jeongguk wasn't sure what to expect.

somewhere, in those last few seconds of the darkness of the restaurant, he'd been hit by a gigantic volley of emotionsㅡfear and doubt and panic and anxietyㅡbecause what would he see? he'd see the light, and with the light he'd see jimin. for the first time, in the actual flesh and blood. 

oh, god. did he want to? could that be what she'd been so scared about revealing? was she not the girl in the selfies she'd sent, was that what he'd see?

and in that frightening moment of pure idiocy, jeongguk thought, is this one a guy, too?

only once jeongguk had snapped himself out of his thoughts, he realized that they'd come to a stop; a few moments had passed since the doors behind them had closed with a soft thud. no one was saying as much as a word.

finally, there was a light tugging on his sleeve. a quiet "sir? sir." jeongguk clicked his tongue.

"no," he answered firmly.

"sir, we're out of theㅡ"

"no."

"it's not... it's not dark anymore, sir? you can open yourㅡ"

"i'll open my eyes when i damn well please," jeongguk hissed, feeling about seven years old with his eyes tightly shut and brow furrowed childishly. but he liked the dark. couldn't he stay in it, for just a bit longer?

"but we're literallyㅡ" the waiter cut himself off, letting out a soft, resigned sigh. "...as you wish, then. ma'am?"

"no thank you," jeongguk heard jimin reply immediately.

"ma'am," the waiter persisted. "will you be opening your eyes?"

jeongguk almost cracked an eye open at that.

"no, thank you."

"do i need to..." the waiter sighed again, though this one betrayed a hint of exasperation. "would you like to me to lead you both out of the building... despite our perfectly functioning lighting..."

"that would be great, yes!" jimin enthused, giving jeongguk's hand a gentle squeeze, who frowned quizzically. "you're such a dear."

"i did not sign up for this," the waiter muttered under his breath, almost inaudible as he nevertheless regained his hold on jeongguk's arm and steered him tentatively forward, and jeongguk decided that maybe, just maybe, he was sort of justified for that. i mean, jeongguk closing his eyes was understandable. but jimin? why the fuck was jimin closing her eyes? ridiculous!

there was a tinkling of a bell and a gush of the cool night air. jeongguk almost whimpered, already craving the heated interior of the restaurant. he strained weakly against the waiter's grip, who kept it firm, clearly determined to get them well out of the restaurant's vicinity before he let them go.

he could literally shove us into traffic right now, jeongguk realized, and we wouldn't even know. that must have helped jeongguk regain a little bit of his senses as he opened one eye, then the other, squinting and adjusting to the dull lighting of the night. when sufficiently satisfied with his eyesight, jeongguk inched his gaze to his left, deliberately avoiding the other direction, where he knew jimin would be. instead, he focused on the waiter, who was striding purposefully towards the road, arm taut as he practically dragged jeongguk along.

absent-mindedly, jeongguk stared at the waiter's hand gripping his arm for a few moments. then, slowly, without raising his eyes, he shifted his gaze to look at his own hand entwined with jimin's.

"oh my god," he murmured. the waiter whipped his head around at him, then came to an abrupt stop on realizing that he was finally capable of vision again. with a huge sigh of relief, the waiter released his hand from jeongguk's arm and wiped at his forehead exaggeratedly.

"welcome back, sir," he announced solemnly. "can i have my tip?"

"look at our hands," jeongguk whispered, completely ignoring the waiter's dramatics and raising his and jimin's interlocked hands, looking at them from multiple angles and finally exhaling sharply. "i'm going to cry, we're so cute."

"yeah, so i'm leaving," the waiter muttered, turning on his heel and stalking back up the pathway to the restaurant. "no amount of tips can compensate for this nightmare, anyway!" he yelled over his shoulder indignantly, and then he was gone.

jeongguk opened his mouth; closed it. he suddenly felt very, very alone in the world.

he gulped, directing his gaze downwards once again as he continued to stare at their hands, barely able to appreciate their beauty any more through the loud static reverberating in his ears. 

he was worse than alone. he was alone with jimin.

