He liked the storage room, because nobody ever went in there. It was a place he could easily disappear in for hours, hidden amongst the boxes, and temporarily vanish from the outside world. His friends often noticed these periods of absence, but they never thought to look in there and just assumed he left the ship for some fresh air or something. Which made it the perfect spot.

He found himself there again, standing alone at the entrance to the storage room with one pale, trembling hand resting on the doorknob. The hallway was empty, and he slipped in.

The familiar smell of dusty furniture and miscellaneous objects that had gone unused for years washed over him, instantly easing the tensions in his body as he quietly made his way to the back of the room. He sat down in the fetal position and rested his head on his knees.

And the memories washed over, like they always did.

He could face them dry-eyed now, and no longer did he need to rely on something to lean on. It used to be that he'd physically collapse and cling to a wall for support, but he was getting better at holding himself together.

Now he could focus on hating her in peace.

He remembered the way she always leaned in whenever he was talking, watching him like he was saying the most interesting thing she'd ever heard. Her face positively lit up when he addressed her, and that radiant smile alone could make his day. He recalled her laughing at the difference in the sizes of their hands when they pressed her palms together, and a feeling of protectiveness overcame him as he imagined a possible future with her.

What future?

And for the millionth time, he reminded himself not to get too caught up in these memories, because none of it was real.

She had ruined him. And she had reveled in seeing him broken. Her shrill laugh when he lost everything still echoed in his ears and never seemed to stop. Gone were the sparks that used to fly between them. Her mask was off.

But even this hadn't stopped a tiny part of him from wondering if maybe, just maybe, she'd felt that way about him too, even if just for a fleeting second.

A sharp pain shot up his arm and he looked down at the source to find a bloodstained hand. Evidently his nails had dug into his palm. He stared at the red droplets that appeared to be more of a shade of maroon in the dim light of the storage room and felt nothing.

He was empty inside, just as she had always wanted. He wondered if she was happy now. Sometimes he imagined her coming back to apologize and found pleasure in the idea of mocking her as she begged for mercy, screaming at her until she felt remorse for what she did. And then maybe she would finally feel a fraction, a sliver of the pain she put him through.

But it was too late for that now; she was dead.

He should be happy. The city was free from her terrorism, and he was too. He and his friends were hailed as heroes for saving everyone. He should be happy.

He was not.

All he wanted to do was hate her in peace. And even then he couldn't do it. Some part of him resisted. He didn't know why.

He wanted to leave the thoughts, the memories associated with her in the storage room and never come back. He hated this place. He wanted to be happy. And he hadn't been in far too long. The last time he was happy... was when he was with her. When it all felt real.

And despite himself, he kept coming back.

He wanted to leave. He was drowning.

Almost as if it had heard his pleas for help, the door opened on its own.

For a second he saw this as his escape and stood up, then realized that the door couldn't possibly have opened on its own. He wasn't alone anymore.

And though he knew it was impossible, he wondered if it was her.

He slipped behind the boxes and watched the familiar silhouette move around a few boxes then pause. Then the person closed the door.

"Is this where you've been all this time?"

He stiffened.

"The air isn't that good in here, you know. You should get out."

He shrunk into his corner and slid down the wall.

"Look, I know you're here, Lloyd, and don't think we haven't noticed how depressed you've been acting lately. We thought you were going out to clear your head, if we'd known this was where you were going we would've interfered ages ago."

And now Kai stood only a few meters away, a slightly annoyed expression on his face as he surveyed him. The stretch of silence that followed lasted for what seemed like an eternity.

"Just let me be miserable in peace," Lloyd forced out, his trembling voice barely a whisper.

Kai's expression softened.

"I know it's been hard," he said quietly, walking over and kneeling beside him, "But... well I admire the way you were able to stay calm when he was here. Much calmer than—"

"Not him," Lloyd interrupted, knowing Kai was referring to his father.

"Oh." A look of understanding fell across his face, and for a while, nobody said anything.

"Well, I've been there too," Kai began again, "I—"

"You don't understand."

Kai's jaw hardened. "I've been betrayed by a girl too."

"And didn't she still give up everything for you in the end? She... she..." Lloyd couldn't bring himself to continue.

Kai fell silent once more.

"You're right," he said finally, "I don't understand what you've been through, and I never will. I... guess I was trying to make you feel... less alone, but... I'm sorry."

"I created her," Lloyd heard himself say, "And... part of me feels like I deserved it."

