dedicated to full-on-rainstorm because she's a little weirdo and because she has great stories and just because i love her lotsa lotsa.

YEAR: 2015

XIENNA IS SPRAWLED out on the carpet, her blonde hair like spun thread against the dark black of the surface. Her eyes are trained on her Vogue magazine, focusing on the beauty of the various models.

The clamor around her dies down, and she sits up to see what's happened. They're at Orianna's house again, and she doesn't really care that they're there almost everyday. The Ryce household is the preferred choice for hang-outs because it's fucking gigantic and because two of their best friends live there.

But mostly because it's fucking gigantic.

"Why'd you guys shut up?" she asks, frowning a little.

"Knew it," says Maverick.

"Fucking called it," Greyson chimes in, making the whole group burst out laughing - with the exception of Xienna, that is.

She scowls. "I don't get it."

Kadence smiles sweetly at her best friend. "Of course you didn't. Considering how you were too busy eye-raping the models on that magazine."

"What?" she splutters, absolutely confused. She doesn't understand.

Orianna smiles at her sympathetically, before sliding off the couch and onto her lap. "We were just betting what it'd take for us to get your attention, babe."

Xienna grins and plants a small kiss on Orianna's lips. "Well, you got it, alright."

Braxton makes a face. "Brother in the room. Please keep it PG," he remarks loudly, and Kadence is the only one to laugh. Internally, Xienna smirks. Kadence thinks that she's great at pretending - but she's no Blaire. It's easy for anyone to see her feelings for Braxton.

Orianna snorts. "Like you've never done a dirty deed in front of my poor, virgin eyes."

Braxton's cheeks flush bright red. "There's nothing virgin about you, Ori," he mumbles bashfully.

Xienna smiles, wrapping her arms around Orianna's waist. This is what she loves the most - being a part of something bigger. She loves to detach herself from her friends and watch them, watch what she's part of. It's indescribable - the feeling you get when you realize that you are a part of something, when you see the love orbit around you.

She sees her best friends - the people she loves most in the world - as they laugh and throw their head back, talking about everything and nothing. She loves them, each and every one of them. These are the people she would die for. These are the people she would kill for. This is what she's a part of - she is a piece in this puzzle, a star in their constellation. Without any of them, they would be incomplete.

- - -

"Jesus, Greyson, can't you take a fucking hint?" Xienna hisses, glaring at the redhead. "It's fine, okay?" she says as she wipes at her stained skirt with a tissue.

"Sorry, Xienna. I didn't mean to," Greyson whimpers. She had accidentally flicked a piece of chocolate onto Xienna's white skirt.

"I said it's fine," she snaps, running a hand through her hair.

Kadence gives her one of her signature bitch faces, something Greyson has gotten used to already. Kadence's eyebrow would shoot up, and her thin lips would part slightly. She would put her hand on her hips and say something painfully sarcastic. Greyson didn't need much imagination to picture Kadence's practiced bitch face.

"Greyson," Kadence says calmly whilst passing Xienna another napkin, "just, look for somebody else to worship, okay? Look for Blaire."

Xienna lets out a snort, before pressing her lips together.

Greyson's lower lip trembles, and her eyes sting with tears. Everything had been going perfectly, until she ruined Xienna's skirt. Greyson scampers away, shoulders shaking. She doesn't understand how she can be a part of this group. She's wanted to leave since, well, as long as she's remembered really. The only thing that has ever stopped her, was Blaire.

Honestly, she she doesn't even know why she's part of their group. She's miserable almost everyday with them, but she can't say that she's not to blame.

As Greyson leans against the wood of the walls, she can't help but think of that one day in June, when everything was beautiful.

Until it wasn't.

"God, god I can't believe he actually fell for that," Roy laughed, the bottle of Jack still resting in his hands. His cheeks were flushed red from alcohol, and the tips of his ears also had a tinge of red.

Greyson - a 15 year old, innocent version of who she is now - grinned brightly and tossed back her flames of hair. The vodka she had drank left her tipsy, but it made her feel a surge of bravery. This was why vodka was always her poison of choice. She was usually shy and timid, keeping her murderous thoughts to herself. She took a swig of the drink, and she felt it burn through her mouth, the heat prickling at the back of her throat and making her feel warm all over. "But he did," she laughed boldly.

Roy grinned, glancing at Greyson.

She flushed self-consciously. Despite her outrageous red hair, she tended to be hidden in the shadow of her friends. No one even stole a glance at her when there was Blaire, though she was taken. No one bothered to ask her out when there was Kadence, though Roy was dating her. Even Orianna and Xienna, who preferred girls, were more popular with the opposite gender. "What?" she asked, pursing her lips to suppress the smile growing on her lips. No wonder they love the attention, Greyson thought to herself.

He looked away and shrugged. "Nothing."

She rolled her eyes playfully. "It's not nothing. C'mon, tell me."

"You're not half as bad as I thought you were, Grey."

She snorted it reply. "That's exactly what every girl wants to hear." The words rolled off her tongue easily, though they weren't hers. She didn't know why she was doing this, really. She didn't like Roy that way, and he was Kadence's first real boyfriend in a long time. The vodka just made her want to feel what her friends felt everyday - loved, wanted, lusted over. The attention just liberated her further, and she grew drunk on it.

And before she could fully comprehend anything, she was scooting closer to him and his lips were on hers and Roy was pushing her away, saying, "Kadence is my girlfriend." And neither of them cared, so her hands were in his hair and his hands were everywhere. And she could smell his musky perfume and the way his mouth tasted of booze.

