𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍. 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐃
To Let a Bird Out Its Cage

SHE NEVER REPLIED TO his text, most of it due to her own cowardice and the fear about what he could want. As much as Minako could feign toughness, it was difficult to act like something she wasn't around Mathis. Because being the big bad mean skating girl was easier to fake in front of those who already believed in their misconceptions of who she is. But around him, no gimmicks were needed and any facade could be seen past his honey-colored gaze. To him, she will be nothing but short but the girl who wanted anything to spread her wings. Or maybe she wanted to believe that around him she could be anyone she wanted to be, even if that meant playing the one-sided role of a lover. It's funny to see how the world views her, considering how the sports world paints her as this strong-headed and eager youth athlete when in reality she easily resorted as a lovesick idiot around her partner.

      Part of her wants closure, to end this nasty chapter in her life for good. But letting go of Mathis almost seemed like letting go of her dreams. She never imagined that she'd do this alone and she still doesn't want to. However, talking to Mathis meant opening a can of worms to a neverending spiral of unanswered questions. Because his words will never satisfy her thoughts or her questions. Because he's charming and somehow just hearing his voice will warm the bottom of her stomach and flush her cheeks. And like the bumbling, lovestruck idiot she is, she'll forgive him even if she knows that he's lying.

      For the ride back to their school, Minako remained quiet and still, unwanting to talk to anyone. Thankfully for her everyone else was just as tired as she was and didn't try to bother her.

      Not thinking about Mathis proved harder than it seemed. Any time she tried to push him out of her thoughts, memories of him only seemed to resurface faster. What made it worse was that the memories did not seem to tear her heart out, but ones that made it skip and wish for more.

      Being dropped at his partners, being left behind, all of it would've been easier to deal with if she still wasn't so in love with Mathis. Because somehow in her wicked and messed up brain, she felt an inkling of something for the boy she called her love first. No matter how much he wronged her, no matter how much he made her question just about everything, he still was important to her. The trust they had, one founded by their partnership and then bloomed by their short relationship, was still there. Because no matter how much he may have disappointed her, Minako knew that if she were to fall he would be there to catch her.

      And that small inkling of hope was enough to ignite a flame that should've been snuffed long ago.

      Kyoga nudged her side. "Everything alright? You look stressed."

      "It's nothing," Minako lied before she shoved her phone back in her pocket.

      "It's not nothing," Kyoga argued. "If something's bothering you that's fine."

      She felt the back of her neck sweat at his words. It would be so easy to just tell her brother that Mathis had reached out to her. But knowing her brother he would've taken her phone and called Mathis himself with a few colorful words under his sleeves. And Minako would've allowed him. At the same time, Minako doesn't want Kyoga to ruin whatever this is, whatever relationship she had left with Mathis. Minako isn't delusional nor did she believe that things could work out in the end. There was no repairing the bond they had, the level of admiration and trust she once held for her partner. But they worked well with one another and that is something that couldn't change.

      "I can handle it," Minako finally declared. Kyoga shut himself up at her words. She gave him a small smile in an attempt to reassure her older brother, but anyone with eyes could tell how weak it was. "Just . . . trust me on this, yeah?"

      Not wanting to start a fight, Kyoga frowned but nodded and went along with his sister's wishes. It was time that he trusted her to fix matters on her own, that she'll be able to handle her own problems without her brother hovering around and ready to do it for her.

      "Just so you know, a flight to France doesn't cost too much," Kyoga brought up knowingly. Minako scoffed at the meaning behind his words, but Kyoga ignored her indifference and continued further. "I could always lie and say I wanna visit family, you know Mamie would easily take that lie and pay for my plane ticket there."

      "And what is your marvelous plan once you get there?" Minako asked as she went along with her brother's ridiculous vision.

      The eldest Saito child grinned before he rubbed his hands together. "I'm glad you asked. I'd pop in, say hello of course. As for my revenge, I'm not gonna do something stupid, but just let Mathis know that he better watch his back."

      "Is that a threat?"

      "Not really," Kyoga denied as he waved his hand absentmindedly. "Sooner or later you're gonna return back to the rink, officially. And when you do he's gonna realize that you don't need him."

      Minako felt her cheeks flush at his words. She tore her eyes away from her brother and averted her gaze to her lap where her bag rested. The idea of skating without Mathis is daunting. Granted, their partnership was fairly short, he gave her memories and rewards far grander than anything she's ever received before. 

