JDRAGON
(deep breath)

XYJIMIN
oh god

JDRAGON
JIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMIIIIINNNNNNNN

JDRAGON
its been

JDRAGON
(deep breath)

XYJIMIN
stop

JDRAGON
soooo LOOOOONNNNNNGGGGGGGGG

XYJIMIN
we literally talked today morning

JDRAGON
noooo i mean

JDRAGON
since t h e n

XYJIMIN
?? since when?

JDRAGON
THEN! yanno....

XYJIMIN
no?

JDRAGON
y a n n o ... ... .. .

JDRAGON
then-that-shall-not-be-named 👀

XYJIMIN
what?

JDRAGON
T H E N

XYJIMIN
WHEN OH MYGO DDDDD

JDRAGON
omg since the

JDRAGON
(drops voice to a whisper)

JDRAGON
the .......... ✨~*~~*~*blind date✨~*~~**~*

XYJIMIN
why are you so extra

JDRAGON
accept me for the way i am 😔

JDRAGON
anyways listen

JDRAGON
i was eating my breakfast, mac n cheese in case u were wondering

XYJIMIN
you eat mac n cheese for breakfast?

JDRAGON
I WAS EATING MY BREAKFAST and ukno.. its food. the blindfold was. a restaurant. serves food

JDRAGON
and boom

JDRAGON
got me thinking

XYJIMIN
i cant believe you eat mac n cheese for breakfast

JDRAGON
HYUGNJnnbn jIMIN YOURE NOT EVEN LISTENING

XYJIMIN
omg ok what

JDRAGON
yeah so it got me thinking

JDRAGON
abt the blindfold. and all that

JDRAGON
its kinda weird right?

JDRAGON
like can you believe thats literally how we met

XYJIMIN
....yes???? i can???

XYJIMIN
youre acting like you dont reference that entire experience several times a day???? which u do????

JDRAGON
no i dont!!!?! i dont reference it enough if anyth

JDRAGON
LMFAOOOOOO RMB WHEN I MADE THAT SHITTY JOKE ABOUT DROPPING THE BASS AND U FUCKIN PUT UR FIST IN UR MOUTH U WERE LAUGHING SO HARD???? I STILL THINK ABOUT THAT SOMETIMES WHEN IM SAD

JDRAGON
anDDD MY FUCKING FAV ASJJSSKJSJ WHEN I CALLED U SWEETHEART AND U STOPPED FUNCTIONING FOR A WHOLE 10 MINUTES LIKE U LEGIT SHUT DOWN KAKAKAKAKSJ FUCKING PRICELESS

XYJIMIN
hey remember when you said i smelled like peaches? that was crazy huh

JDRAGON
.

JDRAGON
i thought we were gonna pretend that never happened

XYJIMIN
nope

JDRAGON
see this is why i have trust issues :(

JDRAGON
ANYWAYS. i had a point. what was my point

JDRAGON
oh yeah

JDRAGON
i'm glad

XYJIMIN
?

JDRAGON
im glad that it happened

JDRAGON
all of that. every single bit of it from start to finish

JDRAGON
because thats why we're here now

XYJIMIN
ok...

XYJIMIN
but what is "here"?? where are we

JDRAGON
that is a very existential question jimin

JDRAGON
we're just in a good place

JDRAGON
its nice

JDRAGON
it's really nice

XYJIMIN
youre being weird again stop

JDRAGON
its just

JDRAGON
i'm just glad, jimin

XYJIMIN
well i'm glad that you're glad guk

JDRAGON
well im glad that ure glad that im glad jim

XYJIMIN
well im gla

XYJIMIN
OH MY GOD EVERYTHING IS NOT A COMPETITION

JDRAGON
says whomst

XYJIMIN
i

XYJIMIN
YOURE SO ANNOYING???? WHY DO I EVEN TALK WITH YOU

JDRAGON
im not annoying!!!! ure annoying

JDRAGON
oh hey before i forget

JDRAGON
i was wondering if uhhwhn

JDRAGON
wait

JDRAGON
shi t

XYJIMIN
what???? what is it what what wh a t

JDRAGON
im

JDRAGON
fucking fuckity fucccccckkkkk

JDRAGON
im on the bus

XYJIMIN
WHAT????? W H A T ???????

XYJIMIN
YOURE MESSING WITH ME

XYJIMIN
YOURE FUCKIN M E S S I N G WITH ME!!!!!!!!

XYJIMIN
DO THE WHEELS REALLY GO ROUND AND ROUND?!!?!!!?? BITCH TELL ME M O R E!!!!!

