" 'cause you were romeo,
I was a scarlet letter."

That night (near midnight) when I couldn't fall asleep, I got out of my room and padded across the dark corridor. Then I sat down at the top first step of the stairs and Mum and Dad's hushed, angry whispers trailed into my ears.

They were fighting again. And I don't know why I was out here listening to them arguing when I always spent these cruel few moments curled up on my bed, trying to smother their voices with my pillow.

Maybe, I thought. Maybe I was trying to move past it.

I took out my phone after a little while and typed Alastair a text. Strangely, I didn't think twice before texting him. Maybe today had brought out some normalcy between us after all.

Me: can't sleep.

He, surprisingly, messaged me back right away.

Alastair: tough day?

Night too, I wanted to add. But I didn't.

Me: something like that. Did I wake you up?

Alastair: I was already awake.

I frowned a little. Why? I asked him.

Alastair: allergies are acting up.

I smiled softly at the screen.

Alastair: maybe having milo around was a bad idea.

Me: you think?

He took a moment to reply, almost as if contemplating.

Alastair: are you having nightmares again?

I didn't remember telling him about my nightmares. Had I? With my fingers hovering over my phone screen, I couldn't decide what to say to him.

Then I saw him typing again.

Alastair: you seemed to be having one when you stayed over at mine.

My mouth parted in surprise. Was I talking in my sleep? I asked him with a grimace.

Alastair: a little :)

I sighed, leaning sideways on the staircase.

Me: well no. no nightmares for now.

Then I felt obliged to add, Mum and Dad's arguing downstairs. I couldn't sleep.

It strangely felt nice to be honest.

Im sorry, he texted me.

I stared at it for a while, not really thinking about anything in particular. I could hear Mum's voice raising a little over Dad's. Then I sighed.

Me too, I texted him back.

That's exactly when I felt someone coming up behind me, only to sit down beside me on the stairs. I thought it was Mason at first. But I was a little taken aback when I realised it was Helen.

"I suppose you can't sleep either then." She sighed, not looking at me.

"I can't." I shrugged, switching off my phone. "Why can't you?"

She rolled her eyes and cocked her head towards the direction of the stairs below us. "Not obvious enough?"

It was surprising, especially since I never thought our parents' constant fights ever bothered her. But why wouldn't it bother her? I thought. Just because she never said it out loud--

"I'm sorry." I nearly grimaced when I realised that's exactly what Alastair had responded with a few seconds ago.

Helen gave me a weird look. "I didn't think you were the cause of their fights."

"You know what I mean."

"Are you?" She raised a brow, teasing. A lock of her dark brown hair, a shade much like my own, fell out of her messy bun over her forehead.

It was strange: Mum and Dad fighting while Helen and I were having a civil conversation for once. Not one of the circumstances I would've expected. Not when it came to Helen.

"Look, I didn't come out here to sulk about our dear old parents' constant issues." She waved one hand in the air. "I am here to apologise."

I stilled. "What?"

"For being extra mean to you when you destroyed half of my poster." She replied, then added slowly, "Accidentally."

I think I stared at her for too long.

"Don't be weird now." She said, rolling her eyes, but I knew she meant that half-heartedly.

"What...do you want me to say?" I asked her, frowning just a little. Then I realised I probably shouldn't frown when she was trying to be decent. This was equally awkward for me as it was for her. Though I was kind of finding it hard not to smile now. Helen was being civil with me!

"God," she gazed up at the ceiling. "I knew this was a bad idea."

I laughed shortly. "It's all right, Helen. You don't have to apologise. I did kind of ruin your hard work. I know perfecting that poster meant a lot to you."

She shrugged in response. I think that was the right thing to say. We both fell in silence after that. All silent since I couldn't hear Mum and Dad's voices anymore.

"Do you think they both hate each other?" I asked her quietly.

"How would I know?" Her voice was soft, her gaze stuck on the stair below us. "I think it's just their lack of communication skills."

I frowned a little. "I think they just hate each other."

Helen ignored me. "Lack of understanding. They don't try to understand each other before their arguments start." I think she knew more about the reason behind their arguments than I did. I almost asked her but she beat me to it. "I'm gonna call it a night."

And when she stood up, probably to head back to her room, she stopped momentarily and glanced back at me. "Happy birthday by the way."

She remembered, I thought. I pressed my face into my pulled up knees, hiding a smile. "You're being nice."

