"No."

A simple two letter word. One that people hear multitudes of times over their lives.. Sometimes for one's betterment, sometimes it's the cause of one's pain. A powerful word able to make someone's day or break someone's mind, heart, spirit...And Connie Maheswaran just felt the full weight of that word.

"No?" It felt like burning pikes skewed her chest. "No..." She felt her blood run cold as her grip lost strength. She felt her throat being closed up as coal blocks of sorrow pressed down on her heart. "No..." She felt herself losing all sense of self as she sat up, scooted herself to the other side of the couch and pulled her knees to her chest. Hiding her face behind her knees unable to look at him. "No...You don't want to take a chance with me." Her voice was hollow and to her the world was a nightmarish winter night.

"Ber-

"No." She tightened her grip around her legs and pulled them closer into an upright fetal position. "You said no.."

"Berr-" Steven reached out towards her.

"Don't call me that!"

Steven froze at her bark, his fingers an inch before touching her.

" Please..Don't."

Even without touching, he could feel her trembling, even with the wind blowing her could her erratic breathing, even in the darkness, hiding behind her knee, he could see her heartbroken face as she tried not to cry. She's always been strong in that regard. Keeping her emotions in check for the most part. It's one of the reasons why he loved her like no other. One of the reasons he didn't want to chance, a relationship with her.

"I'm horrible, right?"

It was low but Steven heard the question and it felt like someone ram an chilled ice pick through his heart. He couldn't say anything.

"Of-of course. After hearing everything that happened...The pain and confusion I caused you..Lapis..." She sniffed as little by little she felt her emotional dam crack. 'It's only right that you reject me. It's logical."

"Connie..You.."

"But you never saw me as anything more than your 'Best friend' anyway..I was stupid to think otherwise." Her breath hiked up "And then I mess that up."

"Connie, you didn't mess anything up." Steven tried to reassure her.

"Don't lie to me, please." She sniveled.

"I am.." Steven nostrils flared." I'm not lying to you.."

"Then you're pitying me, which Is worse.." She growled " It would be better if you just admit the truth...Be straight with me. At least give me that."

"The truth..?" Something ignited in him at the accusation of him lying to her, pitying her. " Be straight with you?.. I am being one-hundred percent with you, this whole time." it sparked a flame of anger. "Which is much more than you've been with me over the last month and a half."

"That's.."

"Why did you wait so long to try to hangout with me, to talk to me?" Steven snarled. "Even if it was to keep up appearances, you could've introduced me to your fake boyfriend, couldn't you?"

She remained silent, holding herself closer.

"I gave you the truth, Connie." Steven breathed deeply. "I felt abandoned by my best friend." His voice shallowed. "One day I'm sick, the next day, I lose the one person I care for most and I didn't know what I did to deserve it..." He leaned back and closed his eyes. "You said it was a non-issue,that's why you didn't tell me about him, But why did you completely shut me out, even after everything was done?"

"I'm sor-"

"Don't!" Steven commanded,harshly "I don't want your apology. I want your reason. I want the truth." Steven breathed wiping his eyes "I want ..Need..closure on this once and for all. We both do. So no apologies, just straight truth."

She breathed deeply through tears. "Fine." She sat up rubbing her wet eyes. " Full disclosure..." She paused trying to control herself, gather her strength. "When I was pretending with Jeff..I had to stay away from you..."

"What you mean 'had" to." The anger in his voice rose. "Did Jeff-'

"It was self-imposed" Connie interrupted, hearing the venom and fire in his voice. "I chose to stay away from you cause I wouldn't be able to play the role. Not with how we ," she paused before a quick sob escaped her chest "How we used to act around each other. "

"What about after...After everything with Jeff?" Steven questioned "Why didn't you speak to me?"

"I didn't have the heart or the right mindset to...At the time all I felt when it came to you was Shame...Guilt...Fear...Disgusts." She swallowed down a sob. "After talking with Jasper and everything that went down with Lapis, I couldn't stop thinking about what transpired. Jasper, letting it slip that you might have feelings for me..Lapis, after reconciling, confirming what Jasper said, but also letting me know just how bad you were affected by all of this." She chuckled sadly. "Lapis even suggested that I call you right then and there and I wanted to, but It was hard to talk to you." She admitted. "My emotions were tornado, I was ecstatic that you had feelings for me, but, I felt ashamed about it.."

Steeven ear twitched at the sob that hit his ear. "Berry."

