"I'd love it if
we made it."

Maria was throwing a New Year's Eve party at her parent's cabin. She somehow convinced me over the phone to come to the party, especially because, as she put it, I was leaving for home tomorrow.

I never looked forward to parties. But this one I was actually a little eager for. After all, this was my last night in Oak Valley. A party sounded a heck lot better than constantly thinking about tomorrow and how badly I'd miss everyone here when I leave.

"You should visit again, you know," Luce spoke up over the soft music that was playing from her portable speakers, the ones that I had placed on my dresser. We were having a normal evening together. She was folding up my clothes and helping me pack my bags.

"Now that you're leaving," She added. "I'm starting to realize that I sure as heck don't like living alone here."

I chuckled at that. "You can move in with Jim?"

She gave me an eye roll.

"Don't worry." I waved her off, picking up one of my sweaters. "I'm coming here again as soon as my college year ends. I'll just need to get a job or two. I'll maybe even babysit Drax if that means coming here again."

And maybe I'll get to meet Alastair too, when I come here next time.

We didn't even say goodbye, I thought as I folded my sweater. That night at the lake, things had ended just like that. I didn't want to believe that that was a goodbye, so I didn't say it. Alastair didn't either.

And then he left for Knightsridge the next day. It was Maria who told me that when she invited me to her party, not him. And perhaps that was for the best. I never knew how to handle goodbyes. They were awful.

"The annoying kid next door?" Luce asked, laughing.

"Yeah." I rolled my eyes before flopping down on my bed, looking up at the plain ceiling. "Maybe we can decorate this room a little more when I come here the next time."

I saw Luce giving me a smile. I was starting to have that familiar feeling, the one that I got whenever one of my favorite TV shows was about to end, the sadness of leaving things behind.

But that is just how life is, I told myself. You meet new people, you experience new things, you love them, and then you let them go. Because that was inevitable and there's nothing you could do about it.

"Maybe I'll bring some glow-in-the-dark stars for here next time," I murmured, still staring up at the ceiling.

"I'll make sure to remind you if you forget," Luce promised.

I smiled and closed my eyes, exhaling a small sigh.

I wasn't ready to go.

Then the doorbell rang and I opened my eyes, looking over at Luce.

"I'll take that," I told her.

When I opened the door, it was Jim, cozied up with layers and layers of jackets for the last day of December. Also, as he held up three boxes of pizza in one hand and a giant cake in the other one, I saw the remnants of snow on his shoulders.

"Are we having a party?" I asked him with a laugh, letting him in.

"If you mean your last night in Oak Valley, then yes." He wiggled his brows before coming inside.

It turned out to be a nice evening. Even Nadia came by for a little while, along with Mrs. Hutchins and Rowan from next door, to join us for the small pizza party. It was so sweet of them and it made me want to cry. They were having this little party because of me, because I mattered to them, and that should've made me happy. Instead, it just made me feel sad, because how was I supposed to leave now?

At least I got to meet them all.

All in all, it was a perfect evening.

When night came by, I started stressing over what to wear for Maria's party. Then I started making up stupid, desperate excuses to not go.

It would be foolish to go to a party so late at night, I told myself. Foolish because I had a flight tomorrow morning. What if I did not wake up? What if I missed it?

Wouldn't be so bad if I missed it, I thought.

Luce told me to shut up despite the fact that she lowkey enjoyed seeing me like this.

"It's just a New Year's party." Luce rolled her eyes at me. "Wear something casual."

I decided to wear my red flannel shirt over a white top and some jeans, at the very last moment, which might have been too casual but I honestly couldn't care less. Flannels were cozy. I needed cozy for tonight.

Maria called me twice, asking where I was before I reached anywhere near her cabin, which was surprisingly situated on top of an isolated hilly area. It felt peaceful despite the loud music buzzing from the wooden walls of the cabin.

Luce told me to call her if things got out of hand, which was pretty obvious since when did things never get out of hand at parties like such?

Still, I told her not to worry as I got out of her car.

