[episode 1.3]

September 11, 2009

I DIDN'T KNOW WHY, but I woke up that morning with an ache inside my chest that I couldn't place.

I knew I could likely blame it on the upsetting texts I'd received from Cale, but it felt like something more than that. It wasn't until I made it to school and was walking with Bonnie and Elena that I realized the ache might have been from the notable absence of Enzo in my morning routine that day.

Where was he when I was trying to decide whether I wanted to wear the leather jacket with my sundress or the platform sandals with my flaring pink pants?

I tried to pay attention to Bonnie and Elena as we drove to school, but Elena was talking about her updates with Stefan Salvatore, and I was struggling to maintain my enthusiasm over this boy talk. Caroline and I were usually Elena's cheerleaders in everything boys-related, but the fear building up inside my stomach was insistent, and I was struggling to get on board with this newest crush.

Apparently, so was Bonnie, and Elena was not happy to have someone pumping the breaks on her latest romantic venture.

"I'm not saying don't date the guy," Bonnie backtracked as we all got out. "I'm just saying take it slow."

I nodded in agreement, wincing when Elena looked at me with a look of betrayal I hadn't expected.

"You were the one who said to go for it," Elena said, sending accusatory looks Bonnie's way.

"Now I'm saying take it slow," Bonnie said with a forced nonchalance to her voice.

I raised my eyebrows curiously at this revelation. Where had this change of heart come from for her?

"Why are you making a face?" Elena laughed half-heartedly, seemingly undeterred by Bonnie's disapproval, but I could tell it bothered her deep down that Bonnie wasn't singing his praises too.

"I'm not making a face," Bonnie sighed. "You're single for the first time in your entire high school career. It's the perfect time to play the field."

Play the field? My eyebrows momentarily lifted in shock. That was definitely not Elena's game, even if we all knew she could have been that way if she wanted. Elena was chased after by many, but it took a lot to catch her eye in return.

"Oh," Elena laughed, "because I'm so that girl."

Bonnie stole a quick glance at me that unfortunately didn't escape Elena's notice.

"Seriously, what are you not saying?" she asked, grabbing onto Bonnie and making us both stop.

"It's stupid," Bonnie said.

The hair on my arms stood up. She wasn't going to possibly out my secret, right? She was closer to Elena than me certainly, but Bonnie had always been trustworthy. I hoped she would still be now.

Elena's tone turned to a warning. "Bonnie..."

"What?"

"Spit it out."

Bonnie refused to meet Elena's eyes and rushed out the words. "I accidentally touched Stefan, and I got a really bad feeling."

She shrugged nonchalantly, but when our eyes connected, I knew.

She believed me now. Fully, without a doubt.

"Is that it? Bonnie," Elena shook her head, voice infused with amusement.

"It was bad bad!" Bonnie said helplessly, stealing way too many glances at me for support to be subtle.

"Why are you looking at Margot like that? Don't tell me you don't like him either, Mar."

I cut a worried glance to Bonnie, warning her silently that all of this was far more dangerous than either of them realized. How was I supposed to know if me saying something would protect Elena or put her deeper in harm's way? Was the vervain in her food every day enough?

"Look, Elena, it's hard to explain," I rambled, busying myself with catching all my flyaway hairs to fix my ponytail. "You wouldn't believe me anyway, but I...the point is I agree with her."

Elena's face screwed up into a face that screamed frustrated confusion. I didn't want to leave her in the dark, but I had to find a way to tell her what I knew that wouldn't put her life at stake. Until I figured that out, she would have to deal with my cryptic comments.

"Is this the whole witch mojo thing again?" Elena asked, making light of the fact that our best friend was very likely an actual witch.

"We're just concerned," Bonnie added. "This is me expressing my concern about my best friend's new boyfriend."

"And I love you both for it, I do," Elena said with a frustrated smile, "but I feel good. It's been a hard year, and I'm starting to kind of feel like things are getting back to normal again. And you know what? Stefan is a big part of that."

Bonnie sighed and looked away. Elena had pulled out the trump card on her by referencing our dead parents, but she couldn't so easily use that excuse on me, and she knew it.

I lost them too.

Elena glanced at me, and I grimaced. I would always support Elena, but as her big sister, I also had a duty to protect her no matter what, and I feared Stefan was not the solution she thought he was.

