Another weeks goes by, which means I'm closer to getting my casts off and have a more normal life, all things considered. After five weeks since the accident, it still feels like it happened yesterday, but it's been more than a month. I've been living in the Dream House for a month, limping around, trying to help the best I can, hiding.

I'm relieved time is passing by fast, but I'm also very scared. No, anxious is a better word to describe how I feel. With each day we leave behind, we also get closer to the moment I have to come back and face whoever tried to get me killed, that person most likely being my stepmother.

I don't like Laura now, but at some point I did see her as a second mother. She's impossible to hate, charismatic, beautiful, sweet spoken and seemingly kind. I only discovered her true colours by accident, otherwise I would still believe she was a woman much in love with my father and who saw me as her own daughter.

Regardless whether I know the real person behind that perfect mask, it's still too hard to believe she could be the one who staged that accident, who wanted me dead. It makes me so wary knowing that if it's indeed her the one behind, I'll have to expose her.

The worst part isn't actually facing Laura, but having to accept she fooled my father, that he actually married someone like her. He would be the one who brought my killer to my life. I'm not sure how to handle that ugly truth.

Nora and Louise have no trouble picturing Laura behind the accident, they never really liked her, but it's so hard for me. I've always seen my father as perfect, invincible, strong, and knowing Laura fooled him so easily is too big of a blow to me. I don't want to feel the slightest disappointed in the hero of my life, the person I aim to become like.

I would really, really prefer anyone to be responsible over Laura.

Nora is really stressed lately, because there's no progress with the investigation. We lost the group of detectives that were working in parallel with the official team, and Louise hasn't hired anyone else because all private detectives can be persuaded with the right sum, and it means telling someone else I am indeed alive and well. If Louise hires someone, she can't tell them I'm hiding, which is very counterproductive.

My best friend is frustrated and nervous, angry at Laura, holding a big grudge even if we still have no proof it was her, the suspicions are too strong, so I can't really tell her how conflicted I feel about accusing Laura.

Every time the possibility is mentioned, I feel a jab through my heart, fear cooling my blood, anxiety suffocating me. And it piles up, day after day, so I feel like I'm going to explode. But if I don't tell Nora about it, I can't tell anyone else, which leaves me talking to the goats.

Literally.

Out of all the animals that there are in the Dream House, the goats are my favourite. They are just so cute and adorable, also very silly, which makes it super amusing to watch them.

Just as it happens with dogs, I feel I can say anything to the goats and they won't judge me. They won't probably understand what I am saying either, but just letting it out helps enormously, and it's easier to say it to someone who won't ask questions or will try to tell you how to fix it. Most of the times I don't seek for an advice or a solution, because I can take care of my problems or try, at least. Most of the time I just want to say it out loud, hearing it with my own ears and getting it out of my chest. Sometimes, just that helps enormously.

Currently, there are two adult goats and three baby ones, utterly adorable. I go see them to their corrals, where all the farm animals are kept during the day and carefully go inside. The baby goats already are familiar with me, as I escape to this place whenever I have a chance, and I always bring some treat for them. That's how I gained their trust. So when they spot me, they come running, looking for my hands. I laugh as Heidi, my favourite out of all the goats, starts poking me with her nose, trying to get me to open my left hand, the one pressed to my chest because of the cast... where normally I bring the treat.

"Hey, calm down," I tell Heidi, running my hand through her fur, sitting on the ground as she just steps between my legs, already on my lap, still looking for the treat. "So eager."

She bleats, impatiently I daresay, and looks at me with her big eyes.

"Yes, yes, I brought you something," I say and look in my pocket for the granola bar. She eyes me intensely, almost as if she were scolding herself for not looking in my pocket.

Heidi loves, and I really mean loves, granola bars. The first time I came to see them because Cata brought me, I was eating a granola bar and Heidi jumped and stole it from my hand, running happily away. Cata and I laughed, and since then I always bring one to greet Heidi.

I open it for her and she devours it easily while I keep petting her, leaning my back against the fence of the corral. I don't care if I get dirty or if it smells, there's something too soothing in holding Heidi.

"Hey, did you know I got my date to get the casts off?" I tell Heidi who is still eating her bar happily. "It's in five days and I can't wait. We'll be able to play and run together when I'm not in these," I continue, relaxing a bit with Heidi in my lap.

She finishes she granola and starts looking for more, but I just brought one.

"Just that one," I inform her. "Don't be greedy, Heidi."

If goats could pout, I'm sure she'd be doing that. Instead, she just lays on my lap and licks my hand, almost as if like that she could magically make a new bar show up.

"But you know what's the problem?" I speak up, feeling my shoulders heavier with the weight of the situation. "I'm scared. A part of me, a big part of me, doesn't want time to keep running because it'll mean I have to face whoever tried to get me killed. It means I have to really accept this happened and it's not easy. How can I believe someone really tried to get rid of me?"

I sigh as I lean a bit closer to Heidi, trying to hold her in my arms to get some comfort form that. She allows me to hug her, she even licks my face and I chuckle. Sometimes I think Heidi thinks she's a dog instead of a goat.

"I wish it had been just an accident, but Dean wasn't there when I woke up. He either got out or someone did it, because they just wanted me dead." I stop for a second, the weight of those words twist my guts unpleasantly. "I don't think you can imagine what it feels knowing someone wants you dead, really dead, and would act on it."

I take deep breaths to control my heart that has started beating harder, overwhelmed with this knowledge and the fear that it might happen again.