JDRAGON
WHY ARE U LIKE THIS

XYJIMIN
accept me for the way i am 😔😔😔😔😔

JDRAGON
OMG LISTEN

JDRAGON
this girl is staring at me okay....

XYJIMIN
oks o???lol

XYJIMIN
ok so?

XYJIMIN
go say hi???

XYJIMIN
like what do i do . w that information

JDRAGON
no its like

JDRAGON
i think she wants my seat but i sat here first so im not obligated to give it to her right? but she looks like she might be pregnant but im not entirely sure & if i give her the seat then im gonna be staring at her tummy the whole ride tryna figure out if shes RLY pregnant bc if shes not then i woulda given my seat to someone perfectly capable of standing upright

JDRAGON
FUCK IT THIS IS MY SEAT she can give birth right in front of me for all i care

XYJIMIN
guk

XYJIMIN
just give her the seat

JDRAGON
just did IM TOO DARN SOFT

JDRAGON
at least thats my one good deed for the day

XYJIMIN
proud of ya

XYJIMIN
hey uh, speaking of pregnant women

XYJIMIN
women

XYJIMIN
people

XYJIMIN
SPEAKING OF PEOPLE

XYJIMIN
are you uh seeing one

JDRAGON
that was the saddest topic transition ive ever witnessed in my entire life

JDRAGON
am i going out w anyone? is that what youre trying to get at buddy :')

XYJIMIN
ya,,

JDRAGON
hmmmm

JDRAGON
maybe

XYJIMIN
ok that doesnt make any sense

JDRAGON
as in i may

JDRAGON
soon

JDRAGON
yk maybe

XYJIMIN
oh like, u have ur eye on someone?

JDRAGON
well

JDRAGON
yea lol

XYJIMIN
oh ok!!! thx for informing me abt this the last 2938179312 times we spoke this week!!!!!

JDRAGON
i didnt wanna psych u out or anything

JDRAGON
i told u MAYBE like im not sure if its reciprocated

XYJIMIN
shut up

XYJIMIN
when would it not be reciprocated its u jeon jeongguk

JDRAGON
aw :"))) it warms my heart that u think that

XYJIMIN
so who is it? or can u not tell me

JDRAGON
ill tell u if they dont turn me down

JDRAGON
so what about u? park jimin? hows the love life

XYJIMIN
oh

XYJIMIN
oh me?

JDRAGON
u park jimin yes

XYJIMIN
oh so

XYJIMIN
ok

JDRAGON
ok (??????)

XYJIMIN
i HAAAA DUH

XYJIMIN
i mean , maybe

XYJIMIN
like

XYJIMIN
eye on someone???? same as you

XYJIMIN
!!!!!!

JDRAGON
wow! what are the odds

JDRAGON
good luck w them buddy!!! im rooting for u, as always

XYJIMIN
yes yep

JDRAGON
MY LEGS

XYJIMIN
nice topic transition

JDRAGON
JIMIN DONT U DONT UNDERSTAND THE PAIN THEYRE IN

JDRAGON
I HATE STANDING I KNEW I SHLDNT HAVE GIVEN HER MY SEAT

XYJIMIN
lol suck it up

JDRAGON
NO BUT

JDRAGON
HOW THE FCK DO PPL EVEN STAND IN MOVING VEHICLES W/O FALLING OVER I DONT UNDERST

XYJIMIN
its an art guk

XYJIMIN
jeongguk?

XYJIMIN
.

XYJIMIN
oh sweet jesus.

···

BYOONTAE
soooooooo

BYOONTAE
jimin

XYJIMIN
sure

BYOONTAE
sure what

XYJIMIN
ill go on the date

BYOONTAE
I DIDNT EVEN SAY THAT

XYJIMIN
that "jimin" spoke volumes, i could literally hear ur matchmaking tone 

BYOONTAE
we're texting

XYJIMIN
we're best friends

BYOONTAE
ah tru

BYOONTAE
ok but HEAR ME OUT LIKE PLEASE

XYJIMIN
taehyung

XYJIMIN
i said SURE. i agreed

BYOONTAE
......

BYOONTAE
you did didnt you

BYOONTAE
this is........... new

BYOONTAE
like WOW wtf i prepared a whole thing

XYJIMIN
oh well

BYOONTAE
no but like listen!!!!

BYOONTAE
i just feel RLLLYYYYY bad about what happened the last time i set u up ok? i mean its been 2835493 years now but still

XYJIMIN
it wasnt your fault

BYOONTAE
nobody said it was???? lol

BYOONTAE
but lisTEN

BYOONTAE
im pretty sure that this guy is The One

XYJIMIN
uh huh

BYOONTAE
LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!

