As soon as my bedroom door closed shut behind me, I leant my head back against it, exhaling a long drawn out breath, not realising I had even been holding it.

Trying not to think about what had just happened, I tiptoed across my room towards the bathroom, refraining from turning on any lights.

A feeling of such self loathing pooled heavily in the pit of my stomach as I looked at my reflection in the mirror above the sink.

Oh god, what had I just done?

I ran the tap, letting the water run cold before splashing it over my face.

He could barely look at me afterwards. The second it was over, Draco had grabbed his wand and cleaned up his 'deposit' from my stomach, before then collapsing down next to me with a wearied sigh, and closed his eyes.

I murmured his name and jostled his shoulder, but all I could get from him was half mumbled incoherent words before he rolled over and started snoring.

I wasn't sure what to do. In the end, realising that it probably wasn't the best idea to be seen creeping out of Draco's room first thing in the morning and, as I wanted to use the bathroom, I quietly got dressed and went back to my own room.

And now, as I looked back at my reflection, I felt an uneasy feeling churn in my stomach. Draco had been upset about the news of his father; he hadn't been thinking straight. I should have stopped him when we started kissing; not strip off my clothes and ride his cock like a thirsty bitch.

But the second our lips had crashed together, I knew I could never stop it. I had wanted it more than I had ever dared admit to myself. I had wanted him.

My best friend.

If I could even call him that anymore after what we had just done.

My pulse instantly accelerated just thinking about it. A rush of blood to my head when I pictured him fucking me on his bed; skin tingling from head to toe upon recalling the lust in his eyes as he literally poured himself over my body.

I quickly splashed water over my face again, gasping at the coldness.

I didn't know how I was ever going to face him again.

*****

Draco blinked his eyes open as the morning glow of the sunlight, cast green by the lake, roused him from his sleep.

For a blissful second, as he stretched out on his bed, his mind was free and full of nothing.

But then an unpleasant plummeting feeling took hold of him as memories of the previous night's events hit him with a sudden force.

The attack in Umbridge's office. Snape informing him of his father's imprisonment. Blaire.

Shit.

He'd fucked her.

One minute he'd been so angry, so full of frustration over the news of his father; and then the next, he was ramming his cock into his best friend.

He instantly sat up, looking around, guilt tearing at him. She wasn't there. She must have snuck back to her room in the middle of the night.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Draco tried to recall what happened; the last thing he remembered was cleaning his load off her stomach. And then, feeling suddenly overwhelmed by everything, he had simply lain down without a word to her and closed his eyes.

He must have fallen asleep.

He was hit with a sudden wave of shame.

Blaire hadn't deserved that. He should have at least held her in his arms and told her to stay. But instead he'd just used her; used her to make himself feel better when he had felt so furious over everything.

Yet... fuck. It had been so... he couldn't explain it. It had been amazing, better than he could have ever imagined. Because, if he was to be completely honest with himself, he had wanted to do that for a long time; had wanted her.

Despite the inconveniences that had been Pansy and Cedric in the past, he had always considered himself and Blaire as each other's; that it had always been inevitable to him that they'd be one another's first. They had, after all, shared so much else together.

He felt a flicker of irritation when he thought about Pansy. He wished she'd just get the fucking message that he wasn't interested anymore, that he only hung out with her because she didn't make him feel bad for acting like a power hungry twat.

Blaire did though. He had hated the way she looked at him when he talked about the Inquisitorial Squad. Hated the way she made him feel ashamed by the truth. Because he knew, deep down, she was right. He was turning into his father.

His fucking father who, right at that moment, was sitting in a cell in Azkaban for Death Eater crimes relating to the murder of his mother's cousin; a man killed by his own fucking aunt.

Draco buried his face in his hands and emitted a furious strangled cry.

His life was so fucked up.

*****

I drew in a deep, shaky breath as I hovered in the hallway of the girls dormitories, gearing myself up to step out into the common room.

I could do this. Nothing had to change. It was just sex. People had sex all the time.

And he was still just Draco. My best friend. The boy whose face I once tossed sand at.

Wrong word choice. A sudden vivid replay of Draco furiously tossing over me and moaning 'fuck' over and over again flashed in my mind.

How could I ever look him in the eye again?

"Are you okay, Blaire?"

Oh... god. Pansy.

I'd forgotten about her. Thoughts of Draco's girlfriend had been completely driven from my mind in the aftermath of the fuck.

Admittedly, Draco would deny she was his girlfriend at all. But come on, she went around saying 'Dransy forever'.

I was a bad, bad person and I was going to hell.

Pansy looked patiently up at me, concern in her eyes; waiting for me to answer.

"Uh- I um... didn't sleep well."

"Me neither," she sighed heavily. "I couldn't stop worrying about poor Draco. He had looked so upset about something last night."

I swallowed, guilt overwhelming me and rendering me speechless.

Pansy didn't seem to notice however and, instead, linked her arm in my mine, smiling serenely up at me. "We'll help him get through whatever it is together. It's lucky he's got us both. We'll go and tell him now that we'll give him anything he needs; no matter what is it."

And then, to my horror, she pulled me out with her into the common room.

I froze as my eyes met Draco's almost instantly. He, himself, had just emerged from the boys dormitories.

He stilled in his tracks; his grey eyes widening in a kind of horror as they darted briefly down to mine and Pansy's linked arms.

"Drakie," Pansy breathed, hurriedly pulling me over to him.

My heart raced uncomfortably in my chest as I was dragged stumbling across the common room, trying desperately to free my arm. I wasn't ready to face him, I realised. I wasn't ready for any of this. But Pansy had a surprisingly strong grip and she was not yielding.

"Oh, Drakie," she sighed as we halted in front of him. "You look utterly terrible! Blaire and I were just talking about you and how you seemed unnaturally upset last night. And we have agreed that if there's anything you need from either of us, then we won't hesitate to give it to you; isn't that right, Blaire?"

Oh god, I couldn't even look at Draco as was my mortification.

"Um... sure," I mumbled, wishing the world would just blow up.

Draco said nothing, his eyes continually darting nervously to me. His throat bobbed as he swallowed; his tongue sweeping his lips as though suddenly dry.

"Well?" Pansy pressed, an expectant smile upon her face as she looked up at him for a response.

"Oh- uh-" he stammered, his voice strangled and hoarse, "um- okay, then."

Our eyes met once again and my lower stomach knotted violently as a vivid memory of me sliding up and down his cock flashed in my mind.

And from the way he was looking at me, his thoughts evidently weren't far from mine.

This was utterly mortifying. I'd ruined everything. How could we go back to being the way we were after what we'd done?

Just standing here now in front of him was awkward as hell. And I felt myself suddenly shrouded in a blanket of sadness because I wanted my best friend back.

I wanted us to go down to breakfast together and pile each other's plates up; putting the world to rights as we so often did.

I wanted him to offload about his father and I'd listen, as a best friend would; letting him know I was there for him and that he had me, always.

But everything had changed. And I felt my heart tug sadly as Draco excused himself and morosely turned away.

Away from me.

******