and she'll bleed from her own heart,

just to make room for his.

* * *

Sometimes, the answers we so desperately seek are right in front of our eyes the entire time. In some instances, we're just too lazy to search for them. And in others, we're too busy searching for not an answer, but a way to change the past. Any sane human would know that it isn't possible. What's done is done and cannot be altered, regardless of how hard or how many times we try.

So maybe I wasn't sane. But, in my defense, nobody in love actually could be considered sane. 

Ever since I could remember, I had twisted every door knob, peeked through every door, and tried anything I could to change what had been. I wanted to turn back the clock and make my parents love me. I wanted to change the past so that they never had become so famous. Maybe the whim was selfish, but I felt as if it were true, they would feel differently towards me. And later my only wish was to have Louis care about me the same way I cared about him. And when that happened, I wanted so desperately to go back in time and prevent myself from falling for him in the first place. I knew all of this was impossible, yet I never stopped trying.

And that, in short, is the definition of insanity. 

The inestimable camera that laid in my lap weighing more than ever before, I sat and stared straight ahead. My hands were covered by my sweat shirt's long sleeves, hiding the fingers that danced so restlessly. I knew what was happening in just two days. Not only was the engagement becoming final, but I was doing something that I had only ever dreamt of. 

My decision was insane, ridiculous, impulsive--you get the point. But it was the only way I could redeem myself. After everything that had happened in the course of a month, I truly did not think I could handle any more. And the talk I had with my mother earlier that same day finalized my decision. 

I had visited her when my father was gone for a meeting, the time we had together being limited yet crucial.

"I'm filing a divorce," she had told me. She seemed so confident in her choice and I only wondered how she seemed to do it. I was always skeptical of my actions, pondering over every possible outcome and every "what if." 

Her words shouldn't have come as much of a shock, but they did. I knew that my parents didn't have the best of all relationships, but I never imagined divorce to be one of the answers. As surprised as I was though, I was happy for my mother. She could resolve her conflict with a simple signature on a sheet of paper, and here I was, stuck between an over-possessive girl and her charming fiance, who managed to steal my heart much too easily. And I was taking the most complicated and risky way out.

"When?" It was the only word I was able to choke out. Mother had not a single hint of sadness on her features; rather, she looked much livelier, a sense of freedom radiating off of her.

She had only one word for me, and that was one that never held much meaning until then.

"Soon." 

And that's when I told her. I confided in her, informing her of what had happened after mine and Louis' previous dance lesson and telling her of what I planned to do. A small part of me wanted her to stop me. I wanted her to shake her head side to side and tell me that there was indeed another way out, but the response I did receive was different of all sorts. 

She smiled. 

Out of all things Rita McVerry could do or say, she smiled.

She took my hand and cupped it in her own hands. "Do you know why I named you Charlotte?" She had asked, catching me off-guard. I shook my head in response, never recalling the thought crossing my mind. 

Mother laughed, the sound more melodic than ever.

"It means free."

When I remained silent, mother simply gave my fingers a small squeeze and continued. 

"I want the best for you, Charlotte. It's time that you stop trying to save everyone else, because you're the only one who doesn't see what it's doing to you. It's tearing you apart, little by little, and I can't stand  to see it happen. It's time you start looking out for yourself--free from anything or anyone else that drags you down." 

Is that what I was doing? Trying to save everyone?

All I ever wanted was to rid my loved ones of their hardships. And in the process of trying so hard to do so, I lost myself. Every lie I told, every smile I faked, was slowly coming back and taking its deteriorating toll on me--mentally and emotionally. So maybe mother was right. And before I became completely numb, like a pin-cushion that remained senseless, I needed to save myself.

"It's time, Charlotte."

Those were her final words to me this morning, and I couldn't help but take them into heavy consideration. My talk with Rose near the same hour had been very familiar to that with my mother. She, too, advised me to stick to my plan. But for some reason that I could not explain, I wanted someone to stop me. I didn't want to go through with this, but it seemed like every person I had conferred with thought it was best for me. 

And that's exactly why I had to do it. 

So I sat on the edge of the lakeside, my legs suspended in the thick air, my toes an inch away from coming into contact with the running water. My manicured nails impatiently picked at the solid rock I was mounted on, my eyes flickering from left to right, searching for Harry. I wasn't quite sure why I had called him and asked to meet up. And I was even more confused as to why I chose this place. 

