*raise up the shield awaiting an attack*

I know, I know I promised answers and you were about to get them, but tsunade decided to butt in and interfer. Too much darkness and seriousness, she said. So, she suggested - more like demanded - to grace us with this chapter for a quick laugh...her words were: "I'm not getting enough me time in this book, is that a way to treat a hokage!"

Such a charitable soul, isnt she? ;)

Alert: trek with caution! Crazy drunk character ahead that might make you pee your pants from laughter. You've been warned so dont come to me for the laundry bill XD

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Lady tsunade sipped her ale slowly. Her eyes focused with great concentration on the scroll opened in front of her performing her dull, routine hokage duty.

"What a bothersome pain in the arse!"

Instead of signing the scrolls she drew a happy face.

Why do I need to sign. A happy face more than explains my consent and agreement. Happy face means a happy hokage!

"You have a nice arse, my lady. It can edure all this." Her constant companion, the no-bulshit-tolerated, I-have-no-filter-over-my-mouth girl replied. Not that tsunade have any. She's known for her rough edges and scalding tongue...and incurable taste for sake!

But today, another side of tsunade will be revealed.

The stupid, drunken side.

"Its my arse, how would you know? Besides, won't handeling all this crap make my arse bigger?" She gasped, ghastly. "Are you saying I have a fat ass!"

"Nope. I didn't. You did it all on your own," Shizone entered the door to lady tsanade's office, which look like she stepped into a crime scene... against the floor.

Crumbled and tattered paper with empty bottles and cups littered the floor.

"What the fūck are you doing here anyway!" Tsunade slurred.

"Monitoring your ale consumption of course and delivering these for you to sign." Shizone replied, nonchalantly.

Lady tsunade grumbled not so lady-like. "Ugh, this is absolute torture! I cant do this anymore, my hand turned to noodle... And it's called sake! "

Shizone shook her head and placed the papers on the desk. "Oh dear, oh dear the fact you no longer can distinguish between your beloved sake and ale is concerning. You are definitly drunk! Oh and you will sign these like the good hokage you are."

"But I cant! My hand hurts! And its sake you dimwit! My taste buds are always right!" Lady tsunade protested.

Shizone tsked, "yup, definitely drunk! And yes, you can that's why you have two hands. Now, sign these please."

Lady tsunade growled lowly, moving the pen to her left hand. She attempted to sign but her signiture looked like a mini ninja figure done by a two-years old child. That will get her of my arse!

"No you wont! I know you, remember. You can use both of your hands even when you're drunk. Now, sign!" Shizone hissed and lady tsunade hand moved as quick as a lightning.

"There, done. Happy!"

"Immensely," shizone smiled in a covertly trumphant voice.

"Now go irritate someone else, maybe your pig or his friends...wherever you spend your free time." She made a shooing motion and went on to fill her sake...or is it ale?

Shizone eye twitch in aggravation. After lady tsunade took her position as a hokage she sought the comfort of her sake less, duty and work keeping her busy, but today the amount of bottles discarded on the ground and her taste buds numb, she knew that something vital happened.

"Ok, spill." Shizone commanded.

"You crazy girl! I'm not gonna spill my precious drink unless it is spilled in my mouth!"

Shizone sighed and shook her head. Dont kill her! Dont kill her! Dont kill her! She repeated her mantra that she made especially for her drunken friend, about over and over again in her head until she felt her annoyance subsides.

"I didnt mean your ale -"

"Its sake!"

Patience!

"- I meant what happened to make you drink this much."

Lady tsunade sighed. It was so heavy, she deflated like a balloon except for her boobs who defied gravity and everything else, perking forward proudly.

"We're in a big shit."

Shizone tilted her head confused. "Ok, elaborate please."

Lady tsunade raised a perfectly groomed eye brow. "We're in shit! Like a deep, big, fat shit your fucking pig shoots! Like a humongous dump-"

"Dear lord help me! Not that kind of elaboration tsunade, I mean explain what happened!"

"Which lord exactly?" Lady tsunade narrowed her eyes like an old hag thirsty for gossip. " Are you seeing someone? Why didnt you tell me! Im -"

Shizone patience tank has finally ran out. She looked ready to combust. "Get a grib on your fucking peanut-size brain tsunade, I cant bear your stupidity any longer. Tell me. Why. Are. You. Upset?"

"Jeez girl, calm down, I was just-" lady tsunade gulped under the intensity of shizone's glare that put the august heat to shame.

Shizone took the bottle from tsunade's hand and emptied it directly in her awaited lips. She wiped her mouth with her sleeve and slammed the bottle down hard its bottom cracked. Fuck patience. I'm going to kill her!

"Thats my- " tsunade started to argue, no one touches her precious drink without her command -which she never gives, thats how much they are special to her.

Shizone sent another glare that shut her up.

"Fine. Help yourself. What are friends for. Sharing is caring." Tsunade went on rambling about friendship inconsistently,  reciting quotes from memory.

"Enough."

