𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍. 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐃
Are We Enough?

IT WAS MOMENTS LIKE THOSE that reminded Sawamura Daichi had utterly plain he is. He wasn't insecure nor did he find the time to dissect everything wrong with his character. Daichi liked to think that he has a good character, that he's a good person. While he wasn't anything special such as people like Oikawa Tooru, he'd like to believe that he was okay in his own way. But somehow seeing Minako so happy and so carefree made him feel as if he wasn't enough. He could understand why it was so easy for her to talk to someone like Hirano Ryuta. The guy is one of the easiest and kindest individuals to talk to. And after being in the same homeroom as him for the past three years it was easy to recognize his golden heart. But it bothered him that he was able to get past Minako's walls like it was nothing. 

      Daichi shouldn't be surprised. Minako stood out like a sore thumb, but in the best way possible. The aura that shrouded her made her seem untouchable and someone out of this world. And lately, she's been within his reach and sometimes it felt as though they were on the same plane of dimension. But it was seeing her around someone else that reminded him of how different she is from him, how he was but a speck in her universe. Perhaps it was his fault for allowing himself to think that he was special to her, a close friend even. He wouldn't lie and say that Minako coming to him to have conversations with didn't make him feel good. The warm feeling that settled in his chest made him believe that maybe like her he is also special.

      However, the truth is anything but that. He didn't stand out like Minako, nor was he a flashy player. He was average and she is special. And while many could tell him that everyone is special in their own ways, no one was as special as Minako.

      Daichi was an idiot to think that he stood out from the mass.

      Hirano Ryuta has been his classmate for many years and though the two had only a handful of conversations, yet the sight of him suddenly irked him. There was nothing wrong with his classmate, in fact, he didn't know enough to have a reason to be irritated towards him. But perhaps it all drew back to his own insecurities and his own standing in Minako's life.

      He was replaceable nor was his position in Minako's life significant. But special and kindhearted individuals such as Ryuta reminded him of how utterly average he truly is.

      The walk back to his house was quiet. Kyoga had proposed they all go buy snacks to celebrate Nishinoya's 'return' to the team. Daichi opted out because of his younger siblings. It wasn't a total lie, but the last thing he wants is to mull over his thoughts with everyone prodding over him. Luckily Suga managed to get them all to clear out of the club room by teasing that Daichi will lock up for the night.

      The last thing he wants is to see Minako.

      Suga would probably say that he has a crush on Minako. Truthfully, Daichi isn't sure. There haven't been many girls that caught his eyes. Has he been attracted to girls before? Sure, of course. Between his days in junior high to now, there have been a few girls in his classes that made him freeze up. He could name a few off the top of his head: from his table mate in his second year of junior high to Michimiya who he eventually grew to see as just a friend. But besides the latter, he's never personally met anyone like Minako.

      There are many reasons why having a crush on Minako is troubling. The biggest and most important reason is that she's Kyoga's younger sister. Anyone and everyone can see how much he cares for her. And though many would argue that Kyoga probably wouldn't care that if Daichi has a crush on his sister — again, he's still not sure — that isn't a line he's willing to cross to find out. The second reason, he enjoys the friendship that he and Minako currently have. She holds a certain level of trust for him and if that doesn't make him proud that he isn't sure what will.

      Just as he reached the bottom of the hill Daichi stopped in his tracks.

      Why?

      Minako Saito looked like a character straight out of a movie. Standing under the dim streetlight with the sun setting behind her, she stood out in the best way possible. Even wearing her gym clothes she still managed to look so utterly beautiful that he couldn't help but hold his breath. Maybe it wasn't necessarily the clothes that made her different or so outstanding. Maybe it was just because he knew it was her standing there. The same fierce spunky manager who stood out and never failed to capture his attention. She didn't smile at him like she normally would. Her lips were twisted into a frown and her eyes seemed to tremble as they zeroed in on him.

      "Daichi-san," Minako greeted, the tone of her voice awfully light and so unlike her. She tried to smile for him, but the edges of her lips refused to twist upward and shook when she attempted to broaden her fake smile.

      "Hey," Daichi returned the gesture, a small smile of his own on his face as he stopped in front of her. "You're still here? I thought you'd gone with the others."