After visiting my home--if I could even call it that anymore, and talking to Rose and to Mother, I decided to go for a stroll. Danielle was on tour and it wasn't like I could go home to my mother, so needless to say, I felt alone.

With my steadfast camera leading me on my purportless adventure, I came to discover a lake. It was small and undiscovered, only a five minute walk from Danielle's house. What drew me in about the ravishing location was the way it was isolated--hidden from the perils that seeked to destroy whatever they could get their hands on and locked away from the tormentous talons of life. It was pure in its being, untouched by artificial fingers and protected from everything else that I had experienced myself. I was jealous of a lake. And if I wasn't sure about having gone insane before, I was positive now. 

Aside from the isolation of the lake, it had many more appealing characteristics. Its beauty, for one. The small stream of water was bordered by bounteous trees, trees with flowers blossoming, welcoming Spring whole-heartedly. The entire area was serene, the sound of the busy streets just outside being filtered by the legion of nature surrounding me. 

I stared down at my hazy reflection in the water, taking in the heavy bags that found home underneath my lifeless eyes and the frown that had settled permanently on my lips. 

"You're doing the right thing," I repeatedly thought to myself. And in the process of doing so, I forced the corners of my lips up with my fingers, molding them into a smile. A smile that dropped the second it lost the support of my hands. It was so easy for the frown to return and take the place of a smile that I had thought to be permanent so long ago. 

Deflated, I rubbed my tired eyes with the back of my hands and settled back onto the rock, my palms on the ground underneath me. My eyes wandered the forest, leaving not a single detail unraveled. I didn't jump when the rustling of leaves sounded behind me, but simply continued looking at the flock of birds that did some sort of dance in the cloudless sky. 

I could feel Harry's presence next to me. From the corner of my eye, I was able see a pair of longer legs dangling off of the rock, half of the two feet dipped into the water. 

"Isn't the water cold?" I whispered, lines etched into my forehead as I watched the way the running water splashed relentlessly against his feet. 

"It feels rather nice." 

I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was smiling. My eyes flickered to his, which were staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. It wasn't long before they met mine. 

"How did you find this place so easily?" I asked. I had expected a call from him asking where exactly the lake was, but it seemed that Harry didn't have trouble locating it at all. 

I felt an arm being slung loosely around my shoulder.

Harry chuckled. "I think you've forgotten that I've lived in London much longer than you have."

I laughed along. It was true. It felt like before I moved to London, there was no life. And the life that I did have felt like not eighteen years, but a glimpse of a mere eighteen seconds. The life I was living now felt so much more real than the one I had endured the majority of my years.

Harry shuffled around on the rock, bringing me closer so that I was able to rest my head on his shoulder. His embrace was warm, consoling.

"I'm glad that things haven't changed between us," he said. I peered up at him and watched as he ran his free hand across the fringe of his curls, sweeping them aside.

Those were the words I'd been wanting to tell him for so long now. Sure, there was an air of awkwardness that surrounded us after Leeds, but it dissipated in no time.

"Me, too." I didn't have to say any more than that. Harry only held me closer, his arm tightening around my shoulder. He knew that something was wrong. Why would I have called him here in such urgency otherwise?

 I still didn't know if I wanted to tell him. If I informed Harry of my plan, then he would be bound to ask questions. Like any normal person, he would want to know why I'd resort to such extreme measures. And that meant telling him about my feelings for Louis. It meant telling him everything.

 So I did what any unsure person would do. I stalled.

 "I'm excited about Saturday," I said, lifting my head to meet his eyes.

No, it wasn't a complete lie. There was excitement, but not the kind that I was implying. It was the type of excitement that made you lose your sleep, the kind where anxiety continuously clawed at your mind and one part of you wanted the night to never come and another wanted it to be over already. 

A strange looked flashed across Harry's features before he raised an eyebrow at me. "You don't sound the part," he accused. 

I snatched my gaze away, turning my head so that he couldn't see my alarmed expression. Sometimes, I forgot how easy it was for him to see right through me. Harry dropped his arm from where it was draped around my shoulder and leaned back on his hands, a sigh of woe letting loose from his already parted lips.

"Are you going to tell me what's been bothering you? And why do you look like you haven't slept for days?" He finally inquired. 

