he had a bright smile. had

he was someone i loved. someone i trusted; a person who i held dear. there was no envy, not much anger--of course annoyance, and of course worry. but mostly, love

i don't wanna say what i have to, i don't wanna look this beast in the eye, i barely can even open my eyes but

it's gone too far. it's too much. it's not his fault--god, i want to convince myself i'm wrong, but i can't.

there will always be a bias. i will look at him and see a face i want-not the one i see

dyed hair, brighten eyes, acne and an awkward smile. one who brought a comfort, one that i loved, one who helped me without trying.

now he's so far down a rabbit hole, and he will never be able to crawl back up.

this thing that hurts me the most is that he has no idea he's not a hero