      Minako seemed to relax a bit at his words and the lack of edge in his tone. "No, I waited for you," she told him. Her honesty never failed to catch him off guard and he thanked the gods she didn't notice the taken aback look in his eyes. "I . . . It didn't feel right to leave without talking to you."

      Warmth spread throughout his chest at her words. He couldn't help but let his smile widen. Seeing her so vulnerable, so open, his knees almost buckled at the idea. Maybe he'll never be as special as Hirano Ryuta and maybe he'll never stand tall enough for the rest of the world to see him. Her gaze was equal, no, more than what the world could ever offer him.

      "Sure, I don't have to be home anytime soon anyways," he lied cooly as he mentally apologized to his father and brother and sister. Was he being a terrible big brother and son by neglecting them momentarily for a girl? Perhaps. 

      Daichi nodded his head to the convenience store behind them knowing that the rest of the team were probably long gone by now. "Wanna go buy some snacks?"

      Minako seemed to lighten up at his response. She shook her head before she opened up her backpack. Daichi caught sight of a bottle of juice and different bags of snacks — probably chips or cookies.

      "I don't really know many of the restaurants nearby," Minako admitted sheepishly as she zipped her bag back up. "I was able to grab some snacks. They didn't have any more rice balls or sandwiches so this was the best that I could do. I figured we could eat a bit? Maybe at the park or anywhere else is fine with me."

      Ideally, he'd love to go to the park with her. No kids would be around now, and he knows that the giant merry-go-round net climber would be the perfect place to eat. But the chances of either of them running into someone from school — specifically Kyoga or Ryuta — was high. However, he couldn't bring himself to care about any of those details. No more overthinking, no more worrying about external forces. Minako Saito is a head-on type of girl and who was he to hesitate?

      "Let's go to the park," he finalized. Her face broke out into a smile that seemed to light up the city. "Maybe we can finally go on that merry-go-round without the kids climbing on them."

      "Does that mean you're gonna spin me around?" Minako shot back playfully as they fell into step with one another. She even went as far as to nudge him on the side causing Daichi to exaggerate as he staggered forward. "I'm a girl with needs, Daichi-san."

      His ears flushed with heat at her flirtatious comment. Daichi cleared his throat as he slowed down to let her catch up. Minako looked proud at his flustered state almost satisfied with herself knowing the effect she has on the other. The captain wanted to hide and wished that one of the other guys was here to take the edge off of his situation.

      Have they ever been alone? He can't recall. Other than the last time he walked her home he can't help but think of any other times when he was Minako without any of the others around. And the last time they were alone things were different. Minako didn't stand out as she does now, she wasn't anyone other than Kyoga's sister and one of the managers of their club. But now she was so much more. Everything he didn't notice about her before now came to fruition. The curve of her cheeks, the intensity of her eyes, and the fullness of her lips, all of it were brought to a light Daichi didn't know existed.

      "As long as you're happy, Minako," Daichi told her in a soft tone.

      Minako frowned at his words and he didn't even pretend to miss the look on her face. Almost offended, Minako didn't hesitate to tug on his arm, not enough to stop him from walking but enough to catch his attention, to get him to look her in the face.

      "I don't wanna do anything to offend or upset you," Minako stated firmly, the sharpness of her voice reminding him just how straightforward she is. "You already put up with a lot and you sacrifice a lot for others."

      "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to — "

      "And don't apologize for things you don't need to be sorry about," Minako interrupted him as she stared at him incredulously. He wondered if she knew that she was still holding on to his arm. "I want you to know that I'm sorry. Really."

      "It's just practice. It's fine."

      "But it isn't!" Minako exclaimed as she threw her hands up. She stood in front of him forcing them both to stay in place. Even with him being taller than her Minako's presence easily towered over him. "I committed to this when I became your manager. I'm supposed to be someone who helps the team and to make it easier for you all and I didn't show up. And I know it was just a practice, but . . . I don't wanna give up. Not on you guys."

      Daichi's cheeks flushed with heat at the sight of the anger roaring in Minako's eyes. Her lips pulled into a tight scowl, but her frustration wasn't directed at him but herself. He reached out immediately and placed his hand on her shoulder, trying his best to show that he wasn't upset at her and that it wasn't that big of a deal.