"All right." Helen sounded like she was rolling her eyes again. "I'll take it back then."

I chuckled. Perhaps things were really starting to change for the better.

Not all of them though. Not when I called it a night too and fell promptly on my bed, almost dozing off immediately.

I dreamed once again that night.

This time, thankfully, it wasn't the usual nightmare. This time I found myself dreaming back to a specific day.

The day I nearly drowned in Oak Valley.

The dream was just as I remembered that day. Alastair and I had that minor disagreement. I pushed him away then. The ice started cracking below my skates. And everything was getting wobbly.

Only that I could see all of it with another set of eyes. I wasn't me. I was a third person there.

I was watching.

And so I watched as the ice broke and I was pulled under. I watched the look of absolute horror on Alastair's face as he failed to grab my hand.

And then I was being pulled under the lake too. Cold, cold, cold. Everything felt cold but not wet. The water was so dark and so cold and so lonely. Not as beautiful as it was from the outside. And I was in here drowning and losing consciousness.

And hands were grabbing me. From everywhere. From nowhere. Hands that belonged to faces with dead grey eyes.

I woke up with a loud gasp, only to end up choking and coughing as if I was still breathing water. I had my hands fisted into my bedsheets until I could breathe normally again. Until I was sure I wasn't stuck in that nightmare anymore.

It took me a while but I crawled at the far end of my twin bed and leaned back against the wall, still breathing a little heavily.

When I realised my hands were shaking a little, I curled them into fists again and hugged them against my chest, pulling up my knees and holding onto myself.

I don't exactly know what I felt right then. Scared, cold, dark? It wasn't really dark in my room thanks to the skylight. But it was dark enough to remind me of the lake. And the cold blue water.

I hadn't made much of a big deal when I nearly drowned back then. Caught hypothermia too. It had settled in and I had been in shock, but now that I thought about it, especially after the little dream, I felt nauseous. Sick. Scared.

I really hated water sometimes. Ever since I was a child. It scared me whenever Dad took us on beach trips. Drowning had always been that nagging fear at the very back of my head. But it had never...it never really happened until that night in Oak Valley.

Let's not make it a big deal, I told myself. It happened so long ago. And I didn't really drown, so that was that.

Yet I couldn't help but think. Cassius's body was found in that same lake. God knows how long his body had been left there in that lake, dead and cold and drowning. I didn't even know when exactly was it when Alastair's twin had died.

And then a real horrifying thought hit me. Horrifying enough to make me shudder.

I had felt someone grabbing my ankle and pulling me under the lake when that ice had cracked below me.

I felt the blood draining out of me.

What if Cassius's dead body had been there in that lake that day too?

******

Mason woke me up the next morning by jumping on top of me.

"Mase." I groaned, pushing him off of me. "Fucking hell."

I heard him giggling before he pulled onto my arm again. Mason and I had this little agreement where we didn't ever tell Mum when one of us cussed. Which was mostly just me.

"Wake up, Lia!" He yelled and I groaned again.

I rolled around a little, wondering why I was lying at the very end of my bed when last night came back to me. I opened my eyes only to squeeze them shut.

"Mase, I'm tired," I told him in a whisper. I really was tired. I think I only had a decent hour of sleep before he came here to jump on me and wake me up. I needed at least five hours of sleep to function properly.

Mason jumped on my bed and I opened my eyes again only to glare at him. He seemed unfazed though with that wide grin on his face. "It's your birthday today!"

I sighed, turning on my stomach and face planting on my pillow.

"Lia!" He shook me again. I had this sudden urge to throw him off my bed again. "But your boyfriend is here!"

That woke me up. That woke me up real fast. And as I tumbled downstairs, changed into the first hoodie I could get my hands on and some leggings, I nearly cursed out loud when I saw Alastair in the lounge, sitting on one of the stools lining the kitchen counter. And talking with my mum.

"Mum," I croaked out, a little horrified. Both of their heads turned in my direction. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Mum smiled at me. I didn't pick up any hidden meaning behind her smile. Maybe all was well? "Lia, finally. One would've thought you'd wake up early on your own birthday."

One would've thought my own mother knew me. Clearly, she didn't. I glanced at Alastair then back at Mum. What would I say when she asks me about him?

