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BITTERSWEET
:: xlix. | angels speak

After the talk about doing a funeral for Miguel, a month later, it was finally happening. It was the day of the funeral, just Vanessa, Cole, and Henry. Originally Henry wasn't going to be there, but the babysitter bailed and will was on duty. They just hope he wouldn't understand what would be happening.

Vanessa just finished doing her hair before going to check on Cole. She headed to her daughter's room and found her just staring at herself in the mirror that hung on the closet door.

"Hey." Vanessa stood in between the doorframe, "Heading out in twenty."

Cole didn't say anything, she just sighed. It was clear to see she's finally coming to terms with all of this, but that doesn't mean the grieving stopped. Grieving is a long process, you just learn to live with the absence of them being gone. Cole hates it, but she's learning and so is Vanessa.

Just like everyday for the last ten years, she misses her parents. Just like how Miguel was there for her in that time, she'll most definitely be there for her daughter. Losing people happens everyday and it hurts, but it's how they lived that makes a difference.

Vanessa then left to head to Henry's little room and found him sound asleep in his crib. She thought he looked so peaceful that she didn't want to wake him, but there was no other choice.

She picked him up gently and his eyes slowly opened and closed. Since everything was already near the door, grabbing him was the last thing to do. Quickly enough, twenty minutes rolled around and it was time for them to head to the funeral.

• • •

It was a close casket at best. No one wanted to see him like that and it was however they imagined it because he never talked about his death even though he was in a like of business where death is a risk everyday. So with that in mind, they just winged it.

The funeral was held outside and getting a stone was quite hefty, but Vanessa made it work. Cole had decided last minute they she wanted to give an eulogy because she knew her father at least deserved that much.

After the priest finished the first part, Cole walked to the head of the casket and cleared her throat before beginning.

"My father was many things —— a dad, husband, friend, son . . . but if we're being real —— he was also a cheater, drug dealer, criminal, but that didn't mean I didn't love him any less. At the end of the day, he tried his best and he showed up unlike many fathers out there. Even after the divorce, he still wanted to be around every so often." She continued, "He wasn't the best dad, but he wasn't the worse and he didn't deserve this even though deep down I was so angry at him. But do I get to be angry now? What's the point? It won't bring him back, it'll just diminish the good things about him." Cole concluded, "We can never dismiss what he did or take it lightly and the good times will never out weigh the bad, but there were still good times."

Vanessa agreed with everything her daughter said. Especially about how the good times will never out weigh the bad, but there were still good times. That line really stuck with her and just in an instant all the good times came back. If it was before Cole, during, even afterwards.

Just as she was lost in her thoughts, she was suddenly brought back by her name.

"Ms. Reigns, do you have anything to say?" The priest looked towards her as she held Henry.

She shook her head, "No. My daughter pretty much covered it."

He gently nodded, "It's time to lower the casket then."

As it began lowering in the ground, one by one they tossed a handful of dirt onto the casket. Just within only the next five minutes, it wrapped —— the funeral was officially over.

After the priest left, the girls continued to stand there, staring down. Vanessa was back a little because of Henry, but Cole, she was hovering right over the hole. She stared down at the closed casket as workers continued to throw dirt down.

She will never say it out loud but there is one thing she feels guilty about . . .

Never seeing him when he was locked up for the last time. She can't even remember the last thing she said to him. She's slowly losing the image of how he looked, his smile, eyes, hair, his smell . . . it was all becoming a blur.

After the casket was fully covered, the girls soon headed to the car and drove back home. The whole car ride was silent, except Henry. He was awake and a happy baby at that, making his little noises that made the mood a bit lighter on their way back.

• • •

Just as they were walking through the front door, the house phone was heard ringing. Vanessa quickly passed Henry to Cole before rushing to the phone. She already had a feeling of who it was and with that in mind, she couldn't miss it.

Quickly arriving to the kitchen, she grabbed that phone and pressed the green answer button before holding it up to her ear.

"Jj?"

"Hey. How are my girls and boy?" The blonde spoke on the other line.

A sigh of relief escaped Vanessa's lips, "We're alright. How are you? Staying safe?"

"I'm the best I can be and yes, I'm staying safe. You sound a bit off, you ok?"

She couldn't help think of how well jj knows her, "We just got back from that funeral that I mentioned on our last call."

"Right — Miguel. How'd that go?"

"It was so so. But uh, when are you coming back? Do I get an estimated time this time?"

"I don't know yet, but I do know it's soon."

"When's our next call? I hate waiting for a long time and when I missed the last one, I was very upset."

"I know it's random, but there's nothing I can do about that. They're calling me back out, so I have to go. Sending my love, make sure everyone gets it."

And with that, the call quickly ended. Each time they only last for a couple of seconds, never hitting a minute which annoyed Vanessa the most.

As she frustratedly placed the phone back, Cole walked into the kitchen.

"Jj, right? When's she coming back?"

Vanessa turned around, "Don't know but she sends her love. Why don't we order in tonight. Any ideas?"

"Thai?"

Vanessa picked the house phone back up, "Speaking my language, kiddo."

Just like that, dinner was planned and the rest of their night was set. Since Will let them know ahead of time that he was getting back after midnight, they didn't get him anything. They finished their night with a movie, food, and Henry's baby noises.

To say the ending was better than how it started, would be an understatement.

a/n:
this chapter stung a bit.
it made me think abt things
that's i haven't thought abt in
a long time, but yeah. this is
the end of this act !!