I have never felt so scared to face him before, but this is my fault, I guess.

"Why do you lie to me, y/n?" he obliges me to be sincere, despite how much I have been trying to avoid this issue. "You've never acted that way before. We were always honest with each other, we always talked it out no matter what the problem was, so what have I done or said for you to do this?"

I never drift my eyes away from that one same spot I am staring at, and a heaviness in my throat starts to form a sort of painful obstruction. "You should..." I think thoroughly about the words I need to tell him, making sure I will not regret anything. "I think it'd be better if we distance ourselves from one another..."

"What? Why?" he asks me to give reasons, and my vision eventually becomes blurry. I was not planning on talking about it. I thought about doing so this morning, and last night, but I gave up as soon as I saw him in front of me. "I know you probably don't realize it, but this isn't right. You need to focus on your girlfriend. This is better for us. For the three of us."

"Y/n. What the hell are you talking about?" his reaction expresses many hurtful emotions, and I look to the right when I feel some tears roll down my face. "Can you explain this sudden change to me? There's nothing wrong going on. You're the one believing there is a problem-"

"There is, Jungkook," I cut him off and look at him. "Can't you see or understand? Or are you just ignoring it? I-" a sharp sigh escapes my mouth, and I break eye contact. "Every time I talk about it with Enna, with my dad, they tell me this isn't okay. And I know you're staying so much in contact because...because you feel pity but will never admit it-"

"I don't do that out of pity, stop fucking saying that," he makes it very evident he does not like to hear me say those words, and his tone of voice drags my attention over him. "I care about you. I always did, and this fucking girl is getting on my nerves for putting so much shit in your head. She doesn't know us, she will never do, your dad only knows what we let him know because he's only 'here for you' when things go his way, so why would you let them opine themselves and ruin our relationship?" he makes it impossible to control myself and not cry in front of him. "Have you been ignoring me all this time because of some bullshit she's saying about me?"

"No," I wipe my tears away, hating this moment more than ever. "Then tell me why you suddenly want us to be distant. You know I won't be able to not talk to you anymore, you fucking mean the world to me."

"I just want you to focus on your girlfriend. I don't like feeling in the way, feeling...Knowing this won't ever be like before, so it's better if we stop talking," I state against my will, hoping for this to be nothing but a nightmare I can wake up from. "This makes no fucking sense," he refuses to agree. "We've been going through so much shit together for more than two years, and out of nowhere, you decided it's best to act like strangers and expect me to be fine with this."

"I don't expect you to be alright with it. I just want you to understand," I do my best to not make him upset, but this does not work. "Understand? And how? You don't even explain why you do this. Is it because of what you heard on the phone that day? I told you not to-"

"It's not about that!" I interrupt him, sick of this situation. "You don't even understand this whole thing hurts me! I want you to stop caring about me," I simplify and glance at him but discern some tears in his eyes. "I want you to stop worrying about me. That's all I'm asking for, Jungkook."

"That's all?" he sneers, not taking me seriously. "Are you kidding me?"

"I'm sorry," I open the door and get out of the car, not listening to his voice anymore but preventing his reaction from aching me even more. I walk away and wipe my tears away, the cold tensing my body, the snowflakes covering my face with more wetness.

"Y/n," Jungkook grabs my arm and stands before me, not allowing me to keep going. He cups my face with his warm hand and raises my chin up. "If you truly want me to stop talking to you, tell me the truth," he stares deep into my eyes, unsettling me with them and hastening the beating of my heart. "If I wasn't with her, with anyone, would it have been different?"

I do not answer him, not telling another lie but avoiding the truth. I have been dishonest enough.

"Are you happy with her?" I shrug his question off and ask mine instead. "That's not what I asked. If you want me to understand you and respect your choice, then, at least, give me the reason to do so and not listen to my heart instead."

"Answer my question, and I will answer yours," I set a condition, meaning my words this time. He takes his hand off my skin, and for a moment, seems to be musing.

He lands his eyes on my lips. "I'm not," he clenches his jaw and does what I, out of cowardice, have not been able to do. "I'm not happy, but that's not the point. Tell me the truth."

I gulp down and do not disappoint him again. "That would have been different, but everything would have been different, obviously."

"Do not try to avoid the point of my question, y/n. You know what I meant by that," he clarifies without truly doing so, not using the right words, to my greatest relief. I heavily breathe out and lower my eyes to his lips. "Yes. That would have been different."

He remains quiet and never takes his eyes off of mine, but I attempt to end this. "I answered you, so please-" I do not continue at the feeling of his hand gripping my forearm. "Is this what you really want?"

"I have to..." I do not frame it the same way since it makes the meaning completely different, and he nods to me. "Fine," his hand frees me, but his glistening eyes never show anything I love to see. This only makes it even worse than I thought this would be.