"Good morning, Elena."

I jumped out of my skin as Stefan's voice picked up behind us. Subconsciously, my hand fell to the necklace full of vervain around my throat and fiddled with the long chain. It was redundant since I also consumed vervain, but it was sort of like a security blanket for me, which was likely why my hand fell to it now as a nervous tic.

Elena smiled brightly at her new boyfriend, and I tried to smile just as warmly, but my insides were crawling with unease.

"Good morning, Bonnie" —he smiled at us each in turn— "and Margot."

"Hey," Bonnie greeted hurriedly. "Um, I got to find Caroline. She's not answering her phone. So, I'll see you guys later."

Bonnie rushed off toward the school and ignored when Elena called after her.

I smiled awkwardly at Stefan and Elena and started walking backward toward the school too. "I should probably—" I jabbed a thumb over my shoulder. "Caroline is a busy girl. Best to have us both pan out and look for her."

Elena stared at me with eyes narrowed in disapproval, but I knew that my presence would only arouse more suspicion and thus more danger for my sister. So, with poorly restrained guilt eating me up inside, I fled the scene, leaving my sister alone with a killer for her own safety.

**********

"HEY, ELENA," I said, trudging down the stairs, out of it after a much needed nap that evening. "Who was at the door?"

Like a deer in headlights, I froze over at the sight of Stefan and Bonnie standing around the island in the kitchen awkwardly with an over-enthusiastic Elena serving them up plates of food. Bonnie didn't look too pleased about the situation, and Stefan looked awfully sheepish.

"You're just in time!" Elena said as soon as she glanced up at me. "Take a seat."

I backed up, glancing immediately toward the stairs. "Well, actually—"

"Sit down, Margot," Elena said, using that motherly voice she mostly used on Jeremy these days.

I sighed and slowly padded into the room, rubbing a tired hand over my face as I took my usual seat at the dining table. I kept tabs on Stefan in my periphery, bracing for any sudden movements that might put me in harm's way with the vampire.

"Are you okay, Mar?" Bonnie asked me quietly as the group took in my messy bun and disheveled pajamas. "Did you take a nap?"

"Yeah, not feeling the best," I said, cutting a quick look toward Elena. "I think I might be getting sick."

Bonnie nodded sympathetically. "Totally. I heard the other day that stress can, like, lower your immune system and stuff. Did you know that Margot and Elena have been through a lot this year, Stefan?"

I tensed, afraid to look at him. I didn't know how well he would take to her confrontational comment or the red rim around my eyes from crying myself to sleep earlier.

Enzo's silence and Caroline's absence from school had combined to make me very worried and very lonely in the midst of the Elena drama of the morning and the whispers that continued all day long, so I eventually broke down after school. I thought that if I took a nap, everything might not feel quite so bad when I woke up.

Somehow, however, things had gotten much worse.

"I did," Stefan said, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans. "I'm very sorry for their loss."

I finally met Stefan's eyes and found him already looking back at me. I smiled in thanks, thinking for a moment that maybe he wasn't all bad, even as my instincts told me that he was.

"Dinner is served!" Elena said, plopping two more plates of food down on the table. "I hope you all like it."

I chuckled in reply. "It's pasta, and you made it. Of course I'll love it, Lena."

She smiled sheepishly. "Thank you."

I noticed how Stefan watched the exchange between us curiously, as if trying to determine how close we were. Something about that rubbed me the wrong way.

Elena noticed the sudden quiet and turned toward Stefan. "So, did Tanner give you a hard time today?"

"Well, he let me on the team, so I must have done something right."

"Bonnie, you should have seen Stefan today," Elena gushed. "Tyler threw a ball right at him, and—"

"Yeah, I heard," Bonnie cut her off, biting tensely into her food.

Elena tried again, "Why don't you tell Stefan about your family?"

"Um, divorced. No mom. Live with my dad. And my half-sister lives in Chicago with her dad."

August. I met her a couple times over the years. She was very kind and protective over her little sister, but her life wasn't here in Mystic Falls, so Bonnie rarely saw her.

"No, about the witches," Elena corrected with an awkward laugh. "Bonnie's family has a lineage of witches. It's really cool."

"Cool isn't the word I'd use."

"Well, it's certainly interesting," Stefan said gently. "I'm not too versed, but I do know that there's a history of Celtic druids that migrated here in the 1800s."