"jeongguk?" jimin said, her soft voice not cutting through, but grazing across the surface of the silence.

he couldn't help it. his gaze darted right up, right up to her face.

her face. dark, silky bangs falling across her forehead, a little button of a nose; her lips, wonderful pink lips just a little bit parted. jimin's face had no angles, just soft, smooth lines; her entire face was simply one small circle with two giant eyes, open, jimin's eyes were open, looking right at him,

"it's you!" jeongguk gasped, lurching away from jimin, only to reposition himself standing directly in front of her where he stared, mouth agape. and then he laughed out loud, almost cringing at the suddenness of the sound himself.

god, he felt like such a fuckin' dork. but jeongguk was so, so, relieved. because it was her, jimin, the girl he'd been texting for six months, who he found himself unfortunately in love withㅡshe was standing right there, a breathing version of the pictures she'd sent. 

to think he'd even been worried about that. of course she was jimin, of course.

"it's really you," he continued, feeling like his face was going to tear into two. "you're her. jimin."

"that's me," jimin confirmed, a bit shyly, as she gave him a once-over as well. "and you're, um. jeongguk."

"hi!" he greeted, too enthusiastically, and immediately regretted it. "i mean, uh. hi."

"hi..." jimin exhaled through her nose, eyeing jeongguk almost irritably. "you're actually kinda cute, jeongguk. unfair."

jeongguk shrugged modestly, biting his lip, as his eyes unconsciously wavered downwards to avoid eye contact. he felt a sudden rush of heat to his cheeks, and stumbled backwards with an audible yelp.

okay. well. that was... definitely a girl. shit.

"are you okay?" jimin asked, looking a bit concerned. jeongguk waved her off with a light 'psh'.

"you're just, uh, unnaturally small," he covered up quickly, and an irked line appeared between jimin's eyebrows in response. "i could literally put you in my pocket. it's... freaky, y'know?"

"speak for yourself," jimin retorted, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jeans defiantly and turning her head to the side. jeongguk's eyebrows arched in amusement.

"'speak for myself'? sweetheart, i drank milk four times a day growing up. this height was nothing easy to acquire," he informed her, somewhat proudly. jimin only shrugged half-heartedly, mumbling something under her breath.

"hmm? speak up, minie," jeongguk teased.

"namjoon's taller," jimin blurted out, head snapping back to face him indignantly. jeongguk felt all traces of playfulness drain out of him, which jimin must have mistaken as him admitting defeat as she grinned smugly.

"too far?" jimin said, drawing out the syllables mockingly as she placed her hands on her hips. "gonna go crying home to mommy for some milk?"

"you know what?" jeongguk muttered, voice coming out hoarser than he'd intended. he had no idea where all this sudden anger was coming from, but he knew exactly who he wanted to direct it at. "that's it."

"jeongguk?" he turned around, ignoring her, and stared up at the restaurant with his fists clenched at his sides. taking in a deep breath, he set back in its direction, as jimin called after him, "where are you going? i was just joking! i'm sorry, i won't try jokes again! ever!"

"i think i've heard enough," he spoke through gritted teeth as jimin fell into step beside him, tugging on his arm to no result, "about this namjoon character without even meeting him once. it's about time thatㅡ"

"you fight him to the death? that's cool and all but where are you going?"

jeongguk stopped, a metre away from the entrance, and looked down at jimin with a look of withheld exasperation. she stared right back up at him with her own bewildered one.

"i'm going to the restaurant," jeongguk finally decided to explain. "i'm going to drag him out right before he starts digging into his bowl of soufflé and beat the crap out of him."

jimin continued to stare at him, perplexed expression settling into something pretty devoid of anything. then she finally said, without much emotion,

"what?"

"what do you mean, what?" jeongguk exclaimed in frustration, knitting his hands through his hair. "i'm making myself perfectly clear here!"

"i'm sorry, jeongguk, but you're not making much sense at all. like, they don't even serve soufflé hereㅡ"

"wow." jeongguk blinked. "this restaurant really does sucks."

"ㅡand namjoon isn't here, either."

at that, jeongguk wheeled around, choking on his spit. "wait, what?"

jimin didn't comment, only looked at him unresponsively, leaving jeongguk to sputter about in disbelief.

"it'sㅡit's almost nine!" was the first legitimate sentence he managed to form. "what is he doing? does he not have any manners at all?"

"jeongguk, just... stop." jimin sighed heavily, massaging her temples. "you're just making lesser and lesser sense."

