"Did you really mean what you said over the phone?" she brings it back up, this last phone call we had. "Yes, and no. If I never confessed to you, it was because I was scared. The last girl I dated before all that was my best friend back in high school. Everything was perfect with her, we'd get along over everything, then we got into a relationship because of me, and it destroyed us both. And when I met you, I felt the same thing happening. I quickly fell in love with you, but my feelings were even stronger this time...and I was terrified of the thought of losing you in the same way..." tears well up in my eyes as I realize the depth of my emotions.

"So to try to get rid of my feelings, I went to that girl because she was my friend's ex back then, and I knew she cheated on him, I never forgot the fact she tried to hook up with me when she was with him...so I thought that using her would be a way to distract myself from the pain...but it only got worse because you distanced yourself from me...I started acting so wrong, and I felt so trapped when I realized what I'd done..." I let all my emotions out in a single moment.

"I knew you wouldn't trust me if I broke up with her to be with you. If I told you why I did all that, I knew you'd be disappointed in me, and I was so lost and scared, but the only thing I've ever wanted was to be with you, y/n..." I set my eyes on her as I let my heart speak for me. "And I'm so fucking sorry for everything." I confess, tears welling up in my eyes as I can see the pain in her eyes.

She sniffs without talking to me and wipes her tears away.

"Does it really hurt you to see me with Angelo?" she rests her head back on her fist, waiting for my response. "Do you want me to be honest?"

She nods silently, her eyes pleading for the truth.

"Yes, it hurts me. Not because I don't want you to be happy without me, but because I wanna be the one to make you happy," I stare into her eyes, not keeping my emotions hidden. "But whatever..." I let out a heavy sigh, feeling uneasy. I lean forward and run my hand over my face.

"I'm not with Angelo, you know," she tell me. "It has been clear from the start because he knows my feelings."

"What do you mean you're not with him?" I turn my eyes towards her. "He calls you baby. Holds you in his arms like you mean the world to him, he kisses you, claims you...There's no need to lie to me, y/n."

"I'm not lying," she does not break eye contact, showing how serious she is. "We're just...close, and we show care and affection to one another, but it's not romantic."

I hold her gaze for a moment, pondering if she is telling the truth. I feel a surge of relief wash over me, but some doubt still remains inside.

"Why is it like that? He's clearly in love with you, and you are too," I ask, hoping for a clearer answer. "He knows how I feel," she responds. "But you're too drunk to talk about this right now. We should go to bed and have this conversation when you're sober," she stands up as if she feared this topic, but I grab her arm and rush in front of her.

"Are you not in love with him? No feelings at all?" I demand, my voice filled with desperation. I do not care if I sound pathetic anymore. "And you can tell me if you are. I just want to know the truth."

"I'm not in love with him," she replies bluntly, her eyes avoiding mine. "I grew attached to him, yes, but I'm not in love."

"And nothing ever happened between you two?" I question her further, and she hestitates before speaking. "We just kissed...but..." she says as a sigh escaped her. "I don't want to talk about it."

Why does it affect me so much? The fact that she gave her first kiss to another guy should not affect me that bad, but yet, it does. I feel so sick for that.

She would never understand, but I always hoped to be her first, no matter how selfish and possessive it sounds.

"I should go back to bed," she moves aside and leaves the room, but I do not hold her back. I watch her leave, and once the door closes behind her quiet footsteps, I drop my body back on the sofa and burry my face in my hands.

Why cannot I be devoid of feelings? I hate how painful it is to be able to love.

40 minutes later...

'YOUR P.O.V'

"Y/n?" the sound of some knocking on the door interrupts my thoughts as I have been trying to go back to sleep since I left Jungkook. I take a deep breath and try to compose myself before answering the door, and once I open it, I see Jungkook standing there with glassy eyes. "Y/n," he mispronounces my name, looking even more intoxicated than earlier.

"What are you doing?" I ask, my heart sinking as I realize he's clearly not in the right state of mind.

"I wanna...I don't wanna be alone..." he slurs, reaching out for the door frame as his body seems to sway dangerously. "Have you drunk more?" I ask, trying to keep my voice low to not wake anyone up, and he shakes his head, unable to remain still and maintain eye contact. "It hurts..." he whispers, tears welling up in his eyes. "What hurts?"

"Everything," he answers with a pained expression, crying silently. "I just want everything to stop hurting...I don't know how to deal with it anymore, y/n."

