¡¡¡ 3.6k words !!!

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namjoon's hand was nice.

it wasn't a goliathic size like taehyung's, or a pint-sized one like his own, but that ideal centre between the two. it was soft. it was the perfect temperature. it was not slimy. jimin could make out a ring on his middle fingerㅡsimple pattern, silver, probably.

though why he was thinking about this while namjoon pulled him through the restaurant, tripping over tables and causing jimin to do the same, bumping into waiters and causing jimin to do the same, and screaming at people to make way and causing jimin to do the same (though a lot less confident and loud in volume), he didn't know.

obviously, namjoon did not have high-tech goggle things that enabled him to see in the dark, so his clumsiness was understandable, but jimin felt that disrupting tens of people's dinners wasn't worth it when they could have simply asked a nearby waiter, kindly, if he could direct them to the exit.

"where is the exit?" namjoon close to yelled at a waiterㅡhow did he even know it was a waiter? was it even a waiter? "can i borrow your glasses thingies? i really need toㅡ"

"if it's the bathroom you're looking for, sir, please take my arm and i will show you toㅡ"

namjoon growledㅡgrowled. was it even humanly possible to do that? "the only person who needs to go the bathroom is you, you useless piece of shitㅡ"

jimin gasped as namjoon dragged him away in another direction. "namjoon, that was kind of extremely unnecessary! go apologize to that nice man right now!"

"fuck, you're right," namjoon muttered under his breath. "sorry, sweetheart, but i can't exactly go back now ... and stop calling me that!"

"i'll stop if you stop calling sweetheart!" it was technically the first time namjoon had called him that, but it wasn't like either of them were sane at the present moment. "and stop calling you what?"

"namjoon."

"namjoon?"

"yes, that!"

"you want me to stop calling you namjoon," jimin asked to confirm incredulously, "your name."

"namjoon is not," the other grunted as he collided with an unoccupied tableㅡjimin knew this as he faced a similar fate right after him. "my name!"

jimin was in no mood for jokes, but decided to play along for a while, despite the fact that he was being tolled around in pitch black darkness by a randomly-turned lunatic. "what is your name, then?"

"fuck you!"

"hi, fuck you, i'm jimin."

"no, you are not jimin! and i was talking to the chair that just walked into me, but fuck you, too!"

talking to a chair. that walked. jimin was officially done.

"alright, who switched my date out with this asshole?" he complained to no one in particular, deciding against replying to any part of namjoon's statementㅡhe was clearly out of his right mind. "geez, where did that nice guy who thought shrek was cute go?"

"i think shrek is cute!" someone called from a table.

jimin honestly did want to know where the other namjoon had disappeared to, though, because this new one wasn't doing particularly well with him. he was starting to wonder if namjoon was driving him into occupied tables on purpose, but brushed this off because choosing to do things on purpose or by accident wasn't a privilege one had in the dark.

"what happened?" jimin hissed. "what happened to you? what happened to me? why am i not saying 'um'ㅡoh my god, i'm not saying 'um', this isㅡ"

"fuck your 'um'!"

"fuck your ... bum!"

"fuck your gluteus maximus!"

"i have kids here!" another table occupant shouted. "will you two put a zip on it?"

"fuck you!" they yelled in unison.

a child started wailing.

"oh my god, i am so sorry," jimin spluttered, eyes darting around the room for the recipient of their insanity. "and i also apologize on behalf of this mentally challenged loonㅡ"

"i swear to god, i am going to kill you," namjoon snarled, yanking him by the hand and away from the commotion they'd caused. "and if that exit doesn't show itself right now, i'm going to kill it too."

"sir."

jimin felt a hand on his shoulder, and guessed that namjoon had one on his too as he asked gruffly, "who dis."

"a useless piece of shit, sir. may i show you to the exit?"

"yes," jimin breathed out, "please, please show us to the exitㅡ"

"lovely, sir. i'll just get security, then."

"secuㅡsecurity?"

"who diㅡhey, don't touch meㅡFUCK YOU, JIMIN!"

"WHAT DID I DO? FUCK HIM!"

"no one is fucking anyone, sir."

"i am actually going to kill myself."

"oh, hallelujah!"

"fuck you, jimin."

...

jimin, for the first time in his life, had been kicked out of a restaurant.

he wasn't exactly sure how that workedㅡhe hadn't paid for his meal and neither had namjoon, so wasn't it the restaurant's loss?

but then again, he hadn't really eaten anything to pay for besides a sole broccoli because he'd been handed a plate of vegetables, courtesy of the guy who was currently staring at him with a mixture of shock and venom.

speaking of the guy.

he was hot.

under normal circumstances, jimin would have stuttered his way through the rest of the day, told namjoon he had nice hair, did you grow it yourself? he'd ask. but it wasn't under normal circumstances, so jimin stuck his chin up and snapped, "what are you looking at me like that for?"

it felt nice.