      "Hey, hey, I know that," Daichi assured her quietly, flustered with how to approach the situation. The last time Minako was this vulnerable was probably her fight with Kyoga and even then he felt as though he had to constantly tread along the edges. "Like it or not you're stuck with this team for however long we have."

      Minako nodded slowly. "You're a big part of this team," she insisted earnestly. "So don't . . . don't sacrifice just for us, okay? Don't make it seem like you're okay with putting up everything just for my — our sake."

      He didn't even notice that he even said that. It was almost like an automatic reaction to just comfort her, to put her needs above his. Although he isn't the oldest on the team he was used to being the one in charge of the others' needs. Perhaps it stemmed from his want to win, to ensure that their team reached the top no matter what. They wanted the chance more than anything and he wanted to be the person to grant them the opportunity.

      No one has ever told him to stop. It made sense that Daichi was responsible, it made sense that he was chosen to be the captain. Yet here is someone who questioned his choices and made him puzzled on what is important.

      "I didn't mean it in that way," Daichi defended himself. Minako arched her eyebrows in defiance. "Just because we chose to spend our time on the team doesn't mean you need to. You should have fun, enjoy yourself and make some new friends."

      "But I also like spending time with you guys," Minako commented meekly as she gave him a small smile. He couldn't help but notice how sad it was. "I just don't want you to be mad at me. That's all."

      Daichi furrowed his brows in confusion. Mad? At Minako? He can't help but try to think of an instance where he was ever mad at her.

      "Why would I be mad?"

      "Because I messed up!" Minako exclaimed as she threw her hands up in the air. "I messed up the easiest job ever! Like who does that?"

      "You know we're just a high school club right?" Daichi joked. Minako threw him a frown which only made him laugh. "Hey, in all seriousness, I'm not mad."

      "You weren't? Because you looked pretty mad back there." Ever so honest, he thought to himself.

      "I was just stressed," Daichi found himself lying. The last thing he wants Minako to know is these conflicting thoughts of his and his newfound insecurity of people like Ryuta Hirano. "About Nishinoya and Asahi and what to do, I guess. But none of it is because of you."

      Lies, it's all because of you.

      Minako looked hesitant as she tried to decipher the hidden meaning behind his words. Thankfully for Daichi, she didn't read too much into it; She trusted him and the warm fuzzy feeling bloomed in his chest once more. He didn't trust his feelings around her. It was odd. Daichi trusted her with just about anything and everything. There was no hiding and no deceptions when it came to Minako Saito. Yet the idea of letting her know something so vulnerable was terrifying.

      "Are we good then?" Minako asked. The hopeful glint in her eyes was enough to make every bad thought go away. "Because I can give a better apology! I'll clean the gym tomorrow and I'll — "

      "We were always good," Daichi cut her off gently. "Promise."

      She stared at him once more and then she smiled, almost as if she was satisfied with his answer. Minako beamed a bright smile before she spun around and began to walk forward. However, she didn't stop at the curb where the park was, she instead moved towards the bus stop.

      Frowning, Daichi caught up before he called out to her. "Where are we going?"

      Minako turned around and shot a smirk as she began to walk backward, all the life and happiness emitting out of her like a bright, burning beacon for all to see.

      "We're going to the ice rink!" she answered cheerfully.

      The ice rink?

TAKING DAICHI TO THE ICE RINK was something Minako intended to do. To her, the rink was a special and sacred place, a happy spot where she refused to let negative and real things disrupt her fantasy. On the ice, she was capable and fierce and above everyone else. Everyone thinks they know who she is at school, that she's truly a coldhearted individual with no desire, no passion. But figure skating is the one thing she'll fight for, the one thing that she'll lay everything on the line for. Minako was happy with no one knowing about her secret, her other — and better — life, she wasn't bothered by people's opinions of her. She was proud of her accomplishments and the lengths she went for her career. But the twinge of embarrassment that lingered, the one thing that held her back from bellowing about her accomplishments was the one failure that sent her down a spiral she doesn't know how to recover from.