My throat tightening as I struggle to not burst into tears myself, I take his warm hand in mine but quickly notice something is wrong. "You're bleeding, what have you done?" I hold his hand upside down, his blood slipping through his fingers to reach mine.

He grasps the door frame and glances down at his injury, but he barely reacts as if this was not even painful. The wound is clearly deep, but he shrugs it off. "Nothing...I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Come with me," I bring him to my bed, helping him not tip over and fall. He collapses on the mattress but drags me with him as I kept a hold on his bleeding hand. "Don't move your hand. I'm coming back in a minute to take care of this," I stand up and head to the bathroom to get a first aid kit, but hear him groan. "Just stay close to me, please..."

"I'm here," I tell him, trying to sound reassuring despite the panic rising in my chest. I do not know what he has done to cause such a serious wound, but I need to remain calm and help him. "No...you're not here...you're so far away...all the time..."

As I gathered all stuff I will need, I go back to him and sit down by his side. As expected, he moved his hand and smeared some blood over the sheets.

"I told you not to move it," I grab his hand after getting hold of a wet towel, and I clean all the blood around the wound. "Do you really not remember what you did to hurt yourself like that?"

"I don't know what you're saying, y/n..." he does not stay still but inches his upper body closer to me, so I lay my eyes on his face. "Do you want to lie down?"

"Yeah..." he whispers, his voice trailing off as he closes his eyes again. I move over the sheets and help him get his head on one of my pillows, and I take the stuff I brought and set it right next to me, feeling him snuggle up closer to my body.

I am worried about what this wound could have inside. If he hurt himself with some glass, which must be the only thing at fault, there could be some shards embedded in his skin.

I need Angelo to check up on this, with his experience, he will take care of this better than anyone else here could.

"Jungkook," I call his name to make sure he listens and place the towel in his hand carefully. "Hm," he raises his sleepy eyes up to me. "Keep holding this, okay?"

He nods slowly and looks into my eyes.

"I'm gonna ask someone to take care of your wound. I don't want to make it worse," I say as I left the bed, and he watches me without saying a word. I step out of my room and head towards Angelo's one, and I knock on the door.

In short seconds, the door swings open and he stands there, shirtless, with tired eyes that tell me I woke him up. "Y/n?"

"Hey, I'm sorry for bothering you at this hour, but...uhm...Jungkook kinda got drunk, and...he hurt himself, but it's a deep wound on his hand, and I don't know how to take care of it properly. So, I was hoping you could help..." I struggle to ask him for this given the tension there still is between them.

He sighs but steps forth. "Where is he?"

I point my finger towards my room, and he walks up to it. "What is he doing in your bedroom if he's drunk?" he opens the door as I am following him. "He came up to me, crying...and I saw him bleed, so I wanted to take care of him."

He does not say anything but sits down where I was a few minutes ago, next to Jungkook, who fell asleep. Without asking me which hand is injured, he finds out on his own and grabs it to remove the towel. "What the fuck has he done?"

"There's maybe some glass shards inside, so be careful," I speak quietly and stands near him to watch and learn. "Can you get a flashlight on it, please?" he asks while wiping off the blood, so I hurry and grab my phone to direct some light towards his hand.

I bend over to have a better look, but can barely stand the sight of the open and deep cut. "Gosh."

It looks even worse than I thought.

"He's a dumbass kid," he remarks but still takes care of him in a gentle manner, showing some care no matter how he feels towards him.

"Are we gonna have to call 911?" I worry but hear him a chuckle. "No, he'll be fine. It's not that deep," he applies pressure to the wound and keeps it like that, and he sets his eyes on me. "Can you get me a glove? But make sure to clean your hands first."

"Sure," I put my phone down and head to my bathroom, and I look for what he asked for. I reach for a box full of them, and wash my hands before getting one out. Then, I make my way back to him, and he raises his right hand up. "Put it on me, please."

I do as told, and as he pushes his hand inside, I make it fit as much as possible. For some reason, he laughs but thanks me.

"What?" I get my phone back in my hand for the flashlight, and he shakes his head while smiling. "Nothing."

"Hm, there's always nothing with you," I grumble at this habit he has of never explaining why he laughs. "Yeah, it's the same with you," he stops applying pressure on the wound that does not seem so bloody anymore, and he wipes everything off. "I'm gonna have to close the wound, so I hope for him he's deeply asleep."

"You can't just use some bandage?" I ask, concerned. "No, this needs some stitches, but don't worry. I've seen worse, so it will be easy as long as he doesn't wake up."