      "You know just because you're my brother doesn't mean you have to lie," Minako muttered.

      Kyoga laughed. "You know, I'm gonna tell Lisette Boucher that you're admitting defeat. And if she happens to rub it in your face then that's on you."

      "You'll tell her nothing!" she hissed before she punched his shoulder.

      Kyoga winced in pain. "Broken collarbone."

      "Oh my God, I'm — "

      "Just kidding, it's the other one." Minako deadpanned at her brother's laughing face before she delivered another punch to the same shoulder as before. "I'm gonna tell Daichi that you're hurting me."

      "And he'll thank me for being the one to shut your big mouth," Minako stated matter-of-factly.

      "Oh, how could I forget, he's the Minako-Expert now. Of course he's gonna take your side."

      "The what?"

      Kyoga arched his eyebrow, almost questioning if his sister is really as clueless as she's letting on. But no indication on her face gave away the idea that she was aware of what he was talking about.

      They're both perfectly stupid, Kyoga thought wistfully. What a match.

      "I mean you stole my best friend," Kyoga accused snootily.

      Minako smirked. "I'm more likable. And I'm cute."

      "You're the spawn of Satan."

      "Then you're the brother of the spawn of Satan."

      Kyoga gaped, shocked from her words, and flustered due to his inability to think of a response. His silence was enough to guarantee Minako's win in this small banter between them. The latter grinned in satisfaction.

      Huffing out a breath, Kyoga sunk into his seats as he said, "I wish Daichi had better taste and didn't think you were prettier than me. Maybe then he'd be nicer to me."

      At the mention of Daichi, Minako's lips pulled into a straight line, unsure of how to respond.

      "Talking to you about this feels weird," Minako mumbled under her breath as she played with the loose threads of her bag.

      "Then you don't have to talk to me about it," Kyoga replied cooly. "Believe me the last thing I want is to hear all about is you and Daichi."

      "And Mathis?"

      "Mathis Lévesque included. Talking to you about boys and relationships is weird," Kyoga admitted quietly, painfully uncomfortable with the change in conversation.

      Minako snorted in response. She's thankful that none of their conversations were ever about Mathis or Yori — truthfully Minako doesn't think she'd be able to survive the conversation if that were true. Other than the brief mentions during their video calls or phone calls about a new girlfriend or a possible boyfriend, there wasn't much for either sibling to discuss. They were both content with the image of the other being their snotty-nosed sibling.

      But sometimes she wished they were as close as they used to be. It wasn't easy, especially with those years she was gone. And while no one can replace Kyoga, the distance between them was still evident in both their eyes. Telling their deepest darkest secrets, pouring out their insecurities and fears, was something they couldn't do. It felt weird, almost uncomfortable to do so.

      It didn't take long for Kyoga to notice the look on his sister's face. As he slipped one of his headphones back in his pocket, he nudged his sister once more.

      "I may hate talking to you, but I know someone who wouldn't mind listening to what you have to say," Kyoga whispered. Minako stared at him confusedly until he pointed to the front right where Daichi and Suga occupied the first few seats. Both the captain and vice-captain seemed to be deep in conversation about possible future gameplay and what they needed to improve on.

      Minako shuffled in her seat, itchy to get up. Kyoga noticed quickly.

      "Or are you chicken?" Kyoga taunted, knowing his sister well enough that his words would set her off and help her gain confidence.

      And it worked.

      Kyoga grinned like a madman.

      Biting down on the inside of her cheek, Minako pushed herself up the moving bus. Hands touching the tops of the seats, the soft leather keeping herself from going numb with nerves. Within a few steps, she reached where the two third-years sat.

      The manager cleared her throat to catch their attention. Suga, who noticed her presence long before she even reached them, elbowed Daichi in his side before he referred with his head. Daichi widened his eyes in surprise, but he gave her a small smile, almost inviting her kindly.

      "Everything alright on your end, Minako-chan?" Suga asked her nicely.

      From the neck up she was feeling hot, almost suffocating in this damn bus. Tugging on the hem of her jacket she nodded and averted her gaze to the floor. It felt as though everyone on the bus had their eyes on her even though she knows that's far from true, they were all too tired to even notice. But having their eyes, Daichi's eyes, on her, all of it felt too much in a way.

      Daichi is nothing like Mathis. Far from him.

