0. The Brief Fatherhood of Sirius Black

SIRIUS Black had never planned on being a father. To be a father would require him to settle down and that was the antithesis to what he was. And he was never going to have a child while his mother was still alive and kicking, not when she could make the child's life just as miserable as she had his. Save the baby-making for the future married couple, the group's only couple for that matter, James and Lily, and he'll just be the cool uncle. But it seemed fate had other plans for him. A brief fling with Marlene McKinnon turned into something a little more committed with the birth of his firstborn son.

He'd felt a great deal of both guilt and respect as he watched Marlene continue with school while pregnant. Potions made it easier than it might have been, but it certainly couldn't have been easy. She was going to have to be homeschooled for the rest of school, but she said she didn't mind. Sirius couldn't help there — nor did she want him to. Apparently everyone believed he lacked the discipline required for homeschooling.

His son was fortunately born early during the school year, before too much was missed or exams began looming. Right from birth, there was no denying his parentage. A head of dark hair and cheeky disposition caught Sirius's heart before he could stop it. Throughout the pregnancy, he had been adamant he didn't want to be a father; he would support Marlene where she needed, and that would be it. But, as he held his son in his arms, he couldn't stop the love from swelling in his heart. For the first time ever, Sirius wanted to be a father. He felt like a father.

"I was thinking about Elio for his name." Marlene commented as she watched the pair with a fond smile. Sirius hadn't even considered names yet, but the boy hadn't been a son to him until only seconds before. He'd been avoiding thinking about parenthood because it made him consider what sort of parent he would be. The dread that he would continue the cycle, become his own parents, was inescapable. Even if he swore black and blue that he would never follow in their footsteps, what if it was inevitable? What if he didn't realise he was doing it until it was too late? "It means sun."

That name seemed fitting. In the few minutes Sirius had known him, the boy had endured his entire world revolved around him. Sirius told Marlene as much, "It suits him."

The now named Elio let out a soft sigh as he fell asleep. It might be a cliche but, to Sirius, he really did look like an angel. Innocence personified, untouched by the harshness of life; no one had betrayed his trust yet, made him feel worthless and unloved, broken his heart. Sirius wouldn't be his first.

"If you're okay with it, I'd like to be his father — properly." Sirius said quietly as he looked from Elio to Marlene. The young woman's face broke out in a wide smile, a soft chuckle on her lips.

"We were wondering when you'd change your mind." Marlene answered, referring to their group of friends. This was news to Sirius who, so far, had only received reassurance in his decision. Perhaps they were only telling him what he wanted to hear. "James had started a bet."

Of course it was James. Sirius couldn't help but laugh, even if his friends had all been conspiring behind his back. He then regretted the loud noise when he remembered there was a sleeping baby in his arms. Fortunately Elio was undisturbed by the sound.

"Who won?"

"I think it was Remus. He thought you'd need to see the baby before you even accepted he was real." Sirius smiled at how well his friend knew him. It was almost concerningly well; was he such an open book, so easily predicted? "Anyway, you can be as much of a father as you'd like — I told you that. You can visit whenever you want, or he can alternate where he stays."

"But we stay just friends." Sirius clarified. One commitment at a time.

"Merlin, of course! I don't really have romantic feelings for you either." Marlene shook her head as she answered, the smile still on her lips. The other boy was glad he could talk so easily with her. It would be hell if she'd caught feelings or expected any more than he was from her. "I think my parents are a little upset I'm not rushing out to get married to you — but I don't think you'd be their first pick, either."

"Parents are strange. You can't win either way." Sirius wondered if his parents were aware of Elio. They had to be; Walburga always had an uncanny ability to know every bit of her son's business. Her spies were everywhere. He liked to think he escaped them when he moved out but, given so many were still studying at Hogwarts, there was no doubt they knew all about his one-night-stand baby. They'd be seething.

Little Elio, another unwitting rebellion in the face of his parents. Sirius could live with that.

Walburga made herself known a few days later, as the regal Black eagle delivered a letter to the Potter's signed in her careful script. Sirius took one look at it and threw it in the fire. He didn't even bother opening it. There was nothing she could possibly have to say that he would want to hear.

