Fourth couldn't stop thinking about the look on Gem's face when he told him that the kiss was just a dress rehearsal.

“You know, we have this to record today, right?  So I thought, why not, we need to practice it.  I hope you're not mad at me?”

Gemini immediately became sad.  The joyful light disappeared from his eyes, and his heart was filled with the painful poison seeping from his own thoughts.

“I was right, he doesn't feel anything for me.  How stupid and naive I am!  Where did I get the idea that he could feel the same way about me as I feel about him?  No, we only work together... But for real?  After all, his breathing was also quickening, just like mine... He wanted it too!  He wanted to kiss me!  No, Gemini, you can't be like that, don't be fooled, he doesn't feel anything for me.  I let myself be approached like some random idiot!  But... And his eyes?  I saw clearly... No, I just wanted to see it, so I convinced myself that I saw it.  There was nothing, it was just my imagination. Well, the best thing I can do is pretend it's nothing to me."

And Gemini did as he decided, but by the end of the day a tense atmosphere could be felt between the actors.  This impression was further deepened by the fact that Fourth talked to everyone normally and pushed Gem away from him.  Again.  Fourth avoided his gaze and conversations, spending most of his time with P'Earth Pirapat.

In order not to think about all this, Gem threw himself into work, volunteering when P'Off Jumpol was looking for someone who could paint a picture for the latest music video of the artist who was the most famous in their band, for NuNew Chawarin. NuNew was currently working on his latest single and needed someone who could paint a painting for him showing two naked people, a woman and a man, standing on a cliff, with a large mirror behind them showing the same people fully clothed, smiling  and hugging each other.  The entire video had a slightly dark vibe, and when Gem first talked to NuNew and shook his hand in greeting, an icy chill ran through his body.  Something about NuNew was very disturbing to him and gave him no peace.  NuNew seemed suspicious to him, but he could not justify his suspicions, especially since all the employees in the agency adored and even had divine respect for this young artist.  Gem was afraid that if he said anything, he would be ridiculed and criticized.  He disliked the smile Khawarin gave him even more as he shook Fourth's hand in greeting.

Gemini focused so much on his task that everything else ceased to matter.  Only he and his image mattered.  He didn't even notice the time passing until P'Erin, tired, yawning and rubbing her eyes, shooed him out of the meeting room where he had set up his painting kit.

★.  ★ .★

Gun didn't expect to see his twin brother at home so soon.  He happened to be talking to Namtan, who had visited him to discuss the next step in their secret mission that only their gang knew about, when Fourth entered his humble apartment.  Namtan noticed his pathetic condition and quickly said goodbye to Gun, giving him the opportunity to talk to his brother calmly.  But Gun guessed that it wouldn't be a "calm" conversation.  Fourth was shaky.  He was shaking all over his body, as if he were shivering.  New scratches appeared on his forearms.  Gun knew exactly what that meant... He had seen Fourth like this before.  This was what always happened when their fathers tried to force him to do something his own conscience wouldn't allow.  Fourth then always punished himself for being a failure and a disappointment in his own fathers' eyes, most often by scratching his skin until it bled or cutting it with any sharp instrument that was nearby.  Gun learned to hide any sharp objects, moving them out of his brother's sight so that he wouldn't hurt himself even more.  The scars were still visible, especially on his stomach and thighs.  Gun saw that his brother wasn't a bad person, that he couldn't hurt anyone.  That's why he himself chose the path in darkness to one day avenge his beloved little brother.  He hated their fathers for what they had done, for the state to which they had reduced an innocent, sensitive and good-natured boy, in whose honest heart the flame of pure, beautiful, sincere love still smoldered.

Fourth, or as he had recently started be called by Gemini, Fighter, Fifs, was everything to Gun, the only family, the only person in the whole world he wanted to protect.  Only for Fourth did he break his own rules, only for him did he cross boundaries and do things he would never do for anyone else.  Gun always knew that Fourth was the weakest of the three of them, he always tried to protect him even from a distance.

And now he didn't know what had happened.

“Fourth?  What's going on?  Don't say that someone is pregnant and I will be an uncle!” Gun tried to joke to lighten the mood a bit.

Fourth said absolutely nothing.  He took a photo of them together from the bookshelf: the three of them were standing there, also with First, in front of his first F1 car in which he sat.  They both still remembered that day perfectly, their trip to Europe, to Spain, where First drove several dozen laps as a test driver for Mercedes.  Gun and Fourth then felt as if they had landed in Greenland or the South Pole, they were cold and they kept breathing on their frozen hands to warm them up.  Winter pre-season testing was P'First's first opportunity to drive a Formula 1 car, and it was a great opportunity for the twins to visit a distant country.  It was so long ago that it seemed to both boys that it wasn't them who had experienced it.  Back then, they were still able to find a bit of hope, which they both lacked now.

Fourth dropped their photo on the floor.  The glass shattered with a loud clang into dozens of pieces, just like his life.  He didn't care.  The intensity of his own feelings and emotions frightened and frustrated him.  Right now he was furious with First for the fact that his brother, who came from the same mafia family, had the courage and audacity to start dating Dunk without caring about the consequences.  He couldn't do that.  He wanted to be Gem's boyfriend, he had dreamed about it for a long time, maybe even almost from the beginning of their strange acquaintance, but at the same time he didn't believe in his dreams, he didn't believe it was possible.  His lack of faith was further fueled by his own memories.

“I can't go back there”.

