parents were dead, my father proved his point...just why?"

You're amazed at how Jungkook is able to talk through this, even though the panic and guilt is rising up in him, settling behind his muscles so they tense and flex, tugging at his lips so they draw back into a tight line.

You say, "If there's one thing I've learned through all this, it's that people like our parents enjoy other people's suffering just as much as other people like watching sports matches. It's amusing to them - a game to see how they can get what they want while they inflict as much physical and psychological damage as possible. Letting Taehyung go after forcing him to live through that kind of tragedy was probably a good ole' joke to your dad."

Its a cruel, horrible truth that's hard to comprehend.

These events that forever marred the lives of so many people could be chalked up to a mere form of amusement.

People died as a joke.

"Your grandfather," Jungkook starts hesitantly, "...he was a good man?"

You smile. "Yeah. A really good one. I was still young when all of this happened, but I remember that he was the only one who treated me like a real kid. I don't think- well, he couldn't have been involved with my dad. I think he was trying his hardest to give Jisoo and I real childhoods. Take us to theme parks and stuff like that, and sneak us away to get ice cream. I wish he could've taken us away for good. But my father would've found him, probably. Found us. Me. And then, when he was through with my grandfather, I wouldn't have had anybody left."

A shudder works it's way through Jungkook, rippling under his skin so his bandages tighten and loosen with the contraction of his muscles.

He buries his face into your neck and chokes, "I'm so sorry. So, so sorry."

"Jungkook," you murmur. You wrap your arms around him, careful to avoid his wounded shoulder and chest, and stroke your fingers through his hair.

There's no blame in your heart.

You know how much familial pressure can dictate a person's will.

In your arms, he's shaking like you know he must have been that night. Small, crushed under the weight of his father's expectations, eaten alive with the conflicting guilt. He was just a child.

You were all just children.

"How will I face Taehyung?" Jungkook sobs against you. He's really crying now. Your collarbone is damp with his sorrow. "I took everything away from him. Everything."

How can either of you face him?

Because Jungkook killed his family, and you forced him to relive a nightmarish reality of his past.

Taehyung has only experienced pain because of the two of you.

You can't say anything.

What can you say?

There's no way to absolve him of his guilt when the same burden is choking you out, sucking the air from your lungs.

Taehyung won't speak, won't move, won't leave the darkness of his room with the comfort of his best friend beside him.

You've torn Kim Taehyung into pieces, jagged and irreparable.

And there's nothing you can say or do to put him back together.

You try to take a deep breath, doing your utmost best  to control the flow of grief threatening to overtake your countenance as Jungkook continues to tremble.

You fail, and cry.

The door remains closed as the two of you hold each other and weep together, even though the other can undoubtedly hear you throughout the echoey halls of the mansion house.

You wonder, somewhere deep down below the roiling sadness, if Taehyung can hear you cry for him.

Even if he did hear, you wonder if he'd realize the meaning.

You have to think not.

Because of you and the man in your embrace, he's probably too far broken to understand.

After a while, you stroke your fingers through Jungkook's hair and say thickly, "Do you know what I think?"

He sniffles and shakes his head.

"I think he'll forgive you." When he raises his head and looks at you, nearly-black eyes rimmed with red, you smile a wobbly smile.

"Why would he do that?"

"Because he loves you." Your lips settle onto his forehead. It helps to be here like this, which his heartbeat against you and his breath on your skin. "Just like I forgave you, because I love you. We know who you are, Jungkook. We all know."

He mumbles against you. "We're a family still."

"For eternity," you answer. "No way you're getting out now."

You can't see him smile, but you feel it in the way his body goes limber and soft.

"All of us together, for always," he whispers.

You hear the unspoken words behind them.

That's all any of you ever wanted.

All of you together, for always.

The thought of peaceful eternity floats out before you, filling the room with a hope of the everlasting. Infinity seems graspable in this moment, a tangible thing that you could reach out and stroke your fingers along.

At the same time, it's so incredibly out of reach.

You close your eyes, holding Jungkook closer as he cries, and let the simple bittersweetness of it fill you.

[A/N]
Unedited

Sorry it's taken so long, and I'm not totally satisfied either, but I wanted to get it published because y'all had to wait long enough❤️❤️

I hope all of you are safe and healthy, and I hope you continue to be safe and healthy. Best wishes to all of you and your families during this trying time.

Also, there very well might be another update today, so stay tuned! 🥰

Thank you for reading!

❤️PB

P.S.
Thank you to the creators of all these incredible fanarts ❤️❤️ you're all so talented!! Please never hesitate to send me a message or a fanart. I'm really bad about checking my messages loll but I'll never be annoyed with you 🥰