*

Avoiding Walburga soon proved impossible, as bad luck and fate would have it. Sirius had been out at Diagon Alley, running some errands for Remus while he dealt with a particularly bad full moon. It was his turn to look after Elio so the boy was sitting in the muggle sling Lily had bought for him, resting on his father's chest. It was surprisingly convenient, close, and comfortable — muggles really do create the most fantastic things. Elio seemed glad to be out and about, taking in his surroundings with wide eyes. At almost six months old, he was dangerously inquisitive. What little mobility he had would be used to investigate whatever was left in his reach. And when he wasn't investigating things, he was creating mischief and mayhem befitting of Sirius Black's son and the Marauders' godson.

It was as the boy was reaching for an unfortunately close tray of herbs that Walburga approached them. Sirius had, naturally, been distracted by trying to avoid a mess, keeping his son's hands far away from the herbs. His mother's entrance went unnoticed until she announced herself with a stern, "Sirius."

Any warmth that Sirius might have held instantly fled his body when he recognised the owner of the voice. He'd be hard pressed not to. Too many times had that woman called his name in disapproval, scolding him for the slightest thing. He didn't bother turning to look at her, but she didn't let that stop her. She simply moved so that she was in front of him, effectively blocking any forward escape in the process. Walburga looked exactly as Sirius remembered: a terrifying visage of harshness and madness, packaged into the flawless presentation of a Pureblood Lady.

"Is this the Black boy?" That had been an argument Sirius hadn't forgotten. He had insisted Elio take his mother's surname. He didn't want the boy to be burdened with the Black name. But McKinnon wanted him to have Sirius's surname. She had thought if there were more good Blacks, eventually the bad ones would be bred out. Treat them with their own medicine. Suffice to say, it was an argument he lost.

"This is my son." Sirius said stiffly, finally finding his voice. He was suddenly grateful for Elio's grip on his hand and the quiet, unsuspecting babbling. It was one small comfort in an otherwise uncomfortable situation. All Sirius wanted to do was run and hide Elio from his mother, to keep those prying eyes from scanning his son so critically. It felt as if she was dirtying him just by looking at him. Sirius had sworn he would protect Elio from people like her and yet here she was, the woman in the flesh. He felt like he'd failed.

"He looks healthy, strong." Sirius took that as approval from her. He hated how a piece of him lapped it up desperately, after everything. She had ingrained so deeply a need for her approval, and then starved him of it.

"It's amazing what having a child with someone other than your cousin does." Sirius responded in an effect to mask how the approval made him feel. He was pleased to see the polite mask crack just enough for a hint of the rage beneath to poke through. There was the mother Sirius knew and hated. Except, before it could spew forth in some venomous string of insults, she composed herself.

"I heard the McKinnon girl is the mother. Theirs is not an awful family." This approval felt worse. There was something unnatural about his mother almost approving of his choice in mothers. It was as if he'd fallen right into her trap, still playing the role she wanted from him. The McKinnons were pureblood, not quite as high ranking as the Blacks but certainly not as scandalous as a muggle. There had been a time where Sirius vowed he would only ever marry a muggle.

Elio chattered quietly as he held onto Sirius's hand, which was effectively keeping him from causing any other trouble while his father was distracted.

"Will you be teaching him of his heritage?"

"I'll be keeping him far from that." Sirius answered without hesitation. Elio might have bore the surname, but that didn't mean he had to carry any of the aspects of the Black family. Those would die with Sirius. Let Regulus worry about that.

"He's a member of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. He must know who he is." Walburga insisted, that intense fury returning. There was a ferocity burning in her eyes that brought a familiar sense of fear to the pit of her son's stomach. He knew he had two options: fight back or retreat, hiding from her anger. It was always the same two options. He always ran. He wanted to run now.

"You disowned me. I don't have to teach him anything about a family he doesn't belong to." Elio seemed to sense the change in tension, as his own mood began to drop. He grunted, shifting in the sling, and started to squirm. An excuse for an escape: if he didn't deal with Elio now, a tantrum was inevitable. The Black temper, though muted, definitely ran strong in the boy.