"iㅡi am makingㅡ"

"stop! just answer me this. why would namjoon have any reason to be here today?"

"haven't you..." jeongguk swallowed down his stubborn insistence to deny any form of interaction between her and namjoon, and continued reluctantly, "haven't you spoken to him recently? jiminㅡy'know, the other oneㅡasked him to meet upㅡ"

"at eight-thirty today," jimin finished, eyes widening as if realization was dawning on her. "ohhhh. oh. uh oh."

"so you know," jeongguk said, pushing aside the nagging voice in his head, how often do they even talk? "then what do you mean...?"

jimin put up a hand in a stop talking gesture as she shook her head rapidly, eyes shut and brows drawn together. "wait, i'm sorry. are you telling me that he was serious?" jeongguk opened his mouth to reply, to say, what do you mean, of course he was serious! but jimin was already speaking again. "woah woah woah, wait. oh my god." jimin's eyes flew open, fixing on jeongguk with a look of utter disbelief. "is jimin here?"

jeongguk blinked. was she all right?

"of course jimin is here," he said after a sufficient pause to recollect his senses. "why wouldn't jimin be here?"

"he was serious," jimin said, almost to herself.

"of course he was! he literally asked namjoon to comeㅡ"

"for what? it seemed to us that jimin was in on your whole plan, because he talked to namjoon as if everything was peachy perfect. while you acted as namjoon, jimin acted asㅡme." jeongguk opened his mouth, but this time he didn't really have anything to say. he closed it again miserably as jimin ploughed on, "and speaking of that plan of yours. where exactly do jimin and namjoon stand? hm? or is it that jimin doesn't want something with namjoon? because if jimin really did care about namjoon, you'd think he'd be uncooperative in helping you."

"heㅡ" realizing that he needed to say something, jeongguk searched desperately for words, for an explanation. he finally managed, sort of pathetically, "they barely... know each other."

jimin crossed her arms, clearly unimpressed. "so what were they supposed to meet here for? for a chance for things between them to proceed as they should have, is that what you're saying?"

"whether he wants anything with namjoon after this, i don't know, and it's none of my business either. but the point of them meeting today was to tell him theㅡthe truth. about what happened."

"which namjoon is fully aware of," jimin pointed out.

"but jimin isn't aware that namjoon's aware, jimin!" jeongguk exclaimed, groaning in frustration. "are you seriously telling me that namjoon isn't here?"

jimin observed him silently for a few beats. 

"maybe he would be here," she finally said. "if your jimin had specified a location to meet for their date."

"he didn'tㅡwhat?" oh, for fuck's sake. "look, he's justㅡhe probably had a lot on his mind and it just... he must have just forgotten, okay? which is completely understandable. what isn't understandable isㅡwhy didn't namjoon ask him for a location if he didn't get one?"

"oh, that." jimin shifted her weight from one foot to another, looking almost sheepish. "that's the part where we figured that jimin was just messing around."

see, it wasn't that jeongguk wasn't picking up the signs. the familiarity in the way us and we fell from her lips; the natural ease and familiarity resounding in them. like 'jimin and namjoon' was something that was completely normal, nothing accidental or insignificant.

oh, jeongguk was picking up the signs. loud and clear. it was just that jimin was spouting so much other bullshit that he couldn't really give them much attention at the moment.

his mouth dropped open. "excuse me?"

"sorry about that." jimin didn't look very sorry; she just looked a bit amused. "it just seemed so unlikely that he really wanted to meet up, y'know? i mean, look at the facts. firstly, there really wasn't any reason for him to, consideringㅡwell, everything. secondly, who doesn't give a location for a date? like, isn't that the first thing you're supposed to settle? who would ask someone out and forget to mention something as crucial as that, if it really meant anything to them?"

"i mean," jeongguk grumbled, "if namjoon's so goddamn clever, he could've figured that it would be this stupid restaurant again."

"and thirdly," jimin continued, taking on a serious tone, "if jimin can't care about namjoon, then why should namjoon care about him? it's as you saidㅡthey barely know each other. and it can stay that way, since both of them wish it."