Tsunade looked unsure, "but I still have a lot I didnt say. I need to spill my mind out."

Shizone raised an eyebrow ready to do a face palm. "I dont need to hear more. I know we are friends and thats why I want you to share what troubles you. By the way, what's that about spilling your brain out?"

"Its what you say when you want to confess." Tsunade looked at her like an idiot.

"Ah, spilling your heart out, " shizone nodded her head in understanding.

"So stupid. What does the heart have to do with this. Its the brain that memorize everything from the qoutes to the memories to emotions I was about to share."

"Yes, but they say spilling your heart out not your mind-"

Tsunade scoffed. "And you called me drunk. Ugh, I'm a friend with an idiot. Kill me now! I need new friends or you're going to transfer stupidity to me, like that nasty cold you gave me once and I'm a hokage, I can't be stupid, no matter how much I am immune to it. I wont risk it!"

Shizone threw her hands up, and said: "you're hopeless. A lost case! I'm done! Done. You hear me! I. Am. Done."

"I heard you the first time, Im not deaf," she muttered and went to get another bottle. "Stupid," she snickered under her breath.

Shizone huffed and left slamming the door behind her.

"Finally, more me time!"

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Tsunade was pouring her second cup, when the door slammed open.

She yelped, startled, spilling most of the contents of her precious drink on the table and her clothes. She fumed.

"You fucking-"

"Zip it! I dont want to hear your drunken rants. Take and clean that up!" Shizone handed her the broom and ordered her to clean up the mess.

Tsunade eyes widened. "B-but I -"

Shizone glared threateningly. "No buts, ifs or shouldn't. I want to hear yes, right away and done!"

Tsunade looked constipated but shizone gaze brook no argument, so, like a good, obidient hokage she took the broom and started cleaning half-heartily, agonizingly slow she put her snails pace to shame.

She swiped most of the shreded papers underneath the rug and desk while hiding the filled bottles in the file cabinet when shizone was looking at an open scroll she found on the ground.

Shizone presented the scroll to her with a dissatisfied, fed up sigh. "What's that?"

Tsunade recognized the scroll she scribled on and didn't approve off. "Oh, that! Well you see. This old fucker who is really, really old want to do some good thing for his fellow old people beacuse of the goodness of his big, fat heart yada yada -" she made a gag sound and rolled her eyes, "- by opening up a house for elders," shizone raised an eyebrow signaling for her to continue, which she did...more heatedly.

"I refused of course! Those old fuckers don't need a house! They need a pub with lots and lots of drinks! So I kinda, sorta, mayba said that to his ugly wrinkly face and got a warning notice for it!" She finished with a guilty gulp, twidling her thumb nervously.

"Mayba?"

Tsunade shrugged. "It rhymed!"

"It doesnt make sense." Shizone had a deadpan expression on.

"What are you the language anbu? The grammar assassin? The fucking vocab torturer?"

Shizone raised her hand palm up stopping her. 

"So, let me get this strait. You refused an offer to build a house for elders-"

"Fuckers!" Tsunade shimed.

"-people who have no family to take care of them and went on to the guy's face and uttered a few choices of curse words-"

"Fucktard, toadkisser, pile of horse poop..."

Shizone glare heated, "- to describe the man and his offer in which you so graciously proposed to him -"

"Meaning: kicked the shit out of him...literally, he soiled his pants," Tsunade boasted, "and then kicked him some more because he hurt my foot with his big beer belly."

"- your idea about a FUCKING pub!" Shizone holled horrified.

Tsunade actually looked offended at her friend's expression, her idea was not so ghastly for her to behave so...right? She, the hokage was pleased about it why isnt she?

"Well...it is a good idea!" She defended. "It was for a good cause!" She mumbled, looking like a kicked puppy.

"What good cause you sinical woman!"

"Well, for starters. A pub is a very essential place in a village-" at shizones dountful stare she nodded her head. "-very essential! You see a lot of people are heartbroken or want some fun, so whats the best way to mend a broken heart than sake! See I told you it was a fabulous idea, after all, I'm curing my villagers pain." She ended with a proud, satisfied nod with a palm resting above her heart...the right side!

Shizone groaned. "Lord help us all!"

Tsunade ears perked. "Lord? I want his name. Now!"

This time shizone truly did face palm.

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Wasnt that fun? :-D

I sure loved this version of crazy, drunk Tsunade. Who else?

This chapter was supposed to contain a very vital piece of info, but lady tsunade didnt allow me to share it yet, it was too goofy and stupid an atmosphere to ruin with seriousness!

Duh!

So like a good, caring writer, I complied.

Double Duh!

Anyway, tell me what you think about these two nugget heads?

Ps: shizone deserve an award for her patience. Yay or nay?

Was it funny? No, well...it sounded funnier in my head anyway.

If you liked tsunade and shizone's banter,

Vote for them on the number 427839903737 to give them a chance to win a presence in another chapter of naruto universe got talent!

Love,

Your crazy, funny naruto fanfic author,

Eva.