He does not add anything but steps closer to me, holds the side of my throat, and presses his soft lips on my forehead. The wonderful effect of this affectionate touch gets my eyes to close, my heart to race, and he takes me in his arms. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself."

"I will," I mumble in his chest, loving this closeness, this comfort I have not gotten from anyone in a long time, and that I will not ever have again. "Take care of yourself too."

"Yeah," he runs his fingers through my hair and pulls away. "I'm sorry for hurting you. I never meant to."

"Don't say sorry, you didn't do anything," I smile and do not let my emotions take over my actions, I look up in his brown eyes for the last time, and he returns it, but not genuinely.

"I guess you just wanna go home now?" he realizes his plans should be dropped. "Yeah, but I'm going on foot."

"It's freezing cold, y/n. Let me at least drive you home. I won't talk or ask anything," he does not give me another choice. I know him too well, he will insist and not change his mind until I get into his car. "Alright," I give in but see how happy it makes him. He brushes his hand over my arm and leads me back to his vehicle, and we both enter it.

We put our seat belts on, and he checks the cars driving by to carefully go back on the road but head towards my house.

20 minutes later...

"Here we are," he stops the car after some long silent minutes full of awkwardness and tension, and I undo my seatbelt. "Can you really promise me you'll take care of yourself?"

"I'll try my best," I do not tell a falsehood and promise something I know I will not stick to, and I look at him, feeling the need to do this. I am probably making a big mistake, but if I do not do this, everything will only worsen and ruin us forever.

"Just because I won't be talking to you doesn't mean I won't care anymore, alright? It hurts like hell to think about not talking to you, hearing your voice, or seeing you anymore..." his injured hands do not leave the steering wheel, and he makes sure our eye contact does not break yet. "I'll still think about you, love you...as much as I always did," he heightens the burn in my chest, and I fake a smile again. "Me too. I love you," I dart my eyes in another direction and place my hand on the door to open it, but he touches my other one.

His fingers clutch mine as if he was scared to let me go for good. "If...some things change, don't hesitate to text or call me."

I fix my eyes down on his hand. "Okay," I nod but get out, not feeling strong enough to hold back anymore. I close the door behind me and do not turn around. I break down and cry, and I make my way to the front door of my house.

My parents already home, I do not have to unlock the door, so I go in, close it, and I quickly take my shoes off to rush to my room.

I did not want this to happen. I wanted to avoid it for as long as possible. I knew I should never have said yes.

- Two days later -

Monday, January 16th, 2023.

12:10 pm.

"Alright, see you tomorrow, Mister Evans," Enna says goodbye to our teacher after asking him some questions about the class, and she comes up to me to leave. "I'm done. I finally got it," she puts her books in her bag to not have to hold them anymore, but no matter what she says, I cannot focus, neither really care.

We both walk down the stairs to head to the cafeteria, but a slap in the back of my head startles me. "What the fuck happened this weekend? Are you upset?" she notices something is wrong, but I punch her arm for doing this. "I'm not."

"You're not? Are you kidding me? You didn't even answer my texts," she mumbles the end of her sentence to make her annoyance audible, and I apologize. "I'm sorry. I didn't check my phone."

"I assume that you did what was planned?" she guesses, but I cannot affirm that is what actually happened. "I...changed my mind when I saw him. I didn't want to do it, but he brought something up that led to what I had to tell him."

"What did he bring up?" she asks for the details, and we both pass by the food display to get some food served for lunch. "You remember when we came across the guy with a tattoo on his neck at the park?" I refresh her memory with the right words, and she confirms she does. "Yeah. Angelo, right?"

"Yeah," I nod and move to the left with my tray. "Well, he talked about the fact that we hung out to Jungkook, and Jungkook made it pretty obvious he was disappointed because I've been telling him that I'm too busy to answer him, so...I felt horrible...I didn't even say sorry for lying to him, I couldn't think anymore," I look down at the floor to walk to a table we usually occupy, and we sit down. "What did you tell him then?"

"I told him to focus on his girlfriend, that it was better to stop talking. Better for the three us, then, since it wasn't enough, he told me to tell the truth and asked me if this would have been different if he was single, but I was scared to answer him, so I asked him if he was happy with her. I needed to know," I explain in case she might misinterpret the meaning of this. "And he told me he wasn't, so I ended up telling the truth. After that, I think he understood. He drove me back home, but before I left, he held my hand and told me that he would still care, think about me, and love me as much as he always did."

"Why the fuck would he say that for fuck's sake?" she curses and gets mad as expected. "He fucking knows. I swear, he asked you that question because he knows you're in love with him, and instead of helping you to move on, he makes sure you won't stop thinking about him either! What a bitch he is," she expresses all her frustration and anger, not appreciating him. "If he's so unhappy with that bitch, why doesn't he break up and go with you?"

