"...we loved
in distant
heartbeats."

It took me ages, with a whole lot of willpower, a lot of reassuring choice of words, and some puppy-dog eyes (which I'm sure I pulled off juuust fine) to convince Luce about the whole road trip thing.

"Are you sure about this?" She sounded unsure, gripping the steering wheel as she drove us back to her apartment from the sanitarium.

It had been my last day at the sanitarium, and it had been surprisingly filled with warm hugs and equally warm goodbyes (and maybe some fake tears from Jim, but I'm not the one telling you that).

"Of course." I gave her a reassuring smile as I leaned back in my seat, too exhausted from the whole day. I remembered having absolutely zero sleep last night, maybe an hour in the morning, but that was just it.

Alastair had told me that we'd leave around midnight, just so that we could reach his hometown near the morning. It was supposed to be a few days trip, yet Luce still seemed unsure.

"I'm a grown-up, Luce." I tried to sound as reassuring as I could have. "I know how to take care of myself."

"I know. It's just...I'm your older sister and if something happened--"

"Why would something happen?" I frowned at her.

She stopped at a red traffic light and glanced at me with furrowed brows.

"Is it because I'm going with Alastair?" I asked.

She responded by rolling her eyes. "Of course not."

"Then what?"

"That town, Lia, and the Hawthornes. They're not--they're complicated." She told me earnestly.

"They're dead."

Luce sighed. "Yeah. It's been years since they died, but the talk still goes around town. Even if this isn't the town they died in, people still talk about it."

"And you're worried about that."

Luce gave me an odd look before continuing to drive. "No one knows how they died, Lia. They didn't even find the murderers."

I glanced out of the window, watching as the streets slowly disappeared out of view.

"I know," I murmured.

"And you still think involving yourself with the whole thing is a good idea?"

I just sighed in response. Perhaps I shouldn't have told her the part where we'd be visiting the Hawthorne mansion. But then it would've felt like I was lying to her, and even if that never bothered me before, it did at this moment.

So I had told her and there was no going back now.

"I'll be careful, Luce." Those were the only words that came to mind. "I promise."

Luce looked away from the road, at me, before nodding. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"If it makes you happy, Lia. Besides, this is supposed to be your vacation. Do whatever you want." She rolled her eyes despite the smile on her lips. I couldn't help but smile a little too, mostly in relief. "Just no stupid stuff, all right?"

Later that night, when I had a small carry bag packed up with some of my stuff, Luce told me that something came up at the hospital. Since I'd be gone by midnight and she'd probably not be back by then, she ended up squeezing me into a large hug, told me to be careful a thousand times and reply to her texts, then left with a last goodbye.

I just about managed to tell her that she was being overdramatic right as she rushed out of the apartment.

When she left, I sagged into the couch and breathed out a sigh. I didn't know how an hour passed by, but it did. Somewhat in between I received a text from Steph. We hadn't really been talking much. The last time I texted Tara was almost a week ago. So when I saw Steph's name popping up on my screen, a small smile lit up my face.

I kind of missed them both.

Steph: Lia

Steph: ???

I typed a reply.

Me: what's up?

Steph: I came across a post on insta. You know one of those confession pages Alicia made up when we were in middle school?

It took me a while to remember, but I did. I always hated those confession pages. They were always way too intrusive on everyone's personal lives. Alicia loved it, though. Most of them weren't even confessions, just stuff she liked spreading around. Apparently people loved it. It was her very own blog.

In my opinion, she was fucked up in the head. Like, seriously. If only I could tell that to her someday.

Steph: there's a post about you on there.

I blinked in surprise. Just what I always dreaded.

Me: what are you talking about?

As I waited, watching her type, I found myself thinking about everything Alicia could have posted about me. All of the things that I came up with were embarrassing, but none of them were important enough to be posted on that page. I knew Alicia (a bit) and she never posted anything until it was something big--big enough to cause a ruckus especially amongst the teenage community of our pathetic little town.

See, that's why I hated my town. I wasn't antisocial (according to my mum) for no reason.

Steph: It says you and Noah had a thing going on.

Steph: when he started dating Nora.

Steph: It was an anonymous confession.

My eyes darted across her texts in an attempt to control my heartbeat, but it raced further when realization slowly seeped into my bones.