Rather than give her a chance to respond, Sirius turned on his heel and stalked off to the counter to pay for the herbs he'd managed to collect so far. He'd come back for the others later. Walburga called his name as he left, but he ignored her.

"Lady Black has already paid for your items." The shopkeeper informed Sirius as he went to pay. Unable to object, he snatched the bags and left in a huff. He took one small pleasure in knowing Walburga just bought a poor werewolf his herbs, something he was certain would have appalled her.

"Courtesy of my mother." Sirius said as he delivered the bags to Remus's rundown shack. The Potters had offered a room to Remus, as he barely had enough money to take care of himself, but the younger man had declined. He would bounce from shack to shack, job to job, until he hit a dry spell and had to begrudgingly return to them.

For the moment, he lay on the couch, nursing several new injuries. He grunted an indiscernible response as Sirius unpacked, not even opening his eyes. Once he'd put all the herbs away in barren cupboards, Sirius approached the couch. He sat on the edge and then, without warning, placed Elio on the werewolf's chest. The sudden weight took Remus by surprise; he opened his eyes, looking from Elio to Sirius in confusion.

"He wanted to say hi to Uncle Moony." Sirius explained, as Remus accepted he wasn't going to be able to free himself from the boy any time soon. A very careful hand gently rest against Elio, stabilising him as he rose and fell with Remus's breath. Remus was the one who held Elio the least, on account of his constant fear of hurting the boy. Having a baby in his arms seemed to fill him with anxiety, so Sirius had taken it upon himself to slowly desensitise the younger to it. It was slow progress, as nothing could convince Remus that he wouldn't harm him.

"Your mother?" Remus asked, finally digesting what Sirius had said earlier. His eyes fluttered shut briefly, but were quick to open when Elio let out a sudden, happy squeal.

"I bumped into her. She paid for your herbs."

"How did that go?" Sirius let out a heavy sigh as he rose to his feet again, unable to keep still as he recounted the earlier events.

"About as awful as you'd expect. She actually approved of Elio. Can you believe that?" Sirius then went on to regale the encounter with as much detail and drama as possible. Remus listened with light amusement, alternating between watching him pace and looking to Elio as the boy punctuated the story with his own nonsense input.

Later in the evening, James, Lily and Peter stopped by with dinner. They soon promptly discovered Remus's new house didn't have a table and all gathered on the couch to dig into the pasta Lily's mother had made. By then, Remus has gathered enough energy to sit up and shuffle around when needed, and Elio was starting to want to sleep. He fell asleep in the sling while the Marauders all chattered.

"You have to come home for Christmas," said James as he looked to Remus. He was starting that argument late, likely hoping the less time he gave Remus to think about it the less chance he had to overthink it. "I've already told Mother that you're coming."

"We'll all be there." Lily added. Peter nodded his head in agreement and Sirius being there was a given, as he was still living with them.

"Padfoot saw his mother today." Remus said in a clear effort to change the subject. At least his not arguing likely indicated he had already resigned himself to a Christmas at the Potters. It would be impossible to convince James otherwise anyway, especially if he had Lily's support.

"The bitch?!" James exclaimed suddenly.

At the same time, going unnoticed in the outburst, Peter asked, "What did she want?"

"James!" Lily's response was almost instantaneous, full of exasperation. She gestured at the baby still clinging to Sirius, "Elio is asleep."

"Oh. Sorry little Padfoot." James continued a little more quietly, ranting about how the woman should decide whether she wants to stay out of Sirius's life or not.

Later, however, he would be the cause of Elio's waking. He'd open the cupboard with the confidence of someone who's used to having a stable house, only for it to all come crashing down on him. The cupboard was an easy fix but, now that Elio was awake and aware of the company, the boy didn't want to go back to sleep. Sirius handed him off to James to reap the consequences of his racket. Neither James or Elio seemed to mind this arrangement, as it meant they could play zoomies — Lily referred to Elio as a rocket ship but only Remus understood that reference — all around the small house.

None of them particularly wanted to go home, so they all ended up camping out in Remus's small house. It was cramped and uncomfortable, but no one seemed to mind. If they did, they certainly didn't make any complaints beyond the obviously light-hearted, joking ones.

