(Dedicaed to Coolcat51 beause she helped sooooo much.)

As I lay here thinking about ending it all I think back to all the events of today that led me to this. Flashback It started off like any other day.So of course it sucked.I woke up to hear the alarm on my phone going off.I rolled over and shot my arm up to turn it off and immediately felt pain.The fresh cuts I had made last night hadn't completely scabed over and had reopened when I jerked my arm up.So as soon as I turned of my alarm I had to go to the bathroom and rebandge the cuts.It was only three this time so I didn't have to take to long, but it was Monday morning so I knew that there would be fresh cuts by the afternoon. As I got done I walked back into my room to see the only friends I had in this world sitting outside my window. Present Yes outside my window,and they can do that because they're birds.Yes birds.I know pathetic.They're a pair of experiment birds.They used to live in a lab.They have scientific DNA mixed in with their original so they're going to live older than average and are highly intelligent.I seen them in a cage beside a factory one day and nabbed them and their report was on the cage so that's how I know all this.Once I took them home I gave them a bit of bread and corn with water then set them free. Surpriseingly they came back though.They always come back and sometimes they stay with me. I know it's them because they have numbers tattooed on their wings from when they were in factory. A female red bird with 182 on her left wing that I have named Amy Rose Sarah.I named her that because she looked like an Amy,Roses are my favorite flower,and Sarah ruffly translates to 'Princess' in Hebrew.Then theirs Thomas Christopher Zen,a male Blue-Jay with 182 on his right wing. Thomas because I loved Thomas the tank engine when I was younger,Christopher because it fit,and Zen because it means peace, I always liked Z names,and after Zayn who will always be my first love. Flashback I went and opened my window and ushered them in quickly shutting it back so I didn't let the cold in. I then proceeded to put my uniform on and go about my morning routine.We have to wear our uniforms on Monday but that's it. I went downstairs grabbing a small bowl and pouring in some bird seed from my secret stash under the sink.I set the seed on my bed then made the call I owe so enjoy.Note the sarcasm.Pike,my supplier.Not that he's a bad guy, he's just a reminder of how horrible a person I am. Riiiiiiiiiiing Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiing "Yo Harry my man" "Haaay...Pike I have all the goods gone so expect me to be at the port tomorrow. And remember I sold more than usual" "K man. We also have a big deal going on and I know how you don't like those but it goes down at 3:00 so i'm gonna need you to make it to the port by 2:30 and I know you have school and shit but I need the money before hand so I can get it to Jones,unless you've changed your mind and decide to help."Jones is his 'business partner' that makes all the drugs."Nah man you know i'm against that but yea i'll figure it out." " Ok dude don't let me down." And with that my conversation was over. Seeing that Amy and Thomas had finished the seed I took the bowl downstairs to wash it and put it back to where it originally was.As soon as I got done I looked outside to see that it was my mother's favorite kind of weather. Dark grey clouds covered the sky but it was bright outside so you could tell the sun was behind the thick clouds.And cold and windy,& you could tell in a few hours it was gonna snow. Depressing really,but that's how she liked it.I decided that I would check up before leaving for school.I walked to her door and peeked into her room expecting to see my caring mom sleeping like an angel,but instead I found a pair of fragile eyes starring at me with a slight smile. "Hi mum what are you doing up this early?" I question even though I know she's always been an early bird." Just wanted to be awake when Jay got here."I heard her small voice call out.I then went over and sat beside her on her bed, both of us looking outside at the gloomy skies through her window."Hal"My mom says using my nickname from when I was a kid.Before everything got bad. "Yea mum"I say never letting my eyes roam anywhere but outside the window."You know i'll always love you right." This time I tore my eyes off the window then met her gaze."Yes and i'll always love you too." I say meaning every word that slipped out of my mouth.She then pecked me on my cheek and said "Ok now finish getting ready.And Jay should be here in a few minutes so watch out for her.".I smiled and nodded.I gave her one of my rare small smiles that aren't all the way fake,then went out the door and about my business. After going to my room and letting my dynamic duo back outside I checked the time.7:20.Just then I heard a knock and I rushed to the door knowing already who it was."Hello Jay" I say greeting the women standing at my door.Even though she & I were never very close I used to think of her as an Aunt or something around those lines.I rushed to my mom's room to tell her bye."Bye mum.Love you always."I say.She'll never know how much I truly meant those words."I Love you to the moon & back Hal"She says with a smile. I gave her a slight smile,& it was't even fake.Then in a flash I was out & onto my journey to hell.School.But then again life was-& is- my own personal hell. As I made my way I took out my phone-that of course was paid for by myself-& drowned out life. Courtesy of Green Day.Just as American Idiot starts to end I took out my ear-buds seeing as I was at school.With a sigh I walked up to the door,not knowing what day I was in for.