"After how much of a liar I was to everyone, fighting with Lapis and finding out how much pain you were going through because of this..Because of me. I felt so much abhorrence at myself for everything. " She held herself tighter, trembling at the cold coming from her own sadness. no longer wiping the tears as they served as a source of heat. "How dare I feel happy that my best friend loves me back, when my actions put him through all this emotional turmoil." Acidic hatred spew from her tone as she continued." What would I have said anyway? Greet you like nothing happened, and try to revert back to normal, sweep it all under the rug. Admit my feelings for you and hope you still feel the same way...You deserved better than that, better than me.... So I stayed away from you. Which I couldn't even do that for long since I'm here." She sniffed out a broken chuckle.

Steven took it in all that she said and it angered him. He looked at his best friend and all he could feel was ire. "How can you be so stupidly selfish?"

Connie remained silent and kept her head low as she felt her heart shattered at his tone. ' This is it..I'm gonna lose him. He's gonna leave me alone.' She thought to herself.

"We already established what you did..or rather how you went about it, wasn't the best idea," Steven started, "but to not talk to me after all it was done just because you felt guilty about how I took it, that's selfish." He flared out in heat. "Did you even take a moment to think about me during your decision to break up with me."

"I did it because of you!" She yelled, glaring at him.

"You did it out of your guilt!"

"Over hurting you!"

"For something I took badly!"

"Because I didn't tell you anything!"

"And I didn't talk to you either and I had the chance!" Steven yelled.

"What?"

Steven sighed. " Your birthday...You were right there dancing with and hugging Jeff, smiling at jeff..I could have talked to you right then and there.only a few people away..and I ran..."

"You..were really that close?" hope was in her tone as she peeked at him. "Jeff said he saw you and I couldn't find you in the crowd...Except, I swore I saw you leaving heading back upstairs...You were already gone by the time I got up there."

"Had to get out of there, couldn't stand seeing you so happy with some other guy, didn't even know why until after I saw you, stevonnie and Jeff walking by fish stew pizza." He smirked. "It was nice seeing you enjoy my gift.."

"It was your gift...It made my whole night."

a bit of lightness in her voice. "Having your voice in my ear, singing covers of my favorite songs...It's the best gift I've ever got...NEXT to actually spending time with you." She spoke low as her face heated up.

"I didn't want to intrude on your moment...or what looked like a private moment." He admitted

"What moment ?"

"Whatever he whispered to you that made you burst into tears." He teased.

"I didn't burst into tears...not until I saw your gift." She retorted as a small pause settled between them.

"He said you were there."

"Hmm?"

"He told me you were in the crowd. It..Oh damn it," she wiped her eyes, '"I was over the moon to hear that," she swallowed another breath. " I was overjoyed at actually seeing you, talking with you. Spending time with you." Connie looked back at him. "I didn't go back to the party to near the end of it. Kind of holed myself up in the room, listening to your gift."

Steven looked down a bit of shame and pride on his face. "Sorry for leaving then, didn't mean for you to bail on your party."

"It's ok..You were feeling a way." She shrugged "Besides I didn't mind being away from the others, from the act.' She huffed "It was so much more enjoyable just listening to you.. Even if it was a recording."

Steven scoffed, running his hand through his hair.." I should've talked to you that night..or texted you...Called you."

"I should have accepted your invite to ride home " she interjected.

"Certainly wished you did."

"So do I." She sighed.

Another pregnant silence fell between them as they each started to feel a bit of their old normalcy between them. They peeked at one another, their eyes locked. Steven patted the spot next to him with a small smile as Connie nodded before unfurling herself and scooting to his side. Hips glanced at each as they sat side by side.

"I'm sorry, I didn't reach out to you, Berry." Steven stated.. " Just thought that It was for the best and I was trying to be respectful to your relationship. "

"Of course, you were." She shook her head with a sad smile. "It's one of the things I love about you...I'll always love about you." She gripped her skirt hem. "Not that you'd ever need to worry...I would never date someone you didn't approve of...You're my Biscuit..my best-friend..." She looked on expectantly. "Right?. "

Steven remained silent for a moment. "I..Don't wanna be best-friends anymore..."

Connie didn't say anything at first "Yeah..I figured." She gave a bitter chuckle " You did want closure...I guess, I still had hope that you would still want me in your life."