*

Elio's first birthday was, naturally, a rather large affair. Sirius wasn't going to let it be anything less. He'd spent the last week, barely being controlled by Lily and Marlene, as he put together the most extravagant party his funds would allow. It ended up being held at Marlene's parents house as, out of the two of them, she had the bigger house. Sirius had recently moved out of the Potters' home and into one of his own, a small house with a room for himself and Elio and then a spare in case Remus needed one, or anyone else chose to visit. Lily and James had gotten married recently and found a place in Godric's Hollow. Sirius had been their best man, Elio their ring boy.

Queen's Father to Son filled the room, coming from Sirius's cassette player. Sirius had made Elio a series of mixtapes for his birthday and planned to give the player to him. It was just one of many gifts he'd be getting today, as he'd spent most of the morning ripping through wrapping paper. The paper seemed to entertain him more than what was inside, as was currently the case with Remus's gift. Lily and James had got him a collection of muggle toys, James' parents had got a Baby's First Broomstick, Peter had bought him a little motorcycle helmet that definitely didn't fit him now but would once he was old enough to ride a motorbike with Sirius. Remus had clearly gotten Elio a book, one he had been concerned about all week. Work had been near impossible to find lately, as a rather prejudice wizard was now heading the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and had been running another fear campaign against werewolves. Very few wanted to employ a werewolf and those who did barely paid them.

"Da!" Elio cried, babbling on excitedly as he showed the bright coloured paper to the father who had placed the present in front of him. The old, well-loved children's book lay forgotten in his lap.

"Look what Uncle Moony got you." Sirius responded as he took the wrapping paper being offered to him, replacing it with the book. Elio pulled at the cover of the book, successfully managing to open it to the first page. A painting of a short man stomping on the ground underneath the title of 'Children's Fairytales' caught the boy's attention.

"It was Mum's favourite book — she used to read it to me all the time. Dad charmed the pictures to move. Apparently the still paintings unnerved him." Remus explained as he pulled at a tattered sleeve. Sirius was going to have to get him a new shirt for Christmas.

"What do we say to Uncle Moony?" Sirius asked Elio, who made a positive noise that sounded nothing like 'thanks'. With a chuckle, the older man pulled his son from the mess, resting him on his knee. "That's right. Thank you very much, Uncle Moony, we love our new book."

Remus laughed. That was good.

The song changed to something more upbeat and Sirius bounced Elio on his knee along to the beat. With presents unwrapped, Marlene and Lily went off to help Mrs. McKinnon with lunch, likely being harassed by an unhelpfully helpful James.

"Wormtail!" Sirius called out when he noticed his friend quietly stuck talking to Mr. McKinnon. Marlene's father wasn't a horrid person and Peter didn't seem uncomfortable, but he was capable of talking a man's ear off if he let him. And Peter would let him. Sirius thought he looked relieved to have a reason for escape. "It's your turn with the birthday boy."

Peter scurried over, quick to take Elio in his arms. The boy chattered excitedly to the older man, playing with the collar of his coat. Sirius watched as Peter took Elio over to the balloons, to play a rather tame game of bounce the balloon, before he turned his attention back to Remus. The younger man was already looking at him.

"The present was great, Moony. I don't know why you were so worried."

"It's just so old." Remus responded as he waved a hand at all the new, flashy toys Elio had been given. There was very little secondhand presents in the pile, with the exception of some McKinnon family heirlooms that his grandparents had given him. It was certainly enough to make someone self conscious.

"It's just loved." Sirius corrected. "Besides, barely anyone got him books. Someone has to think about his education."

"Or he might turn out as ill-read as his father." Remus joked, lightening up considerably. The older man shoved him lightly in response, unable to keep the laughter from his lips despite his attempts to fake insult.

"Peter, come in here and settle a debate!" James called from the kitchen. The younger was quick to comply, Elio in tow. There was the indiscernible sound of multiple voices passionately arguing their case, before James' rose above the rest again, "Elio is the birthday boy! His vote counts for two!"

"Want to see what's happening?" Sirius asked.

"I'm not sure I do..." Despite this, Remus still rose to his feet.