"you're a guy," namjoon said slowly, eyes bugging as he took in jimin's head to toe.

jimin had a ton of smart retorts to that on the tip of his tongue, but decided to spare the poor boy for once. just once. "yep."

namjoon shook his head, slowly at first, then rapidly. "you cannot be a guyㅡwhy are you a guy? how are you a guy? stop being aㅡguyㅡ"

"females only have x chromosomes, right? males can have either x or y. now, if the female's x chromosome fuses with a male's y, then the baby will be male! the beauty of science, huh?"

"why," namjoon gritted his teeth as his fingers tugged on his hair as if considering whether or not going bald for a month was worth making a scene, "are you giving me a fucking biology lesson?"

jimin raised his hands. "you asked."

"WHO ARE YOU?" namjoon yelled, taking a step forward and dropping his hands to his sides in fists. jimin had no choice but to take one back, because namjoon was a whole lot taller than himㅡhe couldn't help but feel pretty intimidated.

"for the last time," jimin spat, "my name is jimin! do you want a birth certificate to verify that or something?"

"i sure as hell do!" he paused, then added as an angry afterthought, "to verify your gender, too!"

jimin dug through his pocket.

"oh my god," namjoon watched him in shock, "oh my god, do you actually walk around 24/7 with your birth certificate in yourㅡ"

"no, i was kidding," jimin laughedㅡa dry one that he expected no one to join in on, as he withdrew his hand and showed it to him front and back. "you're an idiot, you know that?"

"and you're aㅡa guy."

"man, i didn't realize hoseok hyung and taehyung told you that little," he muttered, kicking a small pebble on the pavement. he looked up to the road, eyes searching for a cab so he could drive away from this whole mess. "yes, i'm a guy."

"your name is legitimately jimin."

"namjoon, we talked! over chat, remember?" jimin whirled around at him, throwing his arms out in an exasperated gesture. "you know my name is jimin! why are youㅡ"

he trailed off awkwardlyㅡnamjoon had moved his gaze to the pavement, eyebrows furrowed and lower lip sticking out slightly. he's cute, jimin found himself thinking with a start, when he's not screaming his head off or glaring daggers. jimin couldn't help but wonder why hoseok would go for taehyung when he had a best friend who looked like that.

namjoon looked up, a dangerous glint in his eyes, and jimin realized why.

"call me namjoon one more fucking time."

"okay, do you have some tragic back-story for not wanting to be called namjoon?" jimin waved his hands dramatically as he spoke. "because i've got a while, namjoon."

"it may not be tragic, but it's a back-story." namjoon breathed in, then out, a sweet smile making its way onto his face with his exhale. jimin doubted that it was to make him feel at easeㅡif anything, he only wanted to run away screaming even more now. "once upon a time, on the first day of september, a beautiful little baby boy was born."

"plot twist!" jimin feigned surprise. "it's you!"

"his mother," namjoon continued without a glance at jimin, instead stared into the distance solemnly as a children's storyteller would, "took one look at his smiling, cheery faceㅡ"

"ㅡand dashed his head against a wall because damn, who would want you for a kidㅡ"

"ㅡand named him jungkook."

"named himㅡ" jimin blinked. "jung-what?"

"kook. jungkook, it's a legit name." namjoon scowled as if he was used to being confronted about this. "the pronunciation of the hangul works either waㅡ"

"i don't think so." jimin tapped his chin, "sure you don't mean jeongguk?"

"don't call me that."

"what, jeong-guk?" jimin grinned, playing around with the syllables in his mouth. "guck. gookㅡhey, your name sounds like something slimy! well, what do you know. goop. gooㅡ"

"stop it," namjoonㅡno, jeongguk ordered, eyes narrowing angrily. "i'm serious."

"i get why you'd want to be known as namjoon," jimin went on cheerfully, "can't do much with that ... or can you? jooㅡ"

jeongguk had been staring at the cars speeding by intently, as if considering whether flinging jimin into the road would go unnoticed. he finally turned to the considerably shorter, teeth bared. "listen to me ... squirt." jimin forced out an offended gasp, making sure its fakeness was as clear as day. "i don't know why you won't stop raving on about some namjune guy, but i sure as hell am not him. okay?"

"sure, whatever you say, man."

"listen to me. for one minute, please, listen to me," the sudden waver in jeongguk's tone caused jimin to start in shockㅡthe hell, wasn't he off his damn rocker a few seconds ago?

nevertheless, he shut up and listened.

"iㅡi was supposed to go on a date with a girl today," jeongguk began, massaging his forehead and exhaling, "that i've known for almost half a yearㅡonline. it was kind of our first date ... offline. i don't know how you ended up at my table, and i don't know how we managed it through almost the whole dinner without figuring out we were with the wrong people, but ... we did. and ... yeah." the taller boy brushed a hand through his hair in vexation, and jimin watched each individual strand of hair drop back down into place before looking away, mind racing.