      But she wanted to show someone, anyone, this part of her life. Perhaps part of it was because she wanted to salvage what little happiness she received from the rink. Nowadays stepping on the ice was almost humiliating and terrifying. She is a former pair skater, trying to start anew with new resources and fresh starts to aid her in this confusing journey.

      "I don't know how to skate," is the first thing that came out of Daichi's mouth the minute they stepped inside the building. Daichi stood out like a sore thumb with his eyes darting to any and every moving thing and his tense stature making him resemble a lost child.

      "Good, guess that means I can show off," Minako joked as she leads them both to the bleachers. She nodded her head to the few skaters that walked past them and offered small greetings to the younger kids who excitedly waved at her. "What you lack in skating makes up for my lack of experience in volleyball."

      Daichi bit back his smile at Minako's cocky tone. 

      Everyone around them was stunning and not just in the physical way. Similar to Minako they oozed confidence and self-importance like nothing he's ever seen before. Some were dressed casually in athletic wear, but it emphasized their toned and muscular bodies. Others were in beautiful and eccentric garments Daichi only saw briefly in the Winter Olympics. It felt wrong to be in the rink, almost as though he was an outsider stepping into a forbidden and untouched oasis that was never meant to be discovered by the likes of him.

      Minako looked almost like him; Dressed in just their athletic clothes reserved for P.E. and practices with the name of their school adorned on the back, she looked every bit like the normal high schooler. No one took a second glance at her, they treated her as if she was one of their own.

      It must've been a funny sight for the workers when Minako walked up to the rental skate area and asked for skates in Daichi's size. What was even more embarrassing was when he sat down and Minako kneeled in front of him to tie his skates. His gaze focused on the jumbotron behind her and tried to focus on how one of the numbers looked more like a 0 rather than the 8 it was supposed to be.

      "It's weird, I know, but I'd rather you not fall because your skates are loose," Minako said as if she had read his mind. She got up and brushed her knees off before she stood in front of him with her hands settled on her waist. "Believe me, those falls are brutal."

      "I'm just not used to being in the skates," he lied.

      Minako snickered but didn't press on his awkwardness. She took a seat next to him and pulled out her own pair of skates from her bag. Daichi watched as she slipped them on and tied the laces quickly and efficiently. Her fingers weaved through the laces and had them hooked on.

      "You must skate often," Daichi noted in awe.

      The tops of her cheeks flush to pink as she stood up. She took the guards on her skates off and placed them in her bag as she began to stretch a bit.

      "Yeah, dad loves it so I just kinda grew up with it," she shrugged. A small smile appeared on her face as she stared at the skaters on the ice. Daichi can't recall ever seeing her at such peace. "It felt like another home, you know? Mom and Papa always struggled to get me off the ice, but I couldn't help it. This adrenaline kicks in. I can't explain it."

      "I get it."

      "Figure skaters look so beautiful when they're on the ice," Minako whispered, a tinge of bitterness hanging on the end of her sentence. Daichi almost missed it if it weren't for the slight drop of her lips. "There's this elegance, this confidence that they carry that no one else can replicate."

      "Well, lucky for you you've already gotten that down," Daichi replied almost instantaneously. Minako snapped her head to the side and stared at him in awe, but before could she get a word out Daichi stood to his feet. "C'mon, I thought we were going to go figure skating. For my sake let's just do this before I overthink too much."

      Minako snorted but stood up nevertheless.

      In many ways, Daichi resembled a fumbling toddler who's just taking their first steps in life. Unlike the other skaters he didn't glide nor did he have the confidence to actually push himself to try. Minako stood in front of him, smiling and nodding at him excitedly as she skated backward and encouraged Daichi to continue forward. Not once did she laugh at him nor did she make him feel smaller or incompetent.

      Daichi couldn't but stare at her as if she's some kind of goddess with the way she skated backward, occasionally crossing one foot over the other as she circled him. She glided effortlessly, not even needing to take a glance over her shoulder to watch her step. There was no fear, no hesitation in every move she made. The level of trust she has in herself, the confidence of knowing that she'll be alright on this slab of ice, it was all clear in her eyes.

      Just as Daichi took a step forward and lifted his back foot to follow, he stumbled forward. Closing his eyes and ready to plummet face-first onto the ice, he was caught off guard when hands grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him tight.