That's because I haven't slept for days, I wanted to answer. But I knew that wasn't the best way to break it to him. Actually, I wasn't sure I wanted to break it to him at all. Because only a mere second before the words left my mouth, I stopped myself. No, I chickened out. 

What if he thought I was being dramatic? Or if he thought I was insane? No matter how much I wanted to believe that those were the reasons why I didn't confide in him right then, I knew it was something else.

What if he thinks it's a good idea? Now that was the actual question. What if, like Mother and like Rose, he encourages me to go through with it? I didn't know why I was so terrified of doing so, but something about it all just didn't feel right.

It then hit me that I had no idea what to tell Harry. I certainly wasn't going to tell him the truth, so how in the world was I going to make up a story that fit our circumstances?

Thankfully, it felt as if for once, the universe was on my side. My phone rang from where it was tucked into my pants' pocket. I smiled gingerly at Harry before pulling it out. Seeing the word, "UNKNOWN," flash across the screen was disconcerting, but I brought it to my ear nonetheless. 

"Hello?"

"Hi, Charlotte. This is Tommy from the Childrens' Treatment Center downtown. We're going to need you to come quick, it's about Henry."

And with that lone phone call, it felt like the ground had been snatched out from underneath my dependent feet. The lake no longer seemed so beautiful to me and the day not as serene. Henry's health was only deteriorating day by day, so no one could judge me for automatically assuming that the situation was the the worst possible. I mumbled a, "be right there," into the speaker and jumped up from the rock. The fastest I could with trembling hands, I gathered my satchel and carelessly shoved my camera into it. 

At that moment, I didn't care about my father or about Louis or Eleanor. At the very second, all I was worried about was Henry. Was he alright? Tommy obviously didn't know much about what was going on, he was only told to deliver a message, so there was no way I could have asked him. 

Harry had noted my hectic behavior and followed me away from the lake and back into the forest. 

"Charlotte, is everything alright? Who was it on the phone?" His long legs aided him in catching up to me as we strode side by side towards his car. 

I couldn't bring myself to speak. As sad as it was, I knew that I should have expected this type of call sooner or later. I just never wanted to think of how it would impact me. My life had proven to be full of surprises--most of which I wasn't very fond of. And knowing that I could very well be losing the boy who meant so much to me made it more than impossible to even breathe.

 "I'll explain later."

Not ten minutes later I found myself stumbling into the building that I had come to know well. The building was the same in every single way. The same scent of lavender drifted the halls, accompanied by a peaceful silence that was disrupted only occasionally by doors opening and closing. It was dreary to think that while the building remained, one of its many patients may not. 

I tried to clear my mind of any negativity and rushed to the front desk. The usual worker, Kyle, would greet me with a giant hug and automatically know which room's passes to hand me, but he wasn't there. Instead, he was replaced by an old man who couldn't seem to keep his eyes open. 

I unintentionally slammed my hands on my desk, clearing my throat. The man jumped back in his seat, hitting his head on the plastic surface. In other circumstances, I would have felt guilty, but at that moment, fear was my only emotion. And it overshadowed everything.

The man's beady eyes frantically panned the area, before they landed on me and narrowed. He wiped a layer of sweat off of his forehead with the back of his hand and scowled up at me. 

"Can I help you?" he spat, clearly not in the mood in helping me at all. 

Although his rude tone irritated me, I ignored it. There were more important things on hand. I told the man the room number and he was agonizingly slow in handing me the two passes. 

Once he did, I shot off in the direction of the B Hallway. Harry kept up, not asking any more questions. 

On the car ride there, I had explained everything to Harry. The best I could through tears, I told him about the first time I had met Henry. The first time I volunteered at the Treatment Center and came across a small boy, whose hands weren't big enough to properly hold a crayon, yet he made it work. A small boy who was drawing a picture, isolated from the ten other kids in the room. 

He had drawn a sketch of what seemed like a family portrait. And after watching over his shoulder for so long, I had finally asked him a question. 

"Is that your mommy and daddy?"

The boy had peered up at me through his warm, dark brown eyes. Eyes that began to fill with tears. I had been startled. I never meant to make him cry, yet here he was, wiping his eyes with the same hand that had been holding the crayon.

"I don't have a family."

