After Clarisse and the girls are gone, it's only Nora and I. I insist she gets in bed with me because her proximity is the most soothing thing and listening to her heartbeat is more helpful than my train of thoughts. But she can't stay for much. She wants to call Louise and talk to the doctors in order to organise our arrival back to London better.

It feels weird, knowing that in a few days, perhaps a week, I'll be back home and all what happened here... will stay here. My time in the Dream House will be nothing but a fond memory. I asked Nora when she thinks we'll be able to pay a visit, and with pain swirling in her eyes, she replied that there would be a long way before we could come back here, even for a short visit. There's just so much to do, it's basically starting all over again and even if I've prepared my whole life for this, it's still intimidating.

Being alone in my room doesn't feel nice, because the whiteness and emptiness of it is most suffocating. I miss our shared room in the Dream House, the sound of the kids playing and being loud. I miss the sounds that come from an old house, like wood cracking in the middle of the night or the old pipes running.

I'm really growing to hate hospitals.

Hence, I'm very grateful when the door opens again. I expect to see Nora there but instead it's Will, looking awkward and uncomfortable, fidgeting with his hands and his eyes on the floor. My heart leaps at the sight and the fact he came in on his own will and not because I called for him.

"Guillermo!" I call as cheerfully as possible, almost stepping out of my bed to get to him as he is not moving.

At that he looks up with an expression that can be only described as surprised, his lips slightly parted but the fact he meets my eyes makes me bubbly with excitement.

Naturally, I raise my hand and hold it up for him, calling him to approach, begging him. I know he's been struggling, even if he hasn't said a word. I see it in his eyes, the pain and remorse he's feeling, I see what I failed to notice before because I was too blinded in my own pain and frustration. I see how his own agony has drained him leaved a shadow of the bright and hopefully boy I've grown so fond of.

His steps are hesitant, but he approaches and with every one my heart beats stronger, louder. Until he's finally in my reach and I can grab his hand in mine, feeling so reassured once he's here.

"I'm glad you came in," I whisper, closing my eyes as I bring his hand closer, pressing his knuckles against my cheek and finally placing a soft kiss on them as I look up to meet his surprised eyes. "You've taken a while."

"I was— I—" he mumbles incoherently, so I just smile.

"I know," comes my reassurance. My thumb runs over his fingers, hoping he can feel a bit of warmth because he's so cold right now. "I'm sorry I was so harsh before but I was just waking up and well, I guess you can understand."

"No, it's me who's sorry!" he exclaims then, reacting to my apology quite strongly. "I... know... I know I shouldn't have stayed outside but I was... so ashamed. I try not to blame myself for what happened, but I can only see you falling and how I didn't do anything to save you."

I want to reassure him that it wasn't his fault, I don't blame him for not being a crazy idiot and jumping after me, putting his life in risk. Nora did it, but we've been there for each other for so many years, it's not like we think when it comes to helping the other, it come naturally like breathing. With will we're just developing our relationship.

But as much as I want to tell him that, I'm sure it'll be useless. Me telling him he did well and the best he could won't banish the guilt, it won't do anything so he can't stop blaming himself and start looking like himself again.

"When my father died, I blamed myself, too," I confess, something I've held in for so long. "It was a cerebrovascular accident. Logically speaking, there was nothing I could do to help. He was found a few hours later, in his office. He always overworked himself. And even if I couldn't do anything to help him, I blamed myself. I said that if I had begged him to come home, to stop overworking himself because I didn't need BEEB Group to be bigger, I just needed him by my side. If I had been by his side when he had the accident then maybe he'd still be alive now. I blamed myself for not stopping him to wear himself off like that."

Despite time has passed, despite my wounds have healed, talking about it hurts so much. Every time I remember him or talk about him, it feels like I lost him all over again. The guilt still lives in me, because if I had done things differently, perhaps, the present would be different.

"But I didn't do anything and no matter how much I regret it now, how much I wish I could go back and do things differently, I can't," I continue, squeezing his hand tighter. "My dad is gone."

"I'm sorry," Will whispers in sympathy, so I nod my head in gratitude.

"I know you blame yourself for not doing more, for not jumping. Just like I blame myself for not looking after my father more diligently," I continue, taking deep breaths and forcing a smile to come. "I still do and I'm sure you'll blame yourself forever, too. Because that's what we do for people we care about, don't we?"

"Blanca..." he whispers, but I shake my head because I still have more to say.

"You know I'm practical and realistic, so hear me out: there's just so much we can do. We all have a limit, but that doesn't mean we're bad people or that we are a failure for that. Not because we fail once we are useless. Failure doesn't mean the end, Will, it means just that, failure. We stand up again, we learn from it and do our best so it doesn't happen again." The smile that comes to my lips is sad, but it's honest. "The only way to not become failures ourselves is not letting the guilt stop us."

"I feel I've disappointed you," he confesses, his voice breaking so I'm shaking my head as I try to pull him a bit closer to me.

"You didn't, at all. You're just human, Will, and we have limits." I sit straighter on my bed, even if my ribs hurt and make me wince, but I want to be closer to him. I kneel on the mattress, facing him while still holding his hands. "If I fell in the river again, what would you do now?"