      However, for some odd reason, she can't help but think of Mathis as Daichi's eyes rested on her. Nothing about them was remotely similar. Daichi is kind, open, and understanding. Mathis is an enigma, one too mysterious and sly for her own good. Minako felt horrible for thinking about her former partner when Daichi is right in front of her and he didn't deserve to be compared to Mathis of all people. Even if none of them — except Kyoga and Tanaka — knew who Mathis is.

      "Kyo needs to talk to Suga-kun about something," Minako found herself lying. But the relief that followed after she did was worth it. She felt lighter, almost free from the heavy burden. "Mind switching seats with me? It can't wait."

      Suga stared at her oddly but said nothing. He nodded slowly and got up from his seat before he made his way to Minako's previous seat. Minako, muttering thanks under her breath and took a seat next to Daichi who sat right next to the window.

      Minako smoothed her hands over the tops of her thighs, her eyes refusing to turn and look at Daichi. But from the corner of her eyes, she could tell that Daichi focused on her, concerned with what was going on.

      "Is everything alright?" Daichi questioned. His words were so kind it made the lump in her throat only worse. Anyone could tell that Kyoga was fine and he didn't need anything, but the same couldn't be said about Minako.

      "I wanted to talk to you," Minako found herself admitting aloud. She forced the lump in her throat down before she further continued. "I — I don't know it's just easier to talk to you about these things."

      Daichi nodded, giving her a small smile to ease up her nerves. "It's okay. If you wanna talk, that's fine."

      His reassurance didn't make her feel at ease at all.

      "If someone who hurts you comes back, should you confront it or should you let it go?" Minako asked in a small voice, almost as if she was unsure whether or not asking her would scathe her in any way.

      The expression on Daichi's face was unreadable. He looked conflicted.

      "From an unbiased point, I think that it's always best to confront your problems," Daichi started. Minako slowly turned to look at him. His smile only grew for her. "Whatever we try to run from, it all comes back to us eventually. And confronting what bothers you, no matter how hard it may be, can give you strength that you never knew you had before."

      "That sounds like something on the inside of a card," Minako replied bluntly, her response making him laugh. "But . . . what if I don't confront it? What about from a biased point of view?"

      Daichi hummed. "From a friend, I'd say that that's okay too. Nothing wrong with being scared. And if you don't want to confront the problem then we'll do it for you. I'll do it for you."

      "I thought you didn't like getting into fights," Minako smiled, the tone of her voice teasing.

      "I don't, but I guess I'll just have to take your job from you," Daichi commented before he nudged her softly by the side. "But just to make sure, they're not bigger than me, right? Because if they are then I'll have to ask Kyoga or Suga to help me."

      Minako giggled before she shook her head. "They're taller than you, but you're stronger. But, I appreciate the thought."

      "Of course," Daichi shrugged, his eyes now fully on her instead of trying to discreetly look at her. Somehow looking into her eyes no longer seemed as intimidating as it used to be. "You're part of this team and we take care of each other. Just like what you did early today."

      "You know?" Minako asked in disbelief, her eyes widened and in shock.

      "I figured when you went to get Hinata and when Tanaka followed you," answered Daichi. "And even before the game, you looked so angry for Kageyama."

      Minako scoffed as the memory resurfaced her mind. "I had to. Those private schoolboys were being dumb and rude. And then they kept on mocking Hinata and talking about how we're these fallen champs — I know you don't like it when we clash with other schools, but I can't just let them talk badly about us."

      Us. When did it become us?

      At one point did she start to include herself? Minako wasn't sure, but it was clear to her that her anger is because she didn't see the team and her as separate things, but a collective team. Perhaps her competitiveness, her anger, her passion, now it shrouded not just her ice skating career but the group of boys — and Kiyoko of course — that she now watched over.

      How utterly stupid of her.

      "What they said doesn't bother me," Daichi stated, his eyes firm and his jaw tense at the mention of those who had always spoken badly about them. "All that means is that we need to work harder to shut them up. That way, they'll look dumb for talking in the first place."

      Minako looked at him in astonishment. The Daichi she knew was always kind, always level-headed no matter the situation at hand. She always perceived him to be forgiving, someone who didn't care much about what others had to say about them because he was so mentally strong that he didn't need anyone else's affirmations or positivity to get through his problems. However, it's now clear that his heart is also heavy from the words of others. But unlike her, he didn't feel the need to prove himself with his words, but through actions.

      She wondered what Daichi would've done if he was in her shoes when it came to the Mathis situation and the confrontation with Kihara Shiori. He probably would've handled it far better than she ever could.