"You know me." I laughed, more on the anxious side, and walked towards them. When my eyes met Alastair's again, he looked as calm as ever. Smiling and wearing that burnt orange jacket. My heart lurched a little when I noticed his softly windswept hair. God, he looked good. Really good at such an early hour of the morning.

"Alastair right here," Mum gave me a look that froze me on my spot, "has been waiting for you for quite a while."

Uh oh. She knew his name. Of course, she did. Mum, I suppose, took some pity on me since she didn't point the obvious. I could see it in her eyes. The big, bold question. How is this boy alive when you told me he wasn't?

"Well, you both should get going then." She raised her brows with a smile at Alastair.

I frowned. "Get going?" I asked a little weakly. Was I supposed to go somewhere today? I lethargically leaned against the wall behind me.

Mum nudged her head at Alastair with that same warm smile. God, she had already warmed upto him? What did they even talk about when I was up and asleep?

"Just the park," Alastair told me with that same strange glint in his eyes. I stared at him and I really wanted to do much more than just stare at him. Was it my fault that he looked so good right now?

"For a walk." He added, his lips tugging up at one corner.

I looked at Mum. "Go on," she made a shooing gesture. "You rarely bring such sweet boys home."

Alastair laughed. At the look I passed Mum or at what Mum had just said, I don't know. Perhaps both. He stood up then. "I'll be outside. Come out when you're ready." Then he turned around and passed Mum one of the smiles that would've charmed anyone. God, what was he doing? "It was nice meeting you, Mrs Hart."

When he left the front door, I blurted out, "Mum, what was that? You rarely bring such sweet boys home? Were you trying to embarrass me? He's not my fucking boyfriend, for fuck's sake!"

"Language." She raised her brows but she was still smiling. "Is he not? Well, his name sounded a little familiar, don't you think?"

My eyes widened a little and I shifted on my feet uneasily. "Mum, it's...it's complicated." More than I was letting on.

She put a hand on my arm and squeezed. "Go out and enjoy your day. We'll have this talk sometime later, okay?" The relief must've been obvious on my face. She kissed the side of my head. "Happy birthday, sweetie. Be back for your birthday dinner."

Safe to say, I was let off the hook for a while.

When I met Alastair outside and stopped near his car, I nearly almost glared at him. Too bad that I couldn't really, not when I wanted to kiss him.

"You seem mad." He spoke up as I neared him, leaning back against his car. I stopped in front of him.

Then I rolled my eyes.

"You are." He smiled.

"Yeah, well," I grumbled, rubbing my face with my hands. "I didn't...I'm just tired. I only got an hour of sleep. And now you're here, looking so good, and my mum already knows about you. Which is bad because the last time I talked to her about you, you were dead. She's gonna think I was shitting with her. Where are we even going?" I looked up at him with a small frown. "Can we not go to the park for a walk and go to your apartment instead so that I can sleep? I'm pretty sure I can sleep a lot right now."

He laughed and I swallowed when I noticed his eyes crinkling up adorably at the edges. "'Course we can." He said, reaching out to tug me closer by my hoodie pockets. "We can go to mine and we can do more than just sleep."

I'm pretty sure I blushed, leaning forward until my face was pressed into his shoulder, inhaling deeply.

"But I think we really should go for a walk first." He sounded like he was still smiling. "Milo's been waiting for a walk."

It was only then that I noticed the little pup in the back seat of Alastair's car.

"Oh," I said, nodded, then pulled away. "Wait, I thought your allergies were acting up. How is he in your car? I can take him for a walk alone if you want. I don't mind."

I was vaguely aware, and a whole lot at the same time, of his hand trailing down my waist, right above my hips. "No, it's fine. We'll go together. Come on."

And once I was seated inside his car, Milo waited not one second before starting with his loud, excited barks and jumping at me from the back.

I winced. "Hey, bud." I patted him awkwardly, trying to keep him from lunging at my face. "No, I did not miss your tongue. I'm sorry."

Alastair chuckled as he drove the car out of the driveway, right as Milo succeeded in licking my face.

My morning didn't seem like it could get any weirder.

By the time we reached the park and Alastair had stopped the car, I merely picked Milo up and begged Alastair to take him away from me before I started smelling like dog drool.

Alastair found that amusing. He took Milo from my arms and laughed down at him. "Clearly, Milo, you've got a fan."

"Not a fan." I corrected him before getting out of his car, trying to wipe off my face with my hoodie sleeve.