Steph couldn't be lying. She didn't know anything about it. Tara knew, a little, but I didn't think Tara was that bad. She wouldn't tell Steph when she didn't even know the whole story herself.

I swallowed when another text from Steph popped up,

Steph: it was posted days ago. It's probably just a rumor, huh?

My fingers trembled a little as I typed. I don't know why they were trembling. But then I realized that it was Noah we were talking about, and I, quite truthfully, didn't like thinking about my messed up past.

Me: I never had a thing with noah. You know that.

Why was this happening?

Steph: But most posts like these are true. When was the last time we heard about a wrong rumor in this town, Lia? LOL

I didn't feel that LOL. Pushing my phone aside, I dragged my hands over my face, running them through my hair.

This couldn't be happening. This could not be fucking happening.

My phone buzzed again but I didn't pick it up. I didn't know what Steph would say. I didn't know what I was supposed to say. All I could think about right now was to say a big fuck you to Alicia.

It had been an anonymous confession. Had it been Nora? But why would she do that? Weren't we over that? Did I not tell her to stay away from me over that last phone call? Wasn't I over this all?

I didn't pick up my phone to reply to any of the texts. I couldn't have as dread slowly clouded my insides, playing various scenarios in my head that ended up all the same. With me falling into that dark, hopeless pit all over again.

I rested the back of my head against the couch, looking up at the ceiling, and then closing my eyes shut. I could only think about swear words at that moment. Too many of them.

If I stop thinking about it, I thought, it'll go away.

I heaved out a sigh and ran my hands over my face again.

This was stupid--me running away from things that scared me. I have been doing that most of my life and I know I'll keep on doing that unless someone stops me. But nobody was close enough to ever stop me. And maybe it was better that way.

My phone buzzed once again and I opened my eyes, finally looking down at it. It wasn't Steph this time, but Alastair. There were three missed calls from him and I hadn't noticed even once.

I inhaled a shaky breath and found myself calling him back.

"Hey--"

"What's wrong?" Was the first thing he said.

It took me a while to answer the question, mainly because the genuine concern in his voice surprised me. And also because of the unmistakable lump in my throat, trapping all my words as thousands of thoughts racked my brain.

I felt tired.

"What?" I spoke up finally.

"Why weren't you picking up my calls?" He rephrased his question.

"Oh." I murmured, staring up at the ceiling. "I didn't have my phone with me, sorry. Are you here?"

He replied after a few silent seconds. "Yeah. I'm outside your apartment."

I told him I'd be down in a few minutes and ended the call. Picking up my bag, I hurried out of the apartment, making sure to lock the front door with the spare key Luce had given me when I first came into her apartment.

As I walked across the reception area, I couldn't help but wonder what the living fuck I was actually doing with my life.

Running away from my problems. Running away from things that I was supposed to solve, once and for all. Not giving answers to my only friends. Pushing everyone away, again.

Life was still ready to throw me under a bus, even if I was miles away from my hometown.

I forced a small smile on my face as I spotted Alastair's familiar black car, just so that hiding the turmoil inside me won't be so hard. Then I opened the passenger door after a slight moment of hesitation.

"Hey." I greeted with a somewhat tired smile before getting inside, placing my bag on my lap.

His gaze found mine but he didn't really smile back, only narrowed his eyes slightly.

"What happened?" I raised my brows, finding it a little hard to meet his gaze. It was always a little hard to meet his gaze, and not because I hated staring people in the eyes (which I did), but mainly because he looked at you like he was looking right through you. It was a little scary, just the thought of him looking right through me.

Perhaps he felt like something was up, but to my utter relief, he didn't say anything to point it out. Which was more than amazing because I'd have to lie if he had pointed out the obvious and I knew it all never ended on one single lie.

I'd have to keep up a long line of lies and that made me feel sick sometimes. Especially when I was around him.

Alastair's eyes seemed to dart around my face, searching, before he looked away too, starting the car. "You can keep your bag on the backseat. It's probably going to be a long ride."

I licked my lips, looking over at the side mirror.

"Okay," I said then turned a little before sliding my bag into the very spacious seat behind.

"Are you all right?"

