A cooling breeze from the setting summer sun sent a shiver through me and pulled me back to the reality of my surroundings. I was not a teenager; I was twenty-five. I shook the cobwebs of my memories from my brain and pulled the door open. I felt the music's bass before I heard the song; it rattled my already distracted mind. Desperate to escape the pounding, I headed to the bathroom. As I gazed at myself in the mirror, I realized that Jake Miller was a drug, and I was currently detoxing. I stared at my own sunken eyes as I recalled the first time I tried to dispel Jake from my heart.

It was that first semester of my Freshman year of high school; one song and a curt brush-off had bruised what I had been so confident was impossible to injure: my love for Jake. One look at Will giving me a ride to school, and Jake was equally as happy avoiding me. And so began two months of Jake detox. It hadn't been that bad; I had Will to distract me, but as Thanksgiving approached, I knew I would be tested.

We always spent holidays with the Millers; that Thanksgiving was no different. I was dreading it, Ana was obsessed with it, and Will was trying to pretend none of it bothered him. It did worry Will, though, and it presented by him being a royal jerk. So, as if by design, just before Jake was to be thrust back into my life, Will and I broke up.

I should have been heartbroken. Will had been my first boyfriend, and I had loved it like everyone loves their first experience with love. But my mind could not rest on Will, Jake was coming, and my heart was beating stronger with every passing day. I usually dressed up for Thanksgiving dinner, but to avoid any impression that I was trying to impress Jake, I opted for jeans and a plain old grey sweatshirt.

I heard the voices of the Millers echoing up the stairwell to my room. In avoiding Jake, I had also been avoiding Beth. Hearing her voice cause tears to prick my eyes. I bounded down the stairs to her and threw my arms around her in a hug.

"Where have you been, Jen? We live right next door, and I feel like I haven't seen you in months?" Beth chided.

"I know, high school is kicking my ass," I covered. "Have you lost weight?"

Beth's frame seemed even slighter than usual.

"Oh, just a couple pounds with all the hustle of the holidays," she tossed back to me casually with one of her electric smiles. "We have to catch up. I want to hear all about your first semester."

"Of course!" I gave her an extra-wide smile, and in an apparent maneuver to avoid Jake entirely, I did a complete 180 degree turn to my mom. "Mom, do you need help with anything?"

There was a moment of surprise from my mom at my offer before she regained herself with an "always! Jake, you come too; I have a few platters above the fridge that I could use your height for."

I grumbled to myself that my mom was oblivious to me avoiding Jake and followed them both down the hallway to the kitchen.

"So, how is Shelly," my mom ask him casually.

"We broke up again. I think it will probably stick this time," Jake's voice came lower, more like a man's voice.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Must be going around; Jen and Will broke up just last week." I both wanted to die of embarrassment for my mom talking about my dating life, but I also needed to know Jake's response.

"Yeah, Freshmen; they break up and get back together between periods," he said casually.

My head spun. How dare he? He was only two years older than me. It was not like he had some deep level of maturity that had escaped me. From everything I read, girls matured faster than boys. In many ways, I was the more mature one, if those ways included obsessing over your neighbor like a pathetic stalker.

"Oh, I meant to get the good silver from the garage. Jen, can you start setting the table. Jake, I need the platters in the cupboard above the fridge."

"On it," Jake said with an easy smile.

I said nothing; I could say nothing. My throat went dry as I was headed to the kitchen alone with Jake. I knew I wouldn't be able to resist, and sure enough, as he stretched to get the platters from the cupboard above the fridge, my eyes lingered on his back as his button-down pulled taut across his shoulders. Was it possible that he had gotten hotter? It seemed possible. Just as he dropped to his heels, I dropped my eyes and busied myself with the plates.

"Hey, Nif," his tone was flat. There was no hint of him missing me nor him teasing me for being so silly over a minor slight after he played me a beautiful song. "Sorry to hear about you and Will."

"Mmhmm," I tried to sound absent. "Sorry about you and Shelly."

"No, you aren't," the tease filled his voice.

"Well, you aren't sorry about Will, so I guess we are both liars." I picked up the plates and stormed out.

Beth was in the dining room, dusting off the wine glasses.

"Hey, you," she smiled as I enter, seemingly oblivious to my storm.

"Hey," my entire being relaxed at being in her calming presence.

"So, how is high school?"

"The same as middle school, only more crowded," I shrugged.

She let out a laugh. "Sounds like an accurate description." As she spoke, she took a couple of plates from my stack and began to help. "I haven't seen you and Jake hanging out much."

"No, he's far too mature for me," my words dripped with childish sarcasm.

"Oh no, what did he do?" Beth sat down in a chair and began to fold napkins.

"Ugh, he thinks he is so mature. It's like he thinks he is my dad and can just boss me around."

"He bosses because he cares." Her words came softly. "He's not as strong as he pretends. I'm certain he needs you more than you need him." Her tone was somber as she spoke. A parent wishing her son would slow down and stay her baby.

"He's made it very clear that he does not need me," I shook my head to myself.