"Because I guess I'm nothing more than a sister to him. Don't you understand he won't ever be attracted to me? He doesn't feel anything romantic, if he did, he would never have dated another girl-"

"Nothing romantic? Sure. That's why you told me that whenever you'd speak to him, that you'd be in front of him, he'd constantly stare deep into your damn eyes, or at your fucking lips. That's also why he got a boner because you were on his lap, that is such a loving brother thing to do with his sister," she fakes a smile while spitting some sarcasm out, reminding me of the time when I was alright.

/ flashback \

Felix having a good time at the bar while serving a few of his friends, I smile at the tricks he is able to do with the glasses, but walk back to look for the one I feel the safest with.

Felix, Angelo, and Kaden are great and trustful people, but I still need to have Jungkook around to not be nervous.

Since he warned me that he would be getting something in the kitchen, I leave his best friends and head towards that room, not feeling comfortable enough to stay still and alone. I check my surroundings to see if I can notice him among the people present at this party, his height being tall enough to make this an easy task.

I hate crowds and loud music, but I wanted to make sure I would be here to celebrate my best friend's birthday.

"Where are you going?" Jungkook speaks in my ear after putting his arm around my waist to stop me. I turn around and look up into his eyes. "I was looking for you."

"I told you not to move," he grabs my hand and walks up to the sofa we were occupying earlier, holding a glass and drinking what is inside. He sits down next to a guy and Angelo, who was being served by Felix a few minutes ago, and out of lack of space, he pats his lap while gazing at me, so I take this spot as a seat, and he glides his empty hand over the side of my hip.

"Don't you feel old yet?" the freckled boy sips on his alcoholic drink and annoys him, but Jungkook disagrees. "I'm twenty, I'm still too young. You definitely can't relate though," he smirks and puts his glass down next to us. "I'm just three years older, the fuck you mean?"

"Three years too old," he grins and looks away, and Angelo heaves a sigh. "Asshole...I should have shut my mouth," he empties his drink and peeks at me, probably because I am silently participating in this talk, but he does not say anything and glances away, so I turn around and look at Jungkook.

His eyes lock with mine, and I feel him rub his fingers over my skirt. "What?"

"Your thighs don't hurt?" I worry about the weight of my body crushing them, but he frowns and tilts his head up as if he did not hear me because of the music, so I lean closer and repeat in his ear, and he runs his hand up my side. "No. It's good," he scoffs at the twitching of my body, so I grasp his hand to push it down, and I straighten my back.

He knows how sensitive my waist is, yet he still does it.

Not having my eyes on him because of the position, he takes this opportunity to uses his other hand but rides it up to my ribs and provokes an even stronger jerk. To not feel this sort of shiver again, I decide to leave his lap but quickly feel myself get dragged back on him.

"Stay here," he slightly leans forwards to have his torso against my back, and he wraps his arms around me, making my heart pound even harder. "I don't wanna stay. You're literally torturing me when you do that."

"Stop it. It's just some tickles," he glances down at my thighs and fixes the bottom of my skirt. "You want me to do the same to you?"

He laughs under his breath but does not stop toying with the fabric. "My waist isn't even that sensitive."

"Your back," I let out with confidence, aware of his weak spots that he once exposed to me. "Shut up. That'd never make me react like that," he goes backwards and raises his arms up behind his head, so I move to the side to have a better sight of him, and he stares into my eyes.

No matter what he does, he is always so pretty.

He does not break the tense contact, playing with his hair in the back of his head and flustering me with his brown eyes. "You got a problem?"

I nod, despite not meaning it at all, and out of shyness, I drop my focus down to his plump lips. "Really? You wanna fight?" he raises his eyebrows and playfully looks for trouble.

I mirror the expression he just sent me and avert my eyes from his beautiful features. "You're already giving up because you know you'd lose. So sad."

"You fight against small things, and you feel proud for winning?" Angelo insults me. "She's not small, and even if she was my size, I'd still win."

"She's fucking small, bro. Stop," he talks as if I was not here, hearing everything he says about me. "You say that because you're six foot four, so shut the fuck up. Everything's small to you."

"Hey, I'm not a thing, you jerk," I do not fear attacking him, unlike Angelo. "Oh, so you say that to me but not him?"

I smile and peek up at Angelo, who is already looking. "I'm not a thing, Sir."

"Sir," Jungkook chuckles with bitterness. "And I get called a jerk."

"She knows who's the man here," he strokes his ego after assuming something I would never say, and I laugh. "Bitch, you're not," Jungkook stands up for himself and does me a favor at the same time.

