#1

Lauren- "Dad!"

Me- "What?"

Lauren -"Did you know that kangaroos have 3 vaginas?"

Me- "I am not having this conversation with you. Do your damn homework."

Lauren - "Three vaginas dad."

Me - "Got it. Three vaginas. Good to know."

Lauren - "Does that mean that it is a virgin if doesn't use all ..."

Me - "Shut up already!"

Lauren - "Got it. Shutting up. Good to know."

#2 

"Dad!"

"What?"

"I want an alien tattoo!"

"A tattoo of an alien or a tattoo from an alien?"

5 minutes go by...

"The first one."

#3

"Dad I need something to read!"

"I have a million books on my shelves. Come pick one!"

"Oh yeah, books. Nevermind."