"Jen," Beth grasped my hand. Her mouth dropped open to begin to say something but then closed as she changed the direction of her thoughts. "Do you remember when we first moved to the lake?"

"Of course, I was so excited to have you here all the time." I smiled at the fond memory.

"You were," she smiled softly. "Jake was less than enthused."

"Oh, I remember. I tried to get him to come out to the lake every day, and he always told me to go away."

"Not always; remember the last day?"

I did remember the last fleeting day of summer before school started. I didn't have high hopes for him agreeing. I had banged on his door every day trying to get him to come out and play, but he always responded with a "go away."

That last day didn't seem different. I banged on the door and called out to him. "Come on, Jake. It's the last day of summer. You have to come out!"

"Why? Why do I have to come out, Nif?"

From the volume and direction of his voice, I was sure he was lying on his bed.

"Because it's the last day of summer!" I argued. "I'm coming in. If nothing else, I want to make sure you haven't grown into your bed."

I barged into the door to find Jake sprawled across his bed, tossing a football into the air.

"That can happen, you know," I added as though he had been a willing participant in the conversation. "I saw it in one of Ari's magazines. A guy in Demark stayed in bed for so long; he became attached to it."

"Nif, nothing in those magazines is true." He didn't look at me as he spoke.

"Probably not, but they are kind of fun to read," I shrugged as I flopped down on his bed. "You can tell me to go away," I added.

Jake caught the football midair and tucked it next to him before moving his gaze to me.

"No, you're right. It's the last day of summer; let's hit the dock."

"Really?" I didn't bother to temper my excitement; Jake would have seen through it anyway.

"Hey, we live on a lake, might as well enjoy it."

And like that, Jake was out of his room. His days-long sulk ended with us splashing in inner tubes all afternoon. It is still among my favorite memories of my childhood.

Beth could see the memory flashing through my mind before she added, "try to reconnect with him. Bonds like you too have are too precious to break." Her eyes glistened from the threat of tears. I had never seen Beth so candid.

"Okay., I would have agreed to anything that Beth asked of me, "I'll go apologize."

"Thanks, Jen. I know he has missed you."

I found Jake in the kitchen helping my mom cut up vegetables for the salad. Their heads were bent towards each other as they spoke in low murmurs I couldn't hear. He looked older, like an adult.

"Jake, can I talk to you for a minute?" I cringed at my voice; it felt so childlike.

He turned and looked at me for a moment, caught off guard from my arrival as his mind tried to switch from whatever he and my mom had been discussing.

"Sure," he slid off the stool and followed me to the basement.

We had spent so many hours in the basement playing video games, watching movies, making tent forts. It felt different now; Jake's presence felt different.

"I'm sorry," I said flatly.

Jake let out a laugh as he gazed down at me. "What are you sorry for, Nif?"

"I don't know; avoiding you," I shrugged.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" There was a tease in his eyes.

"Because you were such a jerk about Will." It seemed fair enough.

"I feel like you started to avoid me weeks before you and Will got back together."

Crap, he was good at timelines. "Yeah, but we wouldn't have gotten back together if I allowed you always to be hovering." And then, for good measure, I added, "it's like you're in love with me or something."

Without hesitation, he dipped his face lower, so it was close to mine, "maybe I am. Maybe I can't control myself around you."

"What?" The word came out on a shallow breath.

"Or maybe I know that you are hopeless and will swoon over any guy that even looks at you." He stood up tall again, satisfied that he had proven his point.

"Jake Miller, you are the biggest ass in the existence of the world!"

"In the existence of the world? Do I get a trophy?"

He made my blood boil. "Gah," I grumbled before beginning another storm away from him.

"Wait." I didn't have a choice; in an easy movement, he had one arm around my waist, making it impossible for me to take another step away. "I'm sorry, Nif. I was just trying to prove a point." His words came out with a sigh. "Just because a boy likes you doesn't mean you have to like him back."

"Duh," I said, annoyed. "I'm not an idiot."

"So, you liked Will?"

"Yes," I said as I struggled from his grip.

He gave me a know-it-all look that made me want to slap him.

"And you liked Shelly?" I shot back at him.

He let out a sigh. "I don't want to fight with you, Nifer. Can we just call a truce and try to at least be neighborly?"

My stubborn streak was rearing, but a small voice inside me, Beth's voice, reminded me that he was not as strong as he pretended.

"Fine, friends."

"Great," Jake curtly nodded as he let his hand fall away from my waist and lay gently on the small of my back as he ushered me back upstairs.

My first Jake Miller detox was ruined. We weren't as close as we had been, but we were friends, and I was still undeniably in love with him. Jake made an effort to be less critical of my suitors, and I made an effort not to be childishly annoyed that my love for him was unrequited. I should have known then that I would never be able to walk away from Jake; he would have to walk away from me. I should have started to prepare myself for when he stood at the end of a flower petaled aisle waiting for someone other than me. If I had, I probably wouldn't be staring at my reflection in a bathroom mirror of a generic wedding venue while YMCA blasted outside the door.