"I'm scared that I'll be found out, that I'll get in so much trouble, but overall, I'm scared whoever tried to get me killed will try again and succeed." I hug Heidi a bit tighter, burying my face in her fur as I continue taking deep breaths, hoping it'll help. "I'm actually scared of dying."

Heidi bleats again, sensing my distress and I can almost see worry on her face and how she is trying to ask me what's wrong, nudging me with her head. I try smiling, but she doesn't stop.

"What's worse is the possibility that Laura is behind this. She's my stepmother, she's the woman my father loved enough to get married to. How... how can I accept that?" My voice breaks at the end, wanting anyone but Laura to be the one who tried to kill me. "You know what it'd mean to me accepting my father could love someone who tried to kill me?"

Heidi can't reply, at at least she can lick my face and let me squeeze her.

"I don't know what I'd do if Laura were indeed the one behind," I whisper, my hands trembling a bit. "Even if I hate her, even if I'm so fed up with her and I want her as far as possible from my father's company, and my life... I don't want her to be a murderer. I don't want her in jail for an attempt murder. But above all, I don't want the fact my father married someone like her and brought her to my life."

I heave an exhausted sigh.

"I know I'm not being practical, scared of this and how my opinion of my father my change. I should be brave enough to say that no matter what I'll never think less of my dad, but I can't help it. I know I should just want to be done with all this, get the culprit in jail for what she or he did, and go back to where I belong... but I can't do that. If I try, I feel like I'm faking it."

I notice tears are falling down my cheeks and I want to wipe them, but Heidi acts faster and licks them, making me giggle.

"I'm an idiot, aren't I? And a coward." I swallow the lump in my throat and try to calm down before I really start crying. "I hate Laura and I'm sure she hates me, but how can you hate someone so much to want to kill them? Is that even possible? Am I too naïve for thinking that kind of mentality doesn't exist in real life? How can I believe she wants me dead? It's easier to accept someone I don't know, someone who doesn't know me, would want me dead. It makes it more detached and possible."

I groan, my head hurting for just thinking about all this.

"I can't even begin to understand, I don't think I'll ever do. I just have to wait until we have evidence against the culprit and I can go back. I have to hide and stay safe until then... letting these thoughts eat me alive. Fun, isn't it?"

I sigh again and I try to smile, more honestly this time. I feel very hopeless and useless, just waiting here, and I'm sure so does Nora, just waiting for news. I want to help her, but I don't know what to do.

Heidi gets distracted, jumping off my lap to run somewhere else. I follow her with my eyes and notice Will standing a few steps away, smiling at the goat that's gone to greet him, bleating loudly, jumping around in sheer happiness. I feel a ping of jealousy because Heidi doesn't get that happy when she sees me, but I forget that when I realise what's more important: Will is here, he probably heard all what I said.

"How long have you been standing there?" I ask, not daring to move yet, still sat on the ground.

Will shrugs, not even looking at me, still focused on Heidi.

"How much did you hear?"

"I heard nothing," he finally replies, giving me a side look that isn't mocking or patronising, but I can't tell exactly what's behind that look. "I just know you were talking to a goat like a crazy person."

"Some people have conversations with themselves, it's actually a type of therapy to talk to your reflection. What's so bad about talking to an animal?"

"Nothing," he replies easily. "As long as no one catches you. Then you'll end up doing another type of therapy."

I scowl, wanting to throw something at him because he annoys me so much. Especially when he jumps over the fence so easily —it took me so long to do it myself, just because of these damn casts, while he just jumps over it as if it were the easiest thing— and walks up to me.

"I heard nothing," he replies, grabbing my good wrist to pull me up, the other hand around my waist for better support, until I'm on my feet, too surprised with what he's doing. "But maybe you should let someone hear your worries. Someone who won't lick your face when you cry. Unless that's your thing."

He insists he heard nothing, but he even saw when Heidi did that, which means he was standing close enough and for a while. He heard me... he's just... not saying it, not spreading it and not using it against me.

I take a sharp breath, not knowing what to make of this, or the fact he's still standing in front of me, his hand around my wrist and the other on my waist.

"And don't let other catch you talking to the goats as if they were your therapist." I just blink, staring at him in shock. "Weirdo," he adds before he releases my wrist but uses that arm to hold me under the knees, while the other still is around my waist.

I'm suddenly lift bridal style, letting a loud gasp escape me in surprise as he just takes me and puts me at the other side of the fence, without grunting or complaining, easily as he jumped the fence. I hold on to him tightly, scared that he might just drop me, but he doesn't and I'm safe at the other side rather quickly. He releases me, the fence between us now and I stare at him too shocked to say anything.

"Now go back inside. I have to check the goats and you'll just get in the way."

For a second I just stare at him, taken aback with his actions and attitude, but he doesn't wait for me to say anything, he just turns around and walks towards the other goats, leaving me there too surprised to move for a few seconds, and when I react I notice my heart racing.

That was a shock, he totally caught me off guard. Still, isn't my heart beating too fast for such a scare?

"Shh," I tell my heart, pressing a palm against my chest. "It wasn't that big deal. Calm down and let's go back."

I take one last look at Will, confused with his attitude and wondering why he pretended not to have heard anything, but then I shake my head. I don't care about him, he's just a weirdo.

❅ ❅ ❅

Chaaaan! Did you like that? I know, the goat was the best part hehehe Anyhow, just a little warning: I might not be able to update this Friday and following Monday. I'm moving so it's too hectic and I'll be in the wilderness and I don't know, I might be attacked by the chupacabras, who knows?

Dedication to Gol_D_Rose

Bel, xx