I can't exactly point out at which moment Henry became one of the closest people I had. I guess that, in a way, I could relate to him. And in another, being around Henry kept me grounded. He was born into the world without a single idea of where he belonged. And to make matters worse, he was diagnosed Lukemia at an awfully young age. At least I was born with a name in the world. I was Charlotte McVerry, daughter of Rita and Brian McVerry. It's easier to be born into a family that didn't exactly function well rather than not know where on earth your family is, right?

I told Harry about the time I brought Zayn and Louis in for a visit. How both boys had become attached to Henry and visited often after that day. Through it all, Harry remained silent, his lips pursed in a straight line. I was grateful that he didn't ask any more questions or pry any further. I was in no condition to speak. 

After what seemed like an eternity, my hand came in contact with the cold surface of the doorknob. I steadied my breathing, a task that became much easier when I felt Harry's large hand envelope mine and give it a squeeze. He nodded towards the door, encouraging me to open it. 

"I'll wait out here," he said, his eyes portraying sympathy. I nodded in response and twisted the door knob, pushing the door open with my other hand. 

A sense of relief filled me when I saw Henry in his usual spot. He was sat on the floor in front of the television, his hands clutching a video game remote. He hadn't noticed my arrival because of the earphones that he was wearing, the music loud enough for me to hear from where I was standing.

Henry's toys and paints were scattered across the floor, so it was hard for me to reach him without tripping numerous times. I knew that I had to remain strong. If I didn't, then who was going to be there for him? I wiped my cheeks free of any tears and plopped down next to the little boy. When he still didn't notice me, I reached over and plucked one of his ear phones out. 

"You better lower the volume on those things, or you'll be deaf by the time you're twenty." It was my best shot to remain optimistic, yet anyone could unravel the underlying and twisted irony of the words. 

Henry smiled and snatched his ear phone back. "I'm guessing you got a call," he said, his eyes still fixated on the television's screen. I couldn't deny that his nonchalant tone and actions were thinning my patience.

I bit my lip to aveliate my trembling chin and responded, "Yes. And I'm guessing they want you to tell me yourself?"

Finally, Henry paused his game and set the remote control on the ground. He shuffled around on the carpeted floor until he was facing me. Instead of answering my question, though, he began scrolling through his Ipod. I groaned and snatched it out of his hands. 

"What's going on, Henry?" I demanded the best I could, my voice breaking. Henry only smiled at me, but once the smile began to falter, I couldn't contain myself any longer. Even though it should have been the other way around, Henry began consoling me. He brought me into a comforting hug and rubbed my back soothingly.

"You really love to jump to conclusions, don't you?" He then laughed, his hand leaving my back once he fell backwards in uncontrollable laughter.

Embarrassed and frankly a little creeped out, I blinked. "What..." I wiped my wet eyes with the sleeves of my jacket, "What do you mean?"

I watched him as he sobered up and regained his composure. "There's nothing wrong, Charlotte," he smiled, showing off his two missing teeth. 

"Nothing wrong?" I exclaimed, "But I got a call and they said it was urgent, how could there be--"

"I'm getting better." 

My heart skipped a few beats. He wouldn't be joking about this, right? 

"The doctors said that I have more time. A lot more." Every bit of Henry's features were dripping with joy, and if I wasn't mistaken, his eyes were welling up with tears.

After everything I had been through, I never thought this to happen. I only believed that my life would get worse, but I should've known that there was no way to be sure of it. 

Henry was getting better. 

And after much too long, I felt happy. Just the fact that something so dreadful as his disease could diminish gave me hope for myself. Sure, life got tough sometimes, but Henry was the one to prove to me that no matter how bad things got, they would always end up getting better. 

I tackled the small boy into a hug, screeching with joy. "That's amazing! Absolutely incredible!" Henry joined me in my dance around the room, the two of us ecstatic. I didn't remember ever being this merry, but I had learned that happiness sometimes comes in the most unexpectable of forms.

When I had received that call telling me to arrive at the Treatment Center right away, I automatically assumed that it was the worst case scenario. I could easily blame myself for being so negative, but I knew that it wasn't entirely my fault. The past month had been one bad news after another, so the least I expected was for things to take a turn for the better. 

Sudeenly, I stopped dancing. I frowned and sat down on the edge of Henry's hospital bed, creases appearing on my forehead. 