"what's her name?" he asked, voice dropping to almost a whisper.

jeongguk laughed dryly. "jimin."

"i'm serious, i wanna know her nㅡ" jimin's eyes widened in realization. "waitㅡoh. her nameㅡoh."

"it must have been because ..." jeongguk cursed under his breath. "fuck, i told jaehyun to send whoever gave their name as jimin to my table! that's howㅡ"

jimin wasn't exactly sure what he was talking about, but he nodded as if he was. "that would make ... sense."

jeongguk let out a long, drawn-out groan. "god, i must have left jimin waiting or something, and she probably thought iㅡi chickened out!" he stared straight ahead for a second, unblinking, as if an internal voice was putting forth points, then waved an arm to dismiss what it was saying. "sure, i was pretty close to doing that, but iㅡi still turned up, soㅡ"

for some reason, jimin didn't have the heart to worry about keeping namjoon waiting for himㅡbesides, he'd barely talked to him for a few minutes, unlike jeongguk's impressive six months with his date.

it was going to take jimin a while to see namjoon and jeongguk as two different people, not to mention to see jeongguk during dinner and jeongguk after dinner as the same person.

"i'm sorry."

jimin was angry.

he had the right. he'd been having a perfectly good date, for once, with a perfectly nice guy, for once, and that had all gone to shit in a matter of secondsㅡand this time, he hadn't even done anything. he hadn't said something stupid. he hadn't accidentally spilled hot soup down his date's shirt. he hadn't passed out, or sneezed in his face, or kicked him on reflex. he'd just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

jeongguk looked at him momentarily, before shaking his head and turning away with a sigh. "don't be, none of this is your fault. i'm sorryㅡi seem to recall being a straight up asshole."

"you recall right." jimin laughed slightly.

"it's justㅡdamn, i've been worrying about this for so long, y'know?" jimin didn't want to know. he'd heard enough about this other jimin who jeongguk seemed to think the world of. "and i really thought it was working out with her. but it wasn't her, it was you. no offence," jeongguk added quickly.

so it was working out with me! inner jimin screamed. doesn't that count for something?

"none taken."

the corner of jeongguk's mouth twitched. "who are you? seriously. because you're obviously not jimin."

jimin cleared his throat.

"okay," jeongguk sighed, "so you're jimin. but you're not her. if you're not minnie mouse, who are you?"

minnie mouse?

jimin's inner savage was calling to him desperately, begging to be voiced.

minnie fucking mouse?

"i always knew daisy duck was underrated," jimin muttered.

"i meanㅡ" jeongguk made random motions with his hands to make up for his loss for words, but ended up shaking his head in defeat. "never mind."

there was a silenceㅡnot an awkward one, but not a content one, either. a kind of ... sad one.

jeongguk finally cast him a small smile. "sorry about ... everything. the way i reacted was completely out of line, and i should have realized that this was a mistake soonerㅡthis is on me."

"it's no biggie."

oh, it was a biggie.

jeongguk nodded, looking away and humming quietly to himself, before quirking his head to the side and smiling at jimin cheekily.

oh no.

"hey, isn't jimin a girl's name?"

"excuse. me." jimin's jaw dropped open. "it most certainly is not."

jeongguk grinned, shrugging as if jimin was fighting a lost cause. "pretty sure it is, man."

"well, guk," jeongguk's grin wavered, and before it completely disappeared, jimin noticed something. "you don't have dimples."

"uh, okay?" jeongguk touched his own cheek protectively. "why would i want a dent in my face?"

"woah," jimin chuckled, "you just got a whole lot uglier."

"okay." the taller boy smirked. "noona."

"the fuck?" noonaㅡfemale, older. "you don't even know how old i am!"

"i don't care, i just wanted to call you that."

"i'm notㅡ" jimin stamped his foot in frustration, almost hysterical as he wailed, "it's not a girl's name!"

a pause. jimin clapped a hand over his mouth in embarrassment as jeongguk raised an eyebrow.

"man, what's up with your voice?" the taller asked, tilting his head to the side. "it's ... different."

jimin looked up at him in badly covered surprise. "you said it was cute before," he blurted out, regretting bringing that up almost immediately after the words had left his mouth.

"uh, yeah." jeongguk's brow furrowed. "cute for, like, a girl."

what was that supposed to mean? jimin tried not to look as hurt as he felt, but probably failed because jeongguk hastily added, "i mean, it's different for both guys and girls, right? but it's a cute different for a girl, while just ... different for a guy. i, uh, guess."

jimin stared at him. "was that supposed to make it better? because it didn't."