BYOONTAE
from what uve told me about jungcook ive found the P E R F E C T guy for u !!! like hes basically jungcook 2.0 okok

XYJIMIN
ok

BYOONTAE
so hes tall

XYJIMIN
yeah

BYOONTAE
has a cUTE laugh

XYJIMIN
uh huh

BYOONTAE
andddddddd

BYOONTAE
coconut head as FUCK

XYJIMIN
sounds about right

XYJIMIN
name?

BYOONTAE
gyaaauheuh

XYJIMIN
thats not a name

BYOONTAE
OMG WAIT JUSTWAIT

BYOONTAE
ITS LIKE GYEAAUH OR STH I SWEAR ITS ON THE TIP OF MY TONGUE

XYJIMIN
okay then! another date where i wont know their actual name!!! sounds great!!!! 

BYOONTAE
yUGYEOM FUCK YES

BYOONTAE
THATS IT ITS YUGYEOM KIM YUGYEOM

XYJIMIN
oh cool

XYJIMIN
when and where

BYOONTAE
..........its actually scary how chill u are with this

XYJIMIN
taehyung?

XYJIMIN
ill just be honest with you

XYJIMIN
i do not think this is going to work out

XYJIMIN
i dont think this is ever going to work out again but yugyeom sounds like a decent guy and uve probably already asked him about this and hes probably said yes so im not gonna decline like some complete douchebag

XYJIMIN
but would it be okay if we never do this again?

BYOONTAE
wait but :(

XYJIMIN
i know matchmaking is what your life revolves around and is the very bane of your existence

XYJIMIN
but please

XYJIMIN
ive kinda had enough

BYOONTAE
aw chimmy.....

BYOONTAE
if u dont wanna do this then im not gonna force u

XYJIMIN
no i want to

XYJIMIN
i need to stop being so single anyway

BYOONTAE
huh

BYOONTAE
youve never really cared about being single before tho

XYJIMIN
yeah but

XYJIMIN
just dont wanna be single while jeongguk isnt

BYOONTAE
wait whats this about jungcook

XYJIMIN
he likes someone lol

XYJIMIN
just gotta get into a relationship before him

BYOONTAE
why is everything a competition with u two i

XYJIMIN
I SAID THE SAME THING

BYOONTAE
.

BYOONTAE
anywaaaaay!

BYOONTAE
youre absolutely sure about this?

XYJIMIN
positive

BYOONTAE
ok

BYOONTAE
sooooo...... the blindfold?

XYJIMIN
the blin

XYJIMIN
OH MY GOD TAEHYUNG I WILL FUCKING PUKE IF I STEP FOOT IN ANOTHER OF THOSE MOTHERFUCKING DARK RESTAURANTS AGAIN IN MY LIFE PLEASE DONT DO THIS TO ME IM BEGGING YOU IF OUR FRIENDSHIP HAS AMOUNTED TO ANYTHING AT ALL U WOULDNT DO THIS TOME PLEASE PLEASE PLE A SE

BYOONTAE
nononooo dont yell im sorry :(((((((

BYOONTAE
but yk it went so well with jungcook right?? despite the fact that.. well

BYOONTAE
i mean not seeing the person on the other end did help you b less awkward and actually have a conversation....... right?

BYOONTAE
u have to admit that the restaurant brought out the best in u

XYJIMIN
the restaurant didnt do that

BYOONTAE
oh yeah???? then what did

XYJIMIN
uh

BYOONTAE
or should i say..... WHO did....... ???????

XYJIMIN
no??

BYOONTAE
so.. was it the restaurant that brought out the best in u, or was it......

BYOONTAE
hmmmmmmmmmmm.......

XYJIMIN
OH MY GOD. THE RESTAURANT. JUST STOP

BYOONTAE
YAY!!!! :D

BYOONTAE
so its settled! the blindfold!!!!!

XYJIMIN
theyre literally not gonna let me back in there

XYJIMIN
can we at least do a different dark restaurant

BYOONTAE
lemme think about that

BYOONTAE
i mean ive already booked u two a table for tomorrow so.........

BYOONTAE
no

XYJIMIN
youre the fucking worst

BYOONTAE
heY HOW ABOUT SOME FREAKIN GRATITUDE HUH?????? ive practically raised u on my back, fed u and clothed u, like i literally financed ur date w namjoon too u tiny bitch!! you would be broke in a DITCH if it wasnt for me!!!

XYJIMIN
1. u didnt finance that date?? hoseok hyung did????
2. the phrase is dead in a ditch what the hell is """"broke in a ditch""""

BYOONTAE
1. same thing
2. same thing

XYJIMIN
let me repeat: you are the fucking w o r s t