That was Alastair, not really looking at me, but I heard the softness in his voice as he drove. I watched as Luce's apartment building vanished into the darkness.

"Yeah." I lied, but then again when was I ever all right? So perhaps that was not a lie. But then I glanced over at Alastair and saw him frowning a little. "I'm fine. Really. Just a bit tired. I barely had any sleep last night. And today was a really tiring day."

He glanced at me and seemed to accept that as a valid answer.

"Have you eaten anything?" He asked as I leaned against the window, my eyes trained on him. He looked good wearing that black sweater. It looked almost as soft as his disheveled hair. Cashmere, probably.

"Yup," I answered, my eyes trailing up to his face. "Unless you're talking about after midnight snacks?"

He looked confused. Confusion looked adorable on him. "Is that really a thing?"

"Yes, actually." I laughed softly. "It's the sudden cravings you get after midnight to eat some junk food."

"Are you having those cravings?" The genuineness in the way he looked at me made me laugh again. He was smiling too.

"No, I'm not hungry," I told him, trying to stifle a yawn. "But thanks." for distracting me. "I think I'm gonna get some shuteye. Is that fine?"

"Of course," he replied softly.

I took that as an end to our conversation and wrapped my arms around myself, feeling a tad bit cold inside the car, though I'm sure it was colder outside. Then I leaned my head against the car window again and closed my eyes.

Sleep didn't come as fast as it should have, judging from the exhaustion nagging at my eyelids. My mind kept on drifting to one thought or another. The car was moving so it didn't help either. However, when I felt the warm air spreading around me, probably from the heater, I started drifting off. I was more than glad to shut down for a while.

I don't remember sleeping for that long, but when I woke up, the sky wasn't dark anymore; it was the lightest shades of blue. Blue and cloudy. Then I felt a soft shake on my shoulder, pulling me out of my near-conscious thoughts.

"Ophelia?"

That was, however, enough to wake me up entirely. I scrunched up my nose in disgust and sat up, finally remembering that I was in a car. Alastair's car. The surroundings didn't seem familiar, though. There were no tall oak trees around us. We weren't anywhere near Oak Valley.

Knightsridge. Had we reached there already?

I forced my gaze away from the window and turned my head towards Alastair beside me. He looked exhausted, even more so than I felt at that moment. I noticed then that we both were just staring at each other and he looked pretty fine doing that, like always.

"Why would you call me that?" It irritated me a little, but even that left when I saw him leaning his head against the steering wheel, giving me a lazy smile. I frowned. He looked sleep-deprived, yet the smile still seemed to somewhat brighten his features.

Fuck. Not this early in the morning.

"Don't call me that again."

"Why not?" He questioned, slightly raising his brows.

I looked away from his face and directed my gaze at the scenery outside. The first thing I noticed, which was obviously different from Oak Valley, was the hills. Some, very far away in the distance, were even capped with snow. And there were no oak trees here. This place was surrounded by tall pine trees only, almost touching the fluffy white clouds.

"I've already told you, Alas."

"But I like your name."

I merely groaned in response. He was stubborn, all right. Even amazing: he just had to direct those eyes at me and I swear to God, I couldn't say no.

"Are you always this grumpy in the mornings?" He seemed curious and entertained, both.

"Yeah." I pointed out the miserable truth. "And you're not helping."

He straightened up with the same soft smile, before opening his door.

"I've stopped by a coffee shop. Do you want to come with me or...?" His eyes darted towards the small coffee shop just across the street we were on, and back at me.

I wasn't really a coffee person, but I realized I was kind of thirsty. Might as well get something to drink.

So I ended up nodding. "I'll come with you."

Once I was out of the car, I couldn't help but shiver a little. I was just in a plain striped t-shirt, and out here, it was way too cold to be wearing just that. I exhaled and watched my breath cloud in front of my eyes. As I followed Alastair, a small wince escaped my lips.

My feet had fucking pins and needles.

"Ugh," I complained but continued trudging behind Alastair, trying not to stumble at the same time. Alastair, however, didn't even seem like he had been driving since the past I-don't-even-know-how-many goddamn hours. I would have offered to drive, but

a) I was asleep, remember?

and b) I didn't have a driver's license (yet).