"My family came by way of Salem," Bonnie said tightly.

"Really?" Stefan's eyes lit up with interest. "Salem witches?"

"Yeah."

"I would say that's pretty cool." Stefan grinned.

Bonnie's face opened up as she physically turned toward him. "Really? Why?"

"Salem witches are heroic examples of individualism and nonconformity," Stefan said.

"Yeah, they are." I saw the joy light up in Bonnie's eyes. So easily, she had already fallen for his charm.

As for me? I still had my walls up high and an arm wrapped around my stomach protectively. I hated how similar this dinner felt to that night, except this time, the roles were reversed, and I was in Jeremy's place.

Silently, I promised myself that I wouldn't let her out of my sight until Stefan was gone.

"Stefan, why don't you tell Margot about all the places you've been able to visit?" Elena suggested, not-so-subtly nodding her head toward me. "Margot dreams of living in a beach town one day."

Stefan smiled at her, and I watched my sister melt under his gaze. Under any other circumstances, I would have been delighted to see her reacting to a boyfriend with far more enthusiasm than she ever did with Matt, but today, it only made my walls rise up higher. I didn't like how attached she was because it meant he had even greater influence over my sister.

"Of course," he grinned and turned to me. "Beach towns are some of the most fun places to live. Do you have a particular town or part of the country in mind?"

I shook my head slowly. "Not really. I haven't been many places."

He nodded. "Well, I'd be happy to write up a list for you of some of my favorite options," he offered. "My parents were military, and we spent some time in the Carolinas, Florida, and even the west coast. I bet you'd like Florida though—there's a lot of bright colors, interesting people, and exciting things to try there."

My eyes lit up a little bit. "That sounds really cool actually."

His eyes glittered. "I'll try to write it up this weekend then."

"Thank you, no one has ever—" Suddenly, I realized how I was reacting just like Bonnie did and pulled back. "Uh, thank you."

He dipped his head at me, but I saw how the warmth in his eyes a moment ago had died down as well.

Then the doorbell rang.

"I wonder who that could be." Elena's eyebrows furrowed.

I quickly pushed back from the table with an eager smile. "I'll get it."

I hurried to the door, hopeful to get away from the group and whipped open the door without looking through the peephole first and instantly regretted it.

"Surprise!" Caroline cheered. "Bonnie said you were doing dinner, so we brought dessert."

"Hi, Margot," Damon smirked, looking me up and down. "Nice jammies."

I crossed my arms over my chest and backed up. "Oh, uh, sorry for the misunderstanding, I am sick actually," I lied, "so we'll have to resched—"

"Nonsense," Damon said, flinging an arm around Caroline's shoulders and smirking at her. "We aren't afraid of some germs, are we, sweetheart?"

"What are you doing here?" Stefan was suddenly right behind me, and my heart seized in my chest.

How had I found myself caught between two evils? How was I supposed to determine which was the lesser of the two?

"Waiting for Margot to invite me in," Damon smiled cheekily at him.

I slowly crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow. As if I would let him into my house.

I opened my mouth to tell him so, but Stefan beat me to it.

"No, no, no. He can't, uh," Stefan rushed out, "he can't stay. Can you, Damon?"

"Get in here," Caroline ground out from beside me once she stepped inside the house.

She seemed to rock forward slightly, as if planning to forcibly drag him inside, and I reacted out of fearful impulse. Without thinking at all about the consequences of my actions, I slammed the door right in his face.

Stefan, Caroline, and Elena all stared at me, mouth agape.

"Margot!" Elena exclaimed in horror. "What has gotten into you?"

When she reached for the door handle, I stepped in front of it. "No, Elena."

Stefan stared at me with that same look as earlier, like he was trying to read me. I was distracted by his look, so when Elena shoved me out of the way, it took me longer to recover, and I gasped as Elena whipped open the door and let him in.

"I'm so sorry about her," Elena said, shooting a furious look at me. "Please come in."

"It's okay. I know grief can put people on edge," he said, smiling pleasantly as he stepped into the house. "You have a beautiful home, Elena."

"Thank you."

I took a massive step back but kept an even stare trained on him. Stefan seemed to do the same. I wondered what that meant—if even another vampire feared him, how much danger had Elena put us all in?

And how could I have prevented this?