      "I guess now would be the best time for me to mention that I taunted a girl from Seijoh." Daichi snapped his heads at her words, eyebrow arched as he silently asked for her to continue. "She was defending Seijoh's team because I was defending Hinata. I think she's the vice captain's girlfriend or something. I don't know."

      "She didn't hurt you, did she?" Knowing that his first reaction was to ask if she was alright rather than get upset over her starting a fight made Minako feel somewhat better about today.

      "No, but you should know that when it comes to fights I'll win," Minako reminded him before she nudged him back. "The only fight that I can't is . . . well the one I was telling you about."

      "Someone hurt you?"

      "Kinda. I guess I believed in them more than I should've," replied Minako, bitter, as she sunk into her seat. "I think I put them on a higher pedestal than I should've. And because of that, it just burned me. They're not who I think they are and that's what makes me sad because I know they're not a good person, but I can't help to think that they still are."

      "It's because you're a good person."

      "You wouldn't be my friend if you met me in France." If Daichi had met Minako in Lyons or even before her accident, before she hasn't lost everything, he wouldn't have liked her. "I'm pretty sure the minute we'd meet I would've said something to offend you and you would've hated me immediately."

      And while Minako's chest tightened at the mere thought of Daichi hating her, it was all true. The Minako before the accident was a real work case. Not to say that the person she is now is any better, but it was a slightly decent upgrade from before. And the old Minako, she would've never thought twice about someone like Daichi, not when her eyes were focused only on Mathis.

      Daichi seemed to ponder over her words, taking them in as he nods slowly almost as if he tries to imagine the scenario she had painted for him. But to her surprise, he smiled before he shook his head.

      The captain of the volleyball club glanced down at his lap as his fingers drummed against his knees. "Assuming that the me then knows about this time, I don't think he would mind so much."

      "What do you mean?"

      "That if the Daichi in the past somehow knew that I'm friends with you, I think he'd be okay with it." Her cheeks flushed at his words.

      How was he so firm in his beliefs? Why did he think so strongly of her when he barely knows her? Anyone with eyes could tell how difficult Minako Saito is, how breaking down those walls was never going to be worth it, that the result wasn't going to be as satisfying as many think it will be. But here he is, hellbent on taking her walls down brick-by-brick as if time wasn't a construct in his books.

      "I think regardless of which Minako I would have met, I'd still be on your side," Daichi told her truthfully. His lips only curled into a bigger smile at the sight of the gaping expression on her face. Taking the box of matcha Pocky's from his bag he placed it on her lap. "So if you wanna just confront whatever's bothering you, I'll be here to support you. But if you wanna run away, then I guess I'll run with you."

      Minako lifted the box of biscuits before she glanced up at Daichi. Warily, she stared at him. 

      "You won't think I'm a coward if I run?" she asked him with a small voice.

      "No. No, because you're Minako. One of the strongest people I know." He unboxed the snacks for her and offered her the first biscuit. With a soft smile, he encouraged her to take it. "Whatever you decide, we'll be here."

      Minako takes the biscuit.

      For the first time in months, for the first time since she's gotten back to Miyagi, she no longer feels trapped. The weight on top of her chest has finally eased and the soft, small breaths of air that now filled her lungs weren't overwhelming. They were comfortable, familiar almost. 

      She felt free even if the clouds weren't clearing up.

      And that was more than enough.

THERE WERE ABOUT A MILLION things she wanted to text Mathis. A few of them ranging from how much she hates his guts to trying to be civil and wishing the best for both him and Lisette. But every time she thinks she has a proper response to text him, her mind overthinks about all the possible outcomes and consequences that this text could lead her. In the end, she'd delete the message entirely and start from scratch. Her thumbs would start typing out a message, but by the time they stop she'd completely forget about what it is she wanted to say to him. But then again, maybe the problem is that she had too much to say and so few words to use. Minako had so many things to say to Mathis, so many stories and blame to put on his shortcomings even though she knew very well that most of them had nothing to do with him. In fact, maybe none of them do.

      What do you say to someone who has hurt you, but someone you'd forgive if they were to apologize? A simple one-worded reply wouldn't do anything. And while it would've discouraged many from keeping a conversation going after a few tries, she knew Mathis well enough to know that nothing could discourage him from apologizing or at least talking.

