A lot of things have been in my head lately and that affected everything outside it.

I haven't talked to anyone because I don't want to bother them with my problems, I just bottled them, along with most part of my feelings.

I... I feel empty. I feel like there's nothing in my chest and my mind is flooded with thoughts running and crippling since I wake up until I get in bed.

There's a few moments in the day when I feel happy and I laugh, but once those moments are over I feel empty again...

I feel numb most part of the day, specially when I'm alone and that tends to occur a lot.

I also haven't eaten well in I don't even know how long. A cup or half cup after returning from French  (I wake up around 7 a.m. to go to French at 8 and I return between 9:10 or 9:30). Maybe a granola bar until 2 p.m. (if I'm really hungry) and at 4:30, if I really want, I go to the cafeteria and buy something, but usually I just bring an apple or another fruit to school. If I want or is something to eat that looks good for me, I eat dinner.

I miss cooking, but I have food already cooked inside the fridge and my mom says that we can't  waste the food, so I haven't cooked in a while and I want to cook pasta or something.

Also I've grown distance between my friends and I since last Friday and don't want to talk to them, so I just pretend I'm distracted by the music or something else.

I think I might have a reason for that: I want them  (especially someone) to just hate me or forget about me so I could feel better about other thing that I won't talk here because it's almost 12 a.m. and I have to sleep.

Let's add the feeling that I'm the biggest disappointment in my family, that I'm playing with everyone's emotions and feelings, the feeling of being a bad friend, that I'm a fucking loner and have no purpose in life (sometimes).

Sometimes I feel like I'm a fire: I don't do anything but keep everyone away and if they get too close I'll hurt them...