"jimin does care about namjoon," jeongguk insisted weakly. he almost found it difficult to get the words out; it must have been that unbelievable.

jimin raised her eyebrows. "and yet, he's helping an almost complete stranger with a destined-to-fail plan by pretending to be someone he's not, to the person you claim he cares about." she shrugged lethargically. "i don't see it, jeongguk."

"but he does, you don'tㅡ" jeongguk gritted his teeth, spinning around and starting in the direction of the restaurant once more. "i have toㅡ"

there was a sharp tug on his sleeve, almost managing to pull off the entire arm of his jacket as he struggled against jimin's hold. "letㅡgo!" jeongguk yelled, trying to twist himself out of her grasp but to no avail.

"where are you going?" she asked, stubbornly refusing to give in. jeongguk groaned in frustration and proceeded to remove the other arm of his jacket to be entirely free of it, to which jimin gripped his hand instead. "i told you, namjoon isn't in there!"

"i could care less about namjoon," jeongguk hissed, focusing his blazing gaze on her as he wrestled for ownership over his hand. holy shit, she was strong. "i need to tell jimin that he's sitting there waiting for no one!"

"jeongguk. jeongguk, stop, please." the urgency of her tone, the fragility of her gazeㅡjeongguk faltered. "is this about jimin or us?"

jeongguk opened his mouth to protest, then shut it forcefully and moved his gaze away from her; stared at the flashing lights and speeding colours of the traffic until he felt his shoulders relax. "it's about us," he finally mumbled, eyes trailing back to her face.

jimin broke into a relieved smile. "thank you. i know you're worried about your friend and i'm sorry about that, but we already have so much to sort out between us andㅡ"

"but it's about jimin, too."

jimin's brow furrowed, and jeongguk looked down to see her retract her hand away from him. she didn't say anything, just gazed at him expectantly, as if giving him a chance to explain himself.

"and namjoon," jeongguk hurried on, more in an attempt to appease her than from the heartㅡbut then he thought about it.

no. jeongguk bit his lip. it is about namjoon, too. it is.

"it's about namjoon as well. jimin, it's aboutㅡall four of us. we're all in this together. andㅡ" jeongguk breathed in, "and even the other guys, hoseok and taehyung and seokjin andㅡhell, even yoongi. we've all contributed to this mess, somehow or the other, and we allㅡwe all have to fix it. we gotta make things right because everything's gone wrong, because of ... all of us, saying stuff, assuming stuff." he paused, then added carelessly, "well, not really yoongi. fucker barely even did anythingㅡ"

jimin was still staring at him, only the look in her eyes was indecipherable now. and then it hit him, and jeongguk promptly forgot about all the big fat screw-ups on his part that had landed him in this momentㅡbecause he'd just fucked up in the one way he'd told himself, had trained himself, to never, never, never do.

did i just... swear... in front of jimin?

"no, no that was unintentional oh my fuㅡ" JEONGGUK. "i meanㅡfㅡ" STOP TALKING! "oh, for cryingㅡ"

she's just staring at me. oh god.

"i'm so sorry," jeongguk whispered, only realizing now that his hands had been fixated firmly over his mouth for the past thirty seconds. he hastily lowered them. "it just slips out, um, sometimes, barely that often reallyㅡ"

"it's okay. i was just surprised." jimin sounded oddly chill for how jeongguk had assumed she'd react, should the situation ever arise where he openly swore around shin "fudge poop" jimin. "like, you never used to swear when you texted me... kinda pinned you down as the kind of guy who'd only go as far as 'darn' or something."

"it wasn't easy," jeongguk grinned sheepishly. "but hey, anything for you, right?"

"for me? you didn't swear for me?" jimin asked to confirm, eyebrows raised in shock. jeongguk scratched his neck.

"of course, jimin."

jimin breathed through her nose loudly. "all right."

"yeah. uhㅡ"

"no, it's not all right! are you fucking kidding me right now?"

jeongguk's jaw fell openㅡnot the first time that evening, either.

"uhhhhhhhhhh," he finally managed. "okay. right. that's out of the way then..."

"snap out of it!" jimin sighed irritably. "i could literally strangle you right now, like are you seriously telling me that i've been holding back all this time for no reason at all?"

"you know sugar gliders.....? they're really cute and soft and tiny but when they cry it's like, it's like satan, jimin. you'd never imagine that a sound like that.... would come out of something like that...."

