As I kept myself very well attached in Shizuo's embrace, I felt Shizuo going limp. Immediately, I panicked and grabbed his face in my hands. He was sweating, and pale, and I had already started to freak out. "Shizuo? What's wrong?!" 

I looked down toward both of our wrists and realized, instead of Shizuo cutting the inside of his arm, like I had, he had slit his wrist, leaving his blood to gush out and coat the floor. I screamed, knowing he had punctured the artery and called Shinra right away. 

After two long rings, Shinra answered the phone to my gross sobbing. "Izaya? What's wrong? Are you hurt?" He sounded genuinely concerned, and I wanted to explain everything, but I didn't have time. I choked out the only words I could say.

"Help me. . " 

I heard Shinra moving about gathering medical supplies on the other line in a haste. "Where's Shizuo? Are you at home?"  I sobbed harder and gripped the phone tightly, as I watched Shizuo lose consciousness. 

"Help me. . ." I whimpered in between sobs. 

Shinra told me he was on his way and hung up. I dropped the phone, and ran to Shizuo's side at an alarming pace. I grabbed a pillow off the couch and placed it under Shizuo's head, making him comfortable until Shinra arrived. I ran and grabbed a medical gauze from out of our medicine cabinet, and pushed hard on Shizuo's wounds, hoping to stop the bleeding.  

I felt so bad. I was a pitiful piece of shit, and Shizuo deserved better. I couldn't even grasp that this was actually happening to me. Was Shizuo going to get through this? Could I bear possibly living without him? I sobbed harder and laid my head on his chest, and heard the faint beat of his heart thumping in my ear. Before I could think of anything else to worsen my mood, I heard a loud knock on the door and yelled for them to enter in on this pitiful scene. 

Shinra, Celty, and. . . Namie? They all walked in and surveyed the scene playing out right before their eyes. Shinra motioned Namie and Celty to come over in my direction. At first I thought maybe for comfort, but Celty typed quickly and flashed me a message that said sorry, and then her and Namie gripped my arms. I didn't understand why, until the same doctor that had given me surgery, walked into my apartment.

"Hold him," He uttered, motioning some other men to pick up Shizuo. Namie and Celty's grip on my tightened, and I thrashed in their grip.

"Wait!!! Stop! I need him! I need to go with him! STOP!" Tears streamed down my face like razor blades and I put all my strength into going after the doctor and the men who took Shizuo, but it was to no avail. I sank to the floor, arms still captive, and sobbed.

Shinra knelt down in front of me and kissed my forehead lovingly like a mother to her child. "Listen Izaya, I remember Shizuo telling me if you ever tried to commit suicide, he would follow in your footsteps. He said he'd rather die than go through the pain of losing you. He was my first friend Izaya. Him and I are very close and I will do everything to keep him safe and alive, but I need you to work with me here. Stay here and calm down. The quicker you let this happen, the quicker I can bring him back to you," 

Before I could calm myself with Shinra's reassuring words, Namie's voice chimed in. 

"Can I get my end of the deal now? Or are you going to keep on blabbing wasting my time?" Her words were pure venom. A shiver ran down my spine as she looked into my tearful eyes with a look that could only mean danger. I looked back to Shinra, wordlessly asking him what she meant.

Shinra avoided eye contact and mumbled an 'I'm sorry', motioning Celty outside after the doctor and Shizuo. As soon as Shinra disappeared behind the door of my apartment complex, Namie practically nailed me to the ground, straddling my trembling hips. 

"It's been a long time since we've met like this, huh Izaya? Since I'm allowed to do whatever I want to keep you here in this apartment, I'm going  to have a little fun," She deviously grinned down at me. All those days of me being the scum of the Earth toward her, were about  to bite me back. Literally.

In my head I screamed 'Shizuo, Shizuo, Shizuo. Come back to me Shizuo' but it was for nothing. For all I knew, he was already dead. I let more tears stream down my cheeks. As Namie's hands trailed down towards my lower stomach, I tried to distance myself from this situation-- to shut myself down. 

She tugged my-- Shizuo's-- sweat pants and underpants down to my ankles, and wrapped her mouth around an appendage I didn't even want to think about right now. Her mouth licking and sucking, was making me sick to my stomach. Shizuo's mouth was the only one that belonged there. I hadn't seen Namie or Shiki in a while for this reason alone. 

My thoughts just kept drifting back to Shizuo. Was he okay? Was he alive? I looked over toward the new cuts on my arm that covered that horrible word. My wounds had long since stopped bleeding, but I didn't think it was fair. I looked over toward my switch blade, which laid under my couch, clean of blood and abandoned. I had decided to let Namie get this over-with, and then I would make my move. Shizuo would not be the only one to hurt. That was a promise. 

By the time I had started paying attention to the present, Namie was already situated, riding on top of me moaning and clawing into my pale stomach. I closed my eyes and let her finish. After a few agonizing minutes, her pleasure was complete, and she lifted herself off of me, pulling herself together.  I laid there, eyes closed and stomach burning from her long nails that had dug into me and clawed for the last half an hour at least. 

I didn't move, didn't open my eyes, hoping she would assume I had cried myself to sleep and would leave. Soon enough, I heard her footsteps and the door opening, and closing. I waited a full 5 minutes before opening my eyes, just to make sure she was truly gone.

As soon as I knew she was away from here, I pulled my boxers and Shizuo's sweatpants over my naked lower regions and walked toward the couch. As I did, I noticed my reflection in the mirror across the room. All down my stomach and waist line, were raised red irritated claw marks. If Shizuo lived through today, Namie could kiss her life goodbye. 

I reached under my couch and pulled out my blade, surveying it with every ounce of sanity I had left. My phone buzzed across the floor. The caller I.D. read Shinra. My heart nearly stopped. I couldn't answer. I wouldn't. He was probably calling to tell me I had lost my true love. I held my switch blade against my wrist, right on the artery, and listened to my phone ring again. Shinra's caller I.D. came up once more. Only, he didn't stop calling. It seemed like he was more frantic each time he dialed my number.

I couldn't bear the suspense anymore. All is well in battle wounds and loving scars right? I pressed the knife against my wrist and slit it, just as Shizuo had done earlier. If he really didn't survive, I'd be seeing him soon.

So I laid there. I laid in the middle of our living room, and let my pitiful blood stain our floors, hoping to see the face of my guardian angel soon.