He does look intimidating, but still.

"Ask Kaden, and we'll see," he brings him up as if he was the perfect way to win this argument. "Kaden? Of course he's gonna be on your side. He doesn't want anything but your dick, so that's not a valid one."

"She's your best friend, yet, she's on my side too, so stop looking for an excuse," he makes a statement for me, without even knowing, so I speak up. "I'm on nobody's side."

"Nobody's side?" Jungkook glares at me, not liking this reply, but I just laugh at him. "Fine, get your ass off my lap then."

"You're the one who put me here and didn't let me leave a second ago," I remind him of his own actions. "I'm just being kind because I know you're gonna be a lost puppy again if you leave my sight."

"I'm not a baby. I can-"

"You are," he smiles and drops his hand on my lower back. I do not even attempt to say otherwise, I turn to the right to feel more comfortable, his hand not leaving my body anymore. He fixes his position as well and pulls me closer to his torso. "Sit on my right thigh," he tells me to do, so I get closer to the arm of the sofa and enjoy the feeling of his hand resting on my thigh.

20 minutes later...

Angelo having fun with Felix in a game next to us, I check up on Jungkook, whose quietness has been lasting for too long to not be odd. His eyes not focused on his phone or best friends, he sets them on me, but his attention quickly falls on my lips. He rubs his fingers over my hip and thigh and fills me with butterflies.

"Are you tired?" I worry about his behavior, but he shakes his head. "Does it look like I am?" he moves and bounces his left leg the same way he has been doing it for the past minutes. "A little. You're too silent."

"I'm not. I like to be silent sometimes. It allows me to prepare myself for another fight with you," he drifts his hand apart from my body that was struggling to stay calm this whole time, and he rests his head on his fist and slides the other one in the pocket of his tight pants. "Glad to know you need that much preparation for me."

"It's just too easy to win, so I think of a way to make it a little bit harder and more fun," he never shows any kindness, loving how responsive I am for sure. "What if I've actually been letting you win all this time?" I clutch my hand into a fist and put it against his abs, but he ridicules my words with a sneer. "You're cute."

Not agreeing at all, I become annoying and lean back on him. Not caring about whether I am crushing him or not, I enjoy how comfortable his body is and use him as a sofa, resting my head on his shoulder.

At first, he does not react, so I take my phone out to scroll, but feel his heart beat pretty hard against my back. "You're lucky we're not alone," he speaks in my ear and sends shivers down my spine, making me nervously smile. "And why?"

He does not answer but grabs his glass, and he swallows the rest of his drink, leaves this empty one where it was, without ever saying anything.

"Why?" I ask for a reason while gazing at him, and he ignores my question for the second time. "Be quiet," he mumbles and slides his hand out his pocket. I give up on trying to know, feeling like he will not let it out of his mouth. I straighten my back and answer a text I received, but Jungkook grabs my hip and brings his face closer to mine. "I gotta go to the restroom."

"What if I don't want to move?" I bother him the same way he has been doing it tonight. "I'll make you do it myself, and I won't be gentle."

I smile but stand up to let him go, but once his body touches the back of mine to move away, I feel the bulge against my butt again, that one I was not sure was actually an erection.

/ end of flashback \

"That doesn't mean anything. Guys can get boners for random reasons like simple frictions. So that doesn't mean anything," I clear my head from the memories that came back and contradict her statement, but also make sure to avoid specific details.

"You were not even moving! Y/n-" she shoves her spoon in her bowl of rice and throws me an unfriendly look. "You're not dumb. You know what all those things he's done mean, and we both know you're just trying so hard to find another reason to contradict the damn truth that it's ridiculous at this point."

"It's over now anyway. We won't ever talk again, so let's stop arguing," I grab the rice ball I got and unwrap it to not starve anymore, and she feeds herself as well. "I'm pretty sure he's gonna come back. Trust me. And on that damn day, I'll be proud to say that I was right this whole time. Maybe this thing is gonna make him realize that you're the one he needs and wants, and he'll come back to you. I'm ninety-nine percent sure this is what's gonna happen."

"What about the one percent left?" I highlight that important part, and she rolls her eyes. "This might happen another way, that's all."

"Sure," I let her believe I rule in her favor and bite into the rice. "Yeah sure, but anyway, let's talk about that Angelo guy. From what I've seen yet, he's fucking hot, so tell me," she licks her spoon and never stops talking about the worst topics. "What happened on that date?"

"It wasn't a date, and nothing happened. We just hung out like any friends would," I glance down at my snack to take another bite, but her annoying smile ticks me off. "Good. Hope you'll hang out like any friends would again then."

"Yeah," I do not disagree, hoping for him to contact me, stumble upon me, and help me take my mind off all this.