      "You should just respond." Minako scoffed at his words but glanced over her shoulder to acknowledge the boy's presence. With her knees pressed against her chest and bottom numb from sitting on the park bench, she could care less about appearances. "It'll make this a whole lot easier for the rest of us."

      Minako turned her attention back on her phone, her hum as a simple reply as she stares at the bright screen in front of her face. She laid her chin on top of her knees as her thumb strokes over Mathis's contact picture.

      "Can't," Minako answered plainly, her tone not even hiding her tiredness. "It'll feel like he won."

      Nishinoya Yuu scoffed at the thought as he took a seat next to her. The libero of Karasuno's volleyball team stuffed his hands in the pockets of his sweats as he began to kick at the gravel in front of them. He didn't look too different from when Minako last saw him. Granted, it's only been a few weeks and the two often saw one another during passing. 

      "You have terrible taste in guys," Nishinoya stated frankly, not even bothering to sugarcoat his words.

      Minako rolled her eyes at his words. "Stop bringing him up, I'm trying to move on," she complained in a grumble. But her actions said otherwise as she continued to stare, type, and then delete a text for Mathis.

      "I can't. You called me here," Nishinoya pointed out. He peered over her shoulder to read the texts only to frown once he realized their conversations were all in French. He threw his head back and groaned before he complained, "What'd he say?"

      "He said hi basically and asked if I'm okay."

      "Tell him no and that he sucks," Nishinoya egged on. He tsked at Minako, "You know I thought you'd have better taste in men."

      "Gee, thanks. You suck at this. If I'd known you were gonna shit on me I would've called Ryu or Ennoshita," Minako mumbled. She shuddered at the thought of letting Tanaka know about her past relationship. Knowing her friend he'd make this big show on how stupid she is and how he should focus on good people like Kiyoko.

      Nishinoya shrugged off her words, used to her blunt nature. "I'm the only one who knows that you used to date him," he reminded her. "Unless you want everyone to know that you like your partner."

      Minako scowled and even though she was well aware that Nishinoya would never betray her trust and that he was only doing this to egg her on, she shoved his shoulder. 

      And it wasn't as though she actually confided in Nishinoya about her whole ordeal with Mathis. If anything she just had the worst luck and he was the first one to catch her after a near breakdown. It was after her first few months in Miyagi when she had been trying her best to compose herself outside one of the school gyms. Nishinoya, who was also in the same P.E. class as her, found her and at her most vulnerable state, she began to divulge everything. From her accident, her failing career, and her ever caring heart for Mathis Lévesque. And as single-minded as Nishinoya maybe, at least to her, he simply took her by the wrist, yelled at their teacher from afar that he was taking her to the nurse's, and then took her to nurse's office where she proceeded to blubber like a baby about her problems.

      Ever since then Nishinoya — outside of her own family — is the only one she's ever confided in when it came to her troubles in France. As rowdy and rambunctious as Nishinoya is, Minako has learned that he's far more loyal than anything. And if it meant keeping her secret from the rest of the team, he's more than happy to do so. But that doesn't stop him from sharing his unwanted opinions on the situation.

      And in Nishinoya Yuu's eyes, he commends Minako for her loyalty to her brother, but also shits on her inability to stand up to Mathis.

      "It's not manly," he once complained to her. 

      Although Daichi's words on the bus comforted her nerves, it didn't help solve her problem. Daichi doesn't know Mathis and she has a feeling that if she explains the situation to her, he'd simply leave it up to her to decide. Because unfortunately for her, Sawamura Daichi is a gentleman and only cares about supporting his friends rather than saving them from impending doom.

      Okay, maybe she's dramatic. But she's not entirely wrong. Daichi's approach means being the mature one and doing whatever it takes to solve the problem. And though Minako wants nothing more than to live up to Daichi's expectations and be amicable about what happened, part of her still wants nothing more than to scream in front of Mathis' face and cuss him out.

      Hence why Nishinoya is called because knowing her friend he'd support her on her endeavors of vengeance.

      "I don't know what to say," Minako exasperated as she placed her phone in her pocket and threw her hands up. "It's — it's like he's expecting me to be mad or to just go off on him. And I want to, you know? I wanna just let him know how much he messed me up because then I'll feel bad and I'll look stupid later because it's not his fault."

      "He's the one with the new partner, remember?" Nishinoya brought up. And though she's thankful that he's taking her side — again Nishinoya's loyalty is something she deeply appreciates — she knew better than anyone that Mathis being partnered up again was out of his control.