"It's not your fault."

"You know as well as I do that none of this would've happened if it wasn't for me."

"And if it wasn't for you, there wouldn't have been anyone to save Ninjago when we needed it."

"To save Ninjago from the problems I caused."

"But also you have to realize that had it not been for you, your father would've turned the world into a living hell."

"Someone else could've stopped him... if it wasn't for me there would be no Pythor and none of this would've happened. I... maybe the world would be better off if I just... starved to death on the streets that day."

"Of all the things you've said or done, that's the most incorrect thing that's come out of your mouth. Just because you launched a chain of bad events does not mean you're responsible for most of them. People make their own choices, you can't blame yourself for their actions and take away their agency. Following your logic, we should blame a serial killer's mother for their crimes. And you and I both know how wrong that is."

Lloyd clutched at the hem of his shirt, leaving behind a dark smear of half-dried blood.

A hand on his shoulder.

"It's not your fault, Lloyd. None of it is."

He blurted out the question he'd been too scared to ask ever since meeting her, the real her.

"Do you blame me?"

"No, of course not."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you. There's no way you've never blamed me."

Kai hesitated. "I... I used to. But I saw the way you tried to fix your mistakes, the way you'd never give up despite everything life throws at you. And through these years of watching you, I can't put you at fault, not anymore. And how could I?"

"But people do blame me, don't they?"

"Probably," he replied after a pause, "But that's because they don't know what you've done to amend your past. And you need to remember, she was a twisted psychopath who knew exactly what she was doing. You're a person who made a mistake out of ignorance and stupidity, to put it frankly. And you've been trying to fix that mistake for years. What kind of person would blame you?"

Lloyd stared at the ground, his lips drawn in a line.

"And for what it's worth, there's a high chance the world could have been a lot worse had it not been for your mistakes. Like life sucks sometimes, but you have to agree that it's not bad. At least, for the most part. But anyway, you need to know it's not your fault. And most importantly, you did not deserve what she did to you. Nobody does. And you have every right to be upset."

The tears he'd kept bottled up for months burst out into the open as his last ounce of strength escaped him. He'd promised himself he wouldn't cry about it again. Kai pulled him into an embrace, and Lloyd buried his head in his shoulder, the tears drenching the scarlet cloth and staining it a dark red.

His muffled sobs and Kai's hand on his back said more than any words exchanged between them in the past year. It'd been so long since he'd allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of anyone or at all that he'd forgotten how... freeing it was. For too long had he suppressed all his emotions to keep up the facade of a strong and reliable leader, and though finally releasing them made him feel exposed in a way that terrified him, he'd never felt better.

The mask was off, and he didn't have to pretend anymore.

"Just know that no matter what happens, I'm here for you," Kai whispered after what seemed like an eternity, "And I know your journey will be long and hard, but I'll stay by your side."

"Thank you," he choked out.

"You're not weak for crying, you know. Sometimes you really just have to let it go," Kai added almost as if he'd heard Lloyd's inner thoughts.

He nodded and continued to let the tears stream down, completely losing his ability to hold himself up as he threw his entire body weight on Kai.

The clock ticked by.

He sat up, having partially regained his strength.

Kai watched him attentively, his hand back on Lloyd's shoulder.

"I'm ready to go back."

"That's great to hear," Kai grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners, "But one more thing."

Lloyd glanced up at him, his eyes still red.

"My parents sought a therapist after coming home, and... I think you could consider looking into that option. If you want, I can get you in touch with resources for trauma recovery, since Nya and I found many. I can help you find a good online therapist in case you're worried about this getting leaked to the public."

He considered the offer. "Thank you, that could be helpful."

"Anytime," Kai said, then paused, "Do you wanna go out for a spin? This place is awfully musty and I really do need some fresh air."

"I'm down. But let's... change first." He glanced at Kai's still-wet shoulder and his own bloodstained shirt.

"Good point," Kai chuckled, "Meet me on the deck, then." 

A/N: I miss the Kai/Lloyd friendship. 

I also feel like the writers did a really bad job in portraying him, like trauma doesn't go away. In general I feel like none of the characters have any depth to them anymore and yeah

Anyway oops it's been over a year but nowadays I only write when I'm feeling in the mood to so I dunno when the next one will be out. I can guarantee that the ending to Embers will be released eventually, but that will only happen after I finish posting TJC. As for the others, outlook uncertain. 

Thoughts? 

Have a great rest of your week and thanks for reading as always!