"I'd jump after you," his reply is so fast and honest that I know it comes without thinking. I see his frantic expression, almost as if he's seeing that happening again and I feel so sorry for him, for having witnessed that. I'm sure it'll be a scar he'll never get rid of.

I smile as I release one of his hands just so I can cup his face, running my thumb over his cheekbone and noticing the way he seems to come undone. "I know you would now, because that's now an option for you. You have experience now. Like I know I would never let anyone I love overwork themselves like my father did." My smile wides just as he leans in my touch. "We learn from our failures but we don't become failures ourselves."

This time he can't hold it back, I see the tears coming to his eyes and overflowing them, falling down his cheeks in fast succession as his shoulders start to shake. Will presses his lips together, tightly as if like that he could swallow the sobs. Feeling my own tears pooling in my eyes, I move closer until I can wrap my arm around him, pulling him close in a tight embrace.

Will hugs me back, his own arms so tightly around my torso and it hurts so much, my ribs feel like they are on fire, but I don't pull back and hug him even tighter as he cries in my shoulder. I let him do that because I can only imagine how scary it was for him to see what happened, see Nora jumping after me and maybe losing the two of us. The fear of almost losing someone he deeply cares about. I feel how intense his emotions are in the way he holds on to me and how his sobs break my heart.

It also makes me realise how much I love this boy and how much I want to protect him, because despite all he's gone through, he's still so innocent and sweet. There's so much light in him and he believes in kindness and the good in the world, he fights for it. How horrible must it be having to face such cruelty as Laura's? How shattering must it have been realising there are people like that out there? Having to see a murder attempt with his own eyes? I'm not surprised it left him raw and vulnerable like this. So even if he's hurting me with his hug, I don't care because he's hurting far more than I am. Painkillers work for me, these won't numb the ache in his soul.

"I saw you falling... I was so scared, Blanca. You were just... gone. I... Oh God," he mumbles, his embrace tightening just as his face buries closer to my neck. The tears fall against my skin, cold. They slide past my collarbones, colliding against my hospital gown, soaking it slowly. The boy in my arms is trembling and I can only press kisses to his ear.

"I'm all right," I reassure him, hoping that can help in any way. "I'm fine, and I'll fix this mess and make it all good."

He cries for a bit longer, and I just hold him until I feel his arms loosing up around me, knowing it's time to pull back and face each other. His eye are bloodshot and swollen, his face red and puffy and it breaks my heart seeing him like this, but I still smile at him as lovingly as I can.

"Feeling any better?" I ask in a whisper but he shakes his head. "Well, Sammy said that if you're aching too much, you can always lie in bed with me. The people who are hurt need to rest."

The smile that comes to his lips at that is precious, broken and extremely sad, but it has that glint of the shine I always saw in him. So I retract and get back in bed, but I pull him to come lie with me like when I do with Nora. He is reluctant at first, but I manage to persuade him and he ends up lying with me, so I can cuddle up to him. Will puts an arm under my head as a pillow as I wrap mine across his abdomen, our legs tangling as we get comfortable, finding that exact place where we fit next to the other.

We stay that for a long time, not saying anything but just being in each other's arms. I can tell Will hasn't slept at all since the accident because now that he finally relaxes a bit, he falls asleep and I can guard him. I keep wishing I could find a way to take all his pain and sorrows, to make it all better for him. But there's no such way, only time will heal his wounds. He'll grow stronger from this and become a better version of himself. Even if it breaks my heart, I have to let him hurt because that's part of healing.

It's actually really late when the door opens again, slowly and I see Nora coming in, with such a bright expression as if she's found the answer to all our problems. But even her eagerness fades when she sees us Will and I in bed, the boy sleeping, clinging to me.

"I see you figured things out," she mumbles, closing the door behind her and coming to my other side.

"We're getting there, but we've taken the first step," I explain and Nora nods, taking a seat close.

"Did he tell you about the drone, though?" she asks next and my frown is answer enough.

We were discussing very emotional subjects, not technology.

"Will remembered the drone and the Go Pro attached to it. I honestly can't believe we forgot that, but I guess we've been just busy and shaken after the attack," Nora continues but I'm not connecting the dots.

"So?"

"Blanca, the drone was recording our trip. When we sent it after you to know where you had been taken to, it also recorded that."

My mind snaps, finally understanding what she means so I can't help jerking on the bed, awakening Will but too focused on this news to spend more than a few seconds to make sure he's all right.

"Did it get Laura?" I ask, because that's the most important thing.

Nora's smile is wide and confident, and it warms me with hope and a sense of peace because it means we have evidence. We have something to fight Laura.

"It did, I went to check myself. We have evidence that her alibi is nothing but big fat lies and that she was the one who pushed you off the bridge," Nora confirms and the squeals that comes from me is humiliating, but unstoppable.

I look at Will, who's sitting up next to me, catching up to what's happening, slowly letting the realisation sink in.

"We have evidence, Blanca. We can go back and use it against Laura to expose her," Nora declares and I feel like I can finally breathe, because we aren't desperately and aimlessly going against our greatest enemy. We aren't going with my word only to overthrown Laura. We have evidence, real, concrete evidence.

I smile, relieved and excited at the same time as I say, "Let's go get her."

❅ ❅ ❅

I'm really tired, it's been a long day so just a quick update.

Dedication to problem-atic

Bel, xx

~updates every Monday and Friday~