Besides, this whole driver-sits-on-the-right thing was pretty confusing, even for a person like me, who has almost never driven a car before.

"Ugh. I don't wanna walk anymore," I complained yet once again (my morning self complained a lot).

With my head hung low as I walked, I just wished I was in my bed, sleeping instead of walking in this cold morning. "Why do we have to walk? Walking is so overrated, you know."

So what if I was already out of breath? It clearly was not a fucking crime. But walking, like this, when I could be asleep, now that should be a fucking crime.

Alastair stopped quite abruptly in my opinion since I stumbled right into him. Though before I could have taken the hit, his arm came rather quickly around me. And let me tell you, he was warm, pretty warm compared to the cold surroundings.

I looked up at him, trying to blink away the bright sun rays. I swear to God, there hadn't been a bright sun few seconds ago.

"You're talking weird." He pointed out.

I blinked and pulled away hesitatingly. If he noticed, he didn't point it out, just narrowed his eyes at me. I'd like to believe he was doing it because of the bright sun, but he probably wasn't.

"I don't like coffee." I blurted out.

The narrowed look didn't leave but a smile of disbelief did form on his lips. "I'll buy you some tea then."

Anything, in my opinion, sounded better than coffee. I shrugged again and started following him towards the small coffee shop.

The coffee shop was surprisingly buzzing even if it was quite early in the morning. One other thing that was different in the people here, compared to the people at Oak Valley, was their heavy accents. Almost a heavy Irish accent, like Alastair's, which was understandable since this town was somewhere near Ireland.

And that seemed pretty cool to my morning self, especially since I actually really loved hearing Alastair speak.

Wow, I sound like a creep.

"Morning. What would you guys like?"

I looked up and noticed a brunette waitress who had stopped near our booth. Her gaze swept from Alastair to me, waiting. I left him to it. Also, I had a feeling she was trying to flirt with him. And even though I had absolutely no right to feel jealous, I still felt like it. Cut me some slack. I was already sleep-deprived.

Placing my forehead on top of my folded arms, I closed my eyes shut and thought about dozing off. It could've been possible. To doze off, I mean, since it was warmer here than outside, and I was able to stretch out my legs too. But it didn't really work out since the shop was filled with chatters.

"I'm thinking we should head for the hotel first," Alastair spoke up after a short while. There was this heavy exhaustion lacing his voice. Though, for some reason, he sounded calm. Maybe it was the place, his hometown, that somewhat provided him with peace.

I glanced up at him and felt my eyes trailing down to the napkin he was fidgeting with. The string of numbers scribbled on it didn't go unnoticed by me. Probably from that waitress, I figured.

I sighed inwardly before forcing a smile on my face.

"Sure. I don't really mind." Then I planted my face back on my arms, feeling this deep sinking feeling in my gut. It was as if my stomach was caving in on itself, in pure self-pity. "You should get some sleep too."

"I should." He murmured. Even though I wasn't looking at him, I could've easily imagined his distracted gaze.

I looked up at him then, placing my elbows on the wooden table and propping my chin over my fists.

"So, how does it feel being here?" I asked. I needed to keep on reminding myself that this wasn't about me. We were here because of him. I needed to be there for him.

His tired grey eyes found mine and once again, I couldn't really pinpoint the expression on his face.

"Better than there," he murmured. "I'm away from them all. It feels...nice for once."

I smiled at him. "I understand." and I really did.

After a few more seconds of staring, one corner of his lips curved upwards into a smile of his own. That made me smile wider.

"Okay then. So, we're going to the hotel. What about after that?" I asked him out of curiosity. "Are we going to go sightseeing? I'd really love to go hiking on one of those snowy hills. I've always wanted to."

He leaned back, still eyeing me. "Sure."

"And then, maybe tomorrow, we can go by your old house," I suggested. "Do you think there's still going to be security around there?"

"It's abandoned," he stated tonelessly. "It has been for a while. So I don't really know what to expect when we go there."

"Abandoned as in..."

"Left open for almost anyone." He finished my sentence. He didn't seem bothered when he said that, which once again shouldn't have surprised me, but it did.

It shouldn't have been left abandoned.

"That's kinda spooky." I frowned.