"What's wrong?" Henry pouted and took a seat next to me. Maybe it was the way his large eyes were searching mine for answers, or just the mood of the situation, but I found myself telling him everything. From Louis to Danielle to Eleanor to Leeds and to dance lessons--everything. He would get excited when I talked about my feelings for Louis, but seem pretty annoyed every time I mentioned Eleanor, which made me want to laugh. I was aware that Harry was still waiting outside, but I needed to tell Henry. As weird as it seems, he had some pretty great advice. 

"So what are you going to do?" Henry asked once I was finished telling him my life story. It was the question I had dreaded, but I knew that I had to answer it. And now, I felt much more confident in my decision. Before seeing Henry, I was skeptical--scared.

This time around, I didn't ask about what I should do. I told him what I was going to do and it may not seem like it, but the difference was of great magnitude. 

I had made many promises in my life and though I wasn't able to keep my word on all of them, I made Henry a promise that I intended in keeping no matter what. 

"I'll be back for you, I promise."

I couldn't explain to myself what exactly I meant by the phrase, but I felt as if somewhere deep inside of me, I knew exactly what I meant to say to him. I knew that out of all things I was planning on doing, this was at the top of my list. 

"I know you will." He smiled and thanked me with a huge hug. I wasn't quite sure what Henry was thanking me for. If anything, I should have been the one thanking him. And when I asked him why he was expressing such gratitude, his answer was one that warmed my heart completely. 

"For giving me a family." 

That's what he had said. With an angelical smile gracing his small lips and his eyes hazy with tears, Henry thanked me for giving him a family. To know that I was the reason that this child was smiling and that I was the one who saved him from a fate no child should have made me feel better than I had ever dreamt of. Not too long after, we had to say our goodbyes. I told Henry that I would keep my promise and not without a final hug, he sent me on my way out of the room. 

Harry stood up abruptly when he saw me enter the empty hallway. His eyes were wide and his expression coated with confusion, probably because of the mirth that was, without a doubt, radiating off of my face. 

"What happened?" He asked, and with two long strides, was standing right before me. I nodded, beaming up at Harry through tears of relief. 

"He's getting better." 

Harry visibly relaxed, his tense shoulders drooping, and he wrapped his arms around my shoulders. "That's great!" 

Like every time before that one, his embrace helped calm me. I never understood how one person could make you feel so much better about everything until I met Harry.

It was then that I realized that I had to tell him. I had to tell Harry about Louis and about everything that I had told Henry. Even though I wasn't, it felt like I was lying to the one person that had been with me through everything. Out of everyone, it was Harry who deserved to know. 

We walked together out of the building and it took all that was in me not to burst into tears once again. Tears that were not caused by sadness, but by joy. I had never witnessed a miracle until then.

"Harry, I need to tell you something," I whispered once the two of us were strapped back into his car's seats. Harry was extremely elated when I informed him of Henry's improving health, but I knew that he had not forgotten about the events at the lake. 

His fingers, which were drumming a rhythm on the center of the steering wheel, came to an immediate stop and he turned to face me. "Of course, what is it?" 

He didn't seem to notice the way my breaths were shaky and my hands constantly fidgeting. I ran my hands through my hair nervously and shot a sheepish smile his way. 

"I'm in love with your best friend."

* * * 

(A/N) 

bleeeh. This is the product of only two hours, so sorry if it kinda sucks (which it does). But I just haaaad to update! 

I'm truly sorry for the lack of updates lately. As many of you already know, I have a new baby brother! So of course, I've been very busy lately with family stuff. But guess what? Four chapters to goooo! Are you excited?! Because I am :D

I hope this chapter was worth the wait and if you did some how enjoy it, pleaseee VOTE and leave your comments! I might just be entering this piece in the Watty Awards.. ;)

Oh and fanart on the right is by zee wonderful ( hehe, get it? ) @heyitszeeeee ! Thank you for the wonderful banner and for being such a great friend :) 

Also, the dedication for this chapter goes to the beautiful @StarHuntress for making me such an awesome cover for my short story, "Neither Reason nor Rhyme" and for being an awesome person. I love youu <3 Seriously though, go read her stories if you haven't already. 

I also wanted to point out that only three days ago was the 1- year anniversary of this story! Isn't that crazy?! It's been a year and three days since I began writing this :o

Thanks a ton for reading and hopefully, the next chapter will be up soon! 

Looove, -Ayshaa <3