      "Yes, but it's not his fault!" Minako exclaimed. Nishinoya stared at her quizzically as she stood up and paced in front of him.

      "Just man up and do something!" Nishinoya claimed as he stood on top of the bench. Now he towered over her easily, but somehow his towering stature did nothing to intimidate her. "It's not cool to just complain when you can do something about it! Text him back! Give him a piece of your mind!"

      Normally Minako would easily fall prey to Nishinoya's bad ideas. However, Daichi's words of moving on seemed to replay like a broken record as she ponders between the two options at hand. She would like nothing more than to argue with Mathis, to fight with him on a subject she knows she has a say in.

      "I don't wanna look stupid!" Minako stressed out. "I just feel like all I ever do is look like an idiot in front of him. I looked stupid when I saw him with that other girl. And he saw me the night of the accident and he was there when I was in the hospital. Yelling at him is only going to make me look crazier than he already thinks I am."

      Being composed in front of Mathis almost seemed like an option no longer available for her. He saw her at her most vulnerable, something that she can't ever take back. Because Mathis knew the empty and shocked look in her eyes when she caught him cheating. He knew the empty and crazed look in her eyes as she began to throw herself into figure skating. And he was damn well familiar with the desperation that glazed over her eyes.

      Everyone else saw the painted facade she offered, and somehow he saw only the ugly.

      "Why does his opinion matter?"

      "It doesn't!" Minako shrank after unintentionally snapping at Nishinoya. She gave him an apologetic smile to which he waved off before she returned to her seat. "I — Don't I deserve an explanation?'

      "I thought you said him getting a new partner wasn't his fault."

      Minako's face fell at his words. Embarrassed, she hung her head low as she played with the threads of her jacket. "It isn't," she managed out. "I just . . . I just wanna know why he . . ."

      She didn't finish her sentence, but Nishinoya knew what she was implying. If people from their school saw her like this, the big bad Minako being vulnerable, they'd claim her as someone overly soft. But Nishinoya refused to categorize his classmate as anything other than strong. After all, a weak person wouldn't go out of her way to accommodate her brother. Nor would they wave off what others think of her. In his mind, Saito Minako is an unshakable fortress, a powerful force to be reckoned with. And if her brief moments of weakness are seen as vulnerability, Nishinoya has no problem with defending her honor.

      Unwanting to sit in this uncomfortable silence anymore, Minako quickly changed the subject. "I just wanna get back on the ice," she half-lied. She indeed wants to continue her career and better her skills, but she couldn't deny that some part of her wants to return to life as it once was. "I don't have any connections in France other than Mathis and I'd have to wait a little bit longer until I can find a new partner to skate with. Not to mention, they'd have to be someone I can actually skate with."

      The only reason why she was able to partner up with Mathis was because of her over-the-top grandmother who went out of her way to find her a partner. And though Minako knew better than to let her grandmother interfere with her skating career — her father's words — she couldn't deny that her partnership with Mathis was amazing. The most important part of pair skating is chemistry and trust. Not only do partners need to be able to ooze chemistry that makes judges and the public believe and fall in love with their performances, but they also need to be able to trust that it's them against the world. Because throwing someone up in the air, carrying them as they skate on thin blades on ice, all of those elements that people grow to love from pair skating, cannot be done without a foundation of trust. And building that trust, having to put her trust in someone else so that they can do all these crazy tricks again, takes time and effort. It was something she wasn't sure she was ready to start all over again.

      "You still moving back to France after this school year?" Nishinoya brought up. After Minako's nod, he continued, "You can get back into skating easily. Just don't chicken out and jump back into it."

      Minako snorted at his easygoing nature. "Easy for you to say. I still need to find another partner and sucker them into joining me."

      And one that I have zero chances of getting romantically involved with and can tolerate, she thought to herself.

      "Why don't you quit pair skating?" Minako stared at Nishinoya. "Just skate alone. Do solo skating or something, I don't know."

      Shock rattled throughout her bones, her hands grew clammy, and her heartbeat seemed to still at his words. The idea itself wasn't necessarily shocking or bizarre. If anything, it was something that many pair skaters consider as their career furthers. But for Minako, the idea of becoming a solo skater wasn't something that even crossed her mind. She felt secure in her partnership with Mathis, believed that nothing could stop them from achieving all their goals because in her mind they were just that good. Most pair skaters quit because of the lack of chemistry or the wish to pursue other paths in their skating careers.