“Why?  And where?” Gun watched anxiously as Fourth rushed around his apartment, unable to find a place to stay.  Finally he went to the bar and took out a bottle of whiskey.  Gun wanted to take it from him, but when he approached Fourth, he hit him so unexpectedly that Gun fell to the floor.  Fourth found a clean glass and poured in a large amount of liquid.  He sat down on a worn-out, leather, black sofa, chasing away a gray, ordinary cat.

“Tell me, what did you do?!” Gun got up from the floor, walked over to Fourth and grabbed him by the black hoodie he was wearing.  Gun shook his twin brother as if to restore his ability to think logically.

“I kissed him... GET IT?!  I KISSED HIM!  I'M A FUCKING MORON!  HE WILL DIE BECAUSE OF ME!”

Fourth screamed and struggled, trying to get away.  Gun, however, was stronger and sat Fourth back on the couch.

“Calm down and tell me what happened, because I think I'm lost.  Who did you kiss?”

“What do you think, who could it be?”

“NO!!!  You're not serious?!  Did you kiss that artist of yours?!”  The shock on Gun's face was so obvious that Fourth immediately realized that his situation was more difficult than he had previously thought.

“Yes, ai Gun...”

Fourth pushed his brother away and reached for the glass of alcohol again, drinking a large amount of it at once.

“Fourth, don't do this... You shouldn't...”

Fourth didn't let him finish his sentence.

“What shouldn't I do?  I can't go back there, I can't look him in the eye, I can't!  It's over!  I screwed up. I put him in the danger.  Our fathers will destroy it, don't you understand?”

“The only thing I understand so far is that you kissed him.  Well, so what?  What's the problem?  You can also kiss a friend.  Aren't you exaggerating the whole thing?  It can't be that bad, can it?”

“Am I exaggerating?!”  Fourth got up and wanted to punch his brother, but suddenly he felt dizzy and fell back on the couch, helpless.

“Yes, ai Fourth.  What is it about?  It's nothing big, right? Just a little kiss. Unless... Unless it meant something to you?”

Fourth fell silent and that was answer enough.  Gun understood.  He took off his black leather jacket, revealing a tattoo-covered and beautifully muscled body that Fourth had long envied.  They were completely different from each other, even though they were twins.  He sat down next to him and poured himself some alcohol, although much less than Fourth.

“Ai Fourth, when I said you should take advantage of the opportunity, that's not what I meant at all.  You weren't supposed to fall in love with him, that wasn't in my plan!”

“Do you think that was in my plan?!  Do you think I feel what I feel because I want to?  Believe me, I don't want that!  Damn, Gem is fine and our fathers will destroy him. That's not what he deserves!”

“I will not allow it.”

“There's nothing you can do, nothing at all, P'Gun…”

P'Gun didn't want to hear this despair and resignation in the voice of his brother who was only several minutes younger, but also a whole day younger.  Fourth was a day younger, although he was born only a few minutes later, all because Gun was born before midnight and Fourth was born after midnight. And they both were as different from each other as day from night.

“Yes, I can and I will.  You can go back to your artist.  Tell him honestly how you feel.  If you feel that he is your happiness, fight for him.  I'll take care of the rest.  Our fathers won't hurt him, I promise you”.

Gun held out his little finger to Fourth as a sign of promise.  Fourth hesitated.  Gun could be brutal and cruel, there was a darkness in his eyes that Fourth himself was sometimes afraid of.  He couldn't be sure how Gun would help them.

“But P'Gun, I don't know if this is a good idea...”

“Trust me.  Me and my gang will protect you.  If anything happens, call me.  Now you better go back to your artist and explain everything to him.”

“I can't.”

“And why is that?”

“Because I already told him that the kiss was just a rehearsal.  Because, you know, P', we were filming a kissing scene today, so that was on the agenda anyway, but I have the impression that P'Aof, our director, didn't want us to kiss for real.  When shooting this scene, P'Aof didn't tell us to do anything else, it was just the camera angle to make it look like a real kiss”.

“But you kissed him for real...?”

“That was actually earlier”.

Gun grabbed his head.

His own twin really surprised him sometimes.

“Why did you tell him that?”

“To not give him hope, to protect him, I don't want anything bad to happen to him, you won't understand, you've never felt this way”.

“Didn't it occur to you in your empty head that you gave him hope with just a kiss?  Haven't you thought about how much you could hurt him if you do something like that first and then back out?  You know?  Tontawan did the same to me.  Do you know how much it fucking hurts?”

Tontawan? That girl from Gun's group? Fourth never thought that something could be between these two, they were always like the biggest enemies!

Gun reached for a pack of cigarettes, took one out, stuck it in his mouth and lit it, inhaling the smoke.  The words he spoke hung in the air, smelling of tobacco.  They both stared ahead, wondering what they should do next.

“But do you love him at all?” Gun asked, looking at his brother carefully.

“Should I be honest?”

“Well, you should probably be honest, otherwise I won't help you”.

“Yes, P', I love him”.

It was that simple.  He didn't have to wonder, he didn't have to look for an answer, it had been in his heart for a long time.  Fragments of all those moments together flashed before his eyes: Gem falling asleep with his hand on his chest, Gem patting his hair or squeezing his knee, Gem dancing in his embrace, Gem smiling at him with a thoughtful, dreamy look, Gem's expression  and when he expected to see him naked, and meanwhile Fourth was wearing very short pajama pants... All these moments gathered into one important memory reminded him of a fragment of a music video, although he was sure that their music video would be sad, full of longing and fears. Only Gem taught him to see tiny glimmers of hope in it all.

“That explains everything.  So I think you already know what to do.”

“Yes...”