      Warmth.

      Hesitantly, he opened his eyes. Daichi had a faint idea of what happened and how he wasn't on the ice in pain. Minako held him firm and their bodies, only a mere inches away from one another, left little room for him to move. Her fast reflexes caught him just before his body weight took over and sent him to the ice. 

      His heart was racing at an incredible speed, but he wasn't sure if it was because of the adrenaline coursing through his body or because of how close they were standing. Suddenly everything felt heightened. Daichi could almost feel his heartbeat in his arms, pulsing in a rhythmic pattern that made time seem to slow down. The background noise of other skaters and their coaches yelling things out seemed muffled. And the bright, blinding white lights made the light flecks in Minako's eyes stand out.

      "Are you okay?" Minako asked, breaking the silence. She stepped back and released him from her hold. "You're not hurt, are you?"

      Daichi swallowed. "No, no, I'm good. I'm fine."

      Minako didn't look convinced, but she didn't argue back. Instead, she stepped backward and offered her hands out, palms facing upward. Daichi stared at her in confusion as she simply smiled in response. She rolled her eyes and stuck her hands out even further.

      "Hold my hands," she told him gently. Minako looked him in the eyes and gave him a nervous smile, unsure if she's overstepping any boundaries. 

      In a split second, she wasn't Kyoga's sister or the team manager or even this friend that he's forcing himself to see her as. No. She's just a beautiful girl standing in front of him skating with him. The realization struck him like nothing else. The thought fills his chest with so much warmth that he almost forgets how the tips of his fingers are so numb from the rink. Every memory committed to heart, every image of Minako from the past, every interaction suddenly repeats like a movie on slow-mo. The details seem fuller, more in-depth than what they once were, and even the bland and minuscule ideas that he once never blinked twice over now screamed in front of his face like blinking red lights.

      "Yeah, sure," he whispered as he places his hands on hers.

      Minako seemed to smile brighter when he did.

      She held onto him tighter and gave him a cheeky wink as she started to skate backward, moving side to side and glancing over her shoulder as she dragged him along. And even though there were skaters — all-around their age — doing these crazy tricks and jumps, Daichi couldn't see any of them. Minako faced him and giggled as she picked up the speed.

      "This is fun, right?" she asked him.

      Daichi smiled, "Yeah, yeah, it really is."

      I think I can see myself liking you, he thought to himself.

THIS ISN'T HER FIRST COMPETITION nor was it going to be her last. But that didn't make the nerve-wracking experience any less scary or easier for her. Minako would like to lie and say that she's managed to find a coping mechanism to help her throughout all of this or some kind of ritual to calm herself down as all the other skaters do. Truthfully none of that meditative bullshit ever helped. In fact, it only made her more angry and scared. It was fascinating that the one thing that made her feel beautiful like she was on top of the world, almost made her feel like a complete failure. Many would argue that that is a lie in itself, something wrapped in her own coil of insecurities to humble and force her to do her best at all cost. She had the awards, ribbons, and trophies to prove otherwise. But the little nagging voice in the back of her head never failed to bring out the worst in her.

      She just felt bad that Mathis had to bear the brunt of her temper.

      "Hey, we did amazing out there," Mathis told her as he followed her into their dressing room. He watched from the door as Minako threw aside the fake flower pinned in her bun and hastily began to take off the pins that secured her hair. "We got the third for the short program, Manon. That's something to be proud of."

      Minako spun around and stared at him in disbelief. He took in everything: the heartbroken expression on her face, the mascara-streaked cheeks, and the quivering of her full lips. How can someone so beautiful and so young look so sad?

      "But it's not enough," Minako croaked as she turned her back towards him once more. She stared at the vanity table, fingers clutching tightly on the edge for some kind of stability. "If we don't place high enough we can't move on and it's my fault — "

      "Hey, hey, hey," Mathis interrupted as he rushed towards her. He took her chin in his hand and forced her to look up at him. Giving her a small smile, he shook his head and wiped the stray tear that made its way down her porcelain cheek. "It's our first competition together, okay? Relax. We'll figure it all out. I don't know how you did things in Japan, but we're a team here, okay?"

