I could hear the faint screams of my parents as I cried into my pillow. The bruises that had been left on my chest burnt into me each time I placed the smallest amount of pressure on them. Wincing in both emotional and physical pain I peeled myself out of bed and pulled a box from beneath my bed and used the key on my necklace to unlock it.

Picking the single blade out and putting it beside me I re locked the box and pushed it beneath my bed.

You guessed it I self harm. I'm not normal. Most girls at school love handbags and dresses and makeup whilst I like football and rucksacks. I am known as the smart arse who answers all the questions in class but there's so much more to me. All of my friends swoon over Joe sugg and Marcus butler whilst I , I like the sidemen.

Of course I'm also bullied. My differences make me stand out and daily the same people kick me and punch me making me bleed. I've always wanted to commit but don know when. In my family my mum also always has newly made bruises on a daily basis because of my dad , I don't think they know I exist.

I grabbed the blade and drew three lines across my wrists , the warm red blood dripped onto my carpet and the photo frame on my bedside table. After stopping the bleeding and locking the blade in a box , I cleaned up the photo frame. This photo frame was my prized possession it reminded me of the happy days. It was a small black frame with a photo of me and Simon minter when I met him at the charity football match two years ago. Then everything was ok. Me and Alice hadn't fallen out, cicely wasn't popular and Maddie wasn't dead.she died last year in a car crash , she was my best friend. I loved her. Everything was ok. But know its complete opposite , I hate everything about me . My ugly brown frizzy hair and to my massive thighs , I am just very ugly. No ones ever cared will anyone even care when I'm gone will anyone cry at my funeral .

I pushed my burgundy sidemen jumper over a grey t shirt and pulled on my black jeans with my black rucksack on matching high top converse. I was about to slide down the pole at the side of my window when I picked up the photo and set out to the halo tower. The highest building in London. I wrote a note and held it in my hand tight , it read.

I've had enough

I'm gonna go thanks to the blades

Kaitlyn

I stood on the edge of the roof breathing heavily and embracing the glittering streets beneath me. All passers by blissfully unaware of the war. The war inside my head , that I've been fighting , I'm finally giving in, giving up.

I stood on the edge of the building and took a breath. One . I love you mum. I love you dad. Two . I hope you got what you wanted bullies.

"THR-" I stepped towards the drop only two be caught by two strong arms , I felt a sensation of loving as they pulled you onto the middle of the roof of the tower. I blinked as tears ran down my face and landed in his chest. Drenching him in my tears. I wiped my eyes and looked up at him.

"t...t...thanks" I cried those being the only words that could escape my lips. I wiped the tears on my jumper and sniffed before plucking up the courage to look at his face.

My eyes travelled from his chest to his beautiful hazel eyes that shimmered in the moonlight and the artificial glow of streetlights.

"Simon" I whispered as I fell into his arms hugging him and never wanting to let go. I felt his arms wrap around my neck and he rested his chin on my head squeezing me tight. Ok maybe I knew Simon some what before that meet and greet . I was 14 he was 19 , I met him when I was doing some cleaning for my dad at his bar when he looked at me. Those astonishing brown eyes could catch your eye from a mile away. We were madly in love but his viewers hated us being together quite frankly so did my family. So we broke it off , id come to every single one of his meet and greets and even entered the sidemen book give away hoping to get to spend another day with him. And then I moved and all contact was lost that's when everything went upside down.

"why" he asked me

"ill explain later" I picked up my bag with all my essentials in and jumped in the elavator .

"I need somewhere to stay minter , I'm not going home." Tears ran down my eyes and I looked at the ground with a fading smile.

"we are all at Harrys right now as we were filming a video but come and stay with us after we've filmed ." He puffed reluctantly. I hugged him in delight and jumped down as we reached our floor. I knew exactly which room it was since three years wouldn't remove any memory I had with Simon.

"guys I'm back" Simon yelled , jj approaching him with the vlogging camera in his hand

"what took you so long" Simon stepped to the side and jj put the camera in his pocket smiling like crazy and puled me in for a hug.

"kaitlyn I missed you so so so so much ! " jj hugged me tight and put me back on the ground before the rest of the sidemen paraded up to me wide smiles and all. Whilst I was talking to josh and Ethan about fifa I heard Simon call for JJ I looked away at him worried but nodded as I knew jj would freak if I told him why I was really here. We were sitting in the lounge all drinking when finally Simon came back.

"kait , Jide wants you." I left the room and walked into JJs room where he sat face buried in his hands . Looking up, he becomes me over to sit next to him but before I could make myself comfortable I burst out crying.

"I'm so sorry jj I don't know why I was so stupid... " I cried into his shoulder.

"Simon told me you had family stuff but why didn't you come to see us. "

" I thought you would reject me I mean I haven't seen you in three years " I wiped my tears and jj pulled Me in for a hug before telling me I'm always wanted here. Then going back to the living room with me.

The boys looked like they were about to film a video when Simon asked.

"yo kait cmn join the video" he beckoned me over and they made space for me on the sofa. Simon started his intro and I ducked behind the sofa out of camera shot.

"what's up guys how ya doin so today I'm here with the side men and a special guest " I flipped over the sofa and landed on it and waved at the camera

"KAITLYN"

"so today we will be playing cards against humanity but we've gone through all online versions of this and copied the cards down you all know the drill so lets get started. "

-

" you know you've had too much ----- when -----" Ethan laughed

It was my turn to start and I had the perfect two cards

"you know you've had too much daddy minter when there's enough white substance to feed the children of Africa." We all burst out laughing and I won the card.

"ok guys that's all for today see ya!" We all waved as Simon finished the video and we all headed up to the sidemen house.

-

I stumbled up to the door and Simon carried me to the spare bed. I acted assleep but really wasn't I just longed for his touch. He tucked me into bed but soon after I walked to his room and he was awake on his laptop.

"simmmoooonnnnnn" I moaned

"kaiiitttllllyyyynnnnnnn" he replied

"I'm cold!" I pouted

"come here then " he lifted the covers