In the kitchen, James now had Elio, holding him almost protectively. The boy was quite gleefully destroying a chocolate cupcake in his arms. James' suit wasn't safe from the mess, but the older man didn't seem to mind. He was more preoccupied with ensuring the other three were aware Elio was on his side.

"Puddlemere is clearly the best Quidditch team. Isn't that right, Elio?" The boy cried out excitedly, in what James took as agreement. Elio clearly just found painting on the man's shirt with chocolate icing hilarious. "See!"

"Elio's never been to a Quidditch match! If he did, he'd know the Harpies are better." Marlene retorted, betrayed by her own son.

"Who mentioned Quidditch teams?" Remus muttered exasperatedly. It was an unspoken rule that teams should not be mentioned unless necessary, to avoid wars like these. From the looks of it, a quietly guilty Mrs. McKinnon wasn't aware of that rule.

"Elio, come here. You don't want any part in this." Sirius interrupted, taking his son from James. Before he could take the cupcake, Elio shoved a rather large piece into his mouth. Sirius couldn't help but sigh. "No one's going to be sleeping tonight."

"Pa!" Elio said in response, which only added fuel to James' fire. Sirius was certain the boy knew exactly what he was doing.

Fortunately, no one was killed in the great Quidditch debate of '78. Unfortunately, Elio had been given so much sugar in the bribery and sleep really was difficult. Elio's cake also ended up being a navy blue colour, courtesy of James. The boy didn't seem to mind — cake was cake and he was going to destroy it no matter the colour.

*

Sirius paused at the entrance of the Potters' living room, watching as his son played with the baby Harry Potter. While it was hard to tell what the baby was thinking sometimes, the pair had become fast friends as Elio attached himself to the boy like a brother. Play dates were a common occurrence as Elio would all but beg to see the Potters, along with his other uncles. It was because of that that Elio avoided a massacre.

If it had been one night earlier, Elio would have been sleeping at the McKinnons'. Instead, he was with Sirius, who naturally took him to the Potters for a group dinner. While they were all having dinner, Death Eaters interrupted the other family's dinner and killed them all. In only a few minutes, the boy had become the sole survivor to the McKinnon line. It was pure luck. If the Death Eaters had chosen a different day, he would have been amongst them. Sirius would have lost his son as well as his friend and family.

Lily was upstairs, away from the children, inconsolable. James was with her. It was up to Sirius to break the news to his son. He didn't know what to say. Elio was only four years old; a four year old shouldn't have to learn about death in this way. What if he said the wrong thing and traumatised the boy? Marlene would have known what to say.

When Elio noticed his father, his wide smile quickly dropped to concern. Sirius knew he had to say something, but the words caught in his throat. He was terrified. Instead, he lowered himself down and hugged the boy tightly. He couldn't shake the thought that Elio could have very easily been killed alongside his family. The Death Eaters wouldn't have hesitated. They just wanted to cause pain and suffering.

"Are you okay?" Elio asked quietly from within Sirius's arms.

"I–" Sirius hesitated again. Leaving Harry in his little crib, he picked up Elio and took him to the couch. The boy seemed to know a serious discussion was about to follow as he made himself comfortable and watched Sirius carefully. He was a good listener; he got that from Remus and Peter. Sirius could see their expressions within his own, clearly learnt from them. "Do you remember Grandpa Potter?"

Elio nodded his head.

"You know how we don't see him anymore?" Elio nodded again. Lily had explained Fleamont's death with more care than Sirius could ever hope for. Perhaps if he could lean on that, he might be less likely to say the wrong thing. "Well, Mummy had to go to the same place as him."

"Why?" Elio's tone told Sirius he didn't fully understand the gravity of this. It was too light, confused. What was it Lily had said when Fleamont died... Tell the truth? She had been as honest with Fleamont's death as possible, so that must be it.

"A, uh, bad man took her away." Elio didn't need to know the details, not yet. He was already aware that there were bad people out there — every child seemed aware they were growing up in a war. But he didn't need to live his life in fear. He was on four years old, for Merlin's sake.

"Will they take you away too?" Elio seemed to be starting to understand, at least enough to grow concerned.