Upon walking in people immediately started saying things."Hay faggy better watch your back." "Little queer you better be in fear for Zayn hasn't had a good weekend & he's coming near.".

Present

Now that I think about it that rhyme was really stupid.But then again life is stupid.& unfair....

Flashback

As I walked through school things like that kept similar words were thrown at me.Some I felt more as warnings but most of them were threats.Then I overhear Elawhore

(A/N I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH ELEANOR!!!Its just for the story's sake) & Danielle Peazer talking & understand what it all means. Before you ask why I call her Elawhore it's because Eleanor Jane Calder is the biggest slut in school,even though she's 'Dating' Louis Tomlinson.

Can you say clueless....

Anywhore,they were talking about how Saturday night Zayn broke up with his girlfriend of nearly one year. It shocked me really.Her name is Perrie Edwards & she's one of the ones that haven't ever bullied me. She once helped me up after a rude student slammed me into a locker.

She's also besties with Danielle, Elawhore,Jade Thurwall,Jesy Nelson, & Leigh-Anne Pinnick.That's probably why they were some of the first to know,but no dought in my mind that everyone would know by the end of the day.

Speaking of Zayn he & Louise then decided it was time for my morning beating."Right on schedule huh fagboy."Louis spit.That was soon followed by Zayn knocking the books I had out of my hands & a hard swipe right to my stomach-Delivered by Louis of course-that,if I ate anything, would've made me throw up.

"That's all you get for today cocksucker.We have to get to class." Louis said followed by the bell. Soon after the halls cleared except for me, who was still recovering from the hit.

But a strange thing happened.I heard a thick accent above me."Holy shit mate are you ok?"Questioned a voice, but I had yet to see where it came from.Figuring it was just my imagination I didn't reply.Seconds later though I was picked up & quickly shoved into a dark room.Just getting my breathing back I whimpered "P-please don't hurt me.". I looked up to see a blonde boy my age looking down at me"Wouldn't dream of it mate.Now I repeat are you ok?"That thick accent says."Y-yea I'm used to it."I said,my first word still coming out with a damn stutter. "What the hell do you mean by used to it?".Instead of answering it I countered back "Who are you.".His face turned neutral again as he answered "Niall Horan"."Well Niall we're late to class."I say already getting off the floor in a room which I figured out was a janitor's closet. "About that...."He trailed off."Well what." I said hoping that it would edge him on."I just got a new schedule & I don't know where any of my classes are.''."Well come outside & and me your schedule." I said as I had decided to be nice.We walked into the hallway & then he handed me my schedule.I immidetly noticed it was an exact copy of mine."Well mate follow me.You have my schedule." I said. "Good now I can protect you."."I don't need protecting" I said and stalked off.

"To Bad." He said while following me.

For the rest of the day I blatantly ignored Niall whenever he spoke to me.He didn't give up.Just kept talking like he didn't notice.Up into third period when I was called out by Mr.Crane,the school's principle.

"I regret to inform you,Mr.Styles, that your mom is dead."