"what?"

"and that is exactly how swear words sound out of your mouth and holy shit, i need a second."

"this isㅡthis is unbelievable," jimin breathed out. "all this time..."

all this time. jeonggguk found himself thinking back to the times he'd resorted to using the word 'poop' as an alternative and curled his fingers into his hands, feeling a giant cringe attack shudder throughout his body. "holy shit. i kinda wanna die right now."

jimin shook her head lightly, bangs bouncing on her forehead. "wow, we..." she laughed dryly. "we really don't know each other at all, do we?"

"hey!" jeongguk was quick to protest, but shit. "that's not true." shit, was it?

he continued quickly, "and besides. this one is on you." jimin flicked up one eyebrow, and jeongguk retaliated with both. "fudge poop? okay, but really? what was i supposed to do with that?"

"it's... my instinct, i guess." jimin chewed her lower lip, the little crease between her eyebrows returning. jeongguk really liked that crease. "with strangers."

"your instinct with strangers is to act like a seven year old who has never had any sort of exposure to the internet or the world in general?" jeongguk joked. jimin looked up, directly in his eyes, and she looked dead fucking serious. "wait, what?"

"look at me." jeongguk was lookingㅡat her shining eyes, her quivering jaw, the sudden vulnerability in her expression that hadn't been there before, had never been there in jimin's seemingly permanent confident expression. he wanted to do something, shit, but he had no idea what had just gone wrong so how was he supposed to know how to make it right again?

"see this face?" jimin began, raising her hand to point an almost accusatory finger at herself. "these big, stupid eyes? can you hear me right now, jeongguk? my voice? i bet you can. and it's just so goddamn frustrating! when you have a stupid babyish face and stupid babyish voice and everybody just expects you to be just thatㅡa baby. the glances people give me when i say something intelligent and matureㅡi am intelligent! i am mature! look at me like i'm crazy," jimin choked out a laugh. "jesus. it's just easier to be who they expect me to be, instead of who i really am. it's so easy..." she trailed off.

"i'm... i'm really sorry, jimin," jeongguk began uncertainly; he couldn't comfort for nuts. "i didn't knowㅡ"

"add that to the list, huh? of things you don't know about me."

he wanted to protest, but maybe... maybe jeongguk really didn't know her. because favourite songs and tv shows kind of dulled in comparison to this.

"but, um..." clearly noticing the mood shift, jimin crossed her arms and smiled sheepishly. "anyway, this isn't about me. it's about us." a pause. "and the other guys."

"but mostly us," jeongguk said quickly. jimin's mouth twitched. "jimin, i justㅡi need to know. where do... we... stand right now? because it's just so difficult to tell with all ofㅡthat, other stuff, and..."

he trailed off. jimin's mouth had fallen into a tight frown, eyes trained on the ground between them.

"what?" he laughed without really feeling it. "it's okay, you can tell me if youㅡyou wanna take a break, or something."

"um, no." jimin knitted her hands. she shook her head quickly. "no, uh, no break."

"oh." jeongguk smiled. "that'sㅡ"

"no anything. um." jimin motioned between them. "we're, uh. yep. it's."

"it's?"

"over."

"wait." jeongguk felt the smile slip off his face slowly as jimin made no further motion to show that she was joking. "wait, what?"

"dammit," jimin grimaced. "that is so not how i was planning to do it."

"you've been planning," jeongguk stared at her until she looked away, "you've been planning to break up with me. jimin. what? i know i fucked up butㅡ"

"you have no idea how long i've planned, jeongguk. i was going to break up with you, all the way back then." the way she said it, the complete assurance and certainty, was when jeongguk finally got it. something ice-cold closed around his heart.

"what?"

"when we were supposed to meet up last time." and then she said it again. "i wasㅡi was going to break up with you."

"no, you weren't." jeongguk laughedㅡlaughed. because it was just that ridiculous; not the fact that she'd wanted to break up with him, or that she was breaking up with him, but the situation, how it had just gotten progressively worse and worse, whenever he'd thought it had reached the limit. "we were gonna have a date. ourㅡfirst date."