By the time Alastair came by my side, Milo wasn't in his hands anymore but already running inside the park.

"He knows his way around." He shrugged before nudging his head at me. "Let's go."

I started feeling the air turning a little weird when we stepped inside the park. For one, there were very few people around, which I guess shouldn't have been odd. But for the second thing, Alastair kept steering me towards a specific part of the park. Almost as if there was a place he wanted us to go in particular.

"So this wasn't just about Milo, was it?" I eyed him with a narrowed gaze as we walked side by side.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He replied cheekily. I narrowed my eyes even further. "Oh look," he said, looking at the few bunches of lone trees ahead of us. I couldn't not notice the way he was trying so hard not to smile. "Seems like a nice spot to go."

"Okay, weirdo, what the fuck is going on?" I grabbed his arm, stopping him before he could take another step. "You're being alarmingly obvious, for some reason. Except that I don't quite understand what you're being obvious about?"

His phone buzzed and he took it out of his pocket, glancing down at it before sliding it back inside.

Then he smiled down at me. "I seriously don't know what you're talking about."

I gave him a look as he positioned his arm around my waist and started dragging me towards the trees.

"If I didn't trust you, I'd think you were being creepy and bringing me here to kill me," I told him and he laughed a little. "I mean it, Alas. You are being creepy. Where's Milo even? Are you not scared that he might run off to God knows where and someone might kidnap that poor little pup?"

Alastair only gave a thoughtful hum in response, his gaze fixated ahead of us.

I frowned. "Okay then. Back to being creepy we go."

When we reached that one spot, Alastair's hand dropped down from my waist and he stepped behind me. I noticed the little white daisies first, a whole field of them around us. It was pretty, especially under the morning sunlight.

I sighed and almost turned around to glance at Alastair. "Alas, what is going on--"

And then I almost shitted my pants when several people jumped out from behind the trees, screaming,

"Happy Birthday, Lia!"

I stiffened, and then my eyes widened, and then I might've fallen back only if Alastair hadn't been behind me.

"Holy fuck, guys," I whispered, still too stunned.

And then they started singing me Happy Birthday and my eyes darted from Nora to Tara to Steph and a few other classmates of mine. When I glanced back at Alastair, I was smiling and maybe even laughing and saying, "You were in on this? God, I hate surprises."

He was smiling too before he leaned closer, his warm breath fanning against my ear. "Happy birthday." He whispered.

I nearly teared up.

"Oh my God, don't you start crying now! Ew!" Nora shoved me when I hugged her real hard. Then I hugged Steph who was giggling all the while. And then I hugged Tara who hated hugs as much as a person could.

"You guys didn't have to do all...this," I whispered in awe as I looked around the little spot. The daisies were still there. But there were these sparkly letters hanging from the trees too, spelling my name. They looked like gold stars under the bright sunlight. And then there was this small chocolate cake as some Taylor Swift song played from someone's speakers, while Tara and Steph were busy gushing over Alastair and Milo--who had somehow ended up here after all.

And I was...God, I was really happy.

"I meant when I said no tears, Lia." Nora rolled her eyes at me despite the smile on her lips. "Don't be dramatic."

But how was I not supposed to tear up? No one ever gave me such surprises on my birthdays. No one ever did as far as to hold such little parties in beautiful little parks for me. No one ever cared.

Or maybe they always did, a tiny voice spoke in my head. Maybe they did but I never saw.

When Hailey from my Psychology class brought out the cake with my name written so horribly on it with yellow frosting, I started laughing along with Nora and Hailey before tackling them both into another hug.

"Someone's touchy today," Tara commented with a small ball of fur in her arms, which I later recognised as Milo.

"Blow the candles! Blow the candles!" Steph chanted excitedly.

Alastair came up behind me and he was laughing too. And everything was just so perfect.

I made a wish. I blew the candles. And I held it all in as long as I could've. Tried to cherish it all as long as I could've.

"What did you wish for?" Alastair asked me later with that soft smile of his. There was another Taylor Swift song playing in the air, and I had a feeling that was all Tara as she and Nora laughed and played along with Milo. And everyone else was laughing too and happy and smiling and lounging around on the grass.

I looked back at Alastair to see him already staring at me. Then, with no hesitation this time, I laced my fingers with his and leaned my head against his arm.

"Just a wish," I murmured. Just a wish to keep this all with me as long as I could.