"different is good!" jeongguk argued.

"okay, but so is cute."

jeongguk merely rolled his eyes to that, before turning away to the road again. his gaze flickered to his hands, and he clicked his tongue, looking up with cheeks dusted pink.

"what?" jimin asked curiously, who had followed his whole eye journey with rapt attention.

"i just ... i can't believe i thought ..." jeongguk covered his face with one hand, groaning shortly. "god, this is so embarrassing."

was jimin supposed to feel embarrassed, too? now he felt weird for not. "what is?"

"iㅡi thought you were a girl, and i was all, like ... ugh." he clenched and unclenched a fistㅡjimin noticed the ring flashing on its middle finger, and he felt his heart contract, looking down at his own hand.

oh.

jimin laced his hands together stiffly and stared ahead, trying for a smile. "yeah."

jeongguk looked down at him, mouth opening and closing to form his next words. "so you're, uh ... like ..." his hands made random motions in the air. "gay."

"mmm."

the taller nodded awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot. "that's ... lit."

homophobic? no, jimin didn't think so. maybe just ... uncomfortable with the idea?

that probably explained why he had been so shaken up on discovering jimin's gender to be maleㅡacting the way he had been during dinner with someone of the same sex as him probably wasn't something he'd ever intended to do in his life.

so basically, jimin realized, if he'd had known who i'd been from the start, he would've treated me completely differently. i mean, not considering that i wasn't his freaking date.

that should have been a relief to himㅡthe person who jimin had, admittedly, become attached to had never been meant for him. jeongguk was being who he was based on his assumption that jimin was someone else entirely.

... but jimin wanted that person to be meant for him too.

and glancing at the uneasy male standing beside him, eyes flickering between the traffic and jimin uncertainly, he realized that this person, who jeongguk was without any layers of pretenseㅡswearing, angry, snappy jeonggukㅡwasn't all too bad either.

oh, no.

jeongguk suddenly perked up as a cab screeched to a stop next to them, and the driver rolled down his window, looking between the two of them expectantly. the taller nodded rapidly, then threw a sideways glance at jimin.

"do you wanna ...?"

share a cab? jimin wasn't exactly sure what he was asking him, so he stared at him blankly for him to complete his sentence.

"do you wanna take this one, or can i ...?"

oh.

"no, you can, um, go ahead." he smiled slightly, twisting his sleeve between his fingers. "i can wait."

jeongguk grinned appreciatively, and jimin felt a pull in his chestㅡwhere is his upper lip? why doesn't he have an upper lip? how is that adorable? as he swung open the car door and dropped inside. jimin took a tentative step forward, mouth gaping open to say something, anything.

jimin was confused.

and he had every right to be, sure. it had been one hell of a crazy evening. but it was the kind that he could just leave behind him, wasn't it? just one huge misunderstanding that had resulted in something that should never have happened.

he could just forget about it. he'd be able to explain it to taehyung, and with more difficulty, to hoseok, and he'd live to see the light of another day. taehyung would set him up again, he'd go with the guy just to please his best friend, it would flop, he'd go home, sulk, get over it, go on with his life. maybe get that dog he'd been meaning to get.

there was just one teeny, tiny little complication.

before he could stop himself, jimin reached out and rapped on the glass of jeongguk's window, who motioned for the cab driver to wait before winding it down.

"what's up?"

"um," jimin cleared his throat, forcing the words out of his throat because he knew he'd regret it later if he didn't get them out, "is there any way i can, um, contact you?"

jeongguk looked mildly surprised by his question, and jimin almost took it back. just kidding, why would i even want to contact you, hahaha! ha! haha!

"well," jeongguk said slowly, looking away momentarily in consideration before sighing. "username, squirt."

"usernㅡ" jimin tried not to seem overenthusiastic or shocked as he said, letter by letter, too embarrassed to say it in one go, "um, j-i-m-b-l-e-s, onㅡ"

"i'll find you," jeongguk interrupted before jimin could even tell him which site it was for. he smiled and waved, rolling up the window. "bye, xy jimin!"

xy jimin. "that better not stick."

a mischievous grin. "we'll see. and jimin," jimin looked back at the carㅡhe had just turned away, knowing that if he didn't he would end up watching it until it disappeared from view. the window was halfway-closed, jeongguk peeking over it. "i was wrong."

jimin blinked. "about what?"

"it's a cute different for you too."

oh. no.

as jimin watched the window roll up, then watched the car back out and drive into the flock of other vehicles, then watched it until it disappeared from view, he realized something.

technically he'd always known it, the fact pestering him insistently, but he had refused to acknowledge it ... until then. so it wasn't as much of a realization as a jolt in the gluteus maximus.

jimin liked jeongguk.

a lot.

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so RRY for the longass chapters ,,,, it should be back to 1k words for a while ayy