"i'm so sorry." jeongguk was already shaking his head, and jimin raised her voice a little as if to speak over him, as if he was yelling and she was trying to make herself heard. but all he did was shake his head, over and over, as if that made him right and her wrong. "i didn't want to do it over text because that's just, that's so cruel! so i asked to meet up instead. and you've got to appreciate that, right? i could'veㅡi could've! i totally could've just texted you! and look what me trying to do somethingㅡsomething nice and considerate got us into. fuck." 

"you don't know what you're talking about, minie," jeongguk insisted. it sounded almost strange at this stage, to address her by a nickname. even jimin cringed awayㅡsuch a tiny, almost unnoticeable motion, but jeongguk noticed and it absolutely tore him apart. "that's ridiculous, you know that. you had no reason to and youㅡyou still don't." his voice had dropped to almost a whisper without his knowledge. "you still don't, soㅡso don't."

"but i do, jeonggukㅡ"

"i'm sorry, then! i'm sorry for everything and anything i could have done, i'm so, so fucking sorry! i know i've messed up but shit, shit, look at me." his hands moved on their own accord, cupping her face and forcing her eyes up to his. there was no way she wouldn't be able to feel how much they were trembling against her skin, but it didn't matter.

and besides, with her gaze focused on his face, with his eyes wide and desperate and lower lip trembling, it wasn't like his hands were going to be her biggest concern. "i'm sorry," he said again. slowly, carefully. jimin bit her lip, almost diverting her gaze but jeongguk shook his head, hands tensing around her cheeks. "if you were breaking up with me because of this current situation, i'd still protest, but i'd at least understand. maybe. but the sole reason you wanted to meet up in the first place was to break up?" jeongguk shook his head rapidly, releasing a short laugh. "don't give me that bullshit. you had. no. reason."

"we should never have gotten together," jimin spoke quietly, but with utmost certainty.

jeongguk's hands dropped immediately. "what?"

"you heard me!" she shivered, then repeated, louder, "we should never have gotten together."

"you don't mean that."

"i-i do!" jimin insisted, teeth chattering, as she hugged her body with her head bowed low. jeongguk had barely registered the coldness of the evening. "i wasn't looking for a relationship. but youㅡyou. ugh. you justㅡ"

"jimin, what the fuck? you asked me out," jeongguk reminded her, bewildered. 

"i asked you out?" she repeated, head raising to look at him.

"i meanㅡi did, but then you did, so technically we both did okay?!"

"it was online!" jimin almost shouted, tightening her grip around herself as her face contorted in anger. "it wasn't serious, but you got in way too fucking deep like some sort of stupid hormonal teenager!"

"i am a stupid hormonal teenager!"

"you're twenty!"

"why are you screaming at me?"

"because you're so freaking dense! i don't like you and i never did, so stop being a baby and get over it! i can't even call this a break-up because we were never technically together in the first place! i can't even say "we're over" because we were never ... under! so here it isㅡjeon jeongguk, i wash my hands off of you!"

all jeongguk could do for a while was blink. he wanted to feel hurt but he didn'tㅡthere was something about jimin's outburst that sounded almost fake. she was breathing hard and staring resolutely at his left shoulder, squaring her own shoulders weakly and looking both pitiful and adorable at the same time. 

so fucking adorable. jeongguk wanted to die.

"you're pitiful," he said instead. 

jimin didn't do anything he'd expected her to doㅡshe only groaned, shoulders slumping. "i know. i know. but i'm serious. this is a break-up. please, justㅡplease just accept it."

"you don't have a reason to," he insisted stubbornly. "did i bore you? am i bad at flirting? tell me and i'll fix itㅡ"

"it's nothing you can fix. it's not even you."

"then whatㅡ" jeongguk's eyes widened in realization. "there's someone else."

"what? no!"

"if it's not about me then that has to be it!" jeongguk racked his brain. "is itㅡis it that guy from work you were talking about? fuck if i can remember his name. or your creepy neighbour, the one who keeps leaving chocolate boxes on your doorstep! is itㅡ"

he stopped abruptly. oh.

of course.

"it's namjoon, isn't it?"

"no, jeongguk. no!" jimin groaned in frustration. "it's none of them, okay?"

"thenㅡ"

"it's me," she exhaled, meeting his eyes tiredly. "gukie, it's me."