Maria met me on the porch of her giant family cabin, which looked just as big as a house, before dragging me inside.

"I thought you weren't coming." She told me before handing me a solo cup filled with what I hoped was just Coke. "It would have sucked if both of you hadn't come tonight."

I took a small sip from the cup and was glad when it did taste like just Coke.

"Both?"

"You and Al." She smiled sadly. "I always spend New Year's Eve with him, you know. And now, well, he's not in town so..."

I nodded, looking around the tiny lounge. It was almost filled with teenagers just about my age. Probably from her college, I realized.

"So he left days ago?" I asked her.

She nodded. "Yeah. That's what they told me."

"Alas didn't tell you himself?" I frowned just a little, before taking another huge sip of the Coke, grimacing at the burning taste. Fun fact: taking huge sips of sodas wasn't really my thing.

"No," she said. "His mom told me."

Of course she did, I thought.

The clock ticked by like that as Maria dragged me from one friend group to another, introducing me to loads of new people. I remembered the names. Well, most of them. I remembered a Jessie, and a Genevieve, and a Zeke, but I didn't really remember their faces.

Luce texted me twice in the meantime, in her motherly protective way, wanting to know if everything was going fine. I told her it was.

There was one point when the clock struck midnight, with loud excited cheers all around me, and then those colorful fireworks outside. I saw them because I was out on the porch, just like most of the people who had been inside the cabin few seconds ago, feeling a little happy and exhilarated as beautiful colors burst across the sky.

Not as beautiful as the northern lights, I thought, but still beautiful.

I smiled at that thought, remembering all those tiny details about that night with Alastair. Those beautiful northern lights. And his breathtaking smile.

I didn't have any pictures of that night. But I had it in my head. The memory was as vivid as a picture in front of me.

When the fireworks went out and most of the people started retreating back inside the cabin, to make out or to pass out, I managed to step away from Maria--who was also not surprisingly tongue-locked with some girl (who I'm pretty sure was the Genevieve she had introduced me to earlier)--and settled on the empty porch stairs, looking down the dark hill.

It wasn't really dark out here. There were no trees around us to hide the pretty night sky, with thousands of stars glittering around the moon.

I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned forward against my pulled-up knees. It was cold out here and I wanted to go back inside to fetch the jacket that I had taken off earlier. But I didn't get up. I wanted some time alone, even if that wasn't what I came here to this party for.

Out here, the music from inside the cabin wasn't as loud. Everyone had gone inside by the time I rested my forehead on my knees, sighing heavily. And then I was humming along to a soft tune of my own, which didn't take me too long to recognize as the one I had heard on that cassette I got in the mail, the one Alastair had played on the piano.

It reminded me of him. And I missed him so much at that moment.

"You're a fan." Someone spoke from right behind me.

I nearly jumped in surprise and turned around. And then my eyes widened, even more when I realized who it was. I was momentarily stunned into silence.

"Alas," I whispered in shock, my brows slowly furrowing. "What...What are you doing here?"

He took his time to reply, stepping out of the shadows and slowly, carefully, sitting down beside me.

How was he here, I wondered.

"I like when you sing." He told me, which wasn't the answer I needed.

"I was just humming." I corrected him on instinct, because my singing voice was shit. "Wait, why did you avoid my--"

"Which is a part of singing." He cut me off, with that slight tilt of his head when he looked at me. The small smile tugging on one corner of his lips made me shut up. I could just stare.

"That doesn't answer my question," I said slowly, still staring. Was I, by any chance, hallucinating?

Alastair shrugged and turned his gaze towards the hill ahead.

"You're leaving tomorrow." He finally answered.

"And that's why you came back here from Knightsridge?" I asked him in disbelief.

He raked a hand through his hair, his arm softly touching my own. My breath hitched a little.

"I wanted to see you one last time."

One last time.

It made my heart race in an upsetting way. "One last time?"

He shrugged again and I couldn't help but frown. Something seemed a little off about him, something a little too nonchalant. Or maybe a little too strange. He didn't seem like the Alastair I had seen back at the lake, days ago, the one who looked so torn, the one who had been giving up on us.