"No, no, never. I'm never going to leave you." Sirius promised him. He only hoped he was never forced to break that promise. He'd ensure You-Know-Who rued the day he ever hurt Elio, if that came to be. "I love you."

"I love you too." Harry Potter gurgled in his crib. "We love you, Harry."

A few months later, Sirius found himself unwillingly handing Elio off to Remus as he prepared for one of the worst nights of the year. With his job being to act like a Secret Keeper, he couldn't afford to have his son with him overnight. Remus had wanted to be more involved but, fortunately, there weren't many roles required in their plan to protect the Potters. Instead, he stayed with Elio at Sirius's home while Sirius bunkered down in Remus's shack and they both waited for news of how the night had passed. It had been Dumbledore's decision for those arrangements. Sirius wasn't even speaking to Remus at this point.

They'd managed to determine that there was a spy amongst them, though who remained unknown. Remus had been spending less time with them; he struggled to meet Sirius' eye, avoiding him as much as possible. Something had changed. No one else believed Sirius when he claimed Remus might be the spy. Except Peter. Peter became his new constant companion, once he realised fighting with Remus meant he couldn't visit him whenever he felt like it.

He hoped Elio was okay. Say Remus was the traitor, who's to say he wouldn't decide to finish off the last of the McKinnon line, hit Sirius where it hurt most. Dumbledore had assured him that nothing would happen to his son, but how could he he sure? Dumbledore still trusted Remus.

Sirius hated waiting for things. It was especially worse when what he was waiting for was knowing whether or not his best friends were alive. There was very little to pass the time in Remus's home, only books and a radio Sirius had bought him for his birthday. Neither of these held his attention for long, as the stress overwhelmed his ability to focus and guilted him for idly reading while his friends could be fighting for their lives. The time ticked by slowly — Remus didn't even own a clock.

Finally the time came around to check on Peter. Sirius wasted little time moving to Peter's hiding place. It was there that his worst fears came to realisation. The place was empty. No matter how many times Sirius called Peter's name, no one responded. Peter was gone.

Sirius got back on his motorcycle and sped off to Godric's Hollow. His bike couldn't fly fast enough, even at its top speed. Every second in the sky allowed the dread to build and, by the time he'd made it to the Potters, he had already unwillingly accepted that his friends were dead. He knew, as he pushed open the door, what waited there for him.

He found James first, on the staircase. A look of determination and fear was frozen on his face, a reflection of his final moments. He had died protecting his family. Sirius didn't allow himself the moment to mourn, moving up into Harry's room. He was still clinging to the vain sliver of hope that maybe James had been successful, maybe Lily and Harry would still be alive. But Lily was lying on the floor, too; she was arranged as if she was sleeping, someone had taken care in her presentation. Was it to torment him? You-Know-Who wouldn't have felt guilt. He was a heartless monster. Unless it was Remus, coming to check on the scene of the crime after. Remus would have felt guilt.

Sirius was going to kill Remus.

By some pure miracle, Harry was still alive. The boy was sitting in his crib, completely unaware of his new orphan status. Pure relief filled Sirius as he collected his godson from the bed. He held him close to his chest, taking him from the house in case he became aware of what had occurred. Someone would come by soon, following the plan, and deal with the murders. Sirius couldn't bring himself to do it, let alone look at his dead friends. The image of their faces was already seared into his mind, threatening to push him over the edge. Instead he held himself together for Harry, sitting on the front porch with the boy.

Hagrid came by eventually, telling Sirius that Dumbledore was aware that something had gone wrong. The half-giant was barely holding it together as he approached the house. Through stammering and sobbing, he told Sirius he was here for Harry, under Dumbledore's orders. Sirius didn't want to let Harry go; he certainly didn't trust Dumbledore's judgement now. But Hagrid insisted and, after realising Peter was still missing, Sirius surrendered the boy to him.

"Take my motorcycle. I'm not going to need it." Sirius offered, not wanting to have to be stuck at those speeds while searching for the only friend that might still be alive. As Hagrid settled into the bike, Sirius disappeared with a crack and began chasing Peter's trail.

He found Peter on a city street, skittish and paranoid. His faith in his friend began to crack as he realised he was perfectly fine, unharmed, but he could hardly accept that his own misguided paranoia might have led to his friends' deaths.