"what about you?" 

jimin only sighed again, mumbling something under her breath and staring at her feet. jeongguk ventured on stubbornly, "okay, don't try that. the "it's not you, it's me" crap that the movies use? i see you, jimin, i see you."

"i'm not, i'm seriousㅡ"

"bullshit!"

"i don't care if you believe me or not!" jimin threw her hands up in exasperation. "all right?! because nothing changes the fact that i am breaking up with you! right here, right now."

"fine. fine! break up with me, for all i care." jeongguk scowled. "fucking hell."

"oh." jimin blinked, clearly surprised. "um, thanks."

"are we broken up?"

"i ... yes?"

"all right." jeongguk crossed his arms. "now go out with me."

"i swear to god, jeongguk, iㅡ"

"do you still have a reason not to? no. because we've broken up and now we're starting afresh!"

"that's not how it works."

jeongguk persisted, "but you do have a reason, don't you? just admit it. just fucking admit it and i'll leave you be. admit that you only wanted to break up with me the last date after it went wrongㅡ"

"that doesn't make any sense!" jimin protested.

"ㅡbecause you met him."

jimin gaped at him incredulously. "what?"

"do you like him, jimin? just tell me right now. do you like him?"

"god, what are you talkingㅡ"

"namjoon." jeongguk really, really hated that name by now. "do you like namjoon?"

"he'sㅡ" jimin faltered. "i mean, he's pretty funny. and clever. tall. has some huge ass dimples. nice hair, i guess."

"that's not what i asked."

"do i like him?" jimin scratched her arm, chewing her lip uncertainly. "maybe. a bit."

"oh," jeongguk said. his ears were ringing. "okay. see, that wasn't so difficult."

jimin caught the look in his eyes, and immediately shook her head, hair flying around her. "but jeongguk, that's notㅡ"

"what does he have that i don't?" jeongguk exploded, as jimin continued to shake her head, mumbling no as he went on furiously, "i mean, sure, i make bad jokes and i'm slow andㅡjesus, what is with all of you and dimples? they're justㅡthings in your face. big deal! and besidesㅡ"

"why won't you listen to me, jeongguk?" jimin interrupted. "it's me. not namjoon. don't think that he's better than you, that i picked him over you or something because that's not it, okay? i decided to break up with you before i met him, i swear it. it's just that you'reㅡ" she broke off and sighed. "ah, man. listen, you're great. and you deserve better."

jeongguk swallowed. "i don't want better."

"well, you should." jimin paused. "you won't understand now."

"then help me," jeongguk pleaded. "help me understand. please."

"all in good time." jimin stuffed her hands into her jean pockets, smiling up at him amiably. no. you don't get to look at me like that! "so, how did it go with that jimin? apart from the fact that the two of you got kicked out of the placeㅡ"

"oh, my, god. will all of you stop asking me that?!" jeongguk interrupted incredulously. jimin's smile wavered. good. "it doesn't fucking matter how it went. i can't believe i'm hearing this from you, you of all peopleㅡ"

"sorry, sorry, justㅡi thought it was about the other guys, too, or whatever. and my date with namjoon wasn't that bad, so i just thoughtㅡ"

"you thought wrong." jeongguk shook his head. "did you ever like me, jimin? did you ever want something with me? a real relationship?"

"sure, of course i did! i told you, you're really greatㅡ"

he cut her off. "of course you what? did you ever like me, or did you ever want a relationship?"

"i likedㅡlike you, jeongguk. really." jimin swallowed. "but notㅡnot the way you liked me, jeongguk. you wereㅡyou were in so deep that it was scary. how the fuck was i supposed to tell you that i didn't feel that way? it would break your heart and i really do care about you, but notㅡlike that." she cracked a smile. "come on. we met online. that's not the kind of relationship i'm looking for."

"if you cared about me, then you would have told me, wouldn't have let me get in that deep."

"iㅡ" jimin bit her lip. "it's not that i didn't consider it. i reallyㅡmaybe there was a point that i..."

jeongguk looked at her hopefully. "thought we could work?"

"y-yeah. but then..." she shook her head. "but then."

"jimin," jeongguk prompted. she shook her head again, releasing a soft groan. "what is it?"

jimin looked at him quietly. finally, she closed her eyes tightly and sighed. 

"what range did you pick?"