"Alas--" I started.

But once again, he cut me off.

"Everyone's dancing inside." He looked at me and there was this glint in his eyes, an almost childish glint. "Do you maybe wanna have a dance with me?"

I blinked in surprise. "Does Maria know you're here?"

"Does she have to know?" He was smiling.

I didn't smile back at him, not even when my heart started racing when I saw him smiling, like every other time. God, he was just so beautiful.

"Alas," I whispered. "What's going on?"

Why are you here? I wanted to know. Why are you really here right now?

"I don't know, Ophelia." He replied in that same soft voice of his. "I think what's happening right now...is that I'm asking you for a dance."

I inhaled sharply. "You aren't supposed to be here. You...you're supposed to be in Knightsridge. You told me. Your aunt said that you left! What...how are you here?"

Perhaps I was finally losing it. Was it even possible to make up such real scenarios in your head?

"I wanted to see you, Ophelia." He murmured slowly, almost as if he wanted to let me know that he wasn't making it all up. "I came here to see you."

"But--"

"So, are you having this dance with me or am I supposed to go inside and ask someone else for it?" He cut me off, something he was doing a lot right now, and raised his brows with that stupid, beautiful smile. "You know it'll break my heart to have a dance with someone who's not as beautiful as you."

I blinked at him. Twice.

"I suck at dancing." Was what I said.

"I'm pretty sure that's what everybody says."

"No. For real." I frowned. "I don't know how people slow-dance."

He stood up then before coming right in front of me. I had to look up at him since I was still sitting, watching as he extended his hand towards me. He was wearing a black buttoned-up shirt, rolled up till his forearms, with the same dark-colored jeans--a color that made his eyes look brighter than usual.

"Alas," I shook my head, my gaze momentarily drifting down to the familiar tattoo on his arm. "You don't want me as a dance partner. I'm serious."

"That's where you're wrong." He passed me a soft, teasing grin, his hand still outstretched towards me. "I'll always want you, Ophelia."

It was stupid of me to think that I could say no to him, even with that smile of his.

The next moment, I was gripping his hand, letting him pull me up from the porch stairs before he started pulling me across the empty hill. Like I said, stupid.

We stopped right below the moon. He looked devastatingly handsome under the moonlight, even more breathtaking than the glittering town lights from up there.

We were on the top of the hill.

"We'll have to do with that." He smiled down at me, nudging his head towards the cabin's direction and the soft music playing from inside.

I smiled back at him this time, because how was this not supposed to be real? He felt too real.

"So you came here from Knightsridge." I started, settling my hands on his shoulders, near his neck, as his hands rested lightly around my waist, pulling me a little closer. "Just to have a dance with me?"

"Sapphire moonlight

We danced for hours in the sand

Tequila sunrise

Her body fit right in my hands, la la la."

"Yeah." He replied. "I realized that we never really had a chance for this. A slow dance."

My smile widened a little and I linked my hands around his neck. It felt like that night at the lake, that night of us almost giving up on each other never happened.

"I think that's because I don't like dancing," I told him in a murmur. "I don't even think I danced at my prom."

"That sucks." He breathed out a small laugh and pulled me closer, all until my forehead was against his shoulder, and his arms were around me, and we were close and swaying slightly along with the music.

I liked this. I loved this.

I pressed my whole face against his shoulder, inhaling deeply. I could feel a lump slowly forming in my throat and I didn't know if it was because of the sadness I felt at that moment, or the overwhelming happiness that he was here right now--even when he wasn't supposed to be.

This was a strange feeling, a kind of strange that I loved so much. I found myself recalling all those days and all those memories that I spent with him. All those little moments. All those times that he made me feel myself, truly myself, and happy, and safe, and all those other emotions I was sure weren't really meant for me. All those times when I felt like the luckiest person in the entire universe.

It felt magical.

"Ooh, I should be running

Ooh, you keep me coming for ya."

The song ended but we still kept dancing. And I wished I could somehow freeze this moment forever. I wanted to keep this forever, even if it took everything else from me.