      "But I'm letting you down and — "

      "You're not letting anyone down," Mathis insisted firmly. His thumbs ran over her cheeks, trying to keep her focused on that feeling rather than the nerves she felt. She hiccuped as she tried to bite back her tears. "Not me, not Anya, not anyone. We worked our butts off preparing our program. We got this. You and I both know that we're better than everyone else here, yeah? What do you have to be scared about?"

      "I don't want this to be over," Minako admitted in a small voice. She closed her eyes, refusing to look into his as if doing so would send her over the edge. And it might. "I — You're my partner and I love skating and I wanna keep doing this! I don't want people to think that I can't!"

      Mathis let go of her face and slid his hands down to her arms. He leaned forward and kissed the side of her head before he lowered his lips to her right ear.

      "I don't know who you're trying to prove yourself to other than me," he whispered gently, his words bordering on his usual casual self and humor, "But I want you to know that I think you're a damn good skater, Manon Clavette. You're going to change the world. We're going to change the world."

      "You don't understand," Minako breathed out as she tore herself from his grasp. She looked up at him, hands wringing tightly until her skin turned bright red. She shook her head and shuddered as she tried to keep herself from crying. "They're expecting this great, legendary junior skater! Basile's daughter, the Olympian's daughter! And you . . . you've made something of yourself in this world and I haven't. I don't want to fall behind."

      Mathis could only stare at her, trying to take in every grain in her word. They looked ridiculous in their costumes. Minako's overly pink, frilly dress making her resemble some kind of woodland fairy whereas he was dressed in something that made him resemble Adam from Beauty and the Beast. But there was no fairytale, no magical makeover or Fairy Grandmother to grant their wishes and make everything come true. Because to get that happy ending, they needed to fight for it to succeed in this story.

      The French boy sighed as he reached up, trying his best not to tug on his hair, but wanting some relief to free himself from this frustration. It wasn't frustration towards her feelings, but frustration over the situation itself.

      "The first day we met, I thought you are one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met," Mathis admitted. Minako furrowed her brows and he continued to smile as he recalled the memory. "I couldn't help but think 'Wow, she's beautiful. She's my partner? No way.' Then I was scared because pretty faces are a dime a dozen. But I saw you skate. Anyone with eyes could see how beautiful you look on the ice, that you belong here.

      "And I know you're here right now freaking out over these what if's but I'm not," Mathis continued. He stepped forward and reached for the hair tie that secured her bun before unraveling it. Dark ringlets of brown hair tumbled down and kissed her pale shoulders as he ran his hand through her hair. "Because you, Manon, are my partner. And I trust you. I've trusted you since the first day we practice and I trust you now. Do you trust me?"

      "Yes, I do."

     "Good. Because I'm not going to let you fall behind," he promised in a small voice. He cupped the back of her head and pressed his forehead against hers, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "We're going to go out there later and I want you to look in the crowd and realize that all eyes are on you. Not because they're waiting for you to fail or mess up. But because they know you're beautiful and that you're the best. You're always the best, got that?"

      "We're the best."

      "Yeah, we are. We're a team. And if you fall behind, I'll stay back with you. We can do this."

      "Are we . . .  are we enough?"

      "Of course we are."

A/N;

After a long, long time (almost three months) we finally got an update! Ah!

Sorry guys, life has just been hectic. I finished my sophomore year of college (yay me!) and I'm in the process of doing study abroad applications and just figuring things out, you know? I'm still working and because we're severely understaffed and in the summer season I'm basically working four or five days a week now for like eight hours which is tiring. And on my days off I mainly just sleep in or read which has been fun!

Little updates on me, because of reading I have a hockey addiction now (go figure) and I've spent way too much money on physical books right now! I'm almost trying to redecorate my room so that's been fun!

But I really wanted to give you guys a special update as a thank you for waiting for my sporadic updates. When I wrote this chapter it came from a place of wondering whether or not we can measure up to those around us, if life is this big race we're simply failing and everyone else is just watching us.

To which I say, enjoy your life. There's no race and no competitors to worry about. Life's too short to be worried about the pace you're living in. I'm so incredibly proud of you all for everything!

Once again, I'll be adding carrd links here!

Much Love Guys.

( written: june 18, 2021 )
( published: june 18, 2021 )