"Wormtail, you're safe!" Sirius approached his friend, only to pause as the younger pointed a trembling finger at him.

"THERE HE IS — THERE'S THE TRAITOR!" Peter screamed and scrambled away from Sirius. "SIRIUS BLACK BETRAYED THE POTTERS!"

"What– Peter! I didn't betray them." The doubt was growing undeniable as his friend, who knew Sirius had no means of betraying the Potters, accused him of the very thing that would kill him to do. Peter continued to try and evade Sirius, incriminating him as he cried. "Peter, why are you doing this?"

"I won't go to Azkaban, Sirius. I can't. I wouldn't survive — th-they'd eat me alive. You know that." Peter answered in a lower voice, not loud enough for anyone else to overhear. "You'll be fine. You're Sirius Black, so tough and unbreakable. Better than me, pathetic Peter Pettigrew."

"Why, Peter? We were your friends..." Sirius couldn't deny Peter's involvement anymore.

"Only out of pity. I know you'd all just rather if I disappeared. You only made me the Secret Keeper because I was dispensable." Rage and guilt battled inside of Sirius. He wanted to make Peter suffer for betraying their trust, for killing the only people he'd considered family. Death wouldn't be enough. Azkaban really would suit him. But it also meant, if Peter was the traitor, then he had pushed Remus away for nothing. He had trusted the traitor, spit harmful insults at his friend, and placed the traitor in the perfect position to kill his friends. He was as guilty as Peter was. "The Dark Lord promised me power. He said I'd be remembered. He'd pull me from your shadows. But Harry defeated him and someone has to be punished for what happened tonight. I'm forgettable. No one will miss me. But everyone always notices you."

"You made me think Remus was the traitor."

"You did that, Sirius. I just agreed with you. You wouldn't hear anything against your theory, so it was easy convincing you Remus was the traitor." As much as he'd like to deny it, Peter was right. Sirius had been convinced Remus was the traitor before he had anyone agree with him. The validation just made it worse. "Lily and James were harder — they knew something I didn't about Remus, but they wouldn't tell. It didn't matter, though, because they trusted you. When you told them to make me the Secret Keeper, I couldn't believe my luck!"

"They trusted you! I trusted you. I've spent all evening worried sick you might be dead. You're just a cowardly traitor — I ought to..." Sirius advanced on the man, only for Peter to suddenly let out a bloodcurdlingly scream. Before Sirius could do anything, Peter drew his wand and the whole street exploded. It was only sheer luck — or, more likely, Peter's intention — that Sirius wasn't killed by the blast. He landed deep within the crater, too disoriented to even stop Peter. He wasn't even sure Peter was still alive. He had to be; Peter wouldn't just kill himself.

When he was finally able to get to his feet, he was able to survey the damage. There were other bodies nearby, likely dead. Peter was gone. He was quiet and crafty, so Sirius knew he was doomed. They'd all think he was the traitor, that he'd killed the Potters. Peter would be praised for standing up against the nasty, murderous Black, from a long line of awful Blacks.

Unwittingly, he'd continued the cycle; he'd become his parents, creating another generation of disappointment and betrayal. Elio would wake up and discover he wasn't going to see his father again, Remus would think all those accusations were just deflections. Maybe he really was the traitor. He'd certainly betrayed his son, his best friend.

Laughter bubbled up, uncontrollably. He'd lost. There was no getting out of this. For someone so insistent on his independence, he'd just been a puppet in Peter's awful plan. He was the traitor. When the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes arrived, Sirius was still laughing, though it felt like crying to him. He couldn't stop it.

He'd understand if Elio and Remus never forgave him. He certainly couldn't forgive himself.

AUTHOR'S NOTE
Don't normally write anything to do with the Marauders so there's been a whole heap of new names for me to second guess my abilities to spell. I know I can spell them but boy that doesn't stop me or autocorrect from questioning that

I'm currently undecided as to whether I wanna give Remus raising Elio an extended part or just something similar to this, so if you wanna weigh in on that while I'm writing it up & figuring it out, feel free to. I probably have enough events to do either, unless I'm under/overestimating just how many I have