Just not him. I wanted him.

"Alas?" I spoke softly as another song started playing from inside the cabin, way too loud since we could still hear it out here.

"Yeah?" He asked, his hand softly trailing up my back, pulling me even closer.

I waited for a few seconds, blinking against his shoulder before exhaling slowly.

"I think...I think I love you." I said.

It felt like everything stilled for the next few seconds, but perhaps that was just my head.

But then Alastair seemed to stiffen, probably in surprise, his hands falling still around me. I pulled away a little and looked up at him. He looked surprised, just as much as I felt at that moment, for saying those words that I never thought I'd be saying out loud.

None of us said anything for a while, just stared at each other. I didn't know what else to say.

Maybe this wasn't the right time to say it, I thought. Not when I was leaving tomorrow. But leaving without telling him, that might've forever ruined me from the inside. He was here because of me. He wasn't in Knightsridge right now. Wasn't this my only chance left to tell him how much he really meant to me?

"Do you really mean that?" He asked me after a while, his eyes on me, not moving at all.

I opened my mouth then closed it shut, swallowing.

"Y-Yeah. Yes." And then I was nodding. Desperately. Because it felt like everything might slip away if I didn't somehow make him believe me.

"It took me so long to realize, Alas." I smiled up at him, feeling tears clouding over my vision. I didn't even care if I started crying right now. Because God, it felt so good to finally say this to him.

"I love you," I said. "I think...I've loved you for a long time. I just didn't know what to call it. I was afraid to call it love. Because...you know."

My voice broke a little and I sniffed, feeling my nose getting a little runny. This was probably the worst love confession of all time, with how I was blabbering and maybe even crying like the mess I was.

"You're everything to me, Alas." My voice fell down to a whisper, my eyes darting across his face. "You make me so happy. You make me feel safe. And it really hurts to even think about letting you go. It scares me because...it might ruin me. And you told me not to destroy myself over this, over what we have, but I can't, Alas. You mean too much to me."

He was just staring at me, looking surprised, listening silently.

And it was just my loud heartbeat then, racing in my ears. Everything else felt blank. Just that and the look in his eyes--the raw surprised look in his eyes.

"I want you, Alas," I whispered, repeating the same words he had said to me after that date he took me on, after the first day we ice skated together. And I meant it just as much as he had meant it that night in his car. "I want you more than any other thing in my life."

In just a blink of an eye, he had his hands cupping either side of my face, his lips pressing against my own, and he was kissing me. I kissed him back. Because this was what love felt like. Love, that I was so hell-bent on believing didn't exist for me.

When he pulled away, just a little, he had this soft smile on his lips, and all the happiness I felt at that moment was in his eyes. I could see it in his eyes. A warm feeling slowly grew inside my chest when I saw it, the happy, genuine love in his eyes. It made me feel breathless.

"I wasn't expecting this when I decided to come here." He told me, his thumb softly stroking along my cheek, leaving a trail of his warmth.

I laughed and it sounded more like a sob.

"Will you say it again?" He asked in a whisper, still staring at me. "That you love me?"

"I love you." I heard my voice breaking and then he was kissing me again. I think I was crying, I don't really know. "I love you, Alas."

And then he pulled me into his arms, holding me so close to him, not letting go.

"I love you too, baby." He whispered in my hair, soft and gentle. "I'll keep loving you. I'll keep loving you 'til I live. I promise."

I'll hold onto that promise. I'll hold onto it forever.

I wrapped my arms around his torso, leaning my head against him and closing my eyes. I felt at peace. After so long, it felt like I could finally breathe as I stood there with him, under the bright moon, listening to my heart falling into rhythm with his.

"Is this a goodbye?" I asked him in a small, quiet whisper.

He tightened his arms around me just a bit more, and maybe I just imagined his shoulders tensing a bit at my question--as if he wasn't sure how to answer.

"No, not a goodbye." He whispered under his breath, almost as if he didn't want me to hear. "You gave me too much, Ophelia. I don't think I can let this be our goodbye."