And Kadence walked in.

That's when everything fell apart. Greyson knew it then, and she knows it now. What she doesn't understand is why. She doesn't know why she did what she did. Back then, Kadence was the nicest to her, with the exception of Blaire. She backed her up and even defended her when Xienna crossed the line. Hell, Kadence even confided in her once upon a time.

Until, of course, she made out with her boyfriend - her boyfriend, the same boyfriend whom Kadence said she could "see a future with".

"Fuck," Greyson hisses, "fuck." She hiccups and opens her backpack, looking for her flask. Her hands tremble as she opens it, tipping the contents into her mouth. The vodka burns, and her eyes tear from the pain. It hurts, but it makes her feel alive, not numb like how Kadence's words hurt her. She feels the alcohol against her tongue, and slides down her throat, prickling lightly. She pinches her eyes together to stop the tears from flowing. Instead, she presses the flask to her mouth and drinks. "Fuck."

"You're Greyson, right?" a voice asks, and Greyson jumps slightly, completely on edge.

She sees a dark-haired boy, a younger version of Braxton. Unlike his older brother, his hair is cropped short, almost military-style.

Greyson runs a hand through her hair and nods. "Yeah. Bradley, right?"

He nods in affirmation and casts a pitiful glance at Greyson.

She wrinkles her nose. "What?" Ever since the whole "Roy incident", as Blaire so eloquently puts it, she hates it whenever boys look at her that way, or any way really.

"You shouldn't let them treat you that way, y'know," he remarks.

She casts him a surprised look. Even Blaire told her that she'd be the object of Kadence and Xienna's wrath. "But I deserve it," she whispers, head lowered, loose tendrils of orangey-red framing her face. She thinks about how ugly she must look, with frizzy hair and bloodshot eyes.

"No one deserves that."

She lets out a laugh - sharp, and completely lacking any humor. Oh, what she'd give to have that innocence again. "Right, well, I'll see you around, kid," she remarks, prepared to leave.

"You think I'm naive, don't you?" he asks.

She turns around, an eyebrow quirked. She feels rather lightheaded from the immense intake of alcohol. "Excuse me?"

Bradley leans forward, eyes gleaming. "I just know right from wrong. And wrongs should be made right," he whispers.

Greyson takes a step away from him, a scowl contorted on her face. She shakes her head. He's fucking crazy, she thinks to herself.

And after another swig of her vodka, she runs.

- - -

When Greyson stops running, she finds herself in a forest. The Ryce house is in a pretty secluded place, surrounded by trees and gardens.

And apparently, a forest.

She slumps against a tree, backpack in her hands. She brings the flask to her lips shakily and takes a gulp of it. She feels her head getting lighter, and she takes out her phone.

6:52 pm.

What? I've been here for two hours?

"Fuck," she mutters, holding a hand to her head. She forgot to take her medicine this morning, that's why she's losing time again.

"Hey! Hey, I found you," a voice says from behind her.

When she turns around, she finds the boy she ran away from. "What're you doing here?" she snarls, eyes narrowing.

His eyebrows crease. In some way, Bradley is cute, cuter than Braxton even. He has the built of an athlete, while Braxton is lanky and awkward. If not for Orianna, Braxton wouldn't even be popular. "What do you mean? We went here together."

I really need to take my goddamn meds.

"Right, right. Sorry. I spaced out a little."

Bradley grins and plops beside her. "It's fine," he says with a smile. "Isn't this place amazing? I found it when I was a kid. Wandered off and freaked the shit out of everyone."

She looks up, and actually takes in her surroundings. The place is beautiful, with the leaves from the trees shielding them from most of the sun. The shadows of the branches cast shadows on the grass, and she smiles. "Yeah, it is amazing. Have you ever shown this to anyone?"

He nods. "None of my family members, but I have to people like us."

"People like us?"

He looks at her, green eyes made even brighter by a peep of sunlight. "People who don't deserve what they get," he says, "Shadows of flames."

"You're a shadow? How?" she asks, brows furrowed. She can't seem to imagine Bradley as a shadow of anyone. In the short time she talked to him, she could already tell that he had more confidence and charisma than his brother. Braxton's just lucky. He befriended Maverick and Kadence when they weren't popular, and just leeched when they rose in the social hierarchy.

Just like her.

"Ori's shadow. Brax's shadow. Adi's shadow."

"Adi?"

"She's my older sister."

"Oh."

He keeps quiet for a second, before angling his body so that he's facing her. "What about you? Aren't you friends with Kadence and Xienna? What did you do to deserve their wrath?"

She closes her eyes, and she smells musky perfume and tastes of alcohol. "Fucked Kadence's boyfriend. Enjoyed it. Didn't apologize. Tried to steal her throne," Greyson lets out a sharp laugh. "Even her fucking minions attacked me, can you believe that?"

"Why'd you do her boyfriend?" he asks, and the lightness of his tone. She expects judgement, and disgust and repulsion - anything, just not that.

Greyson frowns. Why did she fuck Roy? "Because I wanted to feel what it was like to be her. To be loved and touched and wanted and feared. I wanted to be Kadence goddamn Gaardner."

He looks at her. "Why?"

"Because she's Kadence Gaardner. You go to our school, you know how everyone sees her. She's the queen. She's beautiful and funny and smart."

"And mean."

"Only to people who deserve it."

He keeps quiet and stands up, offering her his hand with a small smile. She takes his hand, and decides that she likes him - not in a crush way, but a friend way. She thinks he's interesting.

Smiling, she looks down at her hand and -

Is that blood?