" I do." Steven stated as he held het hand in his and interlaced his fingers with hers. "Stars above know I do..It just..I don't wanna just be best friends anymore."

Connie stared silently as the implications hit her. "You're cruel." Connie stated as tears began to fall again. " You said no..and now you're saying that you wanna try to be together."

"I don't wanna try to be together..." He started. " I don't wanna take a chance with you.." He added as he wiped her tears with his thumb.

"Then what do you want? " She asked confused, heartbeat quickening, palms sweating toes flexing. Anticipation and dread rising in her chest.

"I want to be with you." Steven's face was burning as shyness and uncertainty ran through him. , More than that though, he was tired of skating around their feelings.

"You said you didn't-"

"Want to chance it or try it." He interrupted. "I don't want anything fake, unsure, something that might break.. I had enough of dealing with phoney relationships with zero substance." Steven massaged the back of her hand. "Enough of not having you in my life...I" He breathed deeply " I want to be with you, period."

"You sure." Connie asked afraid, holding his hand tight. "You wanna be with me? After everything?."

"As strange as it sounds It's because of everything..Not hanging with you...Put somethings in perspective." He smirked a bit "It took awhile for me to get to the point but... I was able to live without you and even smile without you. Have fun..my world didn't stop..and i'm guessing neither did yours."

Connie nodded, it was true. She still had her friends and other things in her life...Plus her player helped...He wasn't her end all, be all, but that doesn't mean she didn't want him in her life.

"But..It wasn't as fun...I was happy, but not as happy as I used to be." He confessed. " Your absence was felt, and the more on you..On us. I realized that while I would always be your Biscuit and always love you as my Berry. I want to be more than that.. Or want it to mean more than that."

"I do too,"Connie said in a low pitch, " I feel the same. I hated not seeing you, not being with you...Even though I was able to carry-on..My head always went to you at the end of the day." She smiled gently " Are you ok, did you have a good day, are you making another song, what issue did you and the crystal gems get into and solve,"Her smile became a bit more somber " Do you still care for me, am I still your best friend, Are you mad at me, do I still have the right to talk to you. Do you still love me?" She looked straight into his eyes. "did you hate me?"

Steven's eyes widened at the question and the leer. Her black eyes waiting for an answer. He inhaled and flared his nostrils as he exhaled before resting his foreheads on hers. "I, in all the time we've known each other ..I never felt hate towards you. I admit that I was hurt and angry, embarrassed and a whole bevy of feelings but, I've never hated you at all. Ok?"

"I believe you." She nodded as she breathed out a relieved sigh, before feeling her cheeks glow "Can we hold each other?"

Steven didn't say anything before laying down on the couch and opening his arms for her, who wasted not time laying with him her ear found his heart as his arms found her waist and her arms hooked under his own and her hands held his shoulders, pulling him close; their legs were entangled and layered upon each other.

"I missed this." Connie spoke humming as she felt him rub her back."I missed you."

"I missed you too, Berry."he laughed a bit as she nuzzled closer. "You never gave me an answer."

"You never asked a question." She teased. " And you know my answer."

"Do I now?" He retorted.

She nodded " You do...I'm thinking you just want to make me cry again." She pouted playfully.

Steven shrugged "You don't cry much..You almost never cry..So maybe i'm milking it, a bit" He joked.

"I did during the last two weeks." She slipped out only to hide her face in his chest.

"Oh,Berry." A sad tone in Steven's voice

"Don't, it doesn't matter, not now." she squeezed his shoulders " Not when we're like this...All that matters in this moment, is that we're together again. That I have you in my arms and I'm in yours." She smiled giving his chest a quick peck, blushing as she did. Getting an appreciative squeeze around her waist.

"Be with me, Connie."

Connie looked up at her best friend and his flaring red face with a smirk. " I am with you."

"You know what I mean." He snarled in embarrassment.

" I know..and like I said." She caressed his chin looking up at him "I am with you,truly and I'm never going to leave you again."

"I'm gonna hold you to that." Steven chuckled before looking down at her smiling face

"What?"

"I love you, Connie."

Connie felt her breath caught in her throat as she gripped the back of his shirt, as her cheeks flared and she had to bite back her smile. She was afraid to speak as she felt tears welled up again.

"You don't have to say it," He reassured, feeling his own tears swell as well. " I know how-

"I love you..."She stated in a whisper." I love you.." She said a bit louder. " I love you so much, Steven." She held on to him as tears of relief and joy ran from both of them.