"But we can still go there. Maybe in the morning." He shrugged, looking distracted once again. It was strange that I could almost see it in his eyes, the struggle to keep it all together. It almost seemed like he was trying to hold something back, but then his eyes found mine and everything vanished. He didn't need me to help him on this one, whatever that was bothering him at the moment.

I could only nod in response as the waitress came by rather quickly with our order. I didn't really feel like drinking the warm tea, and not just because I saw her purposefully strolling past our booth any chance she got, but because Alastair was hiding something and I saw that in the way his gaze kept on flickering off to everyone and everything, even towards that stupid waitress, and away from me.

When we were on our way to the hotel, Alastair told me that his aunt had booked it way before he could've suggested not to. And I wasn't complaining when I realized how expensive it actually looked; the hotel.

"Woah," I murmured in awe as I walked over towards the huge bedroom window. "This is so beautiful."

And it was beautiful, the view from up here. You could see the entire town from that window, and that was maybe because this hotel was built on one of those uphills.

It strangely looked magnificent, the way those huge pine trees surrounded the town, just about touching the white fluffy clouds. And the way it all looked so green and calm and peaceful.

Now, this is what I need for a vacation. Not that I didn't like Oak Valley.

I decided that once I was over my drowsiness, I'd pull out my camera (which, thank God I had remembered to stuff in my carry bag) and take some nice shots from up here. I needed all this to be captured and kept with me, even if that would be in the form of small polaroids.

When I was finally done ogling the beautiful scenery, I turned around towards Alastair and saw him sprawled on one of the two beds in the huge room, on his back, looking distractedly up at the ceiling. There was this small frown on his face and he didn't even notice me staring at him.

"Should I close the lights?" I broke the silence, walking over towards my own bed.

When the receptionist told me that we had only one room booked for three nights, I kind of freaked out. A lot, actually. But then she mentioned two separate beds, which were, now that I noticed, far apart, and that seemed better than sharing a single bed.

I was still sharing a room with a guy, a guy I may or may not like, and I'm pretty sure if my mum knew, or Dad for that matter, they both would have given me some sort of a not-so-enjoyable lecture.

Alastair broke out of his staring and met my gaze. "Yeah." And then he looked away again. "I-I think I'll sleep for a bit."

I stared at him, somewhat concerned. I wanted to ask what was bothering him, but if he had wanted to tell me, like all those other times, he would've told me already. Perhaps he really didn't want to talk. Perhaps he'll talk when he thinks it's right.

In the end, I just decided to head for the lights and switch them off. The morning sunlight from the tall glass windows was enough to illuminate the room, but not so much due to the curtains.

With one final glance at him, I crawled up on my own bed and took off my shoes. I wanted to take a shower, but all that left my head when I snuggled inside the huge fluffy duvet. A small sigh of pure bliss left my lips. Who could blame me? The bed was soft. Really, really soft.

I took out my phone and finally decided to face the numerous texts. Half were from Steph, like I had expected and dreaded, both, and the other half were from Luce, wanting to know how I was doing. Obviously, I texted back Luce first. I was leaving the bad part for the last.

Steph: so is it true?

Steph: Lia. come on. talk.

There was one text which was timed a few hours ago.

Steph: Tara told me some stuff. Lia, what the hell?

I felt awful, I did. But I was also just tired of people judging me for things I had no control over. Even my friends, who were supposed to be on my side.

Me: I'm sorry. Really.

I sent the text then almost grimaced at it. Even saying that in my head sounded painfully pathetic.

Few minutes passed by until I saw her seeing the text, but Steph still took her time to reply. I couldn't help but let the anxiousness wash over me again.

Steph: Sorry about what? Not telling me and Tara about it?

Steph: This is pretty low of you. You know that too, Lia.

My eyes seemed to sting as I read her texts, again and again. What else should I have expected?

Me: you're saying it like I owe you explanations all the time. I don't, steph. I don't like talking about it. To you or to tara or with anyone else. Okay?

It didn't take me long to realize how rude it all sounded, but I sent it anyway.

I'm sorry, I typed, please just let it go.

She didn't really reply after that and I didn't really stop feeling awful. I was glad for my drowsiness though, because it didn't take me long to fall asleep, even when thousands of thoughts prevented me from doing so.