      "I .  . . Me?" Minako dumbfounded, still unable to find her voice.

      "If you can't work with Mathis and you can't find a new partner in time, you can just do it alone," Nishinoya shrugged off. The nonchalant tone of voice would make them think he doesn't care, but Minako knew the libero well enough that to him, the idea was a rather simple solution. "Easy."

      "Um, no, not easy!" Minako argued back. She turned to face him, the look of disbelief written all over her face. "For one, figure skating is different than pair skating, okay? It — it takes a lot and if you mess up then you're the only one who's to blame and not to mention it's more competitive."

      "Okay, then are you gonna go back to Mathis?"

      "What? I — No."

      "Okay. Then are you gonna find a new partner?"

      "Maybe?"

      Nishinoya clapped his hands together and sat back down on the bench, a beaming smile on his face as he faced his classmate. "Great, we settled on something. Look, whatever you wanna do with skating, that's your choice. I'm just here about this whole Mathis situation."

      Minako stared at Nishinoya. One would think that she's gotten used to his antics and his wild nature, but somehow he always managed to surprise her at every turn. She opened her mouth, trying to find the right words to say, but nothing managed to come out. Huffing out a breath, she pulled out her phone and stared at the black and empty screen as if doing so would somehow help make up her mind. A million and one different options came to mind on how to handle the situation, a lot had to do with demanding something out of Mathis, and the others were probably going to lead to an open can of unanswered questions and unsatisfying revelations she dared not to tread on.

      She unlocked her phone and handed it to Nishinoya.

      "Delete the texts," she told him quietly. "Block him for me, please?"

      It was almost embarrassing how she needed her friend to do something so simple for her. But Minako knew she never had the guts or the heart to get rid of Mathis. She needed someone to do it for her because she wasn't strong enough.

      Part of her wants to believe that something can be salvaged out of this mess. Whether it's their partnership or their relationship or even the friendship they had before. But all these lingering questions, all these unfulfilled and half-empty promises, they were all going to drive her crazy.

      Nishinoya nodded his head and after a few seconds, he handed her back the phone. All of the evidence of their past text conversations were now gone, his contact and name no longer the first one on her list of recent texts.

      "Thanks," she murmured under her breath before she placed her phone away. The burden on her shoulder seemed to lighten a bit. "I know it's dumb — "

      "Nah, if you needed me to do something then it's fine," Nishinoya brushed off easily. He gave her a crooked smile and two thumbs up. "Besides, that just means you now owe me a favor in the future."

      Minako rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless. While Minako was always uptight and cutthroat, Nishinoya made up for it with his easygoing attitude.

      "I'll buy you lunch tomorrow and that's it," Minako promised. Nishinoya cheered and threw a fist in the air as he began to think about what it is he wanted to eat for lunch.

      And as their conversation shifts into one about Nishinoya's return tomorrow, Minako found herself still thinking about Nishinoya's words. Being a figure skater was something she hasn't thought of since she was young and just barely starting her skating career. It was her father and his performances that made her want to become a pair skater and somewhere along the line being in a partnership was something she grew used to. But skating alone, doing everything by yourself, and having to face the music alone, all of it was daunting.

      But it's not like you can't do it, a small voice in the back of her head said.

      Her thoughts were no longer filled with all the what-if's and possible scenarios with Mathis. Instead, she thought of being on the center of the ice with bright, hot lights shining down on her and performing a story all on her own. She wouldn't have a secure hand on her back to remind her that she's not alone. She wouldn't have the warm touch of reality reminding her that it'll all be okay.

      She'll be alone.

      And strangely, the idea isn't as terrifying as she thought.

A/N;

no one:
sav: INTRODUCING FUCKING
NISHINOYA YUU IN THE BLACK SWAN UNIVERSE

Another update! Finally! I swear that I will try to get better about updating instead of just updating once a month. But please try to know that I want to consistently give longer and meatier updates for you all to enjoy instead of short ones. To me, I want it to be worthwhile so I hope you guys can understand!

But in other news, thank you guys so much for the support on the last update! I've been seeing new readers and long comments and it means the world to me to see that you guys are enjoying this book. I know well enough that this book is anything but fast paced and I often question whether or not that's something that makes reading this book difficult. But your comments and love makes me confident and so sure about what I have planned and I can't wait to share it with you guys.

Once again, I'll be commenting different links for you guys to look at!

Much Love Guys.

( written: march, 16, 2021 )
( published: march 16, 2021 )