kairos
(n.)
the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting tightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words or movement

•••

"I had few comforts in the Red Room. The comforts I did have were restricted and were to be kept secret. My favorite was James. And I still feel the way I did then. It breaks my heart to know his demons still have him."

•••

<There seems to be no problem with him. Stark's an optimist,> Natalia whispered to James. They were sitting on a bench a few strides away from where the two men were working.

<But what about Carter. She seems so hostile. I don't believe she'll kill, but there still seems to be a possibility there.>

They looked across the room at her where she was quietly reading to herself.

Natalia shook her head. <I don't think it is Anton she is uneasy around. I am pretty sure it is us.>

Then, visibly she could see him understand. <She thinks we are here to kill Stark.>

<Yes,> Natalia confirmed.

<Well, let's step out for a while. There are a couple of our men circling the building and a few in this very room.>

Natalia looked at him scoldingly. "James," she said warningly. "We do not need to leave Anton."

He smiled standing up and talking her . "Sure we can. There is no danger. It's Christmas. Let's go look around the beautiful city of London."

"Christmas? The holiday?" Natalia asked with a smile. Sometimes he provided her with the simplest of amusement. "Alright."

And together they walked the lighted streets of London. Everything was so beautiful. The Christmas lights shone. Mangers made of lights set up. Trees covered in ornaments an garland. Everything smelled of pie and peppermints. Children laughed and played in the streets. Cars bustled about— men getting home to their families. Women pushed strollers and carrying bags of gifts they had bought.

The scenery and James's company made this the happiest moment of Natalia's life.

"So, Christmas. I understand it is one of the most celebrated holidays, but... I don't even know what it celebrates," Natalia revealed as she gazed upon all the beautiful sights.

"The birth of Jesus Christ," he revealed, looking sadly through a window into a shop.

"That is the God that Christians worship?"

He shook his head. "No. Christ is the son of the one true God. The man who has saved us from all our sins. So that when we die—if we truly let Him into our hearts—can live in eternal glory above."

"You believe?"

He gave a simple nod. "I do," he said proudly. "It is the one of the few things I can find comfort in. One of the only things this life hasn't stripped me of. The one thing I can count on," he said, tears brimming his eyes. "All I have to do is somehow get through this life, so I can make it home to Heaven."

Natalia couldn't help but think about the the whole idea of Christ. If James believed it, there had to be truth. But as much as she has sinned, was it possible to reserve a spot in the promised land?

"Do you think I could do it. Do you think, somehow, I could find myself there? After all that I have sinned?" she asked him.

"Every soul can be saved. And after all your time with the Academy, they've convinced you that your soul is dark. But I can see. I can see how pure. You're being used. Just as I am, you are being used. We have no say as to what happens to our bodies. What we do. We'll never escape. The best thing we could ever do is wait to die. And ask for forgiveness every spare minute we have."

Almost every time James spoke, Natalia was reminded of how shattered his spirit was. And to this day, she still doesn't know what they do to him. Or how he got here.

The first encounter with Stark and Carter keep replaying in her mind. They said he looked like someone they knew: Bucky Barnes. A sergeant in the American military. Died in Siberia five years ago. Natalia could help but imagine if Bucky Barnes was James. She could only imagine how James feels about this.

"The disgusting thing is that you're right," she said, stopping in the square to observe its beauty. The largest tree she had ever seen was decorated top to bottom in the center on of the city.

"Why do they decorate trees to celebrate the birth of Christ?"

"All my memories are hard to read. Jumbled and blurred. My personal life. But I remember someone once told me that the evergreens were to represent everlasting life in Christ."

"And the gift giving?" She asked as they sat down on a freezing bench.

"On the night Christ was born, a Star shone brighter than any star in the universe. Three wise kings followed in with their caravans. The star led them to the manger where He was born. Seeing that he was the King of Kings, the first magi gifted him gold. The second gave him frankincense for worship and love. And the third gave him myrrh as a symbol of the suffering and death he would experience so that we all would live with him in heaven."

"Christ was born in a manger?"

And with that, Natalia became entranced with the story of Christmas and begged James to tell her the story. They had bundled closely together on the bench, James proudly telling the story of how his Savior was born, and Natalia soaking it up happily as they watched the carolers sing and the snowflakes settle themselves on the needles of the decorated evergreen.

After the story, they sat in silence, Natalia cuddled comfortably under his arm, allaying her head in his chest, his head on hers. She though back to their previous conversation. One of the few things I can find comfort in...

"What is the other thing you find comfort in?" With they kind of life they lived, there was no way he easily find comfort. She was curious to know. Perhaps she could get in on it. But he answered in a way that surprised Natalia.

"You wouldn't want to know."

She raised an eyebrow. "Of course I would."

He sighed, his breath condensed before him as he turned to look Natalia in the eyes.

"It's you, Natalia Alianovna. It's always been you."

Of course. She knew that was going to be his answer. Somewhere in her mind she knew. And even more surprising to her, she realized she felt the same way. But she also realized there was more. And the moment could not be more opportune. No moment could be as perfect as this one. The newfound knowledge of Christ. The happy caroling and lights and jingles of Christmas transpiring around them. No Madame B to stop her. The time was perfect. And she was going to act on it.

"Just as I have feared, James... I... I am falling in love with you," she revealed, looking deep into his peircing blue eyes, only inches away from his beautiful face.

He sighed, a sad smile tugging The corner of his cold lips. "Falling feels like flying until you hit the ground."

Natalia frowned. "Are you saying we'll hit the dirt?"

"No Natalia," James said shaking his head. "I'm saying we will hit the jagged rocks prepared just for us."

A sad smile crossed her face, a tear falling from her eye and freezing on her cheek. "So you're falling with me?"

"How could I have been falling for so long without knowing it was you that pushed me?"

She could feel her face growing hot as she involuntarily inched towards James, who was doing the same.

"I didn't push you," she breathed. "I only took your hand as I slipped."

And that was it, in the blink of an eye, she could feel herself moving in a fashion that could only end in a kiss.

But she was stopped. James placed a gloved hand over her mouth.

"If we do this, there is no avoiding the rocks," he reminded her worriedly.

Natalia smirked ever so slightly, as she felt his cold nose brush against hers. "I don't see them yet."

Then they crashed their lips together in a beautiful, forbidden, passionate notion of love. Natalia wrapped her arms around his neck while his left hand gently held her face and his right wrapped around her waist.

They were in bliss. Complete harmony. Just as Natalia said: they don't have to think about consequences just yet, even though they were inevitable. A day of peace will always be worth more than a life time of misery, which is exactly the hands these two broken souls had dealt.

If they were to live their entire lives as slaves to the Devil himself, they could at least allow themselves something as minor as love.

Only it wasn't minor to them. It was the huge glittering jewel to be found within the cold, hard rock. The cool oasis in the barren desert. The first warm rain after a long, hard drought. A crackling fire surviving in the center of a blizzard.

The kiss gave Natalia and James the greatest sensation they had ever felt. Complete bliss. Wholesome love. Fading misery. How could they ever let this moment end?

The answer was that they couldn't. They would never be able to face the day they hit the jagged rocks. Natalia only wished she could fall forever. That she could leave the wretched Red Room. That she could turn her back to Russia.

She wished she and James could run away and experience this blissful love forever.

The only word to describe it was kairos. When they were with one another, the truth of their lives could be forgotten about for a fleeting moment.

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