"...what?" jeongguk said, slowly. he'd used that word enough times that evening to account for a lifetimeㅡhe just wished she could just make sense right off the bat, instead of building it up every damn time.

"the first time we chatted. on that app, the random chat one." without waiting for him to answer, she went on, "you picked the 19 - 23 age range, didn't you?"

"yeah, butㅡ" jeongguk cut himself off. "i'm sorry. how is this relevant again?"

"you took a pretty long time to tell me your exact age, you know," jimin continued, barely paying attention to him. "at our five month mark, if i recall right?"

"so what?"

"i'd kinda been hoping you'd be a twenty-three, jeongguk."

jeongguk furrowed his brow. "what? why?"

"how old am i?"

with an odd jolt, jeongguk realized. he'd never really found out how old jimin was. for the sake of proving how little jeongguk knew about her, jimin sure was willing to drag this on and on.

"i don't know, you never told me," jeongguk said. "but you picked the 19 - 23 range too, so i figured thatㅡ"

"i also picked the male option. i'm sure you recall." jimin smiled; shook her head. "i just chose at random, jeongguk."

"wait, what?"

"jeongguk, i'm twenty-six."

jeongguk blinked.

he looked at jimin carefully. from her overall petiteness, to the fluffiness of her cheeks, to the constant childlike aura she gave off. he blinked again.

then he said, "what?"

"did i stutter? i'm twenty-six, jeongguk."

twenty-six. yet jeongguk felt nothing different, absolutely nothingㅡthough there was something about jimin's expression that told him he should. but there was no way that her age, her age was the reason behind everything, every damn thingㅡ

jimin's eyes narrowed, and then jeongguk realized: oh my god, it was.

"that's it." jeongguk stared at her. "that's all it's ever been."

jimin gazed at him levelly, as if daring him to go on. 

"a six. year. difference," so of course, jeongguk went on. "neither of us are minors and you've been concerned about a six year freaking difference."

"yes. why is that so difficult for you to understand?"

"uh? because that's not a reason to break up with someone?" jeongguk shook his head. "if you really liked me, my freaking age wouldn't be your hugest concern! you're acting like it's some big deal when it's literally justㅡ"

"it's a big deal," jimin said quietly, "to me."

"you can't be serious, jimin. a number. that's your problem? that's been your problem all along?"

"you know what, jeongguk?" jimin said fiercely. "that's fucking noona to you."

"uh, dream on," jeongguk retorted. "after all thisㅡafter all this, you can't actually be saying, to my face, that a number and a mix-up is all it took to ruin this!"

jimin smiled, a sort of pitying kind and no, no, how dare she smile at him like thatㅡ"just the number, guk."

rage. pure, unadulterated rage. it hit him out of nowhere, and left him struggling for air. "don't call me that," he hissed, and jimin's eyes widened a little. "don't you fucking call me that."

"guk?" she said. "i just figured we've both grown out of gukie by this point, so iㅡ"

"don't. don't..." the night was progressing into darker shades of black by the minute. he could almost kid himself that he was back at the restaurant again, that if he cried she wouldn't see.

jimin clicked her tongue. "enough with your don'ts. we've been standing out here forever and we're getting nowhere!" she sighed tiredly, combing her fingers through her bangs. "what do you want from me? i've done my bit, i've done more than my bit asked of me. i didn't have to tell you all this. i didn't have to even ask to meet with you in the first place, at a dark restaurant, just so you wouldn't see me when i broke up with you. so you wouldn't be distracted by this face that nobody seems to be able to take seriously, that nobody seems to be able to take something earnest and harsh and real fromㅡi mean, you couldn't even believe i was twenty-six just now!"

jeongguk stayed quiet.

"god, jeongguk," jimin whispered. "i don't know what to do here. i'm making it really easy for you to just walk away, okay? so do it. walk away. i'm aㅡi'm a bad person who used you just to entertain herself and never, not once, thought of the consequences. now walk away." her eyes widened, almost pleading. "do it, jeongguk."

"iㅡ" jeongguk gulped. "jimin, i can't."

jimin stared at him, her little face illuminated by the street lights and her eyes reflecting them.

"then i will." 

and she did just that.

"bye, gukie," she said without turning, her voice without a waver, her posture without repent. "dark restaurant or not, i don't think i'll be seeing you again."