"And what if he does?" I think of the worst case scenario. "I'll gladly knock him out," he states while focusing, making it hard to not smile. "You're mean."

"I wouldn't be here if I was," he replies, and I cannot contradict. "True..."

10 minutes later...

"Here," he leaves my bed, taking the glove off. "Hope he'll be in pain in the morning," he cannot hold back from letting out. "Tsk. You don't mean it," I slap his arm, which gets him to smile. He grabs the tools to tidy up as I threw the dirty tissues out, both cleaning up silently.

He stays in the bathroom to disinfect what he used, and I join him. "You can go back to bed, I'll take care of this."

"You go to bed, you need it more than I do," he places everything back in the box one at a time, but I stay next to him. I scrutinize what he is doing, then look up at him.

I poke his biceps. "Thank you," I whisper, feeling grateful for his help. "For this, and for him."

"No need to," he closes the box and puts it back on its spot. For the second time, he washes his hands and dries them on the towel hanging by the door behind me, so I step out but feel him drag me back in the room. "Wait."

I lift my chin up and give him a questioning look, and he peeks in the bedroom before closing the door to be left alone with me. He leans onto the door frame and looks down at me. His hazelnut eyes are filled with negative emotions, making my heart race.

"I just need to talk about something with you," he speaks in a serious and low tone, and I show him I am attentive. "Tell me."

"I...Just...Are you sure this is really what you want?" he asks, and I feel my stomach drop. "What do you mean?"

He stares deep into my eyes, so deep that I feel like he can see right through me. "Y/n..." he straightens his back and rubs his hand over his cheek. "I just want to make sure you're not gonna get hurt again. And I'm not trying to keep you away from him, I promise, and you know it, but...just think thoroughly about this...Alright?"

"What are you trying to say by that?" I frown at him, wondering why he is being so vague. "I know you want to go back to him, and with the way things are going right now, I know how that's gonna end. I just want you to remember that you're not just a girl he can play with, hurt, and still get back easily. You're worth more than you think, and he should work harder to deserve you."

I nod to him, understanding his concern and the meaning of his advice.

"Enjoy life, but don't forget to be wise and learn from your mistakes," he tells me, advising me like a parent but doing an amazing job as always. I smile and nod in agreement, grateful for his presence and help. He truly is a guiding light in my life.

"I'll leave you now," he grabs the handle of the door, but I stop him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he replies with a warm smile, turning back to face me. "Uhm. Jungkook said something earlier, but I just want to make sure, like, that he hasn't heard anything from you."

"About what?" he slides his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, and I gather up my courage to ask him. "You don't- I mean, you never told Jungkook or another of the boys that you're in love with me, have you?"

For a moment, he freezes and stares at me with shifty eyes before responding. "No. Why do you ask me that?" he glances down at my lips, and some weird feeling spreads through me. He does not seem honest at all. "I just wanted to make sure..."

"What did he say for you to think that?" he leans back on the sink behind him, and I hold my hands together. "He said you were clearly in love with me, but he was drunk when he said it, so I'm not sure if he just heard somebody say it, if he assumed, or if he was just not thinking about what he was saying."

He swallows and denies with a movement of his head. "I never said that to anyone."

"You promise?" I ask, my eyes searching his for any sign of dishonesty. He chuckles and shakes his head. "Why do you seem so worried about this suddenly?"

I wrap my hands around his wrists and get his hands out of his pockets to hold them up. "I just want you to promise."

He sighs but intertwines our fingers. "I maybe said it, but as a joke, and I wouldn't even remember, so what if I pro-"

"No, you'd never say that as a joke if it's about me, stop lying. Now look into my eyes and promise," I pull on his arms to force him to face me, and he lowers his chin to look at me. His smile fades away as he tightened his hold onto my hands, and he says with seriousness, "I promise. Happy?"

"I just want you to say it if you mean it," I reply. He nods, still looking into my eyes, and speaks, "I mean it."

"I trust you," I say quietly, and he lets go. "Go to bed now, okay?" he opens the door, and I agree. "You do too. And sorry again for waking you up in the middle of the night," I walk up to my bed while keeping my eyes on him. "It's okay. Sleep tight. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I answer as he stepped out. "By the way," he turns around, holding the door open. "I crossed my toes," he laughs and closes the door behind him. He is so annoying, I told him to be serious about it.

Nonetheless, deep down, I could not help but smile.

I peek down at Jungkook, making sure he is alright, and I cover his body with the blanket. I lie down, close my eyes, and try to push away the thoughts of what just happened.

Why did it seem like he lied to me?